Imagens da página
PDF
ePub

blinded about my supreme unconsciousness as to any such thing being done. Did n't I believe that father would write it when I asked him, and did n't I think something was in the wind when I saw him writing so industriously at the back-parlor window, day after day? Did n't mother cough to father when certain loose sheets were lying about on the centre-table, and was I not very good never to notice that mysterious bundle shuffled so adroitly into the box in the dining-room? And didn't I wonder who on earth it could be who had written what would be worth more than all the rest together, as mother averred?"

[TO HIS SISTER.]

I wish you could board us one of these bright moonlight nights and see how delightful everything appears. Just sit down in the stern of the ship and look down into the foaming waters, as we rush along, ten knots an hour, and off into the wake of the moon dancing up and down, and to the sails all set and glistening in the bright beams. Such nights are the cream of our enjoyment. . . . . We are fast passing out of our last cool weather, are now off Madagascar with its cruel queen and Christian king. But oh, could you see these tremendous swells! When the ship is going right before the wind and the wind blowing just as the swell, then you have it! You can hardly believe that the huge swell will not walk right over you; and then, when on the crest I can compare it to nothing so well as to the scene from West Mountain, Williamstown, looking down on to a sea of lesser hills, stretching on as far as the eye can reach, and so up and down, the birds sailing about you, gigantic albatrosses sweeping

about in graceful awkwardness, and the frisky Mother Carey chickens tripping lightly about from wave to wave, daintily touching their toes on the water, or tipping now one wing and now another. Oh! we never tire of looking.

The quiet period, after the bustle of preparation and the eager expectation of years, was sure to bring many thoughts of his future work, many strong recollections of what he had parted from; indeed, so painful was much of this recollection that he would not suffer himself to give way to it nor to speak with the freedom which his longing for expression prompted. Some signs of what he felt, looking behind and before, are shown in individual letters. Thus in his letter to Mr. Sturtevant he writes further:

66

". . . . I have just re-read your letter of March 2, which reached me in time. You say that it will be but a few days before we all reach home. I say Amen. Do you know that since leaving home I have felt as never before that the true home is after this life, and seem to feel that this separation is but momentary? Indeed I have suffered more in parting with friends. than I anticipated, and I humbly hope that I am reaching some of the missionary blessings. I am beginning, I think, now that India draws nigh, to see my needs. I long sometimes to do a good work for Christ, but all my reading and conversation lead me to see that the self must be dropped from sight, the real aim of the worker kept full in view, and I be willing to meet the severest want, not as a disappointment, but as another step in the appointed course which, as unforeseen, shall offer fresh food for study.”

To a brother also he writes: "It is a sore, sore trial to be away from home, I tell you, and what is worse, to feel that there is no recal. How privileged are they who are called of God to labor where they may see the living faces and hear the tones of voice of those they love. But I believe a dearer joy is reserved for us, when the work against sin shall be finished, and the reunion above be effected. I am beginning to believe in heaven as a fact, ever before us to cheer. I seldom thus far in life have longed to be there,since leaving home I have."

[TO REV. S. B. TREAT.]

A sea-voyage is a good place for sober thinking. How often, in looking out upon this sea and these changing heavens, have my thoughts wandered over the past and peered into the future. This is a good place to form resolves in, over a fresh study of God's word. Most heartily I thank God for this opportunity that I do not plunge thoughtlessly into the work. Paul's stay in Arabia - may it not have been of great value to him in his after-course? I have been led especially to study Paul's epistles during the last month, and have been stirred up as never before. What am I going to India for? How am I to live there? I firmly believe that for me the isolation from Christian society will, by God's help, prove of real worth to my religious character. I experienced a deal of spurious religious exhilaration, and did much that looked like active work for Christ in America. Now, I feel that the true test of my Christian spirit is to come in India. It is comparatively an easy thing to go about the country and talk fervently on missions, gaining the credit of a heart

fully in the work; but how will it be, when the voice of praise will be but dimly heard and dark night be all about me? Paul answers, and I can see in a measure what the true missionary spirit is, even though it has not yet possessed me, "I glory in my infirmities that the power of Christ may rest on me." I wonder at his willingness to abnegate, disregard self. It must to the world appear to border upon pusillanimity. "I will very gladly spend and be spent for you, though the more abundantly I love you the less I be loved." I can see the Christian heroism of the man, but I look on such a spirit as almost unapproachable. I am sure that I could not say that now. Still I believe that I long to be able to say as truly that I care not for self, and take pleasure in infirmities. Paul could not have reached that height at one step, but only by constant struggle. I foresee many positions where I shall be called to sink private preferences at others' wish, and where I should be guilty did I not do it. But it will come hard. And then to preach the word night and day with tears to an unsympathizing, sneering crowd;

where is my sufficiency? I believe I see it in this - let me be fully possessed with a sense of the wonderful depth and fulness of power in the message of life. Here was Paul's stand if I read him aright. I never noticed before how his naturally national mind stretched out to reach all nations, how he burned as he wrote of the mystery hitherto hid, now made known, that the Gentiles were to be fellow-heirs and partakers of the promise with the Jews. A strait Pharisee rejoicing over this! Now is not this my word? Though men revile and turn their backs, yet may I not gain such a sense of this ineffable grace of God, His love

which would seek to reconcile His haters to Himself, that I shall always be cheerful? I feel that to be truly successful as a missionary, counting success not by the number of converts, but as Paul did, according to the faithfulness with which I testify of the grace of God, I need to stay myself on the true, the firmest ground, allowing secondary and subordinate motives to help me on, but grasping with my might the cardinal principles of the kingdom of heaven. I do long, yearn at times, to be Christ's. Yet I am not weak enough now. I have not proved my weakness, as I shall some day. Then Christ will be prepared to show his power in me. I have felt however my insufficiency on shipboard. Here we are, within a fortnight of Madras, and not a soul here has become a Christian. We have had preaching service and a little Biblical instruction, and private instruction has not been wholly neglected. Yet I have not been as faithful as I might have been. I have been pleased to find true Christians as I believe among the foreigners.

[ocr errors]

6

The following entry in his diary shows the result of his study on shipboard: "I have been through Pope's Tamil Hand-Book,' Pope's Third Grammar,' a part of Galatians, have written two or three prayers and a good part of a sermon in Tamil. I have read a good part of Caldwell's 'Dravidian Grammar,' one volume of Bopp's Comparative Grammar,' Renan on 'L'Origine du Langage' twice, Farrar on Origin of Language,' part of Renan on Semitic Languages,' Weber's 'Littérature Indienne' (in part), Kaye's' Administration of East India Company,' Kaye's 'Christianity in India,' Life of Carey Marshman and Ward,'

6

[ocr errors]
[ocr errors]
« AnteriorContinuar »