ACT III. SCENE I-Milan. An Ante-room in the Duke's Palace. Enter DUKE, THURIO, and PROTEUS. Duke. Sir Thurio, give us leave, I pray, awhile; We have some secrets to confer about. [Exit THURIO. Now, tell me, Proteus, what's your will with me? Pro. My gracious lord, that which I would dis cover, The law of friendship bids me to conceal: Which else no worldly good should draw from me. Pro. Adieu, my lord; sir Valentine is coming. Enter VALENTINE. [Exit. Duke. Nay, then, no matter; stay with me awhile; I am to break with thee of some affairs, That touch me near, wherein thou must be secret. "Tis not unknown to thee, that I have sought To match my friend, sir Thurio, to my daughter. Val. I know it well, my lord; and, sure, the match Were rich and honorable; besides, the gentleman Is full of virtue, bounty, worth, and qualities Beseeming such a wife as your fair daughter: Cannot your grace win her to fancy him? Duke. No, trust me; she is peevish, sullen, froward, Proud, disobedient, stubborn, lacking duty; Val. Win her with gifts, if she respect not words; contents her: Send her another; never give her o'er; Val. Why then I would resort to her by night. That no man hath recourse to her by night. Val. Why then, a ladder, quaintly made of cords, Duke. Now, as thou art a gentleman of blood, Advise me where I may have such a ladder. Duke. This very night; for love is like a child, That longs for everything that he can come by. Val. By seven o'clock I'll get you such a ladder. Duke. But, hark thee; I will go to her alone; How shall I best convey the ladder thither? Val. It will be light, my lord, that you may bear it Under a cloak, that is of any length. Duke. A cloak as long as thine will serve the turn? Then let me see thy cloak; I'll get me one of such another length. I Val. Why, any cloak will serve the turn, my lord. Duke. How shall I fashion me to wear a cloak? pray thee, let me feel thy cloak upon me.What letter is this same? What's here?-To Silvia. And here an engine fit for my proceeding! I'll be so bold to break the seal for once. [Reads. My thoughts do harbor with my Silvia nightly; And slaves they are to me, that send them flying: O, could their master come and go as lightly, Himself would lodge where senseless they are lying. My herald thoughts in thy pure bosom rest them; While I, their king, that thither them importune, Do curse the grace that with such grace hath blessed them, Because myself do want my servant's fortune: I curse myself, for they are sent by me, That they should harbor where their lord should be. What's here? Silvia, this night I will enfranchise thee: "Tis so; and here's the ladder for the purpose.- Thank me for this, more than for all the favors, Will give thee time to leave our royal court, To die, is to be banish'd from myself; Enter PROTEUS and LAUNCE. Val. No Valentine, if Silvia have forsworn me!What is your news? Laun. Sir, there's a proclamation that you are vanish'd. Pro. That thou art banished, O, that's the news; From hence, from Silvia, and from me thy friend. Val. O, I have fed upon this woe already, And now excess of it will make me surfeit. Doth Silvia know that I am banished? Pro. Ay, ay; and she hath offered to the doom, (Which, unrevers'd, stands in effectual force,) A sea of melting pearl, which some call tears: Those at her father's churlish feet she tender'd; With them, upon her knees, her humble self; Wringing her hands, whose whiteness so became them, As if but now they waxed pale for woe: Val. No more; unless the next word that thou speak'st Have some malignant power upon my life: Pro. Cease to lament for that thou canst not help, Of all that may concern thy love affairs: Val. I pray thee, Launce, an if thou seest my boy, Bid him make haste, and meet me at the north gate. Pro. Go, sirrah, find him out. Come, Valentine. Val. O my dear Silvia! hapless Valentine! [Exeunt VALENTINE and PROTEUS. Laun. I am but a fool, look you; and yet I have the wit to think my master is a kind of a knave: but that's all one, if he be but one knave. He lives not now, that knows me to be in love: yet I am in love; but a team of horse shall not pluck that from me; nor who 'tis I love, and yet 'tis a woman: but what woman, I will not tell myself; and yet 'tis a milk-maid: yet 'tis not a maid, for she hath had gossips: yet 'tis a maid, for she is her master's maid, and serves for wages. She hath more qualities than a water spaniel,-which is much in a bare Christian. Here is the cat-log [pulling out a paper] of her conditions. Imprimis, She can fetch and carry. Why, a horse can do no more; nay, a horse cannot fetch, but only carry; therefore, is she better than a jade. Item, She can milk; look you, a sweet virtue in a maid with clean hands. Enter SPEED. Speed. How now, signior Launce? what news with your mastership? Laun. With my master's ship? why, it is at sea. Speed. Well, your old vice still; mistake the word: What news then in your paper? : Laun. The blackest news, that ever thou heard'st. Speed. Why, man, how black? Laun. Why, as black as ink. Speed. Let me read them. Laun. Fie on thee, jolt-head; thou canst not read. Speed. Thou liest, I can. Laun. I will try thee; tell me this: who begot thee? Speed. Marry, the son of my grandfather. Laun. O illiterate loiterer! it was the son of thy grandmother: this proves, that thou canst not read. Speed. Come, fool, come; try me in thy paper. Laun. And thereof comes the proverb,-Blessing of your heart, you brew good ale. Speed. Item, She can sew. Laun. That's as much as to say, Can she so? Speed. Item, She can knit. Laun. What need a man care for a stock with a wench, when she can knit him a stock? Speed. Item, She can wash and scour. Speed. Item, She hath a sweet mouth. Laun. Shat makes amends for her sour breath. Speed. Item, She doth talk in her sleep. Laun. It's no matter for that, so she sleep not in her talk. Speed. Item, She is slow in words. Laun. O villain, that set this down among her vices! To be slow in words, is a woman's only virtue: I pray thee, out with 't; and place it for her chief virtue. Speed. Item, She is proud. Laun. Out with that too; it was Eve's legacy, and cannot be ta'en from her. Speed. Item, She hath no teeth. Laun. I care not for that neither, because I love crusts. Speed. Item, She is curst.3 Laun. Well; the best is, she hath no teeth to bite. Speed. Item, She will often praise her liquor. Laun. If her liquor be good, she shall: if she will not, I will; for good things should be praised. Speed. Item, She is too liberal.: Laun. Of her tongue she cannot; for that's writ down she is slow of; of her purse she shall not; for that I'll keep shut: now, of another thing she and that I cannot help. Well, proceed. may, Speed. Item, She hath more hair than wit, and more faults than hairs, and more wealth than faults. Laun. Stop there; I'll have her: she was mine, and not mine, twice or thrice in that last article: rehearse that once more. Speed. Item, She hath more hair than wit, Laun. More hair than wit,-it may be; I'll prove it: the cover of the salt hides the salt, and therefore it is more than the salt; the hair that covers the wit, is more than the wit; for the greater hides the less. What's next? Speed. And more faults than hairs,— Laun. That's monstrous: O, that that were out! Speed. And more wealth than faults. Laun. Why, that word makes the faults gracious: Well, I'll have her; and if it be a match, as nothing is impossible, Speed. What then? Laun. Why, then I will tell thee, that thy master stays for thee at the north gate. Speed. For me? Laun. For thee? ay; who art thou? he hath staid for a better man than thee. Speed. And must I go to him? Laun. Thou must run to him, for thou hast staid so long, that going will scarce serve the turn. Speed. Why didst not tell me sooner? 'pox of your love-letters! [Exit. Laun. Now will he be swinged for reading my letter: An unmannerly slave, that will thrust him Laun. A special virtue; for then she need not self into secrets!-I'll after, to rejoice in the boy's be washed and scoured. correction. Speed. Item. She can spin. Exit. Laun. Then may I set the world on wheels SCENE II.-The same. A Room in the Duke's when she can spin for her living. Speed. Item, She hath many nameless virtues. Laun. That's as much as to say, bastard virtues; that, indeed, know not their fathers, and therefore have no names. Speed. Here follow her vices. Laun. Close at the heels of her virtues. Speed. Item, She is not to be kissed fasting, in respect of her breath. Laun. Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfast: read on. St. Nicholas presided over young scholars. Palace. Dissolves to water and doth lose his form. Pro. Gone, my good lord. Duke. My daughter takes his going grievously. Pro. Longer than I prove loyal to your grace, Duke. Thou know'st how willingly I would effect The match between Sir Thurio and my daughter. Pro. I do, my lord. Which must be done, by praising me as much Duke. And, Proteus, we dare trust you in this Because we know, on Valentine's report, Pro. As much as I can do, I will effect:- Pro. She did, my lord, when Valentine was here. Pro. The best way is to slander Valentine Therefore it must, with circumstance, be spoken Pro. And that, my lord, I shall be loth to do: Duke. Where your good word cannot advantage him, Your slander never can endamage him; Therefore the office is indifferent, Being entreated to it by your friend. Duke. Ay, much the force of heaven-bred poesy. Visit by night your lady's chamber-window ance. This, or else nothing, will inherit her. Duke. This discipline shows thou hast been in Thu. And thy advice this night I'll put in practice. Pro. You have prevail'd, my lord: if I can do it, To sort some gentlemen well skill'd in music: By aught that I can speak in his dispraise, She shall not long continue love to him. Thu. Therefore, as you unwind her love from him, I have a sonnet, that will serve the turn, Pro. We'll wait upon your grace till after supper: Val. I was, and held me glad of such a doom. 1 Out. Have you the tongues?' Val. My youthful travel therein made me happy; Or else I often had been miserable. 3 Out. By the bare scalp of Robin Hood's fat friar, This fellow were a king for our wild faction. 2 Out. We'll have him: sirs, a word. It is an honorable kind of thievery. Enter THURIO and Musicians. Thu. How now, sir Proteus, are you crept before us? Pro. Ay, gentle Thurio; for you know, that love Thu. Ay, but I hope, sir, that you love not here. Pro. Ay, Silvia, for your sake. Thu. I thank you for your own. Now, gentlemen, 2 Out. Tell us this: Have you any thing to take Let's tune, and to it lustily a while. to? Val. Nothing, but my fortune. 3 Out. Know then, that some of us are gentlemen, Such as the fury of ungoverned youth An heir, and near allied unto the duke. 2 Out. And I from Mantua, for a gentleman, Whom, in my mood,' I stabb'd unto the heart. 1 Out. And I, for such like petty crimes as these. But to the purpose,-(for we cite our faults, That they may hold excus'd our lawless lives,) And, partly, seeing you are beautified With goodly shape; and by your own report A linguist; and a man of such perfection, As we do in our quality much want; 2 Out. Indeed, because you are a banish'd man, Therefore, above the rest, we parley to you: Are you content to be our general? To make a virtue of necessity, And live, as we do, in this wilderness? 3 Out. What say'st thou wilt thou be of our consort? Say, ay, and be the captain of us all: 1 Out. But if thou scorn our courtesy, thou diest. 2 Out. Thou shalt not live to brag what we have offer'd. Val. I take your offer, and will live with you; Provided that you do no outrages On silly women, or poor passengers. 3 Out. No, we detest such vile base practices. Come, go with us, we'll bring thee to our crews, And show thee all the treasure we have got; Which, with ourselves, all rest at thy dispose. [Exeunt. SCENE II.-Milan. Court of the Palace. Enter PROTEUS. Pro. Already have I been false to Valentine, She twits me with my falsehood to my friend: Who is Silvia? What is she? That all our swains commend her? The heavens such grace did lend her, Is she kind, as she is fair? For beauty lives with kindness: That Silvia is excelling; Upon the dull earth dwelling; Host. How now? are you sadder than you were before? How do you, man? the music likes you not. Jul. You mistake; the musician likes me not. Host. Why, my pretty youth? Jul. He plays false, father. Host. How out of tune on the strings? Jul. Not so; but yet so false that he grieves my very heart-strings. Host. You have a quick ear. Jul. Ay, I would I were deaf! it makes me have a slow heart. Host. I perceive you delight not in music. Host. Hark, what fine change is in the music! Jul. I would always have one play but one thing. But, host, doth this sir Proteus, that we talk on, often resort unto this gentlewoman? Host. I tell you what Launce, his man, told me, he loved her out of all nick.* Jul. Where is Launce? Host. Gone to seek his dog; which, to-morrow, by his master's command, he must carry for a present to his lady. Beyond all reckoning. |