Science of words, once jargon of the schools,' } Hail sacred Art! by what mysterious name Shall I adore thee, various, and the same? The Muses' Proteus, skill'd with grateful change, Through all the pleasing forms of wit to range In quick succession, yet retain through all Some faint resemblance of th' original. Hail, fairest offspring of prodigious birth, At once the parent and the child of Mirth! With Chloe's charms thy airy form can vie, And with thy smiles as many thousands die; The pleasing pain through all their vitals thrills, With subtle force, and tickles as it kills. Thee too, like her, the dying swains pursue, As gay, as careless, as inconstant too; To raise yet more thy merit and thy fame, The Cyprian Goddess glories in thy name, Pleas'd to be thought the laughter-loving dame. Nor less thy praise, nor less thy power to wound, Thou lovely, fleeting, image of a sound. THE ART OF PUNNING. PUNNATA dicuntur, id ipsum quod sunt, aliorum esse dicuntur, aut alio quovis modo ad aliud referuntur." Puns, in their very nature and constitution, have a relation to something else; or, if they have not, any other reason why will serve as well. THE PHYSICAL DEFINITION OF PUNNING, Punning is an art of harmonious jingling upon words, which, passing in at the ears, and falling upon the diaphragma, excites a titillary motion in those parts; and this, being conveyed by the animal spirits into the muscles of the face, raises the cockles of the heart. THE MORAL DEFINITION OF PUNNING. Punning is a virtue that most effectually promotes the end of good fellowship, which is laughing. N. B. I design to make the most celebrated punners in these kingdoms examples to the following rules. RULE 1. The capital Rule. He that puns, must have a head for it; that is, he must be a man of letters, of a sprightly and fine imagination, whatever men may think of his judgment; like Dr Swift,* who said, when a lady threw down a Cremona fiddle with a frisk of her Mantua, "Mantua væ miseræ nimium vicina Cremona !" Or if R. 2. The Rule of Forehead. He must have good assurance, like my Lord B, who puns in all companies. R. 3. The Brazen Rule. He must have better assurance, like Brigadier C, who said, "That, as he was passing through a street, he made to a country fellow who had a hare swinging on a stick over his shoulder, and, giving it a shake, asked him whether it was his own hair, or a perriwig?" Whereas it is a notorious Oxford jest. R. 4. The Rule of Impudence. He must have the best assurance, like Dr D-, who, although I had in three fair combats worsted him, yet had the impudence to challenge me a fourth time. R. 5. Any person may pun upon another man's puns about half an hour after he has made them; as Dr E and Mr F frequently do. I remember one day I was in company with them, and upon Major G-saying, "That he would leave me the gout for a legacy;" I made answer, and told the company, "I should be sorry to have such a leg as he." They both snapped it up in their turns, and had as much applause for the pun as I had. * In the early editions of the Tract, this admirable pun is as. cribed to Dr Delany. R. 6. The Rule of Pun upon Pún. All puns made upon the word pun are to be esteemed as so much old gold; ex. gr. Suppose two famous punsters should contend for the superiority, and a man should wittily say, "This is a Carthaginian war." Q. How, Sir? A. Why, sir, it is a Pun-ick war. R. 7. The Socratic Rule is to instruct others by way of question and answer. Q. Who was the first drawer? A. Potifer. Q. Which is the seat of the spleen? A. The hips. Q. Who were the first bakers? A. The Crustumenians. (Masters of the Rolls, quoth Capt. Wolseley.) Q. Where did the first hermaphrodites come from? Q. What part of England has the most dogs? Q. From whence come the first tumblers? A. From Somerset. Q. Who were the first mortgagers of land? A. The people of Cumber-land. Q. What men in the world are the best soldiers? A. Your red-haired men, because they always carry their firelocks upon their shoulders. Q. Why should a man in debt be called a diver? A. Because he is dipped over head and ears. Q. Why are ladies of late years well qualified for hunting? A. Because they come with a hoop and a hollow. Q. Why are presbyterians, independents, &c. said to be vermin? A. Because they are in sects. Q. Where were the first breeches made? Q. Who were the first gold-finders? A. The Turditani. Q. What part of the world is best to feed dogs in? A. Lap-land. Q. What prince in the world should have a boar for his arms? A. The Duke of Tusc-any. Q. Where do the best corn-cutters live? A. At Leg-horn. Q. Why are horses with grease in their heels the best racers? A. Because their heels are given to running. Q. What is the reason that rats and mice are so much afraid of bass-violins and fiddles? A. Because they are strung with cat-gut. Q. If a lawyer is a whig, and pretends to be a tory, or vice versa, why should his gown be stripped off? A. Because he is guilty of sham-party. Q. How many animals are concerned in the formation of the English tongue? A. According to Buck-anan, a great number; (viz.) cat-egorical, dog-matical, crow-nological fleabotomy, fish-ognomy, squirril-ity, rat-ification, mouseolæum, pus-ilanimity, hare-editary, ass-tronomy, jayography, stag-yrite, duck-tility. Q. Where were the first hams made? A. They were made in the temple of Jupiter Hammon, by the Hamadryades; one of them (if we may depend upon Baker's Chronicle) was sent as a present to a gentleman in Ham-shire, of the family of the Ham-iltons, who immediately sent it to Hampton court, where it was hung up by a string in the hall, by way of rarity, whence we have the English phrase ham-strung. |