Houses; from whence it is to hoped much Profit and Gain will alfo accrue to our Society.

CHA P. XIV.

How to make Dedications, Panegyricks, or Satires, and of the Colours of Honourable and Dishonourable.

NOW of what neceffity the foregoing Project may prove, will appear from this fingle confideration, that nothing is of equal confequence to the fuccefs of our Works, as Speed and Dispatch. Great pity it is, that

folid brains are not, like other folid bodies, conftantly endowed with a velocity in finking, proportioned to their heavinefs: For it is with the flowers of the Bathos as with those of Nature, which, if the careful gardener brings not haftily to market in the Morning, muft unprofitably perish and wither before Night. And of all our Productions none is fo fhort lived as the Dedication and Panegyric, which are often but the Praise of a Day, and become by the next utterly useless, improper, indecent, and falfe. This is the more to be lamented, inafmuch as these two are the forts whereon in a manner depends that Profit, which muft ftill be remembered to be the main end of our Writers and Speakers.

We shall therefore employ this chapter in fhewing the quickeft method of compofing them; after which we will teach a short way to Epic Poetry. And thefe being confeffedly the works of moft Importance and Difficulty, it is prefumed we may leave the reft to each author's own learning or practice.

First of Panegyric. Every man is honourable, who is so by Law, Cuftom, or Title. The Public are better judges of what is honourable than private Men. The Virtues of great Men, like thofe of Plants, are inherent in them whether they are exerted or not; and the more strongly inherent,

inherent, the lefs they are exerted; as a man is the more rich, the lefs he fpends. All great Minifters, without either private or œconomical Virtue, are virtuous by their Pofts, liberal and generous upon the Publick Money, provident upon Publick Supplies, juft by paying Public Intereft, couragious and magnanimous by the Fleets and Armies, magnificent upon the Public Expences, and prudent by Public Success. They have by their Office a right to a fhare of the Publick Stock of Virtues; befides they are by Prescription immemorial invested in all the celebrated virtues of their Predeceffors in the fame ftations, especially those of their own Ancestors.

As to what are commonly called the Colours of Honourable and Dishonourable, they are various in different Countries In this they are, Blue, Green, and Red.

But forafmuch as the duty we owe to the Publick doth often require that we should put fome things in a ftrong light, and throw a fhade over others, I shall explain the method of turning a vicious Man into a Hero.

The firft and chief rule is the Golden Rule of Transfor mation, which confifts in converting Vices into their bordering Virtues. A Man who is a Spendthrift, and will not pay a juft Debt, may have his Injuftice transformed into Liberality; Cowardice may be metamorphofed into Prudence; Intemperance into Good nature and Goodfellowship; Corruption into Patriotifm; and Lewdness into Tendernels and Facility.

The fecond is the Rule of Contraries: It is certain, the lefs a Man is endued with any Virtue, the more need he has to have it plentifully bestowed, especially those good qualities of which the world generally believes he hath none at all: For who will thank a Man for giving him that which he has ?

The Reverse of these Precepts will ferve for Satire, wherein we are ever to remark, that whofo lofeth his place, or becomes out of favour with the Government, hath forfeited his fhare in public Praife and Honour

There

Therefore the truly public-fpirited writer ought in duty to strip him whom the government hath ftripped; which is the real poetical Justice of thisage. For a full collection of Topicks and Epithets to be used in the Praise and Difpraife of Ministerial and Unminifterial Perfons, I refer to our Rhetorical Cabinet; concluding with an earnest exhortation to all my brethren, to obferve the Precepts here laid down, the neglect of which hath coft some of them their Ears in a Piliory.

CHA P. XV...

A Receipt to make an Epic Poem.

AN Epic Poem, the Critics agree, is the greatest work human nature is capable of. They have already laid down many mechanical rules for compofitions of this fort, but at the fame time they cut off almost all undertakers from the poffibility of ever performing them; for the firft qualification they unanimoufly require in a Poet, is a Genius. I fhall here endeavour (for the benefit of my countrymen) to make it manifeft, that Epic Poems may be made without a Genius, nay without Learning or much Reading. This must neceffarily be of great ufe to all those who confefs they never Read, and of whom the world is convinced they never Learn. Moliere obferves of making a dinner, that any man can do it with Money, and if a profeffed Cook cannot do it without, he has his Art for nothing; the fame may be faid of making a Poem, 'tis easily brought about by him that has a Genius, but the kill lies in doing it without one. In pursuance of this end I fhall present the reader with a plain and certain Recipe, by which any author in the Bathos may be qualified for this grand performance.

For

For the FABLE.

Take out of any old Poem, Hiftory book, Romance, or Legend (for inftance, Geoffry of Monniouth, or Don Be lianis of Greece) thofe parts of ftory which afford most fcope for long Descriptions: Put thefe pieces together, and throw all the adventures you fancy into one Tale. Then take a Hero, whom you may chufe for the found of his name, and put him into the midst of these adventures: There let him work for twelve books; at the end of which you may take him out, ready prepared to conquer or to marry; it being neceffary that the conclufion of an Epic Poem be fortunate.

To make an EPISODE.

Take any remaining adventure of your former collection, in which you could no way involve your Hero; or any unfortunate accident that was too good to be thrown away; and it will be of use, applied to any other perfon, who may be loft and evaporate in the course of the work, without the leaft damage to the compofition.

For the MORAL and ALLEGORY.

These you may extract out of the Fable afterwards, at your leifure: Be fure you ftrain them fufficiently.

For the MANNERS.

For those of the Hero, take all the beft qualities you can find in the most celebrated Heroes of antiquity: if they will not be reduced to a Confiftency, lay them all on a heap upon him. But be fure they are qualities which your Patron would be thought to have; and to prevent any mistake which the world may be fubject to, felect from the alphabet those capital letters that compofe his name, and fet them at the head of a Dedication before your Poem. However, do not abfolutely obferve the exact quantity of these Virtues, it not being determined whether or no it be necessary for the Hero of a Poem to

be

be an honeft Man. For the Under-Characters, gather them from Homer and Virgil, and change the names as occafion ferves.

For the MACHINES.

Take of Deities," male and female, as many as you can ufe: Separate them into two equal parts, and keep Jupiter in the middle: Let Juno put him in a ferment, and Venus mollify him. Remember on all occafions to make use of volatile Mercury. If you have need of Devils, draw them out of Milton's Paradise, and extract your Spirits from Taffo. The use of these Machines is evident; fince no Epic Poem can poffibly subfift without them, the wifeft way is to reserve them for your greatest neceffities: When you cannot extricate your Hero by any human means, or yourself by your own wit, feek relief from Heaven, and the Gods will do your business very readily. This is according to the direct Prefcription of Horace in his Art of Poetry,

Nec Deus interfit, nifi dignus vindice Nodus

Inciderit

That is to fay, A Poet should never call upon the Gods for their Affifiance, but when he is in great perplexity.

For the DESCRIPTIONS.

For a Tempeft.

Take Eurus, Zephyr, Aufter, and Boreas, and caft them together in one verse: add to these of Rain, Lightning, and Thunder (the loudeft you can) quantum fufficit, mix your Clouds and Billows well together till they foam, and thicken your Description here and there with a Quickfand. Brew your Tempeft well in your head, before you set it a blowing.

For a Battle. Pick a large quantity of Images and Defcriptions from Homer's Iliad, with a fpice or two of Virgil, and if there remain any overplus, you may lay them by for a Skirmish. Seafon it well with Similes, and. it will make an excellent Batue.