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to my purgation. I have trod a measure; I have flatter'd a lady; I have been politick with my friend, smooth with mine enemy; I have undone three tailors; I have had four quarrels, and like to have fought one.
Jaq. And how was that ta'en up?
Touch. ?Faith, we met, and found the quarrel was upon the seventh cause.
Jaq. How seventh cause?-Good my lord, like this fellow.
Duke S. I like him very well.
Touch. God'ild you, sir; I desire you of the like. I press in here, sir, amongst the rest of the country copulatives, to swear, and to forswear; according as marriage binds, and blood breaks :-A poor virgin, sir, an ill-favour'd thing, sir, but mine own; a poor humour of mine, sir, to take that that no man else will: Rich honesty dwells like a miser, sir, in a poor house; as your pearl, in your foul oyster.
Duke S. By my faith, he is very swift and sententious.
Touch. According to the fool's bolt, sir, and such dulcet diseases.
Jaq. But, for the seventh cause; how did you find the quarrel on the seventh cause?
Touch. Upon a lie seven times removed ;-Bear your body more seeming, Audrey:-as thus, sir. I did dislike the cut of a certain courtier's beard; he sent me word, if I said his beard was not cut well, he was in the mind it was: This is called the Retort courteous. If I sent him word again, it was
not well cut, he would send me word, he cut it to please himself: This is called the Quip modest. If again, it was not well cut, he disabled my judgment: This is call’d the Reply churlish. If again, it was not well cut, he would answer, I spake not true: This is call’d the Reproof valiant. If again, it was not well cut, he would say, I lie: This is called the Countercheck quarrelsome: and so to the Lie circumstantial, and the Lie direct.
Jaq. And how oft did you say, his beard was not well cut?
Touch. I durst go no further than the Lie circumstantial, nor he durst not give me the Lie direct; and so we measured swords, and parted.
Jaq. Can you nominate in order now the degrees of the lie?
Touch. O sir, we quarrel in print, by the book; as you have books for good manners: I will name you the degrees. The first, the Retort courteous; the second, the Quip modest; the third, the Reply churlish; the fourth, the Reproof valiant; the fifth, the Countercheck quarrelsome; the sixth, the Lie with circumstance; the seventh, the Lie direct. All these you may avoid, but the Lie direct; and you may avoid that too, with an If. I knew when seven justices could not take up a quarrel; but when the parties were met themselves, one of them thought but of an If, as, If you said so, then I said so; and they shook hands, and swore brothers. Your If is the only peace-maker; much virtue in If.
Jaq. Is not this a rare fellow, my lord ? he's as good at any thing, and yet a fool.
Duke S. He uses his folly like a stalking-horse, and under the presentation of that, he shoots his wit.
Enter Hymen, leading Rosalind in woman's clothes;
Hym. Then is there mirth in heaven,
When earthly things made even
Yea, brought her hither;
Ros. To you I give myself, for I am yours.
[To Duke S. To you I give myself, for I am yours.
[To Orlando. Duke S. If there be truth in sight, you are my
daughter. Orl. If there be truth in sight, you are my Ro
[To Duke S. I'll have no husband, if you be not he:
[To Orlando. Nor ne'er wed woman, if you be not she. [To Phebe. Hym. Peace, ho! I bar confusion:
'Tis I must make conclusion
Of these most strange events:
If truth holds true contents.
[To Orlando and Rosalind. You and you are heart in heart:
[To Oliver and Celia.
[To Touchstone and Audrey.
Wedding is great Juno's crown;
O blessed bond of board and bed!
High wedlock then be honoured:
Duke S. O my dear niece, welcome thou art to
me; Even daughter, welcome in no less degree.
Phe. I will not eat my word, now thou art mine; Thy faith my fancy to thee doth combine.
Enter Jaques de Bois.
Welcome, young man; Thou offer'st fairly to thy brothers' wedding: To one, his lands with-held; and to the other, A land itself at large, a potent dukedom. First, in this forest, let us do those ends That here were well begun, and well begot: And after, every of this happy number, That have endur'd shrewd days and nights with us, Shall share the good of our returned fortune, According to the measure of their states.