friend, who was able to instruct me in the classics, and who was desirous to do it. I endeavoured to arrange matters, and devote myself to study. I began, in the hopes of surmounting many difficulties. An awful sense of the greatness of the work of the ministery, and that I might be able to preach with success, if I made some advances in study, induced me to cultivate an acquaintance with literature. I shuddered at the thought of becoming a preacher, and finally relinquished it.

I commenced a piece of business, and engaged a man to assist me in it, which I did merely to protract my studies. The young man falling sick the morning we designed to begin, counteracted my resolution of delaying my studies. I however looked upon it as the hand of providence. My Father called on me, that morning, to attend family worship. The chapter I read, adminstered such conviction to my soul, that I was induced to relinquish the business I had undertaken. I went that day and began the study of the

Latin Grammar, and probably, for the first three months, made as great proficiency as any person. But I was so terrified with the importance of the ministerial work, and conceiving that neither providence, nature, or grace, had qualified me for that arduous office, that I determined to relinquish the idea, and return home, and settle myself in a situation, when it would be impossible to prosecute my studies; and of course the ministery. I meant, however, to live a steady and uniform christian life. I was much in prayer, and enjoyed a nearness to God in his word. His promises were precious; the doctrines opened and comforted my soul.

I began to think of a companion for life, but was entirely at a loss for an object; for although I had kept much company, yet from my conversion till now, (nearly three years,) it was of a religious kind. I now joined in the purchase of a plantation, by which I was involved in debt, which I expected to adjust by the proceeds of the farm. Here my conscience dictated my duty to

implore the direction of God, and acknowledge him in all my ways. I determined to spend the night in prayers to God, and accordingly went to a solitary place; that whether my prayers were mental or vocal, they might be out of the reach of the human ear. While I was on my knees, imploring the direction of God, these words powerfully impressed my mind: "Go forth and preach the Gospel." I remained on my knees pondering over them for some time, and begged of God not to suffer me to be deluded, and that every spirit might be restrained but his

own.

'These words followed in my mind with equal force: "It is I, be not afraid-be not faithless, but believing;" which words, and others similar to them, reiterated in my soul. I rose, confounded; my breast heaved with oppression. I pondered again, and, at length, spoke out. I raised many objections;-my present circumstances;-my weakness and my vileness;-but all these objections were so entirely answered in Christ's sufficiency, and fulness of his promises, that I did not dare to raise any more. I thought,

for a moment, of yielding, and walked to the house; when a new difficulty seized my mind:-that I must look to God for a determination. I withdrew again a distance off, and fell down as before; I think I may say, with the deepest reverence, and anxiety of mind for direction; and to be saved from delusion, obstinacy, or presumption; and that I might not attribute those things to God, which arose from the works of the devil; or those things to the devil, which came from God. In this posture, these words seized upon my mind: “Thou shalt speak to many people. "I will send thee far hence." Say not I am a child, I will be with thee." "I will be with thy lips." "And thou shalt speak to all, to whom I send thee." "I have made thee this day, a brazen wall and an iron sinew." And many more passages of scripture followed in my mind, till I was obliged to cry out, "it is enough, I will doubt no more." With this resolution, I arose, went to the house, and at a late hour of night went to bed. But alas! wretch that I was, and still am, I scarcely laid my head

on the pillow, before such an opposition again rose in my mind against the work, and even against God for calling me to it, that I even wished for death. But oh! the dismal hours which seized my mind; the temptations and awful suggestions on the the one hand, and the promises and directions from God's word on the other, alternately, that I think I may call it the most excruciating night, that my soul ever experienced. Although it is fifty years since, the sensations I then felt are still fresh upon my memory; and, even now, while writing, give me an uncommon feeling. It is with shame that I write, that nearly two years elapsed, before my pride, my obstinacy, and my unbelief, were so conquered, that I could fully yield to the clearest conviction. It deprived me of much sleep, and all the cravings of nature;—and my body was emaciated. Yet, I frequently had seasons of great comfort, and repeated promises. I concluded at times, to die under these impressions, rather than yield. Frequently, when I would endeavour to pray, these texts would bear on my mind: "I