"Where they encamp, and in their station stand, Of two Armies on the Point of engaging. *«Yon' armies are the Cards which both must play; At least come off a Saver if you may : "Throw boldly at the Sum the Gods have set; "Thefe on your fide with all their fortunes bet." All perfectly agreeable to the present Customs and best Fashions of our Metropolis. But the principal branch of the Alamode is the PRURIENT, a Style greatly advanced and honoured of late by the practice of perfons of the first Quality; and by the encouragement of the Ladies, not unfuccefsfully introduced even into the Drawing-room. Indeed its incredible Progrefs and Conquefts may be compared to those of the great Sefoftris, and are every where known by the fame Marks, the images of the genital parts of men or It confifts wholly of metaphors drawn from two moft fruitful fources or fprings, the very Bathos of the human body, that is to fay, * * * and * * * Hiatus magnus lachrymabilis. women. ************* * * * * * * * * * * And felling of Bargains and double Entendre, and K.Cefopes and 'oxsqadios, all derived from the faid fources. 4. The FINICAL Style, which confifts of the most curious, affected, mincing metaphors, and partakes of the alamode, As this, of a brook dry'd by the Sun. + "Won by the fummer's importuning ray, "When watchful Death fhall on his harveft look, } Lee, Sophon, Blackm. Job, p. 16. I + Ibid. p. 23. He'll "He'll gently cut thy bending Stalk, and thee "Lay kindly in the Grave, his Granary.” Of Trees in a Storm. "Oaks whofe extended arms the winds defy, "The tempeft fees their strength, and fighs, and passes by." Of Water fimmering over the Fire. "The sparkling flames raise water to a Smile, "Yet the pleas'd liquor pines, and leffens all the while." 5. LASTLY, I fhall place the CUMBROUS, which moves heavily under a load of metaphors, and draws after it a long train of words. And the BUSKIN, or Stately, frequently and with great felicity mixed with the former. For as the first is the proper engine to deprefs what is high, fo is the second to raise what is base and low to a ridiculous Vifibility: When both these can be done at once, then is the Bathos in perfection; as when a man is fet with his head downward, and his breech upright, his degradation is complete: One end of him as high as ever, only that end is the wrong one. Will not every true lover of the Profound be delighted to behold the moft vulgar and low actions of life exalted in the following manner? Who knocks at the Door? "For whom thus rudely pleads my loud-tongu'd gate, "That he may enter ?". See who there? "Advance the fringed curtains of thy eyes, "And tell me who comes yonder. Shut the Door. "The wooden guardian of our privacy "Quick on its axle turn." * Denn. † Anos. Tonf. Mifc. Part vi. p. 224. Temp. Bring Bring my Cloaths. "Bring me what Nature, taylor to the Bear, "To Man himself deny'd: She gave me cold, "But would not give me Cloaths." Light the Fire. "Bring forth fome remnant of Promethean theft, "Quick to expand th' inclement air congeal'd "By Boreas' rude breath." Snuff the Candle. "Yon' Luminary amputation needs, Open the Letter. *Wax render up thy truft."— Uncork the Bottle, and chip the Bread. "Apply thine engine to the spungy door, CHAP. XIII. A Project for the Advancement of the Bathos. THUS 'HUS have I (my dear Countrymen) with incredible pains and diligence, difcovered the hidden fources of the Bathos, or, as I may fay, broke open the Abyffes of this Great Deep. And having now established good and wholesome Laws, what remains but that all true moderns, with their utmost might, do proceed to put the fame in execution? In order whereto, I think I shall, in the second place, highly deferve of my Country, by propofing fuch a Scheme, as may facilitate this great end. Theob. Double Falfhood. A As our number is confeffedly far fuperior to that of the enemy, there seems nothing wanting but Unanimity among ourselves. It is therefore humbly offered, that all and every individual of the Bathos do enter into a firm affociation, and incorporate into One regular Body, whereof every member, even the meaneft, will fome way contribute to the fupport of the whole ? in like manner, as the weakeft reeds, when joined in one bundle, become infrangible. To which end our Art ought to be put upon the fame foot with other Arts of this Age. The vaft improvement of modern manufactures arifeth from their being divided into feveral branches, and parcelled out to feveral trades: For inftance, in Clock-making one artift makes the balance, another the fpring, another the crown-wheels, a fourth the cafe, and the principal workman puts all together: To this economy we owe the perfection of our modern watches, and doubtlefs we also might that of our modern Poetry and Rhetorick, were the feveral parts branched out in the like manner. Nothing is more evident than that divers perfons, no other way remarkable, have each a ftrong difpofition to the formation of fome particular Trope or Figure. Ariftotle faith, that the Hyperbole is an ornament fit for young Men of Quality; accordingly we find in thofe Gentlemen a wonderful propensity towards it, which is marvellously improved by Travelling: Soldiers alfo and Seamen are very happy in the fame Figure. The Periphrafis or Circumlocution is the peculiar talent of Country Farmers; the Proverb and Apologue of old men at their clubs; the Ellipfis or Speech by half words of Ministers and Politicians, the Apofiopefis of Courtiers, the Litotes or Diminution, of Ladies, Whisperers and Backbiters, and the Anadiplofis of common Criers and Hawkers, who, by redoubling the fame words, perfuade people to buy their oyfters, green haftings, or new ballads. Epithets may be found in great plenty at Billingsgate, Sarcafm and Irony learned upon the Water, and the Epiphonema or ExclamaZ 2 tion tion frequently from the Bear-garden, and as frequently from the Hear him of the Houfe of Commons. Now each man applying his whole time and genius upon his particular Figure, would doubtless attain to perfection; and when each became incorporated and fworn into the Society (as hath been proposed) a Poet or Orator would have no more to do but to send to the particular Traders in each Kind, to the Metaphorift for his Allegories, to the Simile-maker for his Comparisons, to the Ironist for his Sarcafms, to the Apothegmatist for his Sentences, etc. whereby a Dedication or Speech would be composed in a moment, the fuperior artist having nothing to do but to put together all the Materials. I therefore propose that there be contrived with all convenient dispatch, at the public expence, a Rhetorical Cheft of Drawers, confifting of three Stories, the highest for the Deliberative, the middle for the Demonftrative, and the loweft for the Judicial. Thefe fhall be fubdived into Loci or Places, being repofitories for Matter and Argument in the feveral kinds of oration or writing; and every drawer fhall again be fubdivided into Cells, refembling those of Cabinets for Rarities. The apartment for Peace or War, and that of the Liberty of the Prefs, may in a very few days be filled with feveral arguments perfectly new; and the Vituperative Partition will as eafily be replenished with a most choice collection, entirely of the growth and manufacture of the present age. Every compofer will foon be taught the ufe of this Cabinet, and how to manage all the Regifters of it, which will be drawn out much in the manner of those in an Organ. The Keys of it must be kept in honeft hands, by fome Reverend Prelate or Valiant Officer, of unquestionable Loyalty and Affection to every prefent Eftablishment in Church and State; which will fufficiently guard against any mifchief which might otherwife be apprehended from it. And being lodged in fuch hands, it may be at difcretion let out by the Day, to feveral great Orators in both Houses; |