Imagens da página
PDF
ePub

friends wore the Leghorn, and she was obliged to have it, though it left her in arrears, deprived her of a real gratification in the expenditure of the second guinea, and obliged her to fail of a promise she had given.

[ocr errors]

Julia was invited to visit one of her school-fellows in London. This she would have delighted in-but how to get there? Her father had no carriage-he could not afford to let her travel post. Coaches passed the door -but then how ungenteel. She could not possibly arrive at Lady B.'s in a stage coach. None of her acquaintance would do so. A similar feeling kept her at home on another occasion. To Sir Peter Paulett's balls and fashionable parties, the principles of Julia's parents did not allow of her going. But Sir Peter was, in these parts, the patron of every thing. For a county ball, he filled his house with dancers; for an assize with judges; and for a Bible-meeting with saints, as he called them-and valued them all alike. It was on one of these latter occasions, that certain distinguished persons were to be there-distinguished, it is true, by rank and talent, but more distinguished for active charity and holy devotedness to God. This was a party to which Julia Arnot might come, and she was kindly pressed. Her heart panted to be among persons whose names she had heard and reverenced so long. But, poor child! what could she do! There was nobody to fetch her home but John, the cowherd, a decent and trusty man, the only one her father kept. How very genteel it would be for him to appear among the footmen of Lord R. and the Marquis of C. The thing was impossibleone must have respect to the decency of life, were it only for the sake of one's genteel connexions.

Julia was an active, healthy girl, and had as good an appetite as other ladies; but this besetting demon could not, some way or other, let her perform in peace even these vulgar functions of humanity. There were certain things at her father's table very good and pleasing to the taste, which it was ungenteel to eat, and not polite to

drink; but what I was going to notice was, that her parents, being elderly and of country habits, liked to dine at two o'clock. Julia's appetite had no objection to this whatever, for it was used to nothing else. The first few days I was with them, I could not think why the fidgets seized upon her from the time the cloth was laid till it was removed-why she bolted her food like a cat that fears a surprise-why she sat edgeways on her chair to watch the window-and why she recovered her ease as soon as dinner was over, like one escaped from purgatory. It was because it was so ungenteel to dine at two o'clock. Suppose the Miss Pauletts should come in-what would they think? They must see the dinner as they passed the window; or, if not, the house was so small, they must smell it. I have reason to believe this perpetual uneasiness during the progress of mastication, subjected the young lady to frequent fits of indigestion.

There happened to be two churches in the town of W. as there are in many towns. Both had been consecrated by the bishop, both had the service performed with propriety, and both were filled by men of education and character. But for some reason fully understood only to Julia and her evil spirit, though others might by possibility guess at it, both were not equally genteel, Julia's parents attended at St. Paul's, because they there heard the boldest and the purest truth. Julia, from education and from principle, preferred it too, The rector of St. Paul's was the more learned and more eloquent preacher-but still St. Peter's was the more fashionable church. With umbrella and clogs as she hastened to the one, Julia passed the carriages going to the other, and hung down her head for shame. As she passed through the crowd of poor that lined the aisles, she had an involuntary sense of degradation. She was not ashamed of her principles, or of the doctrine she went to hear, but she was ashamed of the congregation. She would not have blushed to hear it said, none but Me

thodists went to St. Paul's; but she was ashamed when it was said, none but vulgar people frequented it. I do not say she therefore left her church-I hope she never will-but she went not ever to the service with an undisturbed and tranquil mind.

me.

One day I found the young lady in the parlour in deep and seeming sad consideration; a parcel before her on the table. "I cannot tell what to do," she said to "Dame Wenham is very ill-she has nothing to eat, and they want flannel to wrap her in. I have things here ready for her, but John is gone to market, and Sarah is washing, and I have nobody to take them.” "Take them yourself," I replied: "it is not farther than your usual walk, and this parcel is of no great weight." "That is what I was thinking of," taking up the bundle, "the woman is suffering-perhaps dying— I would not mind carrying it three times as far, but," laying it down again, "it is so ungenteel to carry parcels-I cannot be sure of not meeting any body." I offered to go with her, and bear the obnoxious burden through the town, but was surprised to see she still hesitated. "Well, Julia, what is the matter now? We are losing time, and you say the woman is suffering.” "I am thinking," she replied-I am happy to say, blushing for herself the while-" I am thinking if any body sees us, it will be quite as ungenteel to be walking with you and the parcel in your hand, as if I carried it myself." "Then ring for your footman, Julia," I replied, half angrily. "Indeed I wish I had one," she said, half angry too. "And why have you not one? It is very ungenteel." "We cannot afford it; you know we are not rich." "But then how came you not to be rich? Your friends at the Hall" Julia now perceived my bearing-she saw I wanted her to say that providence had assigned it otherwise-she blushed and was silent. "My dear girl," I said, "examine your heart, and see if it is not in actual rebellion against heaven for the portion assigned you upon earth. And what a portion is it! You

[ocr errors]

have not a single want, but those of vanity-you have not a single difficulty, a single care, but those you have created for yourself. And this is the beneficent allotment of which you dare to be ashamed-and you hesitate in an act of duty, lest people should observe that you are-where God has placed you."

These were the outward appearances of Julia's besetting misery-few, doubtless, in comparison with its actings in her own bosom. I appeal to any lady, similarly possessed with the demon of gentility without adequate means, to say how many pleasant moments it embitters, how many duties it suspends, how much falsehood and subterfuge it induces, and how much of sinful passion kindles in her heart: my tale runs long, and space is running short.

It may be said that I have painted only the disadvantages of keeping good company; which, admitting there be some, are yet over-balanced by the gain. Julia, with her friends, sharing their advantages and enjoying their society, might feel herself repaid for occasional difficulties at home.

In case any young lady should not know what sort of happiness she misses by keeping her station and associating with her equals, it would be worth while to describe it. I wish I could. I would measure the moments in which Julia's vanity was gratified, against those in which it was mortified-the hours in which she enjoyed the good society, against those in which she endured it because it was so called-the times of gratitude to Heaven for the advantages afforded her, against those of self-reproach for the sins she was betrayed into -the consciousness of moving in society above herself, against the consciousness of being below the society she moved in--the pleasure of seeming to be somebody, against the fear of being discovered to be nobody. I should be obliged to any lady who has tried it, to draw this picture for me, and I will insert it in some future number. At present I have more serious matter.

The lamb with whose destiny I began my story, seemed for a little while to have the advantage of his fellows: in one season he grew to be a sheep, exposed to the same evils, and in another shared their fate. The distinctions of society are nothing more than this. Whether it is or is not a temporal advantage to stand a little higher in the scale, has never been decided; it cannot, because we have no weights, or scale of measurement, by which the happiness of individuals can be compared; and if we had, it must be the happiness of the class and not of any individual in it. But this we know most certainly. Elevation in life is no security against its severer evils; in many cases, it is a greater exposure to them, and a fearful increase of their bitterness. And we know, that one brief season passed, the converging paths of life, so seeming distant once, meet in a point and terminate. And thus again I say, the high things of the world—I speak comparatively, I mean any thing above the point where heaven has placed us-are not legitimate objects of a Christian's aim. And surely religious parents, who make it an object of pursuit, or even of desire, to bring up their children above their situation, and seek connexion for them in a higher circle, are forgetful altogether of the first principles of their profession-renunciation of the pomps and vanities of the world-all in it that tends not to godliness, and comes not from God. And yet daily for this object, in our christian world, we see principle sacrificed, peace of mind foregone, contamination risked, usefulness abridged, duties neglected, doubtful practices connived at, selfish expenditure encouraged, the bosom harassed with perpetual struggle against opposing fortunes-for no better object than to gain for our children a little more of that on which a woe has been many times pronounced of God, but never yet a blessing.

« AnteriorContinuar »