CHAPTER XIX.

SUNDAY, Mr. N. S. this day spoke against me in three different places of worship, which meeting houses I had never been suffered to occupy. Nov. 10th, 1805, having got equipped for sailing, and my affairs settled as well as I could, considering my many disappointments, the wind became fair, we saw them hoisting sail, and from circumstances I believe the captain designed to have left us behind-so I hired a boat for ten shillings to put us on board. The sea was rough and I believe somewhat dangerous, but we reached the vessel in time, and she was soon under way. I wrote a letter for our friends, to notify them of our departure, which the pilot took ashore. Whilst writing we passed the light house, the sea began to toss the vessel, whilst an ocean without bounds seemed to present itself to view, and the land to disappear. Poor Peggy went on deck `to look about, and beholding above, returned with death seemingly pictured in her countenance; we lost sight of land before night, she began to grow sick, becoming worse and worse for some days, and then recovered it better than for some years.

18th. The wind blows a fresh gale; the hand of the rudder was observed to be unsound, so the helm would not command the ship, which exposed us to great danger. The captain afterwards said that he suffered more in his mind on this voyage, than in all the times he had been at sea before; however they got cordage and wedges and bound it together as well as they could, and carrying less sail to prevent straining, we weathered the voyage, as Providence favored us with an aft wind.

20th. We are now on the banks of Newfoundland, about one third of our passage. There are thousands of sea gulls around our vessel, four land birds came aboard, one of which the mate caught and let it go. In one of the late gales, it appears, Peggy passed through some trials of her faith, as I heard her saying, "how much easier to rely on human probabilities, than on divine promises."When our Lord called or set apart the twelve, he did not at first send

them to preach and do miracles, but kept them with him a while, and then gave them commission to go forth with power, &c., and predicting what should happen to them in their latter days, to prepare their minds for it, and since it appears, he told them what should happen to himself, which it seems they did not realize, as they had an idea of a temporal kingdom; but he informed them that, what they knew not then, they should know afterwards more perfectly; though God the Father had already revealed to Peter, that Jesus was the Christ.

After his resurrection, he renewed a promise of the Holy Ghost being given unto them more fully, yet commanded them to stay in Jerusalem until that he should come, and then they were to go and preach every where they could among all nations; and for their encouragement, promised further to be with them unto the end of the world, &c. Now, he cannot be with his ministers unless he hath ministers to be with; and this promise could not refer to the Apostles alone, as he previously predicted their dissolution; therefore it must include succeeding ministers, which God in Christ would raise up to tread in the Apostles' steps, and they cannot be his ministers, unless he has sent them, any more than I can be the King's ambassador, when no embassy has been committed to my charge.

I once delighted in the sound of singing, but after my conversion, abhorred it abstracted from the spirituality, and when in Ireland, almost was Quakerized in that sentiment, but after I saw the effects of signing in the power of faith, at the camp meetings, &c., in the awakening and conversion of sinners, I was convinced of the medium, and that singing properly is a divine employment, and will be. done to the approbation and declarative glory of God and our own profit.

December 3d. We have seen but three vessels on the way, one of which was the New York, of Philadelphia, which had brought General Moreau from Cadiz to America, whom I saw at Trenton ferry. The winds have been very unsteady for several days, like some people, almost in a gale, and then a calm.

We are now in lat. 49, 29, and longitude about 20. I hope in a few days of course, we shall breathe the air of the European world. Surely the nigher I draw across the mighty waters, the more I feel the work of my mission on my mind at heart, and am more and more

satisfied, that I acted in the will of God in coming, let what may ensue. I desire to see Dr. Johnson, whom I have not heard from this year and a half. A few days more will put me in a different sphere of life. I shall quit the ship, and then crosses, &c., to surmount, which I am conscious will require all the faith, zeal, wisdom and patience which I am possessed of, and after all must fail unless God be with me; but my reliance is in Him, the great, the strong for strength; and as I penned before, so I do again, "I feel an uncommon exercise about what is before me." What Dr. Coke will say, I know not; perhaps there is a great providence in my sailing to Liverpool first, as I expect some have heard of me there.

This is one of the happiest voyages thus far I ever had, and my companion is a great consolation to me, a lent favor, but oh! how apt are we to under or over-value the creature, and thereby lose its blessing designed by God for us. I am convinced of our privileges of walking as it were in eternity whilst in this unfriendly world, i. e., the soul walking in the light of God's countenance, whilst veiled in flesh and blood.

Whether I shall die a natural death, to me at times is a query, and sometimes causes sensations of heart: but while the soul hangs on God alone, it cannot suffer, properly speaking, though in its probationary state-still there may be outward trials, yet inward peace, which is sweet and satisfactory to the mind. Oh! what may we not attain unto if we be faithful? Religion will beget sympathy, or a feeling for the welfare of others--sin makes people dark and contracted, selfish and barbarous, but religion the reverse; and those acts of humanity, sympathy and pity, even when the Indians and heathens show forth, who can with propriety deny that they are under the influence of God's Holy Spirit? O! that the people would hearken more to the guidance within, and not put so much stress on what is handed down by tradition without evidence; then we should have more affectionate ones than we now behold among the nations of the earth. Hundreds of my American friends, I doubt not, are daily praying for me.

Whilst in devotion Peggy being called to a fresh trial of her faith in the gale, the words of our Lord to his disciples, "others have labored, and ye have entered into their labors," went with power through my mind, as on former occasions, and why have I to labor

in other men's labors, unless it be to provoke them to jealousy. There are three Methodist connexions, beside the new connexion so called, raised by Alexander Kilham, viz: the English, Irish, and the American Episcopal one; the two latter I have travelled through from centre to circumference, without their consent, and though they have done to hedge up my way, yet I have travelled of them as a body, however much I am indebted to individuals, as means under God to open my way and give me access to the people.

Thursday, Dec. 5th, saw two vessels on our voyage; late at night saw land, and afterwards passed Waterford Light-house.

now.

6th. Saw Wales; had a fair wind with some gales; but all is well We have eaten up but the smallest part of our provisionswe shall soon be at the pilot ground, and what will then ensue, is now in the womb of futurity, but I expect to see the providence of God in trials; but how, when, by whom, or by what means, I know not, yet still I feel power to leave all to the Author of breath and disposer of all events.

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When on my former visit I was advised to go immediately on board the vessel again and work my passage back, as I should have no opening there; but as I could not do ship-work, did not, neither could I in conscience comply. Then they warned the Methodists against me, to starve me out, and only one family received me at first, but after God opened my way, they offered to pay my passage home, if I would quit the country, and promise never to return, which in conscience I could not do; then Dr. C wanted me to

go on a foreign mission to some other part; I could not comply, neither in reason nor in conscience. Then the conference passed a vote to hedge up my way whether or no, &c. I may expect similar, from the English Conference, on whose shores I expect shortly to land, if they think me dependent, but my trust is in God.

About the time I landed in Ireland before, this passage ran repeatedly through my mind, Joshua iii, 7, and it hath been so imprinted on my mind, that now I make a memorandum of it--again -Isaiah-"ye shall go out with joy" (from the .

"and be led forth with peace" (of mind by the spirit of God) "the mountains and hills (of difficulties and discouragements) "shall break forth before you into singing" (of salvation) "and all the

trees of the field shall clap their hands" for joy, &c. Beginning of the Millenium-Camp meetings.

7th. We took in a pilot and came to anchor in a dangerous place; the wind had blown a gale, the tide would not admit of our going over the bar, and the weakness of the rudder would not admit of beating into the quarantine ground. We heard of the defeat of the French and Spaniards off Cape Trafalgar, by Nelson, and also of the defeat of the Austrians. Wrote to Dr. Johnson in Dublin, to

let him know of my arrival.

Sunday 8th, slipped our cables and came up the river by the town; saw about forty wind-mills as I sailed, and a few ships of war; and not wharves as in America, but lock docks, &c., the country around appears like a garden, considering the season of the year; I sent a letter on shore to day, for Edward Wilson, attorney at law, with an enclosure from his brother, John Wilson, book steward to the connexion in America.

I wrote a letter to the preachers in the city as preparatory.

11th. Wrote some letters to my friends in America. The ship carpenters came and examined our rudder, and made reports accordingly to the officers of government, relative to our state-we were exempted from quarantine after a detention of ten days, which time passed heavily away, two miles above the town in the river, as we had a bill of health from the British Consul.

Dec. 17th, Tuesday-at five o'clock this morning, the Prodic came on board, which made me rise and prepare to go on shore, and see what God would do for me there. I must undertake it by faith, as I know no one in town, and have heard of no friend. The captain will go on shore by sight, but I cannot see an inch before me; but I had rather die, than not see Zion prosper, before I quit this kingdom. O Lord prepare my way and give me wisdom in this matter, is what this morning I ask of thee.

About ten o'clock we attempted to go on shore. I heard the tolling of the bell, which gave me a solemn feeling, under a sense of mortality, when I reflected that when at Quebec, I saw a boat come from a ship of war with something in it, which at first appeared like a white chest, but as it approached nigher, I found it to be a coffin. When I first landed at Savannah, in Georgia, I retired

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