ONE of our clerical correspondents says:

I was preaching in the town of A, on the Susquehannah River. Down the river two or three miles is a little hamlet, where I had established an appointment. A company of young men, with Bill S at their head, occasioned me some trouble by whispering, laughing, etc., during service.

Bill was a returned Californian, who pretended to have made his pile in the land of gold. He talked big, drove a fast horse, and, like Mrs. Tony Weller's shepherd, had a "wonderful power of suction" for that "particular kind of wanity" called bad whisky. Having tried milder measures with the boys I administered to them a pretty sharp rebuke, which Bill appropriating all to himself breathed out terrible threats of revenge.

The next time I went down to preach he drove his horse up to Brother Jones's, where I had left mine, and asked the privilege of hitching it in the barn till after meeting. When the services were over Brother J., myself, and Bill, who, by-the-way, had been very gracious all the evening, went to the barn in company. While we were busy hitching on my horse Bill was looking after his own. All at once he broke loose. You may have heard some very powerful swearing, but I think you have never heard any thing that would go ahead of that. Brother J. came around with his lantern to see what it was all about. A single glance at Bill's $250 horse explained it all. Mane and tail were gone as close as sheep-shears could cut them. Just then the boys, who were lying in wait to see the fun, exploded, and the shout which accompanied their yells of laughter-"Old Mose has sheared the wrong hoss!"-was a sufficient explanation of the matter. Bill had hired Old Mose, a regular old bummer, to shear the parson's horse; and being both in the same barn, and both harnessed, he very naturally made a mistake, of which Bill has not heard the last to this day.

FROM one of the United States ships now in service a friend writes:

There is in our mess a young and self-confident officer, who is always ready with remark or opinion on any subject. One day, while at sea, we were looking over the engravings in one of Harper's publications, when this young gentleman burst forth with,

"I get very tired of Harper's engravings; there is a deal of sameness about them."

Some one answered that they could not be all alike, for of course there must be many different artists and engravers employed upon them.

"Oh no," says Omnosco, “I know that they are all made in Delaware, and they must be by one person."

"Ah!" says one, "how do you know that?" "Why," replied he, "all the pictures in Harper's books are marked D-e-l in one corner."

The laugh which followed this announcement woke up the Captain from his nap, and presently his bell rang, and we heard that he wished to know what the noise meant.

The young gentleman remains unconvinced to this day that Del in the corner of a picture does not stand for Delaware.

THIS is very good: it comes to the Drawer from Annapolis:

During the battle of Hanover Court House, on the Peninsula, the Sixth United States Cavalry sup

ported a battery with drawn sabres in an exposed position. Now it is well known that supporting a battery is any thing but a pleasant job, especially when the enemy's shot occasionally goes crashing through the column; and in this case the men, having to remain mounted, sat on their horses with tightly drawn lips, every one apparently expecting his turn to come next. The enemy's guns were posted at the distance of 600 yards, and hidden by a tall growth of wheat. The fight had progressed about half an hour, and the cannonading very brisk, when a soldier in Company F, rising in his saddle, turned to a comrade and remarked, "Why don't some one go over there and read the riot act to them fellers?" It is needless to say that the expression, with its earnestness of tone, brought a hearty laugh from the company, and with it a sense of relief from the suspense of a moment before.

ELDER B, of R, in Michigan, was discoursing from the text of Christ's entry into Jerusalem, and gave the following version: "Christ came with his disciples, mounted on an ass, and the men, women, and children came out of the city, throwing their hats, shawls, and clothes, and even pulling bushes from the trees to throw in his way; but, spite of all obstructions, he rode into Jerusalem in triumph!"

WE have a "scion," not yet advanced to the dignity of jacket and trowsers, who, as the genial "Country Parson" would say, seems to understand the art of "putting things." It became necessary the other day to inflict upon him a dose of castor-oil, and the little fellow took the sickening stuff as bravely as any veteran could face a bayonet charge. A wry face or two, and his opinion of the medicament found expression as follows: "Mother, I don't think I quite like castor-oil; it's a little too rich!"

A LADY in Colorado Territory sends the thres following:

When Sammie, the minister's little son, was happy in the possession of a new lot of toys, a young lady friend came in, to whom he wished to exhibit his treasures and explain their uses; and wishing to have his friend all to himself, his wits devised a way of keeping his brother quiet, so he made this proposition: "Tommy, you play dead while I show Miss B these playthings!"

THE venerable and venerated Bishop M—————— having noticed that many of his congregation were in the habit of sitting during the singing of the Te Deum, and that others would sit down from time to time during its progress, he requested them to rise while the Te Deum was sung, and to “continue rising until its close!"

THE Rev. Dr. B, who was always very precise in his speech, once gave the following notice: "Next Wednesday being Ash Wednesday, or the first Sunday in Lent, Divine service may be expected here!"

Apropos of such a mistake, how many of your readers can without hesitation or study read correctly, on the first trial, the 15th and 16th verses of the 15th chapter of Judges?

A CORRESPONDENT of the Drawer in the famous city of Vicksburg writes:

Clements Rolfs, a burly, double-fisted German

honest, faithful, simple-minded, and possessing a high sense of his duties as a newly-made citizen of the great State of Ohio-was the hero of the following: The Irish laborers from a neighboring public work visited town one "St. Patrick's day in the morning," and after imbibing liberally in honor of their patron saint got up, as usual, “a bit of a scrimmage," attracting quite a crowd, of whom honest "Clem" was one.

He made up

he was about to be attacked by one. his mind that discretion was the better part of valor, and made hurried tracks for the nearest tree. After ascending about twenty feet he found a convenient limb on which he could hang, and watch and listen to his enemy. He soon heard him approaching, and could see his great eyes glistening like balls of fire. The grizzly approached to near the tree and seated himself, keeping his great fiery eyes steadily fixed upon his victim, as if confident he was yet to furnish him his supper. Thus beleaguered the poor doctor was compelled to hang and watch the huge shaggy monster through the long weary night; and he says his prayers for daylight and relief were deep and

Thus invoked, "Clem" considered himself bound to obey, and seizing one of the b'hoys round the body, over the arms, dragged him out of the melée. Pat, highly incensed, wriggled and squirmed about in "Clem's" arms, exclaiming, "Who's got hoult of me? Who's houlding me?"

"Der State von Ohio!" was "Clem's" half-apologetic answer.

The laugh which followed broke up that fight; and "Clem" was duly christened "Der State von Ohio" thenceforward.

A CALIFORNIA lady writes to the Drawer from Benicia :

Master Will is three years old, and has been very much interested lately in an old set of bedroom furniture his mother has been having repainted and varnished. He has heard all of us say that the things looked just as nice as new. Will has one aunty quite old, who told him the other day to pick up some things he had thrown about the floor-for, said she, I am getting old, and can't stoop as well as you. Will looked at her very earnestly, drew a long sigh, and said, "I have been thinking why you don't get painted and varnished; then you'd be just as good as new!"

ONE morning, not long since, Captain H was going down town, and met three little boys of from seven to nine years of age. As they came up one raised his cap, bowed very politely, and said,

"Good-morning, Captain!"

"What did you bow to that man for, Hal?what's up?" said one of the other boys as soon as they were by.

"Why," said the young swell, looking very important, "don't you know he's got two of the prettiest girls in town; and of course a fellow wants to keep in with the old man, you know!"

WHO ever heard of "Sailor Diggings, Oregon?" but from that far-away place a friend writes to the universal Drawer. He says:

jects began to appear more distinct the size of the monster began to diminish and appear less frightful, and after wiping the mist from his eyes he found he was treed by his own big DOG!

WHILE reading in the May number of your Magazine the sketch of Captain Hall's "Life among the Esquimaux," my memory ran back some years at the mention in it of a well-known name.

I was at Rockaway for a short time one summer, trying to get better health from sea-bathing, when one morning, just as day was dawning, I started for the beach, expecting to have a long and solitary walk before any one else was stirring. There was a man ahead of me, who had a basket with him, and was digging something out of the sand. As I passed by I noticed that he was an old fisherman, with a coarse white shirt, coarse duck trowsers, rolled up to his knees, an old straw-hat upon his head, and barefoot. I discovered that he was digging a small species of crab out of the sand, the like of which I had never seen before. I asked him what use he made of those crabs. He said he was catching them for bait, and he told me how to find them. "The sand of the beach is all white to you; but by looking closer you will see small circles, or rings, of darker sands, which the crabs work to the surface from beneath; approach the ring carefully, shove your hand in it quickly, turn the sand over, and you are apt to throw out the crab." I thanked him for his information and proceeded on my walk. About an hour later I found myself in the barber's shop of the Pavilion Hotel waiting to get shaved. There was only one gentleman in it on the same errand. He sat in the chair, and was nearly through. I noticed his face-knew it was one I had seen before, but I couldn't remember where. After he had put on his hat and gone out, I asked the barber if he knew who that gentleman was. He did. He told me his name-said he had just come from the beach, where he had been gathering bait, as he was going a-fishing that day, and had only finished dressing for breakfast.

Our village has but one physician, and he has but few calls; but when he is called he hastens to see his patient, fearing recovery ere he can secure his fee.

Not long since he had a call to see a patient living a few miles out of town, and as his mule was nearly as far away as his patient, he concluded to go on foot, and started about eight o'clock in the evening. When about half-way he heard some animal stealthily creeping toward him, and knowing there were grizzly bears in the country, he at once surmised

his companions, amidst the ice and snow of the farther polar sea, was writing his name upon hitherto undiscovered lands and making it immortal. It was Henry Grinnell.

ONE in the Queen City of the West writes:

Two years ago I came to Cincinnati to engage in business, and soon obtained the assistance of a German porter, by name Barney. Finding in a short time that the muddy water of the Ohio was not as palatable or healthy as it might be, I bought a po

WHEN Canvassing not long ago for an office, I had to address an evening meeting in a small country village. The meeting was called, and the school-house, where it was held, was crowded. A German friend, keeper of a small lagerbeer saloon, who reminded me that he once chopped wood for me, and had now risen to be a leader of the party, called the meeting to order. He mounted a bench, with a great flourish with his hand nominated a chairman, and said, on taking the vote, "All dem dat sez I, sez I." There was no answer. With great anger he repeated, "I sez, all dem dat sez I, sez I!" Seeing that there was a difficulty of comprehension, or simple misunderstanding, I alone responded with a loud Aye! My Dutch friend got down from his perch with a victorious look, saying, "It is harmonously agreed!"

FROM the head-quarters of the One Hundred and Eighth Illinois Infantry Volunteers,

Corinth, Mississippi, we. have the following:

While the regiment was stationed at La Grange, Tennessee, we received orders to prepare five days' rations and be prepared to march, with the expectation of a fight. Our meat-rations had been rather small for several days previous to this, because of the low stage of water, which made transportation difficult. A few barrels of hard bread were found to be wormy, and to save cursing the Quarter-master divided them equally among the companies, thereby giving none a greater right to complain.

The rations were issued, conveyed to companyquarters, and divided. Shortly after a group of inen could be seen around the old quarters of Company I, all busy cursing the Quarter-master, when old Jack Smith (called, for short, "The General") stepped up to where they were talking, and in a half-whisper remarked:

"Why, you 'tarnal fools! don't you see a Godsend in this? Here you have been cursing the Quarter-master for the last week because your rations of meat was small; and now the Lord has taken pity on us poor d-ls, and is sending us fresh meat' in a mysterious way, so that the Quarter-master won't know it and stint us in the supply!"

This caused a general laugh, and the grumblers went away well pleased.

"HERE'S RICHNESS."

Gus B, long well known in Massachusetts as the prince of bon vivants, on his return from his first visit to the West was glowingly describing the beauty of the situation and the fertility of the soil of a town where he had spent about two months. "How about the water, Gus ?" asked an inquisitive friend. "I forgot to try it!" responded he, and the crowd believed him.

THE proprietor of our store, a very dignified man, returning from dinner one day, found on the middle of the floor a pail turned wrong side up. He inquired, with some asperity in his tone, "What's that pail there for ?" A waggish clerk responded, "There is a wood-cock under it." Supposing it of course to be alive, with considerable difficulty he got down on the floor and lifted the pail carefully, and discovered a wood faucet!

EVERY body who knows Charley H—, and every body does, will rejoice in the following specimens of his ever-genial and abounding humor:

The Rev. Dr. T, of Berkshire, is as well known for his temperance principles as his eminent piety; but having suffered from a severe attack of diphtheria, during his convalescence he was advised by his physician to use a little good brandy. Of course his

of John B. Gough, responded to the suggestion by

VOL. XXIX.-No. 171.-D D*

liberal donations of the "critter." Charley being asked, "How is the Doctor this morning?" promptly replied, "If he don't die of the delirium tremens I guess he will get well!"

CHARLEY-a manufacturer, by-the-by, of the most villainous quality of "army shoddy"-attired, as is his wont, in a suit of the best French broadcloth, was one day expatiating upon the excellence of his goods. "Why don't you wear them yourself then?" interposed a malicious by-stander. "Can't afford it!" was the ready reply.

A RETIRED merchant, who was somewhat proud of his own success in business, asked Charley one day, who is an inveterate smoker, and often in the street, "How is it that you can do business successfully and be around the street smoking as much as you are ?" "Give me twenty-five dollars and I will tell you," responded he; "it cost me more than that to learn."

CHARLEY having a note against a Corporation not noted for paying its debts promptly, and getting anxious about it, consulted the president of one of our banks. He thought it was good, and offered ninety cents on a dollar for it. Charley hurried off and obtained the note for the purpose of completing the bargain. The president, repenting of his offer, said, "I do not want to take advantage of you, and I will help you collect it." "No," said Charley; "you buy it, and I will help you."

IN the bar-room of one of our principal hotels, about the time the Great Eastern was launched,

quite an excited discussion arose among the wise ones as to her safety, on account of her great length. Charley, acting as self-appointed referee, called the house to order, and gravely said, "After hearing all the arguments, I think she ought to be cut off about three feet, and I think some of you ought to write the owners to that effect."

"You have been sorely tried," said a sympathizing neighbor to old Joe Crawdon, weeping over the coffin of his third wife. "Yes," responded the bereaved one, "I have always had the dreadfulest luck with women!"

THE saying that "misery loves company" was fully realized by me on the following occasion. Last July, while traveling from New York to Washington, and when within a few miles of the latter place, the train was brought to a full stop within a few rods of a bridge. The conductor came along and informed the passengers that the recent heavy rains had rendered the bridge unsafe for the train to cross, and that we would have to get out and walk. Most of the passengers having taken his advice, I concluded to do the same, and was walking leisurely along when I noticed, just ahead, several peddlers with their wares (in fact, I brought up the rear). As the last one was passing a baggage-car a brakeman looked out and said to one of his companions,

"Just look at that pack of Jewish army swindlers!"

The last of those thus addressed looked around to me and said,

"Vat vas dat he says to us?"