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was too hot, and combed down Load for three mules.”—“ He'll sure straight on each side of his ugly face." knock up. Those long fellows always
- What a nose! Prodigious! A knock up."-"Shouldn't wonder if he regular proboscis.”—“Yes, and all on gets the fever next autumn. Then one side, like the rudder of a barge.” what will his mammy say?"_" Weile
-“ Let me tell you, a very good thing; but what did they dine about? Thoufor if it was straight, it would be sand pities we did not join them." — always in his way.' Always in his “Oh, I suppose it was something of way? Why it would trip him up a parting feed; taking leave of OH when he walked.”—Omnes, " Ha, ha, England, you know: toasting Miss ha."-"Going with us, do you say? Ann Chovy, Miss Mary Gold, Miss Hope he don't snore. Why, such a Polly Anthus, and all that kind of tromba as that would keep a whole thing."—“Hang it all; a good dinner line-of-battle ship awake.” “ Bet for eight people; thousand pities we you a dollar he's blind of one eye.' missed it."
“Done." " Done. Book it, major." By this time, our cookery was pro— I'll trouble you for a dollar. He ceeding in due course. Two splendid does walk a little sideways, but it isn't bloaters, whole, lay extended where his eye.”
"-"What is it, then? One- chestnuts are roasted; while two more, eyed people always walk sideways."— split open, hung suspended from a large “Why, I'll tell you, now. It's a toasting-fork, held by Gingham, who principle which most people observe told me to look and learn, but not to through life."-"What principle?"- meddle. With a clear bright fire, they "Guess.”—“Come, tell us, old fel- soon began to spit. Nor was there low. None of your nonsense.”- wanting another token of our opera“D'ye give it up ?”—“Yes, I give it tions. For now the savoury odour of up. Come, tellus. -“ Follow your four red herrings, simultaneously unnose." Omnes, “ Ha, ha, ha.”- der a brisk process of culinary prepa“ Capital! capital! That's the best ration, diffused itself through the we've had for some time. Follow apartment, and no doubt through the your nose! Capital! Ha, ha, ha.” whole hotel, from the cellar to the * Well, that's it, depend upon it. attics. The effect on our friends in Other people follow their noses by the next room was instantaneous. walking straight forward. That white Conversation ceased. Then there was fellow walks sideways, but still follows a deal of sniffing-then audible whishis nose." No, no, major. Your pering and suppressed laughter-then theory is fallacious. When he walks again, a dead silence. Gingham and his nose points backwards. His nose I exchanged looks. " We must be points over his left shoulder, and he acquainted," said Gingham, quietly ; walks right shoulders forward." I " and the sooner the better." I saw looked at Gingham, and laughed. he had made up his mind, and was Gingham was looking rather grave, prepared for what was about to take and feeling his nose.
I place. Then the conversation was tell you he walks left shoulders for- heard a little louder, but not distinward." “ Bet you a dollar.” guishable.
There was evidently a “Done.”—“Done. Book it, major.” council of war. Much laughter. Then, -"I'll trouble you for a dollar. Saw audibly spoken, " Are you fond of him this morning, all in a bustle. herrings ?” " Very ; capital for Took particular notice of his nose."'- breakfast."-"So am I, very ; that is, “Who is the young chap?”—“Oh, of red herrings. Fresh, can't endure he's a regular Johnny Newcome, that's them.”—“Nor I; they have such a evident." "Johnny Newcome? Yes; horrid SMELL. But a bloater,-often but I wish he wasn't such a chap for dined off them up the country ; didn't john dories. Price in the market is we, major ?"_" Oh yes, lots of times. doubled."
Gingham laughed and But you were moderate. Never could looked at me. Suppose he's a sub manage above half-a-dozen at a sitgoing out to join his regiment." ting."_"Ring for the waiter.”_"No,
Got such lots of baggage. no; nonsense. Major M-, YOU." No regimental officer would be ass After a moment's pause, one of the enough to take such a heap of trunks. party left the room ; walked, appa
“ No, no.
rently to the end of the passage; then will oblige us with your company to walked back again; opened our door; breakfast." entered, and politely apologised for “Yes, yes, Major," said the crevice, the mistake. He was a middle-aged, as before. “Yes, Major, yes," said well-built, gentlemanly-looking man, another crevice. with bonhomie beaming in his counte- “Really, sir," said the Major, with nance, and came at once to business. an admirably assumed look of polite His eye dropped upon the herrings. embarrassment, and turning a deaf
“Beg ten thousand pardons. Oh! ear to his two prompters behind the I see it's here. We perceived that scenes—“really, sir, I hardly know bloaters were frying somewhere in the how to thank you sufficiently for your house, and thought we should like to obliging invitation. But — shall we try a few. Will you have the kind- not intrude? You meant to breakness to inform me where they can be fast in private. You have, perhaps, procured? Didn't know there was a business? Matters to arrange, presingle bloater in all Falmouth." paratory to the voyage ?"
I, in my simplicity, thought the "None in the world, sir," said Gingmajor was really asking for informa- ham, “till after breakfast. Our only tion, and was going to tell him of business here is to cook our bloaters several hops where I had seen and eat them, which we could not do bloaters ; but Gingham was too in the public room below. Do, pray, quick for me.
oblige us by negotiating this little “Here is a barrel-full,” said Ging- affair, Major, and persuade your ham, pointing to the corner of the friends to favour us with their comroom. “Shall be most happy to sup- pany." ply you and your friends with any The Major, in fact, was negotiating quantity. Do me the favour to accept already ; and a capital negotiator he of two or three dozen."
made. He might, had he pleased, “Oh no, sir," said Major M-, have walked off, at an earlier stage of drawing up, as if he had been misun- the proceedings, with a whole pile of derstood. The major was playing a herrings; and even that, at college, higher game.
" Couldn't think of we should have thought a capital coup. such a thing. Thought you had pro- But the Major was not so green. cured them in the town.”
"Well, sir, since you are so very “ Indeed, sir,” said Gingham, “I pressing, I shall have the pleasure of don't think the town contains their communicating to my comrades your equals. They are from London direct. kind invitation ; and I presume," he Always take a small barrel with me added, bowing politely to me, “I may when I visit the Peninsula. Get also have the honour of saying, them in Lower Thames Street." the invitation of your friend, Cap
“Really, a most excellent idea," tain Y-" said Major M—. “I wish I had I bowed in return, too much taken done the same. Well, I think I never by surprise to disclaim the rank so will return to headquarters again unexpectedly conferred ; and a little without taking barrel of red her- sore at being saluted " captain," by rings." The Major cast a sort of the same voice which I had heard, domesticated look about the room, just before, proclaiming aloud, that if as if he felt quite at home with I was a regimental officer I was an
ass. The Major bowed again ; backed “Go it, Major !" said an opening in out of the room, still bowing, and the partition, sotto roce.
closed the door. “Come, Major," said Gingham, “I The remaining negotiation was not see you and the gentlemen your com- of long continuance. His two friends panions are old campaigners. So am were already in the passage, hard by I. Suppose we waive ceremony. You the entrance of our apartment. A see we have got our cooking apparatus dead silence-one irrepressible burst all ready. Suppose—do us the favour of laughter, instantly hushed—again -excuse the shortness of the invita- dead silence-a tap at the door-door tion--I shall be delighted, and so will opened by Gingham-and enter THE my friend here, if you and your party THREE PENINSULARS.
VOL. LXVI.-NO. CCCCIX.
I really could not help admiring the clumsiness --- imparted a peculiar perfectly free and easy, but at the breadth and bulge to the tail of his same time quiet, self-possessed, and coat. He wore splendid gaiters of gentlemanly style of their entrée, and bright nankeen, with mother-of-pearl of their bearing during the first few buttons. No ceremony when gentlemoments of our interview. Gingham men meet. We were all quite at expressed his gratification ; was happy home in a moment. to see them. Advancing on their There was a little bitch. All the right flank, taking up a central posi- party were quite of one mind and tion, and then facing to the left, will, in the project and purpose of " Allow me," said the major, "to cooking and eating bloaters. But avail myself of my brief priority of how were five cooks to cook at one acquaintance, and to introduce---Cap- fire ? tain Gabion, of the Royal Engineers,” We all saw it together. I looked (bowing, on both sides)—"and Mr at the partition.
"Better unship Commissary Capsicum," (more bow. that,” said the commissary. The ing, )—“half-brothers, I need not say commissary, I soon saw, was, by -the family likeness is so striking.” common consent, the commanding Gingham presented Mr Y- Mr officer of the party. We went to Y-(booby!) presented Gingham. work; and in no time the partition
“Not very striking that family was cleverly removed, and stowed likeness, though,” thought I, of course away on one side. We thus made taking seriously what the wag of a our small parlour a large one, with major spoke with perfect seriousness. the additional advantage of two fires The captain of the Engineers was a instead of one for our culinary operapale-looking man, buttoned up to the tions. Gingham, meanwhile, had chin in his regulation frock-coat, rather slipped out of the room ; but returned above the common height, air mili- in a few minutes, looking quite innotary and symmetrical. Education had cent. He had been absent to some traced on his countenance the lines of purpose, as the result shortly proved. thought; and, in short, his whole ap. We now found full employment with pearance was a little aristocratic, and the herrings, roasting and toasting. what we now call distingué. His Gingham, the captain, and the major, “half-brother,” the commissary, on at the larger fire; I and Mr Comthe contrary, who appeared at least missary Capsicum at the other. twelve years his senior, was a short, Gingham, when he left the room, pursy, puffy man; with a full, rubi- had given his order; a carte blanche cund, oleaginous, and pimpled visage; to the whole establishment to extema large, spongy, purple blob of a porise as handsome a breakfast as nose, its broad lower extremity pen- circumstances would permit, with a dulous, and slightly oscillatory when special caveat against delay. he moved ; a humorous twinkle in his Enter the waiter, with a tray, and eye, which was constantly on the a large table-cloth.-Previous set-out range in search of fun; two black, transferred from the table to the tray, bushy tufts for eyebrows; his hair dis- and placed on the sideboard.—Two tributed over his ample pericranium tables run into one--fresh tablecloth in large detached flocks, each flock laid.—Exit waiter. growing a way of its own, and no two Enter waiter again, with plates, alike; coat flying open ; waistcoat cups and saucers, knives, forks, and open, all but the two bottom buttons; spoons, basin, two sugar-basins--in a bull neck, with very little cravat; short, all the apparatus of a breakand a profuse display of shirt and fast-table. The whole laid, in the frill. His shirt and frill, imperfectly twinkling of an eye.-Exit waiter. closed, revealed his grizzly chest; Enter waiter a third time, with a while his nether extremities were set large tray-bread, (varieties,) butter, off to great advantage by a pair of water-cresses, ham, tongue, cold fillet tight blue kerseymere pantaloons with of veal, cold chicken, cold pigeon-pie, a scarlet stripe; and something--I all the cold eatables.--Boots handed suppose, as bustles were not then the in from the door a large block of fashion, it must have been his tailors' quince marmalade, on a silver salver.
-Boots handed in small jars : potted west-country breakfast cake-piles of shrimps, pickled oysters, pot of Scotch which were also brought in, battered honey, strawberry jam, other jams.- and smoking hot. Gingham whispered Boots handed in one larger jar, a the waiter, “Keep on bringing them." Portuguese conserve, quartos de mar- Gingham, with his usual judgment, melas. (N. B. quinces cut up into had prohibited anything hot in the lumps, and boiled in Brazilian sugar. shape of chops, steaks, cutlets, grills, Portuguese beat all the world in rashers, or even kidneys. It was a sweatmeats, and quartos de marmelas herring breakfast; and he excluded beat all the rest.) I guessed Ging- what would only have divided the ham had given the landlady the key appetite, and interfered with the of his travelling store-chest.-Boots bloaters. handed in milk, cream, clouted cream. We made a capital breakfast. Boots handed in two splendid brass Everything was excellent. The pile kettles of boiling water, one of which of breakfast cakes received perpetual waiter placed on each fire.-Exit accessions, but never gained in height. waiter.
The bloaters, however, were the staple A temporary pause. During this of our meal'; and Gingham's barrel lull, the utmost energies of the house suffered a considerable reduction. As were in exercise below, to provide we were all sensible people, or wished with despatch the remaining matériel to appear so, there was very little of our humble meal. I observed, talk; and what there was referred to from time to time, that he of the com- the important business in hand. At missariat eyed the preparations with length it was clear that we had breakpeculiar benignity. It was all in his fasted. Gingham was beginning to way, as I subsequently had the recommend the knick-knackeriespleasure of experiencing, among the jams, pickled oysters, marmalade. sources of the Adour and the Garonne. Each seemed disposed to pause, yet “Ever been with the army ?" said he. none had quite left off. Our guests -"Never," said I; “but hope to be were evidently telegraphing, and exsoon."_"Hope you'll often dine with changing looks of approval, whenme. But don't spoil that fine bloater. Enter the waiter once more, bringThere, hold it a little further from the ing, upon a silver tray, two curiously fire. Red herring should be toasted, shaped bottles cased in a sort of not burnt to death. Done, when the wicker-work, with glasses. A splenbackbone is crisp ; not before. But did Italian liqueur! It was sipped, should not be done quickly, like approved, tossed off with wonderful murder in Shakspeare. Do it slowly, despatch. One by one we gradually my dear sir ; do it slowly. If you do leaned back in our chairs, and the it fast, you burn all the flavour out of bottles began to move round, as if it.” I saw he was a connoisseur. spontaneously. That is, I cannot
Yet-stupid, conceited, arrogant exactly say I saw any one pass them; young coxcomb—so inexperienced bat from time to time, first here, first was I then, so indignant at the there, I noticed a little finger pointing shadow of interference, so unaccus- to the ceiling; a movement which tomed to anything that bore the least certainly had something to do with semblance of control, I inwardly the progress of the bottles. We sat, curled at even these valuable and truly sipped, and chatted. Our breakfast philanthropic suggestions—thought it was an accomplished fact. all exceedingly odd, and took it for “Hear, hear, hear!" Mr Commissary dictation.
Capsicum was on his legs. Knuckles Lots of bloaters were now toasted rapped ; glasses jingled ; “Hear, hear, or roasted, and prepared for eating. hear!”—The telegraphic communicaJust as we were ready, for the fourth tions of his two friends had intimated time enter waiter, bringing eggs, to him their wishes: the unexpeccoffee-pot, two tea-pots, (tea and ed bonus of the liqueur, coming in at coffee ready,) muffins, hot buttered the last, had awakened, in his own rolls, &c., &c., &c. But among the bosom, its most benevolent emotions : etceteras I really must pause, to spe- he rose to acknowledge our hospicify a certain delicate sort of round tality; and in his friends' name, as
well as in his own, to invite us that "Yes," said Gingham, mournfully; day to dinner.
“but, to make the thing complete, His address I shall not attempt to there should have been some mashed report. It was brief, well-bred, and potatoes with the bloaters. Had I well-expressed; had several good only known of it in time! By the points, and was heard with immense bye,” added he, “I thought once or applause. He invited us to dinner ; twice, you did not seem entirely at gave Gingham's health and mine; your ease. Nothing more gentlemanly, and concluded by observing that my dear sir, than your general man“conscious that he had not made a But at times, it struck me, you neat and appropriate speech, he did appear a little—a little-stiffish. begged leave," (filling, and suiting the You must get rid of that before we action to the word,) “to drink long reach headquarters.” life and prosperity to us, in a neat “ Well," said I, “I'll tell you. and appropriate bumper.” Consid- That 'captainstuck in my gizzard. ering it was our first meeting, I did There's the truth. Coupled with what think thut was a little broad.
we heard previously, and Major MGingham returned thanks, and gave must have known that we heard it, it the health of Major M-, R.A. was just the same as calling me a Major M— returned thanks.
donkey to my face." I returned thanks, and gave the “Oh, that's nothing," said Gingham. health of Captain Gabion, R. E. “Don't distress yourself about such
Captain Gabion returned thanks, trifles as that.” sat down, and rose a second time, but “To tell you the truth," said I, was anticipated by
" the whole thing appeared to me Gingham again, who gave the health a little too free and easy. Here were of Mr Commissary Capsicum. you and I preparing to take a quiet
Mr Commissary Capsicum returned breakfast, when those three guerilla thanks.
fellows, with their off-hand PeninWith respect to the dinner, it would sular manners, actually took us by not do. It was our last day before storm, made a most ferocious attack sailing ; Gingham had whole reams of on your barrel of herrings, sunk it oneletters to write; I also had matters third, drank up your two bottles of to attend to; we pleaded the circum- liqueurs, and civilly wished us good stances, and begged to be excused. morning. Now, when I was at colOur friends saw the difficulty, and lege, to be sure we were merry enough, reluctantly accepted our apologies. no etiquette, no ceremony there. But
There was a moment's pause. Then then there was a certain gentlemanly all three rose from the table at once, feeling, which forbade vulgar familiaragain thanked us politely for our hos- ity in any shape. And as to people pitality, and withdrew to their private that assumed, or made free, I always apartments. Shortly after, looking kept them at arm's length." out of the window, I saw them walk- Well, Mr Y," said Gingham, ing down the street, all arm in arm, "I see plainly how it is. Follow my and each puffing a cigar.
advice. If you can't take a joke, Gingham stood pensive by the fire, resign your appointment, forfeit your his elbow on the mantelpiece, his head money, and return to London. You'll leaning on his hand.
find it awkward enough living among “I fear,” said I, “your exertions military men on actual service." to entertain your guests have wearied " I trust,” said I, “by adhering to
my invariable rule, never to offer a He made no reply. I went up to him. deliberate insult, but at the same time He seemed to awake as from a reverie. never to brook one, go wbere I will, I
“ Hang it!" said Gingham, in a shall be fortunate enough to escape plaintive tone, “there should have disagreeable rencontres." been some mashed potatoes."
“Nonsense !" said Gingham, look"Never mind, my dear sir-excel- ing very serious, and speaking quite lent breakfast ; everything went off in a sharp and peremptory tonecapitally. I, for one, enjoyed it nonsense!" Then softening a little, amazingly."
“Rencontres, my dear sir? Ren