mean by his pickle? Why does he not write it at length, if he means honestly?' 'I have read over the whole sentence,' says I; 'but I look upon the parenthesis in the belly of it to be the most dangerous part, and as full of insinuations as it can hold. But who,' says I, 'is my Lady Q-p-t-s?' 'Ay, answer that if you can, Sir,' says the furious statesman to the poor Whig that sat over against him. But without giving him time to reply, 'I do assure you,' says he, ' were I my Lady Q-p-t-s, I would sue him for scandalum magnatum. What is the world come to? Must 10 every body be allowed to?' He had by this time filled a new pipe, and applying it to his lips, when we expected the last words of his sentence, put us off with a whiff of tobacco; which he redoubled with so much rage and trepidation that he almost stifled the whole company. After a short pause, I owned that I thought the Spectator had gone too far in writing so many letters of my Lady Q-p-t-s's name: 'But however,' says I, 'he has made a little amends for it in his next sentence, where he leaves a blank space without so much as a consonant to direct us. I mean,' says I, 'after those words, "the fleet that used to be the 20 terror of the ocean, should be wind-bound for the sake of a

-”; after which ensues a chasm, that in my opinion looks modest enough.' 'Sir,' says my antagonist, you may easily know his meaning by his gaping; I suppose he designs his chasm, as you call it, for an hole to creep out at; but I believe it will hardly serve his turn. Who can endure to see the great officers of state, the B-ys and T. ―ts treated after so scurrilous a manner?' 'I can't imagine,' says I, 'who they are the Spectator means.' 'No?' says he,—' your humble servant, Sir !' Upon which he flung himself back in his chair after a con30 temptuous manner, and smiled upon the old lethargic gentleman on his left hand, who, I found, was his great admirer. The Whig however had begun to conceive a good will towards me, and, seeing my pipe out, very generously offered me the use of his box; but I declined it with great civility, being obliged to meet a friend about that time in another quarter of the city,

At my leaving the coffee-house, I could not forbear reflecting with myself upon that gross tribe of fools who may be termed the over-wise, and upon the difficulty of writing any thing in this censorious age, which a weak head may not construe into private 40 satire and personal reflexion.

WHOLE DUTY OF MAN.

315

A man who has a good nose at an innuendo, smells treason and sedition in the most innocent words that can be put together, and never sees a vice or folly stigmatized, but finds out one or other of his acquaintance pointed at by the writer. I remember an empty pragmatical fellow in the country who, upon reading over The Whole Duty of Man", had written the names of several persons in the village at the side of every sin which is mentioned by that excellent author; so that he had converted one of the best books in the world into a libel against the squire, churchIo wardens, overseers of the poor, and all other the most considerable persons in the parish. This book, with these extraordinary marginal notes, fell accidentally into the hands of one who had never seen it before: upon which there arose a current report that somebody had written a book against the squire, and the whole parish. The minister of the place having, at that time, a controversy with some of his congregation upon the account of his tythes, was under some suspicion of being the author, until the good man set his people right, by showing them that the satirical passages might be applied to several others of two or 20 three neighbouring villages, and that the book was writ against all the sinners in England.

VI.

CRITICAL PAPERS.

§ I. ON WIT, HUMOUR, AND TASTE.

No. 351. On True and False Humour.

Rifu inepto res ineptior nulla eft.-MART.

Among all kinds of Writing, there is none in which Authors are more apt to miscarry than in Works of Humour, as there is none in which they are more ambitious to excell. It is not an Imagination that teems with Monsters, an Head that is filled with extravagant Conceptions, which is capable of furnishing the World with Diversions of this nature; and yet if we look into the Productions of feveral Writers, who fet up for Men of Humour, what wild irregular Fancies, what unnatural Distortions of Thought, do we meet with? If they speak Nonsense, they believe they are 10 talking Humour; and when they have drawn together a Scheme of abfurd, inconfiftent Idea's, they are not able to read it over to themselves without laughing. These poor Gentlemen endeavour to gain themselves the Reputation of Wits and Humourists, by fuch monstrous Conceits as almost qualify them for Bedlam; not confidering that Humour should always lye under the Check of Reason, and that it requires the Direction of the nicest Judgment, by fo much the more as it indulges it felf in the most boundless Freedoms. There is a kind of Nature that is to be observed in this fort of Compofitions, as well as in all other, and a certain Regularity 20 of Thought that must discover the Writer to be a Man of Senfe, at the fame time that he appears altogether given up to Caprice: For my part, when I read the delirious Mirth of an unskilful

1 As we announced at the end of the Introduction, this number is printed exactly as it was issued in the original sheet, under date April 10th, 1711.

Author, I cannot be so barbarous as to divert my self with it, but am rather apt to pity the Man, than to laugh at any thing he writes.

The Deceas'd Mr. Shadwell, who had him self a great deal of the Talent, which I am treating of, represents an empty Rake, in one of his Plays", as very much surprized to hear one say that breaking of Windows was not Humour; and I question not but feveral English Readers will be as much startled to hear me affirm, that many of those raving incoherent Pieces, which are often 10 spread among us, under odd Chymerical Titles, are rather the Offsprings of a Distempered Brain, than Works of Humour.

It is indeed much easier to describe what is not Humour, than what is; and very difficult to define it otherwise than as Cowley has done Wit", by Negatives. Were I to give my own Notions of it, I would deliver them after Plato's manner, in a kind of Allegory, and by supposing Humour to be a Person, deduce to him all his Qualifications, according to the following Genealogy. TRUTH was the Founder of the Family, and the Father of GOOD SENSE. GOOD SENSE was the Father of WIT, who married a 20 Lady of a Collateral Line called MIRTH, by whom he had Iffue HUMOUR. HUMOUR therefore being the youngest of this Illuftrious Family, and descended from Parents of such different Dispofitions, is very various and unequal in his Temper; sometimes you see him putting on grave Looks and a folemn Habit, fometimes airy in his Behaviour and fantastick in his Dress: Infomuch that at different times he appears as ferious as a Judge, and as jocular as a Merry-Andrew. But as he has a great deal of the Mother in his Constitution, whatever Mood he is in, he never fails to make his Company laugh.

30

But fince there are feveral Impoftors abroad, who take upon them the Name of this young Gentleman, and would willingly pass for him in the World; to the end that well-meaning Persons may not be impofed upon by Counterfeits, I would defire my Readers, when they meet with any of these Pretenders, to look into his Parentage, and to examine him strictly, whether or no he be remotely allied to TRUTH, and lineally defcended from GOOD SENSE? if not, they may conclude him a Counterfeit. They may likewise distinguish him by a loud and excessive Laughter, in which he feldom gets his Company to join with him. For as TRUE HU40 MOUR generally looks serious, whilst every Body laughs that is

about him; FALSE HUMOUR is always laughing, whilft every Body about him looks ferious. I fhall only add, if he has not in him a Mixture of both Parents, that is, if he wou'd pass for the Offspring of WIT without MIRTH, or MIRTH without WIT, you may conclude him to be altogether Spurious, and a Cheat.

The Impoftor of whom I am speaking, defcends Originally from FALSEHOOD, who was the Mother of NONSENSE, who was brought to Bed of a Son called FRENZY, who Married one of the Daughters of FOLLY, commonly known by the Name of LAUGHTER, on 10 whom he begot that Monftrous Infant of which I have been here speaking. I shall fet down at length the Genealogical Table of FALSE HUMOUR, and, at the fame time, place under it the Genealogy of TRUE HUMOUR, that the Reader may at one View behold their different Pedigrees and Relations.

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30

FALSEHOOD.

NONSENSE.

FRENZY.-LAUGHTER.

FALSE HUMour.

TRUTH.

GOOD SENSE.

WIT. MIRTH.

HUMOUR.

I might extend the Allegory, by mentioning feveral of the Children of FALSE HUMOUR, who are more in Number than the Sands of the Sea, and might in particular enumerate the many Sons and Daughters which he has begot in this Ifland. But as this would be a very invidious Task, I fhall only observe in general, that FALSE HUMOUR differs from the TRUE, as a Monkey does from a Man.

Firft of all, He is exceedingly given to little Apish Tricks and Buffooneries.

Secondly, He fo much delights in Mimickry, that it is all one to him whether he exposes by it Vice and Folly, Luxury and Avarice; or, on the contrary, Virtue and Wisdom, Pain and Poverty.

Thirdly, He is wonderfully unlucky, infomuch that he will bite the Hand that feeds him, and endeavour to ridicule both Friends and Foes indifferently. For having but small Talents, he must be merry where he can, not where he should.

Fourthly, Being intirely void of Reason, he pursues no Point