The sort' to fight with Hector: Among ourselves, That we have better men. But, hit or miss, Now I begin to relish thy advice; To Agamemnon: go we to him straight. Ajax. Dog, Ther. Then would come some matter from him; I see none now. Ajax. Thou bitch-wolf's son, canst thou not hear? Feel then. [Strikes him. Ther. The plague of Greece upon thee, thou mongrel beef-witted lord! Ajar. Speak then, thou unsalted leaven, speak: I will beat thee into handsomeness. Ther. I shall sooner rail thee into wit and holiness: but, I think, thy horse will sooner con an oration, than thou learn a prayer without book. Thou canst strike, canst thou? a red murrain o'thy jade's tricks! Ajar. Toads-stool, learn me the proclamation. Ther. Dost thou think, I have no sense, thou strikest me thus ? Ajax. The proclamation, Ther. Thou art proclaimed a fool, I think. Ajax. Do not, porcupine, do not; my fingers itch. Ther. I would thou didst itch from head to foot, and I had the scratching of thee; I would make thee the loathsomest scab in Greece. When thou art forth in the incursions, thou strikest as slow as another. Ajax. I say, the proclamation, Ther. Thou grumblest and railest every hour on Achilles; and thou art as full of envy at his greatness, as Cerberus is at Proserpina's beauty, ay, that thou barkest at him. Ajax. Mistress Thersites! Ther. Thou shouldest strike him. Ther. He would pun thee into shivers with his fist, as a sailor breaks a biscuit. Ajax. You whoreson cur! [Beating him. (3) Provoke. (5) Ass, a cant term for a foolish fellow I Enter Achilles and Patrocles. Achil. Why, how now, Ajax? wherefore do you thus? How now, Thersites? what's the matter, man? Achil. Ay; what's the matter? Ther. Nay, look upon him. Achil. So I do; What's the matter? Ther. But yet you look not well upon him: for, whosoever you take him to be, he is Ajax. Achil. I know that, fool. Ther. Ay, but that fool knows not himself. Ther. Lo, lo, lo, lo, what modicums of wit he utters! his evasions have ears thus long. I have bobbed his brain, more than he has beat my bones: will buy nine sparrows for a penny, and his pia mater is not worth the ninth part of a sparrow. This lord, Achilles, Ajax,-who wears his wit in his belly, and his guts in his head, I'll tell you what I say of him. Achil. What? Ther. I say, this Ajax [Ajax offers to strike him, Achilles interposes. Achil. Nay, good Ajax. Ther. Has not so much wit Achil. Nay, I must hold you. Ther. As will stop the eye of Helen's needle, for whom he comes to fight. Achil. Peace, fool! Ther. I would have peace and quietness, but the fool will not: he there; that he; look you there. Ajar. O thou damned cur! I shall Achil. Will you set your wit to a fool's? Ther. No, I warrant you; for a fool's will shame it. Patr. Good words, Thersites. Achil. What's the quarrel? Ajax. I bade the vile owl, go learn me the tenor of the proclamation, and he rails upon me. Ther. I serve thee not. Ajax. Well, go to, go to. Ther. I serve here voluntary. 8 Achil. Your last service was sufferance, 'twas not voluntary; no man is beaten voluntary; Ajax was here the voluntary, and you as under an im wit was mouldy ere your grandsires had nails on | Bear the great sway of his affairs with reasons, their toes,-yoke you like draught oxen, and make Because your speech hath none, that tells him so? you plough up the wars. Tro. You are for dreams and slumbers, brother Achil. What, what? Ther. Yes, good sooth: To, Achilles! to, Ajax! to! Ajax. I shall cut out your tongue. Ther. 'Tis no matter; I shall speak as much as thou afterwards. Patr. No more words, Thersites; peace. Ther. I will hold my peace when Achilles' brach' bids me, shall I ? Achil. There's for you, Patroclus. Ther. I will see you hanged, like clotpoles, ere I come any more to your tents; I will keep where there is wit stirring, and leave the faction of fools. [Exit. Patr. A good riddance. Achil. Marry, this, sir, is proclaimed through all our host: That Hector, by the first hour of the sun, Ajax. O, meaning you :-I'll go learn more of it. [Exeunt. SCENE II.-Troy. A room in Priam's palace. Enter Priam, Hector, Troilus, Paris, and Helenus. Pri. After so many hours, lives, speeches spent, Thus once again says Nestor from the Greeks; Deliver Helen, and all damage else As honour, loss of time, travel, expense, priest, You fur your gloves with reason. Here are your reasons: You know, an enemy intends you harm; Should have hare hearts, would they but fat their thoughts With this cramm'd reason: reason and respect Hect. Brother, she is not worth what she doth cost Tro. I take to-day a wife, and my election Wounds, friends, and what else dear that is con- The wife I chose? there can be no evasion sum'd In hot digestion of this cormorant war,— Shall be struck off:-Hector, what say you to't? Hector. Though no man lesser fears the Greeks than I, As far as toucheth my particular, yet, There is no lady of more softer bowels, More ready to cry out-Who knows what follows? To blench from this, and to stand firm by honour: We turn not back the silks upon the merchant, When we have soil'd them; nor the remainder viands We do not throw in unrespective sieve," Because we now are full. It was thought meet, He brought a Grecian queen, whose youth and freshness Wrinkles Apollo's, and makes pale the morning. Every tithe soul, 'mongst many thousand dismes,2Why keep we her? the Grecians keep our aunt: Hath been as dear as Helen; I mean, of ours: Tro. Fie, fie, my brother! Of common ounces? will you with counters sum As fears and reasons? fie, for godly shame! Hel. No marvel, though you bite so sharpe at Is she worth keeping? why, she is a pearl, If you'll avouch, 'twas wisdom Paris went (5) Basket. What noise? what shriek is this! (6) Priam's sister, Hesione. Of divination in our sister work [Exit. high Tro. Why, brother Hector, We may not think the justness of each act Such and no other than event doth form it; Nor once deject the courage of our minds, Because Cassandra's mad: her brain-sick raptures Cannot distaste' the goodness of a quarrel, Which hath our several honours all engag'd To make it gracious. For my private part, I am no more touch'd than all Priam's sons: And Jove forbid, there should be done amongst us Such things as might offend the weakest spleen To fight for and maintain! Par. Else might the world convince3 of levity Pri. Par. Sir, I propose not merely to myself On terms of base compulsion? Can it be, (1) Corrupt, change to a worse state. Well may we fight for her, whom, we know well, The world's large spaces cannot parallel. Hect. Paris, and Troilus, you have both said well: The reasons, you allege, do more conduce Than wife is to the husband? if this law If Helen then be wife to Sparta's king,- For 'tis a cause that hath no mean dependence Tro. Why, there you touch'd the life of our design: Were it not glory that we more affected Hect. [Exeunt. Ther. How now, Thersites? what, lost in the labyrinth of thy fury? shall the elephant Ajax carry it thus? he beats me, and I rail at him: O worthy satisfaction! 'would, it were otherwise; that I could beat him, whilst he railed at me: 'Sfoot, I'll learn to conjure and raise devils, but I'll see some issue of my spiteful execrations. Then there's Achilles,-a rare engineer. If Troy be not taken till these two undermine it, the walls will stand till they fall of themselves. O thou great thunderdarter of Olympus, forget that thou art Jove the king of gods; and, Mercury, lose all the serpen tine craft of thy caduceus;1 if ye take not that little Ther. Here is such patchery, such juggling, and little less than little wit from them that they have! such knavery! all the argument is, a cuckold, and which short-armed ignorance itself knows is so a whore; A good quarrel, to draw emulous facabundant scarce, it will not in circumvention de- tions, and bleed to death upon. Now the dry serliver a fly from a spider, without drawing their pigo on the subject! and war, and lechery, conmassy irons, and cutting the web. After this, the found all! [Exit. vengeance on the whole camp! or, rather, the boneache! for that, methinks, is the curse dependent on those that war for a placket. I have said my prayers; and devil, envy, say Amen.-What, ho! my lord Achilles! Enter Patroclus. Patr. Who's there? Thersites? Good Thersites, come in and rail. Ther. If I could have remembered a gilt counterfeit, thou wouldest not have slipped out of my contemplation: but it is no matter; Thyself upon thyself! The common curse of mankind, folly and ignorance, be thine in great revenue! heaven bless thee from a tutor, and discipline come not near thee! Let thy blood2 be thy direction till thy death! then if she, that lays thee out, says-thou art a fair corse, I'll be sworn and sworn upon't, she never shrouded any but lazars. Amen.-Where's Achilles ? Patr. What, art thou devout? wast thou in prayer? Ther. Ay; the heavens hear me ! Enter Achilles. Achil. Who's there? Patr. Thersites, my lord. Achil. Where, where?-Art thou come! Why, my cheese, my digestion, why hast thou not served thyself in to my table so many meals? Come; what's Agamemnon? Ther. Thy commander, Achilles;-Then tell me, Patroclus, what's Achilles? Patr. Thy lord, Thersites; Then tell me, I pray thee, what's thyself? Ther. Thy knower, Patroclus; Then tell me, Patr. That mayest tell, that knowest. Agam. Where is Achilles? Patr. Within his tent; but ill-dispos'd, my lord. Patr. Ajax. Yes, lion-sick, sick of proud heart: you may call it melancholy, if you will favour the man; but, by my head, 'tis pride: But why, why? let him show us a cause.-A word, my lord. [Takes Agamemnon aside, Nest. What moves Ajax thus to bay at him? Ulyss. He. Nest. Then will Ajax lack matter, if he have lost his argument. Ulyss. No, you see, he is his argument, that has his argument; Achilles. Nest. All the better; their fraction is more our wish, than their faction: But it was a strong composure, a fool could disunite. Ulyss. The amity, that wisdom knits not, folly may easily untie. Here comes Patroclus. Re-enter Patroclus. Nest. No Achilles with him. Ulyss. The elephant hath joints, but none for courtesy: his legs are legs for necessity, not for flexure. Patr. Achilles bids me say-he is much sorry, If any thing more than your sport and pleasure Did move your greatness, and this noble state, Ther. I'll decline the whole question. Agamem-To call upon him; he hopes, it is no other, non commands Achilles; Achilles is my lord; I am But, for your health and your digestion's sake, Patroclus' knower; and Patroclus is a fool. Patr. You rascal! Ther. Peace, fool; I have not done. An after-dinner's breath." Agam. Hear you, Patroclus;We are too well acquainted with these answers; Achil. He is a privileged man.-Proceed, Ther-But his evasion, wing'd thus swift with scorn, sites. Ther. Agamemnon is a fool; Achilles is a fool; Cannot outfly our apprchensions. Much attribute he hath; and much the reason Why we ascribe it to him: yet all his virtues,Not virtuously on his own part beheld,― Do, in our eyes, begin to lose their gloss; Ther. Agamemnon is a fool to offer to command Yea, like fair fruit in an unwholesome dish, Achilles; Achilles is a fool to be commanded of Are like to rot untasted. Go and tell him," Agamemnon; Thersites is a fool to serve such a We come to speak with him: And you shall not sin, fool; and Patroclus is a fool positive. Patr. Why am I a fool ? If you do say-we think him over-proud, And under-honest; in self-assumption greater, suf-Than in the note of judgment; and worthier than Ther. Make that demand of the prover.-It ficeth me, thou art. Look you, who comes here? Enter Agamem ion, Ulysses, Nestor, Diomedes, and Ajax. himself Here tend the savage strangeness11 he puts on; Achil. Patroclus, I'll speak with nobody;- His humorous predominance; yea, watch Agam. In second voice we'll not be satisfied, We come to speak with him.-Ulysses, enter. [Exit Ulysses. Ajax. What is he more than another? O, no, you shall not go. Ajax. An he be proud with me, I'll pheeze' his pride: Ajax. Is he so much? Do you not think, he Let me go to him. thinks himself a better man than I am? Agam. No question. Ajax. Will you subscribe his thought, and say— he is? Agam. No, noble Ajax; you are as strong, as valiant, as wise, no less noble, much more gentle, and altogether more tractable. Ajax. Why should a man be proud? How doth pride grow? I know not what pride is. Agam. Your mind's the clearer, Ajax, and your virtues the fairer. He that is proud, eats up himself: pride is his own glass, his own trumpet, his own chronicle; and whatever praiseth itself but in the deed, devours the deed in the praise. Ajar. I do hate a proud man, as I hate the engendering of toads. Nest. And yet he loves himself: Is it not strange? [Aside. Re-enter Ulysses. Ulyss. Achilles will not to the field to-morrow. Agam. What's his excuse? Ulyss. He doth rely on none; But carries on the stream of his dispose, Without observance or respect of any, In will peculiar and in self-admission. Agam. Why will he not, upon our fair request, Untent his person, and share the air with us? Ulyss. Things small as nothing, for request's sake only, He makes important: Possess'd he is with greatness; Let Ajax go to him. Agam. Ulyss. O Agamemnon, let it not be so! Bv going to Achilles: (1) Approbation. VOL II, Ulyss. Not for the worth that hangs upon tour Nest. Himself! quarrel. Ajax. A paltry, insolent fellow, How he describes [Aside. Ajax. Can he not be sociable? The raven [Aside. Ulyss. Chides blackness. Ajax. [Aside. I will let his humours blood. Agam. He'll be physician, that should be the patient. Ajax. An all men Were o'my mind,— Ulyss. Wit would be out of fashion. [Aside. Ajax. He should not bear it so, He should eat swords first: Shall pride carry it? [Aside. He'd have ten shares. [Aside. Ajax. I'll knead him, I will make him supple :Nest. He's not yet thorough warm: forces him with praises: Pour in, pour in; his ambition is dry. [Aside. Here is a man-But 'tis before his face |