ittons, who immediately sent it to Ham-pton court, where it was hung up by a string in the hall, by way of rarity, whence we have the English phrase ham-strung.

Thus did great Socrates improve the mind,
By questions useful since to all mankind;
For, when the purblind soul no farther saw,
Than length of nose, into dark Nature's law,
His method clear'd up all, enlarg'd the sight,
And so he taught his pupils with day-light.

R. 8. The Rule of Interruption. Although the company be engaged in a discourse of the most serious consequence, it is and may be lawful to interrupt them with a pun; ex. gr. Suppose them poring over a problem in the mathematics; you may, without offence, ask them, "How go squares with them?" You may say too, "That, being too intent upon those figures, they are become cycloeid, i. e. sickly-eyed; for which they are a pack of logarithms, i. e. loggerheads." Vide R. 34.

R. 9.

The Rule of Risibility. A man must be the first that laughs at his own pun; as Martial advises :

Qui studet alterias risum captare lepore,
Imprimis rietum comrabat ipse suum.

"He that would move another man to laughter
Must first begin, and t'other soon comes after."

R. 10. The Rule of Retaliation obliges you, if a man makes fifty puns, to return all, or the most of them, in the same kind. As for instance: Sir W

sent me a catalogue of Mrs. Prudence's scholars, and de....... advice as to the management of them:

sired

my

Miss-Chief, the ringleader,

Miss-Advice, that spoils her face with paint.

Miss-Rule, that does every thing she is forbid

Miss-Application, who has not done one letter in her sampler.
Miss-Belief, who cannot say the Creed yet.

Miss-Call, a perfect Billingsgate.

Miss-Fortune, that lost her grandmother's needle.

Miss-Chance, that broke her leg by romping.

Miss-Guide, that led the young misses in the dirt.

Miss-Laid, who left her porringer of flower and milk where the cat got it.

Miss-Management, that let all her stockings run out at heels for want of darning.

For which I sent the following Masters:

Master-Stroke, to whip them.

Master-Workman, to dress them.

Master-Ship to rig them.

Master-Lie, to excuse them.

Master-Wort, to purge them.

Master-Piece, to patch them.
Master-Key, to lock them up.
Master-Pock, to mortify them.

If these can't keep your ladies quiet,
Pull down their courage with low diet.
Perhaps, dear sir, you'll think it cruel,
To feed them on plain watergruel;
But, take my word, the best of breeding,
As it is plain, requires plain feeding.

Vide Roscommon.

R. 11. The Rule of Repetition: You must never let a pun be lost, but repeat and comment upon it till every one in the company both hears and understands it; ex. gr. Sir, I have good wine to give you; excellent pontack, which I got 'pon tick; but, sir, we must have a little pun-talk over it; you take me, sir, you, and you, and you too madam. There is pun-talk upon

pontack, and 'pon tick too, hay?

R. 12. The Elementary Rule. Keep to your elements, whether you have fish, fowl, or flesh, for dinner : As for instance, Is not this fish, which Mr. Pool sent me, ex-stream sweet? I think it is main good, what say yon?

'my soal, I never tasted better, and I think it ought to take plaice of any that swims: though you may carp at me for saying so, I can assure you that both Dr. Sprat and Dr. Whaley are of my mind. This is an excellent fowl, and a fit dish for high-fliers. Pray, sir, what is your o-pinion of this wing? As for the leg, the cook ought to be clapper-clawed for not roasting it enough. But now I think of it, why should this be called the Bird of Bacchus ? A. Because it was dressed by your drunken Cook. Not at all. You mistake the matter. Pray is it not a grape-lover: i. e. gray plover ?-Are you for any of this mutton, sir? If not, I can tell you, that you ought to be lamb-asted; for you must know that I have the best in the country. My sheep bear away the bell, and I can assure you that, all weathers, I can treat my friends with as good mutton as this: he that cannot make a meal of it, ought to have it ram-med down his throat.

R. 13. The Rule of Retrospection. By this you may recall a discourse that has been past two hours, and introduce it thus: "Sir, As you were saying two hours ago-you bought those stockings in Wales; I believe it, for they seem to be well-chose, i. e. Welsh-hose""Sir, You were saying, if I mistake not, an hour or two ago, that Soldiers have the speediest Justice. I agree with you in that; for they are never without reddress."

R. 14. The Rule of Transition; which will serve to introduce any thing that has the most remote relation to the subject you are upon; ex. gr. If a man puns upon a stable, you may pun upon a corn-field, a meadow, a horse-park, a smith's or sadler's shop; ex. gr. One says, "his horses are gone to rack." Then you answer, "I would turn oat the rascal that looks after them. Hay, sir! don't you think I am right? I would strike

while the iron is hot; and pummet the dog to some purpose."

R. 15. The Rule of Alienation; which obliges you, when people are disputing hotly upon a subject, to pitch upon that word which gives the greatest disturbance, and to make a pun upon it. This has not only occasioned peace in private companies, but has put a stop to hot wranglings in parliaments and convocations, which otherwise would not so soon come to a resolution: for, as Horace says, Ridiculum acri, &c.; and very often it is found so. Sir once, in parliament, brought in a bill which wanted some amendment; which being denied him by the house, he frequently repeated, "That he thirsted to mend his bill." Upon which a worthy member got up, and said, "Mr. speaker, I humbly move, since that member thirsts so very may be allowed to mend his draught." house into such a good humour, that his granted.

much, that he This put the petition was

R. 16. The Rule of Analogy is, when two persons pun upon different subjects after the same manner. As, says one, "I went to my shoemaker's to-day for a pair of shoes, which I bespoke a month ago; and, when all came to all, the dog bristles up to me with a thousand excuses, that I thought there would never be an end of his dicourse: but, upon my calling him a rascal, he began to wax warm, and had the impudence to bid me vamp off, for he had not leisure now to talk to me, because he was going to dinner: which vexed me indeed to the very soal. Upon this, I jumped out of his shop in a great rage, and wished that the next bit he eat might be his last." Says another, "I went to a tanner's that owed me some money; and (would you think it ?) the pitiful fellow was fleshed at it, insomuch that forsooth he could not hide his resentment, but told me, that it was

enough to set a man horn mad to be dunned so early in a morning and as for his part, he would curry favour no longer with me, let me do my worst. Thus the un

mannerly cur barked at me, &c."

R. 17.

The Sophistical Rule is, fixing upon a man a saying which he never spoke, and making a pun upon it, as, "Ay, sir, since you say he was born in Bark-shire, I say he is a son of a bitch.”

R. 18. The Rule of Train, is a method of introducing puns which have been studied before; ex. gr. By talking of Truelock the gun-smith, his very name will provoke some person in the company to pun. Then you proceed: "Sir, I smell powder, but you are plaguy weak in your main-spring for punning; I would advise you to get a better stock, before you pretend to let off: though you may think yourself prime in this art, you are much mistaken, for a very young beginner may be a match for you. Ay, sir, you may cock and look big; but, u-pan my word, I take you to be no more than a flash; and Mrs. Skin-flint, my neighbour, shall pun with you for a pistole, if I do not lose my aim, &c."

R. 19. The Rule of Challenge. As for instance, when you have conned over in your mind a chain of puns, you surprise the best punner in company, after this manner : 66 Say Tan pit, if you dare." R. 20. The Sanguine Rule allows you to swear a man out of his pun, and prove yourself the author of it, as Dr. served Captain who was told how a slater, working at his house, fell through all the rafters from top to bottom, and that upon this accident he said, "He loved to see a man go cleverly through his work,” "That is mine, by," said the doctor. R. 21. The Rule of Concatenation is making a string puns as fast as you can, that nobody else can put in a word till you have exhausted the subject; ex. gr.

of