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• if all mankind endeavours to get somewhat into a
As to the Cambridge affair, the humour was real-
have a full commission to put out or in, and to do ( whatever you think fit with it. I have already had " the satisfaction of seeing you take that liberty with some things I have before sent you. • Go on, Sir, and prosper.
You have the best 6 wishes of
• Sir, your very affectionate
• and obliged humble servant.'
• Mr. Spectator,
Cambridge. YOU well know it is of great consequence to ( clear titles, and it is of importance that it be done in • the proper season: on which account this is to as( sure you, that the club of Ugly Faces was instituted « originally at Cambridge in the merry reign of King · Charles II. As in great bodies of men it is not dif« ficult to find members enough for such a club, so, I ( remember, it was then feared, upon their intention « of dining together, that the hall belonging to Clare• Hall, the ugliest then in the town, though now the
neatest, would not be large enough handsomely to · hold the company. Invitations were made to great ( numbers, but very few accepted them without much
difficulty. One pleaded that being at London in a 6 bookseller's shop, a lady going by with a great belly clonged to kiss him. He had certainly been excused, 6 but that evidence appeared, thatindeed one in London • did pretend she longed to kiss him, but that it was s only a Pickpocket, who during his kissing her stole
away all his money. Another would have got off by - a dimple in his chin; but it was proved upon him, ( that he had, by coming into a room, made a woman
miscarry, and frightened tiro children into fits. A
• Third alleged, that he was taken by a lady for an.
other gentleman, who was the handsomest in the • University ; but upon enquiry it was found that the • lady had actually lost one eye, and the other was very
the decline. A Fourth produced • letters out of the country in his vindication, in which
a gentleman offered him his daughter, who had • lately fallen in love with him, with a good fortune:
but it was made appear that the young lady was ' amorous, and had like to have run away with her fa• ther's coachman, so that it was supposed, that her • pretence of falling in love with him was only in or
der to be well married. It was pleasant to hear the 6 several excuses which were made, insomuch, that
some made as much interest to be excused, as they would from serving sheriff; however, at last the society was formed, and proper officers were appoint
ed: and the day was fixed for the entertainment, ( which was in Venison Season.
A pleasant Fellow of King's College, commonly called Crab from his sour look, and the only man who did not pretend to get off, was nominated for chaplain; and nothing was wanting, but some one to sit in the elbow-chair, by way of President, at the upper end of the table; ( and there the business stuck, for there was no con
tention for superiority there. This affair made so
great a noise, that the king, who was then at New" market, heard of it, and was pleased merrily and • graciously to say, “ He could not be there himself, but would send them a brace of bucks." • I would desire you, Sir, to set this affair in a true light, that posterity may not be misled in so import• ant a point: for when the wise man who shall
write your true History" shall acquaint the world, that you had a Diploma sent from the Ugly Club at 6 Oxford, and by virtue of it you were admitted into • it, what a learned work will there be among future
critics about the original of that club, which both - Universities will contend so warmly for? And per
haps some hardy Cantabrigian author may then boldly affirm, that the word · Oxford' was an interpolation of some Oxonian instead of Cambridge. This affair will be best adjusted in your life-time;
but I hope your affection to your Mother will not ' make you partial to your Aunt.
« To tell you, Sir, my own opinion: though I can( not find any ancient records of any acts of the Socieo ty of the Ugly Faces, considered in a public capacity ;
yet in a private one they have certainly antiquity on o their side. I am persuaded they will hardly give • place to the Loungers; and the Loungers are of the same standing with the University itself.
? Though we well know, Sir, you want no motives ! to do justice, yet I am commissioned to tell you, " that you are invited to be admitted ad eundem at
Cambridge ; and I believe I may venture safely to s deliver this as the wish of our whole University.'
The humble petition of Who and Which. Sheweth,
• THAT your petitioners, being in a forlorn and destitute condition, known not to whom we should • apply ourselves for relief, because there is hardly
any man alive who hath not injured us. Nay, we I speak it with sorrow, even you yourself, whom we 6 should suspect of such a practice the last of all man
kind, can hardly acquit yourself of having given us 6. some cause of complaint. We are descended of 5 ancient families, and kept up our dignity and honour ( many years, till the Jack-sprat That supplanted us. • How often have we found ourselves slighted by the 6 clergy in their pulpits, and the lawyers at the bar?
6. Nay, how often have we heard in one of the most • polite and august assemblies in the universe, to our
great mortification these words, “ that That that • noble lord urged.” Senates themselves, the guar• dians of British liberty, have degraded us, and pre• ferred That to us; and yet no decree was ever given 6 against us. In the very acts of parliament, in which (the utmost right should be done to every Body,
Word, and Thing, we find ourselves either not used, or used one instead of another. In the first and best
prayer childen are taught, they learn to misuse us. « Our Father Which art in Heaven," should be,“ Our « Father Who art in Heaven;" and even a Convoca• tion, after long debates, refused to consent to an al• teration of it. In our general Confession we sayı“ Spare thou them, O God, which confess their faults." ( which ought to be “ Who confess their faults." ( What hopes then have we of having justice done us,
when the makers of our very prayers and laws, and
the most learned in all faculties, seem to be in a con** federacy against us, and our enemies themselves • must be our judges.
« The Spanish proverb says: El sabio muda consejo, o el necio no; i. e. “ A wise man changes his mind, a (fool never will.” So that we think you, Sir, a very
proper person to address to, since we know you to be capable of being convinced, and changing your judgment. You are well able to settle this affair, and to you we submit our cause. We desire you
to assign the butts and bounds of each of us; and • that for the future we may both enjoy our own. We ( would desire to be heard by our counsel, but that
we fear in their very pleadings they would betray our cause: besides, we have been oppressed so ma
ny years, that we can appear no other way, but in 6 forina pauperis. All which considered, we hope you
• will be pleased to do that which to right and justice
shall appertain. R.
And your petitioners, &c.
No. LXXIX. THURSDAY, MAY 31.
Oderunt peccare boni virtutis amore
The good, for virtue's sake, abhor to sin.
I HAVE received very many letters of late, from my female correspondents, most of whom are very angry with me for abridging their pleasures, and looking severely upon things in themselves indifferent. But I think they are extremely unjust to me in this imputation, all that I contend for is, that those excellencies, which are to be regarded but in the second place, should not precede more weighty considerations. The heart of man deceives him in spite of the lectures of half a life spent in discourses on the subjection of the passion; and I do not know why one may not think the heart of woman as unfaithful to itself. If we grant an equality in the faculties of both sexes, the minds of women are less cultivated with precepts, and consequently may, without disrespect to them, be accounted more liable to illusion in cases wherein natural inclination is out of the interests of virtue. I shall take up my present time in commenting upon a billet or two which came from ladies, and from thence leave the reader to judge whether I am in the right or not, in thinking it is possible fine wo. men may be mistaken.
The following address seems to have no other de. sign in it, but to tell me the writer will do what she pleases for all me,