"in all their behaviour. Indeed the obfervation "that no man is ridiculous for being what he is, "but only for the affectation of being fomething "more, is equally true in regard to the mind and "the body.

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I queftion not but it will be pleafing to you to "hear, that a fett of us have formed a fociety, who are fworn to dare to be short, and boldly bear out "the dignity of littleness under the noses of those "enormous engroffers of manhood, thofe hyperboli"cal monsters of the Species, the tall fellows that "overlook us.

"The day of our inftitution was the tenth of "December, being the shortest of the year, on "which we are to hold an annual Feaft over a difh "of Shrimps.

"The place we have chofen for this meeting is in "the little Piazza, not without an eye to the neigh"bourhood of Mr. Powel's Opera, for the perform"ers of which, we have, as becomes us, a brotherly "affection.

"At our firft refort hither, an old woman brought "her fon to the Club Room, defiring he might be "educated in this School, because she saw here were "finer Boys than ordinary. However, this accident "no way difcouraged our defigns. We began withfending invitations to those of a stature not exceed"ing five foot, to repair to our affembly; but the

"

* greater part returned excuses, or pretended they

66 were not qualified.

"One faid, he was indeed but five foot at present, "but represented that he should soon exceed that "proportion, his perriwig-maker and fhoe-maker "having lately promised him three inches more be"< twixt them.

"Another alledged, he was fo unfortunate as to "have one leg fhorter than the other, and whoever "had determined his ftature to five foot, had taken ❝ him at a disadvantage; for when he was mounted "on the other leg, he was at least five foot two inches " and a half.

"There are fome who queftioned the exactnefs "of our measures, and others instead of complying, "returned us informations of people yet shorter than "themselves. In a word, almost every one recom

mended fome neighbour or acquaintance, whom " he was willing we should look upon to be less than he. We were not a little ashamed that those who "are past the years of growth, and whose beards "pronounce them men, fhould be guilty of as many "unfair tricks in this point, as the most afpiring "children when they are measured.

"We therefore proceeded to fit up the Club"Room, and provide conveniences for our accommodation. In the first place we caufed a "total removal of all the chairs, ftools, and tables,

" which had ferved the grofs of mankind for many

years.

"The disadvantages we had undergone while we "made ufe of these, were unspeakable. The Prefi"dent's whole body was funk in the elbow-chair, "and when his arms were fpread over it, he ap"peared (to the great leffening of his dignity) like a "child in a go-cart: It was alfo fo wide in the feat, "as to give a wag occafion of saying, that, notwithstanding the President fat in it, there was a Sede "Vacante.

"The table was fo high, that one who came by "chance to the door, seeing our chins just above the "pewter difhes, took us for a circle of men that fat ready to be shaved, and fent in half a dozen Bar"bers.

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"Another time, one of the Club fpoke in a ludicrous manner of the Prefident, imagining he had "been absent, when he was only eclipfed by a flask "of Florence, which stood on the table in a parallel "line before his face.

"We therefore new furnished the room in all "refpects proportionably to us; and had the door “made lower, fo as to admit no man of above "five foot high without brufhing his foretop, which "whoever does is utterly unqualified to fit among

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86

Some of the Statutes of the Club are as follow.

I. If it be proved upon any member, though never fo duly qualified, that he ftrives as much as

poffible to get above his fize, by stretching, cocking, or the like; or that he hath food on tiptoe in • a crowd, with design to be taken for as tall a man "as the reft; or hath privily conveyed any large "book, cricket, or other device under him to exalt "him on his feat: every fuch offender shall be sen"tenced to walk in pumps for a whole month.

"II. If any member fhall take advantage from "the fulness or length of his wig, or any part of "his dress, or the immoderate extent of his hat, or "otherwise, to seem larger or higher than he is, it is "ordered, he fhall wear red heels to his fhoes, and

a red feather in his hat; which may apparently "mark and fet bounds to the extremities of his fmall "dimenfion, that all people may readily find him

"out between his hat and his shoes.

"III. If any member shall purchase a horse for “his own riding, above fourteen hands and a half "in height; that horse shall forthwith be fold, a "Scotch galloway bought in its ftead for him, and "the overplus of the money fhall treat the Club.

" IV. If any member, in direct contradiction to "the fundamental laws of the Society, fhall wear "the heels of his fhoes exceeding one inch and half;

"it fhall be interpreted as an open renunciation of "littleness, and the criminal fhall instantly be expel"led. Note, The form to be used in expelling a "member fhall be in these words; "Go from a

66.

mong us, and be tall if you can!

"It is the unanimous opinion of our whole fociety, that fince the race of mankind is granted to "have decreased in ftature, from the beginning to this prefent, it is the intent of Nature itself, that

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men fhould be little; and we believe, that all human kind shall at laft grow down to perfection, "that is to fay, be reduced to our own measure.

No. 92.

June 26, 1713.

Homunculi quanti funt, cum recogito! PLAUT.

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TO NESTOR IRONSIDE, Efq;

OU are now acquainted with the nature and defign of our inftitution; the Character of the members, and the topicks of our Conver*fation, are what remain for the subject of this. "Epiftle.