Abbildungen der Seite
PDF
EPUB

he begot that monstrous infant of which I have been here speaking. I shall set down at length the genealogical table of False Humour, and, at the same time, place under it the genealogy of True Humour, that the reader may at one view behold their different pedigrees and relations.

FALSEHOOD.
NONSENSE.
FRENZY.LAUGHTER.

FALSE HUMOUR.

TRUTH.

GOOD SENSE.

WIT. MIRTH.

HUMOUR.

I might extend the allegory, by mentioning several of the children of False Humour, who are more in number than the sands of the sea, and might in particular enumerate the many sons and daughters which he has begot in this island. But as this would be a very invidious task, I shall only observe in general, that False Humour differs from the True, as a monkey does from a man.

First of all, He is exceeding given to little apish tricks and buffooneries.

Secondly, He so much delights in mimickry, that it is all one to him whether he exposes by it vice and folly, luxury and avarice; or, on the contrary, virtue and wisdom, pain and poverty.

Thirdly, He is wonderfully unlucky, insomuch, that he will bite the hand that feeds him, and endeavour to ridicule both friends and foes indifferently. For, having but small talents, he must be merry where he can, not where he should.

VOL. I.

Fourthly, Being entirely void of reason, he pursues no point either of morality or instruction, but is ludierous only for the sake of being so.

Fifthly, Being incapable of any thing but mock-representations, his ridicule is always personal, and aimed at the vicious man, or the writer; not at the vice, or at the writing.

I have here only pointed at the whole species of false humourists; but as one of my principal designs in this paper is to beat down that malignant spirit, which discovers itself in the writings of the present age, I shall not scruple, for the future, to single out any of the small wits that infest the world with such compositions as are ill-natured, immoral, and absurd. This is the only exception which I shall make to the general rule I have prescribed myself, of attacking multitudes: since every honest man ought to look upon himself as in a natural state of war with the libeller and lainpooner, and to annoy them wherever they fall in his way. This is but retaliating upon them, and treating them as they treat others.

C.

No. XXXVI. WEDNESDAY, APRIL 11.

Immania monstra

Perferimus.

Things the most out of nature we endure.

VIRG.

I SHALL not put myself to any farther pains for this day's entertainment, than barely to publish the letters and titles of petitions from the play-house, with the minutes I have made upon the latter for my conduct in relation to them.

Drury-Lane, April the 9th.

'UPON reading the project which is set forth in " one of your late papers, of making an alliance be'tween all the bulls, bears, elephants, and lions, which ' are separately exposed to public view in the cities ' of London and Westminster; together with the o'ther wonders, shows, and monsters, whereof you 'made respective mention in the said speculation; 'We, the chief actors of this play-house, met and sat upon the said design. It is with great delight, that we expect the execution of this work; and in order 'to contribute to it, we have given warning to all our 'ghosts to get their livelihoods where they can, and 'not to appear among us after day-break of the 16th 'instant. We are resolved to take this opportunity 'to part with every thing which does not contribute 'to the representation of human life; and shall make " a free gift of all animated utensils to your projector, 'The hangings you formerly mentioned are run away, 6 as are likewise a set of chairs, each of which was met upon two legs going through the Rose tavern at two this morning. We hope, Sir, you will give 6 proper notice to the town that we are endeavouring

[ocr errors]

6

' at these regulations; and that we intend for the future to shew no monsters, but men who are converted into such by their own industry and affectation. 'If you will please to be at the house to-night, you will see me do my endeavour to shew some unnatural appearances which are in vogue among the polite and well-bred. I am to represent, in the character ' of a fine lady dancing, all the distortions which are 'frequently taken for graces in mien and gesture. This, Sir, is a specimen of the method we shall 'take to expose the monsters which come within the notice of a regular theatre; and we desire nothing more gross may be admitted by your spectators for the future. We have cashiered three companies of theatrical guards, and design our kings shall for the ⚫ future make love, and sit in council, without an ar6 my; and wait only your directions whether you will ' have them reinforce King Porus, or join the troops of Macedon. Mr. Penkethman resolves to consult his Pantheon of heathen gods in opposition to the 'oracle of Delphos, and doubts not but he shall turn the fortunes of Porus when he personates him. I am desired by the company to inform you, that they submit it to your censures; and shall have you in greater veneration than Hercules was in of old, if you can drive monsters from the theatre; and think your merit will be as much greater than his, as to • convince is more than to conquer.

[ocr errors]

'I am, Sir,

Your most obedient servant,

'T. D.'

SIR,

WHEN I acquaint you with the great and unexpected vicissitudes of my fortune, I doubt not but I shall obtain your pity and favour. I have for many years last past, been thunderer to the play house;

' and have not only made as much noise out of the ' clouds as any predecessor of mine in the theatre that ' ever bore that character, but also have descended ' and spoke on the stage as the bold thunder in the Rehearsal. When they got me down thus low, they • thought fit to degrade me further, and make me a ( ghost. I was contented with this for these two last 'winters; but they carry their tyranny still further, ⚫ and not satisfied that I am banished from above ground, they have given me to understand, that I am wholly to depart from their dominions, and ta'ken from me even my subterraneous employment. "Now, Sir, what I desire of you is, that if your under'taker thinks fit to use fire-arms, as other authors have done, in the time of Alexander, I may be a 6 cannon against Porus, or else provide for me in the burning of Persepolis, or what other method you. "shall think fit.

'SALMONEUS, of Covent-Garden.

The petition of all the devils of the play-house in behalf of themselves and families, setting forth their expulsion from thence, with certificates of their good life and conversation, and praying relief.

The merit of this petition referred to Mr. Chr. Rich. who made them devils..

The petition of the grave-digger in Hamlet, to command the pioneers in the expedition of Alexander.

Granted.

The petition of William Bullock, to be Hephestion to Penkethman the Great.

'ADVERTISEMENT.

Granted.

A widow gentlewoman, well born both by father and mother's side, being the daughter of Thomas

« ZurückWeiter »