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Zetcle Crep up quite unbeknown
An' pecked on thon the winder
Such a paragon is woman
That, yew seo, il neust be true
Thaw the best shas, she can do!"
QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS. And thence I date my contempt for Asses,
And my deep respect for the Devil's Tail ! WHERE, O, where are the visions of morning,
Fresh as the dews of our prime ?
Of elevation, sans thought, sans care,
When I twisted my tail round the wood's bough. Where, 0, where are life's lilies and roses,
ceiling, Nursed in the golden dawn's smile ?
And swung, meditatively, in the air. Dead as the þulrushes round little Moses, There's an advantage ! -- Fairer shapes can On the old banks of the Nile.
Aspire, yearn upward, tremble and glow,
But, by means of their posteriority, apes can Where are the Marys, and Anns, and Elizas, Loving and lovely of yore ?
Look down on aspirants that walk below! Look in the columns of old Advertisers, Married and dead by the score.
There was a life for a calm philosopher,
Self-supplied with jacket and trousers and Where the
Nothing to learn, no hopes to get cross over, Gone like our friend módas waús Achilles,
A head that resisted the hardest knocks, Homer's ferocious old boy.
Liquor and meat in serene fruition,
A random income from taxes free,
No cares at all, and but one ambition,
To swing by the Tail to the bough of a tree !
Whence I firmly believe, to the consternation Yet, though the ebbing of Time's mighty river
Of puppies who think monkeyosophy sin, Leave our young blossoms to die,
In gradual human degeneration Let him roll smooth in his current forever, And a general apely origin. Till the last pebble is dry.
Why, the simple truth 's in a nutshell or thimble,
Though it rouses the monkey in ignorant elves; And the Devil's Tail is a delicate symbol
Of apehood predominant still in ourselves.
Pure class government, family glory, never so be-rhymed since Pythagoras' time, that I was an Irish Were the delights of that happy lot ; rat, which I can hardly remember. - AS YOU LIKE IT.
My politics were serenely Tory,
And I claimed old descent from Heaven knows I DISTINCTLY remember (and who dares doubt me?) what :
Having been (now, I care not who believes !) Whence I boast extraction loftier, nobler, An ape with a forest around about me,
Than the beggarly Poets one often meets, Prodigious trees and enormous leaves, A boast I am happy to share with the cobbler Great bulks of flowers, gigantic grasses,
Who whisked his Tail out, to whip John Boughs that bent not to any gale ;
OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES.
BY ONE ELEVEN YEARS IN PRISON.
THE FRIEND OF HUMANITY AND THE There was a life, I assever! With reasons.
KNIFE-GRINDER. That lead me to scorn every star-gazing Ass;
FRIEND OF HUMANITY. And because I loved it, at certain seasons
NEEDY knife-grinder ! whither are you going? "T is a pleasure to gaze in the looking-glass. When the bright sun beckons the spring, green-Rough is the road ; your wheel is out of order.
Bleak blows the blast; deckt, up,
- your hat has got a hole The Ape swells within me; whenever I see Mortals look skyward, walking erect up,
So have your breeches ! I long for a Tail and a large strong T:ee !
Weary knife-grinder ! little think the proud ones, Who in their coaches roll along the turnpikeroad, what hard work 't is crying all day ‘Knives
and THE UNIVERSITY OF GOTTINGEN.
Scissors to grind 0!'
Tell me, knife-grinder, how came you to grind WHENE'ER with haggard eyes I view
knives? This dungeon that I'm rotting in,
Did some rich man tyrannically use you? I think of those companions true
Was it the squire ? or parson of the parish ? Who studied with me at the U.
Or the attorney ? niversity of Gottingen,
Was it the squire for killing of his game ! or niversity of Gottingen.
for his tithes distraining! (Weeps, and pulls out a blue kerchief, with which he wipes Or roguish lawyer made you lose your little his eyes; gazing lenderly at it, he proceeds:)
All in a lawsuit ? Sweet kerchief, checked with heavenly blue,
Which once my love sat knotting in (Have you not read the Rights of Man, by Tom Alas, Matilda then was true !
Paine ?) At least I thought so at the U
Drops of compassion tremble on my eyelids, niversity of Gottingen, Ready to fall as soon as you have told your niversity of Gottingen.
Story! God bless you! I have none to tell, sir ; Forlorn I languished at the U.
Only, last night, a-drinking at the Chequers,
old hat and breeches, as you see, were niversity of Gottingen,
Torn in a scufile. niversity of Gottingen. This faded form ! this pallid hue !
Constables came up for to take me into This blood my veins is clotting in !
Custody ; they took me before the justice; My years are many, — they were few
Justice Oldmixon put me in the parishWhen first I entered at the U.
stocks for a vagrant. niversity of Gottingen, I should be glad to drink your honor's health in niversity of Gottingen.
A pot of beer, if you will give me sixpence; There first for thee my passion grew,
But for my part, I never love to meddle Sweet, sweet Matilda Pottingen!
With politics, sir. Thou wast the daughter of my tutor, law-professor at the U
niversity of Gottingen, I give thee sixpence! I will see thee damned niversity of Gottingen.
Wretch ! whom no sense of wrongs can rouse to Sun, moon, and thou, vain world, adieu,
vengeance, That kings and priests are plotting in ; Sordid, unfeeling, reprobate, degraded, Here doomed to starve on water gru
Spiritless outcast ! el, never shall I see the U. niversity of Gottingen,
[K’icks the knife-grinder, overturns his wheel, and exit
in a transport of republican enthusiasm and is fiversal niversity of Gottingen. philanthropy.)
FRIEND OF HUMANITY.
She dotes upon men unshaven,
And men with “flowing hair"; She's eloquent over mustaches,
They give such a foreign air. She talks of Italian music,
And falls in love with the moon; And, if a mouse were to meet her,
She would sink away in a swoon.
Her feet are so very little,
Her hands are so very white, Her jewels so very heavy,
And her head so very light; Her color is made of cosmetics
(Though this she will never own), Her body is made mostly of cotton,
Her heart is made wholly of stone.
Of all the notable things on earth,
Among our “ fierce democracy" !
Is American aristocracy!
In one conglomeration !
In finding the circulation.
By some plebeian vocation !
JOHN G. SAXE.
PLAIN LANGUAGE FROM TRUTHFUL
POPULARLY KNOWN AS “THE HEATHEN CHINEE."
Adam and Eve were, at the world's beginning, Ashamed of nothing till they took to sinning; But after Adam's slip, - the first was Eve's, –
With sorrow big,
They sought the fig, To cool their blushes with its banging leaves.
Which I wish to remark
And my language is plain – That for ways that are dark