to a fraternity who thought fit to make me an honorary member.

6

I

HAVE received the notification of the honour you have done me, in admitting me into your Society. I acknowledge my want of merit, and for that reason fhall endeavour at all times to make up my own failures, by intro'ducing and recommending to the Club perfons ' of more undoubted qualifications than I can pretend to. I fhall next week come down in the ftage-coach, in order to take my feat at 'the board; and shall bring with me a candidate of each fex. The perfons I fhall present to you, are an old beau and a modern Pict. If they are not fo eminently gifted by nature as our affembly expects, give me leave to say their acquired uglinefs is greater than any that has ever appeared before you. The beau has varied his drefs every day of his life for thefe thirty years past, and still_added to the deformity he was born with. The Pict has still greater merit towards us, and has ever fince the came to years of difcretion, deferted the handfome party, and taken all poffible pains to acquire the face in which I fhall prefent her 'to your confideration and favour.

6

6

'I am, Gentlemen,

Your most obliged humble fervant,

THE SPECTATOR.

P. S.

P. S. I defire to know whether you admit people of quality.'

Mr. SPECTATOR,

April 17.

:T O fhew you there are among us of the

vain weak fex, some that have honesty and fortitude enough to dare to be Ugly, and willing to be thought fo; I apply myself to you, to beg your intereft and recommendation to the Ugly Club. If my own word will not be taken, (though in this cafe a woman's may) I can bring credible witness of my qualifications for their company, whether they infift upon hair, forehead, eyes, cheeks, or chin; to which I must add, that I find it easier to lean to my left fide, than my right. I hope I am * in all respects agreeable, and for humour and ⚫ mirth, I will keep up to the prefident himself. All the favour I will pretend to is, that as I * am the first woman who has appeared defirous of good company and agreeable converfation, I may take and keep the upper end of the table. And indeed I think they want a carver, which I can be after as ugly a manner as they could wifh. I defire your thoughts of my claim as foon as you can. Add to my features the length ' of my face, which is full half-yard; though I never knew the reafon of it till you gave one for the shortness of yours. If I knew a name Ugly enough to belong to the above-defcribed face, I would feign one; but, to my unfpeaka'ble misfortune, my name is the only difagree⚫able prettinefs about me; fo prythee make one

T 2

'for

for me that fignifies all the deformity in the 'world. You understand Latin, but be fure Ibring it in with my being, in the fincerity of my heart,

८

*

Your most frightful admirer,
⚫ and fervant,

• Mr. SPECTATOR,

I

'HECATISSA.'

READ your discourse upon AFFECTATION*, and from the remarks made in it examined my own heart fo ftrictly, that I thought • I had found out its moft fecret avenues, with a refolution to be aware of them for the future. But, alas! to my forrow I now understand, • that I have feveral follies which I do not know the root of. I am an old fellow, and extremely troubled with the gout; but having always a ftrong vanity towards being pleafing in the eyes of women, I never have a moment's ease, but I am mounted in high-heeled shoes, with a glazed wax-leather inftep. Two days after a fevere fit, I was invited to a friend's houfe in the city, where I believed I fhould fee ladies; and with my ufual complaifance, crippled myfelf to wait upon them. them. A very sumptuous table, agreeable company, and kind reception, were but fo many importunate additions to the ⚫ torment I was in. A gentleman of the family • obferved my condition; and foon after the queen's health, he in the prefence of the 'whole company, with his own hands, degrad'ed me into an old pair of his own fhoes. This

*N° 35, N° 38, N° 404, N°460, and N° 515.

3

operation

operation before fine ladies, to me (who am by nature a coxcomb) was fuffered with the, • fame reluctance as they admit the help of men in their greateft extremity. The return of eafe made me forgive the rough obligation laid ' on me, which at that time relieved my body. from a diftemper, and will my mind for ever from a folly. For the charity received, I re• turn my thanks this way.

'SIR,

WE

· Your most humble fervant."

Epping, April 18.

E have your Papers here the morning, they come out, and we have been very well entertained with your last, upon the falfe ornaments of perfons who reprefent he'roes in a tragedy. What made your SPECULATION Come very feasonably among us is, that we have now at this place a company of • strollers, who are very far from offending in the impertinent fplendor of the drama. They ◄ are so far from falling into these false gallantries, that the stage is here in its original fitua6 tion of a cart. Alexander the Great was acted by fellow in a paper cravat. The next day

the Earl of Effex feemed to have no distress

but his poverty; and my Lord Foppington the fame morning wanted any better means to fhew himself a fop, than by wearing stockings of different colours. In a word, though they have had a full barn for many days together, our itinerants are ftill fo wretchedly poor, that without you can prevail to fend us

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• the

the furniture you forbid at the playhouse, the heroes appear only like sturdy beggars, and the heroines gipfies. We have had but one part which was performed and dreffed with propriety, and that was Justice Clodpate. This was fo well done, that it offended Mr. Justice 'Overdo, who in the midst of our whole audience, was (like Quixote in the puppet-show) fo highly provoked, that he told them, if they ' would move compaffion, it should be in their own perfons, and not in the characters of distreffed princes and potentates. He told them, "if they were fo good at finding the way to people's hearts, they should do it at the end of bridges or church-porches, in their proper vocation of beggars. This the juftice fays, they must expect, fince they could not be con< tented to act heathen warriors, and fuch fel'lows as Alexander, but muft prefume to make a mockery of one of the quorum.

R*.

Your fervant.'

N° 49. Thurfday, April 26, 1711.

Hominem pagina nostra sapit. MART.

Men and their manners I defcribe.

T is very natural for a man who is not turned

IT

for mirthful meetings of men, or assemblies of the fair fex, to delight in that fort of converfation which we find in coffee-houfes. Here a

*By STEELE. See final Notes to N°6, and N° 324.

man,