was in doubt if I should mak use of Dumfreis Lockhart. ..a I saw Mr. Jhon November 1.-I spok with my nephew Calder, and found him under a and troubld with it, and feard the distemper much ..a I did also exhort and incourag him. I intended to se Dr. Sharp once and again. at his lodging, and was disapointed. I found that buisines heer wer drawing a great lenth. 3. Die Dom. I found much indisposition on my spirit, and was cast down under it, acknouledging the Lord to be righteous if he should mak this darkness the beginning of hell. I was straitnd in the publick also, and had som mean esteim of the minister Mr. Rood: yet the Lord made me find good by the weak means, and I worshipd the Lord. I beheld the administration of the sacrament in Westminster, and albeit I was stumbld at ther affected gesturs, bouing, and cringing at the tabl befor ther altar, aud bouing at euri tym they namd the nam of Jesus, ther clothing, ther kneeling, ther twice consecrating of wyn, becaus they broght som mor then at the first, yet I thoght they might partak sauinglie with them. They had materiallie the sacrament of the Lord's bodie rightlie administred. He cal'd it a sacrifice of prais. Lord! let not this condiscending be a snare. Thogh with thes things, and som appearances of euel and superstition I was unsatisfied, yet with reuerence they did goe about it. Mr. Rood preachd weil on 1. Cor. 3. 1., "You ar carnal and not spiritual : babs in Christ, hauing neid of milk rather then strong meate." b I found my nigardli be ouercom with it, 4.-L. Neil Campbell cam in and staid with us. and sauing natur incroaching upon me, and I feard to and made my supplication to God for grace to escape. I met with Latherdaill, and understood that Sir Th. Cunningham was not to get his plac. He was willing to procur my signatour of Kinlos, onli he desird to know who was patron of the wther kirk. I desird grac to walk uprightlie and straightli. I heard that ther was soim euel determind against Calder, and som aduizd him to goe to Franc. I desird to look to God in this matter. I spok with Sir Rob. Muray who cried out on Warristoun and the ministers and ther a Short-hand in MS. Lord Niel Campbell was the second son of Archibald, Marquess of Argyle, and : was sent by his father to London at this time to act on his behalf, but in vain, opinions and ways wer madd and dangerous. This cutted me to the hart: That Warristoun, Rutherford, and others wer phanatick and madd. I desird to be exercisd under this. Alac! in me is the seid of al thes extravagancies mixd with unsoundnes and carnal policie on the other hand. Oh! how shall I be deliverd? I look to God in Christ. I reaceaud letters from my brother: he diswaded me from returning. He shew me what the contempt and misregard was that our friends wer under. I desir to spread this befor God; and now trusts in him for direction, both against fanaticknes and distrust, and to be lead in euri right, lawful and approuen way for releif and comfort. a I did communicat with Willi Chiesli, who advized me to - I inclind to it, but durst not ventur on it, being but from myself, until I had spread it befor the Lord, and soght direction and his presenc and blessing. 5.-This day was kept the memorial of the deliuery from the Gunpowder Treason. I did cast myself on God's prouidenc to speak with my L. Midlton; and found him not inclind to accept of my 6-This was a day of money that I can scarce render ane account of: din'd with Lorn. I acquainted Major Innes with my purpos anent the patronage of Kinloss. 7. I writ to my sone and Joseph, dated 8. I did travel into the citi, purchasd som things, visited the Ladi Kirk., and returnd. Lord's wys providenc that lets not anie of His own children pass without som exercis. to men. Nour. 9.-I went to London, and dind at Billingsgate: saw the prison of the King's Bench in Southrick, and the workers of glass: in al which I saw the manifold wisdom of God in the gifts and faculties which he has given. In comparison of al thes whom I see in the world, how lit is my part of action or doing! Oh! that I could attain in my generation to be faithful, and approven, be my condition, or facultie never so meane. But alac! so barren as I am of aui thoghts of God; and soe have I found my self this day, and at al tyms. I read Charles 5th his laying doun the imperial croun, and taking him to a Short-hand in MS. a cloister or monasteri in Castil, near Placentia. He causd celebrat his funeral befor himself er he died. This did affoord me matter of exercise. 10. Die Dom. I found my inclination not auers from a form of Liturgie. 1. Becaus albeit it be not soe liuli as otherways; yet with som measure of affection may God be worshiped. 2. I hav sein, and dayli, much disordour in conceiu'd prayers of som, and extravagancie, which does afflict me. Oh, let this be noe snar nor stumbling block to me! I find much barrennes, dulnes, ignoranc, unstedfastnes, and under it desirs to mourn to God. For great does the distance seem that's betwix my soul and God. My vain mind was exercisd with imaginations of contentment and hope to hau som letter or testimoni from the King of aprobation, and recours to the Parliament, and to effectuat it. But the Lord discouerd soon to me how apt I am to feed on such wind. 2. How I hau deceaud my oun hart with the lyk mani tyms befor, and fals joy and hop hau therby stolen in upon me unawares. 3. The Lord hath, and in His wisdom, I hop in His mercie too, layd impediments to me quhen I hav nourishd such imaginations befor. 4. My lyf, and the true joy of it, doth not consist in the aprobation of men or ther favour, but in Thyn, and to hav a conscienc void of offenc towards God or towards men sprinkld by the blood of Jesus Christ. This is that which I would desir to cum at if I could attain it, and submit al things els to his wyse and merciful disposing. 11.-I did see litl appearanc of Lorn's effairs to tak ani speedie effect: and I desird to bear burthen of it. Som smal differs arising betwix — I desir the Lord to avert. I did efternoon goe to London. I was desirous to bui [an] Atlas and som books, but was straitnd betuix lothnes to trespas against God in my condition by extravagant, and unnecessarie expens, and to be wanting in ani allowanc on my oun lauful and sober contentment and comfort in the use of the creaturs: in licitis perimus omnes, on the one hand and on the other. I was discontent that smal differs and jarrings cam betuix us and our host. I desird onli to be keeped from sining against my condition and what God requirs of me: and doe what seims good to him. spok against ministers; an'd he cal'd them a meeting of diuels. He thoght noe mor of ministers that wer not ordaind by Bishops in that right manner then he did of, &c. He blasted out much malice and euel. I leaue him on God, that He may convince and shew him the euel of his ways, and giue him repentanc: may I say "Forgiv, for they know not what they doe?" This day my letters wer writn hom to goe with Calder. Let the Lord ordour his journey, and turn it to good, and extend his providenc towards him for good! 15.—This day the L. of Calder took journeye to Scotland. I found he had taken on som smal things without me that wer trifls; which he denied. ... Alex. Brodie, my cosen, cam and saw me. I heard that my familie and freinds were weil. For this I ador the Lord, and give him thanks. 16.-I returnd to London, and the night last wakd a great deale, and found my thoghts much taken up and imployd about my buisines. . . . But not a thoght of God. I was afflicted in som measur for this. I heard from Sir Jhon Straquhan and my L. Midltoun off the conclusion off the E. of Mortoun's buisiness, which was made. I said that one had said that the word assignais behou'd to be dashd. I said that ani thing my L. Mortoun did meet with was for this caus. In both thes I challendg my self of indiscretion and witlesness, nay, and unfaithfulnes to God and Christ. ... I besoght the Lord for pardoun of my infirmities in thes, and in all the managing of this buisines: for I found how kit it was and hard to walk uprightli, and safelie, and wyslie. Oh, for that wisdom which is indeed from aboue, and from the Holi Ghost! I writ to Spini for my exoneration, and saw that things wer not lyk to goe right for the E. of Mortoun and his familie. I desird grace to be faithful, and wisdom to walk beseemingli in this, and does commit it to the blessing of God. 18. Die Dom. I had thoghts of getting som testimonie and recommendation from the King; this broght som joy and contentment to me. But I know not Thy thoghts, Oh Lord! neither what is pleasing to Thee. Dr. Reinolds, Bishop of Norich, heard sermon with us: Mr. Rood on 1 Jhon 2. 6, "They that say they abid in Christ oght to walk as He also walked." He shew[ed] that beleeuers and Christians hau a being in Christ, * Dr. Edward Reynolds, Bishop of Norwich, 1660-1676. subsist in Him, hau an union with Him, and that's mor then a communion of som benefits. 2. They that professis [to be] Christians, and to hau an entres in Christ, should walk in holines, and be conformed to him; and therby prou ther profession not to be counterfitt, unsound, formal, imaginarie, and meerli external. "They that ar joind with the Lord ar one Spirit," as marriag conjunction maks one flesh. 21.-Dr. Sharp told me he had reaceau'd word from Scotland that I did. give inteligence to peopl ther, and shew them of seueral plots, and kept the peopl in a distemper, and had writen the state of buisines in dark obscur terms; had said that the King's mariage was not lyk to goe forward. Now all this was a great burthen to me; yet I had som quietnes that it was fals, and maliciousli forgd. But it testified litl of Dr. Sharp's affection and respect, that he had told my L. Midltoun of it, and others, ere he had told myself. I desir'd to be instructed by this. This is the man by quhom I was looking for freindship, and behold the Lord maks him the instrument of my croce and troubl, that I may not lean to him, nor to ani man. 2. That I may rest on God. 3. Watch over my words and writting. 4. And keip a distanc with evri thing that may either hav the appeiranc of evel, or a snare. I heard yesternight Mr. Rood, at a funeral, on "The Lord wil bring al to judgment, and mak al things manifest, both good [and] evel." This day I heard Mr. Palmer and Mr. Simson. . ... I found that by thes things the Lord was not to mak me of use for the liberating and serving of my poor friends. I desir to reverenc the Lord's providenc, to be directed by Him, and submissive to Him and His will. 22.—I found Midltoun, Register, and Sharp not unfreindli to me, and I acknouledgd the Lord in it. I din'd with Kirkmichael, and spent the day travelling with him. I met Midlton going in to Bedlam, Register and Aboine. I desird to consider this and be instructed. I desird to consider if I should put myself under ani mor intimat fellowship with Aboin, and ere I should follow my inclination and imagination I did desir to spread it befor the Lord. Dr. Sharp spok of the wrong which the Church had gottin in giving the Teinds from the Kirk to the Patrons in the year 1659. The Register told |
