Poet. It's so good of you to see me. I merely wished to ask one or two questions as to your career."You must have led a most interesting life. Sphinx. You are very inquisitive and extremely indiscreet, and I have always carefully avoided being interviewed. However, go on. Poet. I believe you can read hieroglyphs? Sphinx. Oh yes; I can, fluently. But I never do. I assure you they are not in the least amusing. Poet. No doubt you have talked with hippogriffs and basilisks? Sphinx (modestly). I certainly was in rather a smart set at one time. As they say, I have "known better days." Poet. Did you ever have any conversation with THOTH? Sphinx (loftily). Oh, dear no! (Mimicking.) Thoth he wath not conthidered quite a nice perthon. I would not allow him to be introduced to me. Poet. You were very particular? Sphinx. One has to be careful. The world is so censorious. Poet. I wonder, would you give me the pleasure of singing to me? 66 Adrian's Gilded Barge," for instance ? Sphinx. You must really excuse me. I am not in good voice. By the way, the "Gilded Barge," as you call it, was merely a shabby sort of punt. It would have had no effect whatever at the Henley Regatta. Poet. Dear me! Is it true you played golf among the Pyramids ? Sphinx (emphatically). Perfectly untrue. You see what absurd reports get about! SEED THE MINX.-A POEM IN PROSE. THE LAY OF THE EXPLORER. I USED to think that if a man In any character could score a Distinctly leonine success, 'Twould be as a returned explorer. So, when by sixteen tigers tree'd, Or when mad elephants were charging, I have returned! Whole dusky tribes [is!-- Arranged unconscionable treaties. I don't believe he's ever been there!" RULE, "BRITANNIA." (New Yachtical Version.) H.R.H. THE P-E OF W -s sings:WHEN Vigilant, at GOULD's command, Came over here to sweep the main, This was the lay that thrilled the land, And Yankee Doodle loved the strainLick Britannia! the fleet Britannia lick! And JOHNNY BULL may cut his stick. after CR some Sphinx. Oh, he sent me flowers, and there were paragraphs about it-in hieroglyphs—in the society papers. That was all. But they were contradicted. Poet. You knew AMMON very well, I believe? Sphinx (frankly). AMмON and I were great pals. I used to see a good deal of him. He came in to tea very often-he was quite interesting. But I have not seen him for a long time. He had one fault-he would smoke in the drawing-room. And though I hope I am not too conventional, I really could not allow that. Poet. How pleased they would all be to see you again! Why do you not go over to Egypt for the winter ? Sphinx. The hotels at Cairo are so dreadfully expensive. Poet. Is it true you went tunnyfishing with ANTONY? Sphinx. One must draw the line somewhere! CLEOPATRA was so cross. She was horribly jealous, and not nearly so handsome as you might suppose, though she was photographed as a type of Egyptian Beauty !" 66 Poet. I must thank you very much for the courteous way in which you have replied to my questions. And now will you forgive me if I make an observation? In my opinion you are not a Sphinx at all. Sphinx (indignantly). What am I, then? Poet. A Minx. TO ALTHEA IN THE STALLS. I wonder what instinct impelled you NEW WORK (by the Chief Druid Minstrel at the Eisteddfod, dedicated to their Royal Highnesses).- "How to be Harpy in Wales." ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. he sits on Treasury Bench with folded arms, listening to the mo- "At ille Labitur et labetur in omne volubilis ævum," added JOKIM, with approving glance at bench behind, where the Busy B.'s swarm after week's rest, humming round amendments with increased vigour. House of Lords, Monday, July 9.-PLAYFAIR'S leonine coun- says PRINCE ARTHUR, looking across at the rustic Squire. tenance habitually cheerful. But never saw him looking so pleased as when we walked through St. Stephen's Chapel on way to Lords just now. "From point of view of old House of Commons man the Lords are, I admit, a little unresponsive," my Lord said. "The chamber is, acoustically and otherwise, the sepulchre of speech. You remember the little lecture on Almost imperceptible movement of river goes forward. The margarine I delivered blameless BARTLEY on his feet, entrancing House with particulars of years ago in the Com- a silver cup, prized heirloom in the humble household in Victoria mons? Bless me, how Street, It seems that one of BARTLEY'S ancestors-he who came over delighted the House with the Conqueror-had brought with him certain blades of buckwas to see the table wheat, which he industriously planted out on the site, then a meadow, covered with small on which the Army and Navy Stores now flourish. The buckwheat white pots containing grew apace. One day King STEPHEN, passing by on a palfrey, noted samples, with a bottle the waving green expanse. Enquiring to whom the State was of best Dorset marga- indebted for this fair prospect, a courtier informed him that it was rine hooked on to the "the ancestor of GEORGE CHRISTOPHER TROUT BARTLEY, Member Mace for greater con- for North Islington in the thirteenth Parliament of Queen VICTORIA." venience of reference. By our sooth," said the King, "he shall have a silver cup." Often I've enchained One was forthwith requisitioned from the nearest silversmith's, an audience with my and this it is which now adorns the sideboard in the best parlour at object lessons. Up to St. Margaret's House, Victoria Street, S. W. present time that monologue on margarine ranks as most successful. But I'll beat the record to-night. See that ?" (Here he slapped a something bulging out from his trouser pocket.) "Guess what that is Thought you couldn't. It 's cultch. Know what cultch is ?" Suggested Statues for the Vacant Niches in the Inner Lobby. "Not unless it's the beginning of knowledge," I said, drawing a bow, so to speak, at a venture. "Positive cultch, comparative culture, eh?" 66 PLAYFAIR stared at me vacantly. Cultch he said; "but no, that's part of the lecture. Come along to No. I.-"The Majesty of the Law!" the Lords and hear it." House not in condition particularly inspiring for lecturer. Benches mostly empty; STANLEY of Alderley completed depletion by rambling speech of half an hour's duration, modestly described in Orders as a question." Wanted to know how many lighthouses in England and Wales paid Income Tax; how many were behindhand with their rates; were Death Duties applicable to some of them; if so, which; and whether the tenants compounded for rates or otherwise. These inquiries not without interest, but STANLEY not chiefly remarkable for concentration of thought or conciseness of phrase. At length PLAYFAIR's turn came. A flutter of interest amongst Peers as he was observed tugging at something in trousers pocket; hauled out what looked like empty oyster shell. "Ah!" said HERSCHELL, smiling, "I see the lawyers have been before us." 66 "In moving the Second Reading of the Sea Fisheries (Shell Fish) Bill, I propose, if I may be permitted, to give your Lordships an object lesson. This particular shell," PLAYFAIR continued, holding it up between finger and thumb, 66 is covered all over with microscopic oysters. Oysters in all stages of growth are seen there." "Well," said the MARQUIS OF CARABAS, if one had a twenty billion magnifying glass of the kind associated with the memory of Sam Weller, perhaps we might see the oysters. All I can say is, I don't see any worth three and sixpence a dozen. PLAYFAIR's no business to bring these things down here, filling House with smell of stale seaweed when his oysters are no bigger than a pin's head." The MARQUIS strode angrily forth. Others followed. Lecture cut short. Business done.-Sea Fisheries (Shell Fish) Bill read a second time, amid unexpectedly depressing circumstances. House of Commons, Tuesday.-SQUIRE OF MALWOOD back after a week's rustication. Brings glowing news of the hay crop; looks, indeed, as if he had been helping to make it; ruddier than a cherry; indescribable but unmistakable country air about him as 66 These interesting reminiscences of family history GEORGE CHRISTOPHER TROUT recited to a charmed House in support of proposed new Clause, moved by DICK WEBSTER, exempting from estate duty heirlooms under settlement. SQUIRE OF MALWOOD, usually impervious to argument in favour of alterations in his prized Budget, evidently moved. If BARTLEY had only thought of bringing the cup with him, had at this moment produced it from under his cloak, and flashed it forth on gaze of House, the Clause would have been added, and the cup, Estate-duty free, would have passed on through the ages, telling its simple story to successive strata of the BARTLEY family. As it was, SQUIRE stood firm, and WEBSTER'S Clause negatived. "Couldn't do it, my dear WEBSTER," the SQUIRE found opportunity of saying, as he met disappointed legislator behind SPEAKER'S Chair. Of course I said the polite thing about BARTLEY'S Cup. But I wasn't thinking of that. I know very well what you had in An Interesting Specimen. The Coleridge Caterpillar! mind in bringing in this Clause. The heirlooms you thought of are those cups and medals you won for Cambridge when, twenty-nine years ago, you met the Oxford Champion in the two-mile race, and in the one-mile spin. If we could do something in the Schedules specially exempting them I should be glad. Think it over, and see me later." WEBSTER Wrung the SQUIRE'S hand, and passed on, saying nothing. There are moments when speech is superfluous. 'Tis true, they don't often occur in House of Commons; but here was one. Let us cherish its memory. Business done.-Considering and negativing new Clauses to Budget Bill. Thursday.-All the cheerfulness of to-day has brightened Committee-room, where question of issue of Writ, following on application for Chiltern Hundreds, is considered. The SQUIRE under examination for nearly two hours and a-half. Difficult to say which the more enjoyed it, the witness or the Committee. "What is the state of a Peer pending issue of Writ of Summons ?" asked the SQUIRE, suddenly taking to interrogate the Committee assembled to question him. "Is he a caterpillar passing through a larva, spinning a cocoon of silk until he reaches a condition where they toil not neither do they spin?" (Here, quite by accident, his glance fell upon JOSEPH, supposed to be sitting upon him in judicial capacity.) "There is," he continued (and here he glanced at PRINCE ARTHUR, smiling at the sly hit dealt at his dear friend JOE) an opening for philosophic doubt as to the precise condition of this impounded Peer in his intermediary state." The House still going about with millstone of Budget Bill round its neck, BYRNE, BUTCHER, BEACH, BOWLES and BARTLEY tugging at it, KENYON-SLANEY now and then uttering obvious truths with air of supernatural wisdom. GRAND YOUNG GARDNER (address Board of Agriculture, Whitehall Place, S.W.) hands me scrap of paper; says he found it near SQUIRE's seat on Treasury Bench; but it doesn't look like his writing: "Two modes there are, O BYRNE and BUTCHER, Our gratitude to earn : If BYRNE would only burn up BUTCHER, Or BUTCHER butcher BYRNE; Or both combine-yes, bless their souls- Business done.-Very little. Friday.-TEMPLE going about much as if on Tuesday night he had got out of his cab in the ordinary fashion. He didn't, you know. Taken out in sections through the upper window by couple of stalwart policemen. This owing to circumstance that Irish cab driver having, after fashion of his country, saved a trot for the avenue, dashed up against kerbstone and overturned cab. 66 Gave me a start, of course," TEMPLE said, as we brushed him down." "Not a convenient way of getting out of your hansom. What I was afraid of was being disfigured. Am not a vain man, but don't mind telling you, TOBY, a scratch or a scar on one's face would have been exceedingly annoying. But I'm all right, as you see. Hope it isn't a portent. A small thing that under this Government I should be overturned. What I fear is, that unless we keep our eye on them they'll overturn the Empire." Business done.-Not yet done with Budget. FASHIONABLE INFORMATION AND SUGGESTION. The Duke and Duchess of BEDFORD having returned from Thorney will go to Beds;-a delightful change, that is unless they are rose-beds, which are proverbially thorny. And "the Duchess of ROXBURGHE goes to Floors." No Beds here; only Floors. Why not combine the two establishments and get them both under one roof? "NIHIL tetigit quod non ornavit," as the prizefighter said of his right fist, after blacking his opponent's eye and breaking the bridge of his nose. "THE Knights of Labour" seem to be banded together against "Days of Work." Lucullus Brown (on hospitable purpose intent). "ARE YOU DINING ANYWHERE TO-MORROW NIGHT?" Jones (not liking to absolutely "give himself away"). "LET ME SEE"-(considers)—“No; I'M NOT DINING ANYWHERE TO-MORROW." Lucullus Brown (seeing through the artifice). "UM POOR CHAP! WILL BE " THE ROYAL WELSH BARD. [The Prince of WALES was initiated as a Bard the other day at the Carnarvon Eisteddfod.] THE Minstrel-Prince to his Wales has gone, In the ranks of the Bards you'll find him; His bardic cloak he has girded on, And his tame harp slung behind him. "Land of Song!" said the Royal Bard, "You remarkably rum-spelt land, you, One Prince at least shall try very hard To pronounce you, and understand you." The Prince tried hard, but the songs he heard Very soon brought his proud soul under, With twenty consonants packed in a word, And no vowels to keep them asunder! So he said to the Druid, "A word with you, Your jaw must be hard as nails, Sir; Your songs may do for the bold Cymru, They've done for the Prince of WALES, Sir!" How HUNGRY YOU ["Exeunt,-severally." GOOD WISHES. (To Mr. and Mrs. J. M. Barrie on their Marriage, July 9, 1894.) "WHEN authors venture on a play, They have been known to find them undone, But Mr. BARRIE found the way To great success in Walker, London. A ready TOOLE he'd close at hand, And those who know her merry glance 'll Not find it hard to understand How much was due to MARY ANSELL. Her acting in the House-boat Scene |