to myself if I was not saved, and that God was waiting to be gracious. Never before, had I seen so much of the evil of my hard and obstinate heart. From that time, the nature of my conviction was altered, and my grief was greater. I knew that I must be changed, and that it was to be effected by God, and that he would affect it was my most fervent wish. But how he could be just and save me I knew not: that he could be just and condemn me, appeared plain. In this state, I remained for some time. And it was some satisfaction to my mind, that God would secure his own glory, and the honour of his son. In this temper of mind, the way of salvation, through the life, death, and mediation, of the glori ous Saviour, appeared plain. I contemplated on the amazing wisdom and goodness of God, and condescension of Christ. My soul was enraptured, amazed, and confounded, that with all my ingratitude, I could still be saved. My mind was enlightened, and my guilt and fear of punishment was removed. Yet, notwithstanding the alteration I felt, I am not sensible that I thought of its being a real conviction; 1 was afraid my convictions would not be lasting; and I prayed for a continuance of them. I was constrained at times to rejoice in God and his salvation; and in this state continued some time, until a sermon from these words, with light and power fasted on my mind: "Jesus, thou Son of David, have mercy on me.' I trust they were so applied, that I could not put them from me. They opened the way of salvation, the suitableness, fulness, and willingness of God; and I was enabled to appropriate them to myself, and rejoice in Christ. This was the time, from which I dated my conversion, and I think I walked in the light of God's countenance, and had many blessed promises, which strengthened and confirmed my hope in, and humbled me before God. About this time, there were a number of young people of my acquaintance in the neighbourhood, who were under serious concern for their souls, and as I had, in my distress, i warned them of their exposure to the wrath of God, I could now point out to them, Christ, and the method of salvation through him.→ 0 As my soul felt what I said, it seemed as if God made them sensible of it. We assembled, on evenings, to pray and converse; i and I now believe that this was a useful part of my life. I was inclined to become a preach| er, but thought it my duty to wait and pursue literary acquirements. Indeed, I had not then made an open profession, or joined the church. For some reasons, I wished to join that of the Presbyterian; and as a communion season was approaching, I expected some examination. I took the Westminster confession of faith, and the Bible, with a view honestly to profess them. 'The doctrines appeared thoroughly grounded, and perfectly consonant with the Bible, until I came to the doctrine of baptism. The proofs there adduced, fell far short of my expectations, and appeared foreign to the point.— I then took the Bible, especially the New Testament, and searched it for months to gether; and enquired for, and obtained all the disputes, especially in favour of infant bap tism, that I could hear of; I, however, could find nothing that seemed to me to amount to a divine warrant. I went to a presbytery on purpose to converse with a Mr. Tennant, or rather to be instructed by him. A favorable opportunity presented, and from my attachment to the man, and a deference to his opi nion, and the confidence he appeared to have of the justice of infant baptism, I was induc ed to embrace his sentiments. But on my road home, it turned in my mind, that this was not the way I had obtained the hope of salvation, or consonant with my former resolutions, to make the word of God my only rule of faith and practice. Let Mr. Tennant be ever so good a man, his belief, is not a divine warrant for me to act upon. Before I got home, I was determined to try farther to see for myself. Soon after, Mr. Miller, a baptist minister, inquiring of me why I did not profess Christ openly, and join some church, I told him my difficulty. He replied, that God's word and spirit would direct me, and if I attended to them impartially, they would remove my doubts; and if they did not make me a Baptist, he did not wish to do it. This conversation led me to enquire if I had done So. I was soon convinced I had not; but had only searched for something to confirm me in the doctrine of infant baptism, which I had received from my education. I really think, that if any person was ever induced to take the word of God in hand, with a fervent desire to be free from all prepossessions, to see the truth as it really was, and to let the Bible be their guide, I was. A number of inconsistencies perplexed me in my infant baptism, and Providence gave me an opportunity to disclose some of them. I happened to spend an evening with Mr. Tennant, and some of my Presbyterian friends, when I was drawn into the conversation, from the supposition that I was the person who conversed with him at the presbytery. He asked me, if I was yet satisfied, or wished to converse farther on the subject. I told him I did so, |
