N° 52. Monday, April 30, 1711. Omnes ut tecum meritis pro talibus annos To crown thy worth, fhe fhall be ever thine, A N ingenious correfpondent, like a fprightly wife, will always have the laft word. I did not think my last letter to the deformed fraternity would have occafioned any anfwer, efpecially fince I had promifed them fo fudden a vifit: but as they think they cannot shew too great a veneration for my perfon, they have already fent me up an anfwer. As to the propofal of a marriage between myfelf and the matchlefs Hecatifla, I have but one objection to it; which is, That all the fociety will expect to be acquainted with her; and who can be fure of keeping a woman's heart long, where she may have fo much choice? I am the more alarmed at this, because the lady feems particularly smitten with men of their make. I believe I fhall fet my heart think never the worfe of upon her; and my mistress for an epigram a smart fellow writ, as he thought, against her; it does but the more recommend her to At the fame time I cannot but difcover that his malice is ftolen from Martial. me. Talta Talta places, audita places, fi non videare Whilft in the dark on thy foft hand I hung, OUR letter to us we have received, as a YOUR letter fignal mark of your favour and brotherly affection. We fhall be heartily glad to see your fhort face in Oxford: and fince the wisdom of our legislature has been immortalized in your Speculations, and our perfonal deformities in fome fort by you recorded to all pofterity; we hold ourfelves in gratitude bound to re'ceive, with the highest refpect, all fuch perfons as for their extraordinary merit you fhall think fit, from time to time, to recommend unto the board. As for the Pictifh damfel, we have an eafy chair prepared at the upper end of the table; which we doubt not but the will grace 'with a very hideous afpect, and much better become the feat in the native and unaffected ⚫ uncomeliness of her perfon, than with all the fuperficial airs of the pencil, which (as you have very ingenioufly obferved) vanish with a 'breath, and the most innocent adorer may deface the fhrine with a falutation, and in the literal fenfe of our poets, fnatch and imprint his balmy kiffes, and devour her melting lips. In short, the only faces of the Pictish kind that ' will endure the weather muft be of Dr. Carbuncle's die; though his in truth, has coft him a world the painting; but then he boasts with Zeuxes, in eternitatem pingo; and oft jocofely tells the fair ones, would they acquire 'colours that would stand kiffing, they must no longer paint, but drink for a complexion: a maxim that in this our age has been pursued ' with no ill fuccefs; and has been as admirable in its effects, as the famous cofmetic mentioned in the Post-man, and invented by the re'nowned British Hippocrates of the peftle and mortar; making the party, after a due course, 'rofy, hale, and airy; and the best and most approved receipt now extant, for the fever of the fpirits. But to return to our female candidate, 'who I understand, is returned to herself, and ' will no longer hang out falfe colours; as she is the first of her fex that has done us fo great an 'honour, she will certainly, in a very short time, 'both in profe and verfe, be a'lady of the most 'celebrated deformity now living, and meet ' with many admirers here as frightful as herself. But being a long-headed gentlewoman, I am apt to imagine fhe has fome further design than you have yet penetrated; and perhaps has more mind to the SPECTATOR than any of his fraternity, as the perfon of all the world fhe could like for a paramour. And if fo, really I cannot but applaud her choice; and thould be glad, if it might lie in my power, to effect an amicable accommodation betwixt two faces of such different extremes, as the only poffible expe'dient to mend the breed, and rectify the phyfiognomy of the family on both fides. And < again, as fhe is a lady of a very fluent elocution, you need not fear that your child will be born dumb, which otherwise you might have some reason to be apprehenfive of. To be plain with you, I can fee nothing fhocking in it; for though fhe has not a face like a John Apple, yet as a late friend of mine, who at fixty-five ventured on a lafs of fifteen, very frequently, in the remaining five years of his life, gave me to understand, That as old as he then feemed, when they were first married he and his fpoufe could make but fourscore; fo may Madam Hecatiffa very juftly alledge hereafter, That as long-vifaged as the may then be thought, upon their wedding-day Mr. SPECTATOR and fhe had but half an ell of face betwixt them; and this my worthy predeceffor, Mr. Serjeant Chin, always maintained to be no more than the true oval proportion between < man and wife. But as this may be a new thing to you, who have hitherto had no expectations 'from women, I fhall allow you what time you 'think fit to confider on it; not without fome hope of feeing at last your thoughts hereupon fubjoined to mine, and which is an honour 'much defired by, SIR, "Your affured friend, and moft humble fervant, HUGH GOBLIN, Præfes.' ** Mr. Penkethman's wonderful invention called The Pantheon, a moft furprising and magnificent machine, the work of feveral years and great expence, &c. SPECT. in fol. The The following letter has not much in it, but as it is written in my own praise, I cannot for my heart suppress it. 'SIR, You ter. OU propofed in your SPECTATOR of laft Tuesday*, Mr. Hobbes's hypothefis ' for folving that very old phænomenon of laughYou have made the hypothefis valuable by efpoufing it yourfelf; for had it continued 'Mr. Hobbes's, nobody would have minded it. 'Now here this perplexed cafe arifes. A certain company laughed very heartily upon the reading of that very Paper of yours; and the 'truth on it is, he must be a man of more than ' ordinary conftancy that could stand out against 'fo much comedy, and not do as we did. Now 'there are few men in the world fo far loft to all good fenfe, as to look upon you to be a man in a state of folly "inferior to himself."-Pray then how do you justify your hypothefis of laughter ? < Thursday, the 26th of 'the month of fools. 'SIR, I Your most humble, 'Q.R.' TN anfwer to your letter, I must defire you to recollect yourfelf; and you will find, that when you did me the honour to be fo merry over my Paper, you laughed at the idiot, the German courtier, the gaper, the merrySee SPECT. N° 47. 6 • andrew, |