HAST. Damn your pig, I say.

MARL. And damn your pruin sauce, say I.

HARD. And yet, gentlemen, to men that are hungry, pig with pruin sauce is very good eating.

MARL. At the bottom a calf 's tongue and brains.

HAST. Let your brains be knock'd out, my good Sir, I don't like them.

MARL. Or you may clap them on a plate by themselves if I do (1). HARD. (Aside). Their impudence confounds me. (To them). Gentlemen, you are my guests, make what alterations you please. Is there any thing else you wish to retrench or alter, gentlemen?

MARL. Item. A pork pye, a boiled rabbit and sausages, a Florentine (2), a shaking pudding (3), and a dish of tifftaff-taffety cream (4).

HAST. Confound your made dishes, I shall be as much at a loss in this house as at a green and yellow dinner at the French ambassador's table. I 'm for plain eating:

HARD. I'm sorry, gentlemen, that I have nothing you like, but if there be any thing you have a particular fancy to MARL. Why, really, Sir, your bill of fare is so exquisite, that any one part of it is full as good as another. Send us what you please. So much for supper. And now to see that our beds are air'd, and properly taken care of. HARD. I entreat you'll leave all that to me. You shall not stir a step.

MARL. Leave that to you! I protest, Sir, you must excuse me, I always look to these things myself.

HARD. I must insist, Sir, you'll make yourself easy on that head.

MARI.. You see I'm resolv'd on it. (Aside). A very troublesome fellow this, as ever I met with.

(1) E potete pure schiaffare il vostro cervello sopra un piatto perchè stia solo (nessuno vi tocchi), se piace a me (if I do).

(2) Specie di torta infornata.

(3) Dolce gelatinoso fatto col latte ed altri ingredienti.

(4) Crema somigliante al taffettà dal quale ha perciò preso il nome.

HARD. Well, Sir, I 'm resolved at least to attend you. (Aside) This may be modern modesty, but I never saw any thing look so like old-fashion'd impudence.

Exeunt Marlow and Hardcastle.

Tony Luwpkin si diverte a spaventare la madre.

MRS HARD. Oh, Tony, I 'm killed. Shook. Battered to death. I shall never survive it. That last jolt that laid us against the quickset hedge has done my business.

TONY. Alack, mamma, it was all your own fault. You would be for running away by night, without knowing one inch

of the way.

MRS HARD. I wish we were at home again. I never met so many accidents in so short a journey. Drench'd in the mud, overturned in a ditch, stuck fast in a slough, jolted to a jelly, and at last to lose our way. Whereabouts do you think we are, Tony?

TONY. By my guess we should come upon Crackskull common, about forty miles from home.

MRS HARD. O lud! O lud! The most notorious (1) spot in all the country. We only want a robbery to make a com-plete night on 't.

TONY. Don't be afraid, mamma, don 't be afraid. Two of the five that kept here (2) are hanged, and the other three may not find us. Don't be afraid. Is that a man that 's galloping behind us? No; it's only a tree. Don't be afraid. MRS HARD. The fright will certainly kill me.

TONY. Do you see any thing like a black hat moving behind the thicket?

MRS HARD. O death!

TONY. No, it's only a cow. Don't be afraid, mamma; don't be afraid.

MRS HARD. AS I 'm alive, Tony, I see a man coming towards us. Ah! I 'm sure on 't. If he perceives us we are undone.

(1) Famigerato per causa dei masnadieri che vi bazzicano.

(2) Due dei cinque che si aggiravano in questi paraggi ... To keep è qui in senso medio: tenersi ossia dimorare, frequentare,

TONY. (Aside). Father-in-law, by all that 's unlucky, come to take one of his night walks. (To her). Ah, it 's a highwayman with pistols as long as my arm. A damn'd ill-looking fellow.

MRS HARD. Good Heaven defend us! He approaches.

TONY. Do you hide yourself in that thicket, and leave me to manage him. If there be any danger I'll cough and cry hem. When I cough be sure to keep close.

Mrs Hard. hides behind a tree in the back Scene.

Enter Hardcastle.

HARD. I'm mistaken, or I heard voices of people in want of help. Oh, Tony, is that you! I did not expect you so soon back. Are your mother and her charge in safety? TONY. Very safe, Sir, at my aunt Pedigree's. Hem. MRS HARD. (From behind). Ah death! I find there's danger. HARD. Forty miles in three hours; sure that 's too much, my youngster.

TONY. Stout horses and willing minds make short journeys, as they say. Hem.

MRS HARD. (From behind). Sure he 'll do the dear boy no harm.

HARD. But I heard a voice here; I should be glad to know from whence it came.

TONY. It was I, Sir, talking to myself, Sir. I was saying that forty miles in four hours was very good going. Hem. As to be sure it was. Hem. I have got a sort of cold by being out in the air. We'll go in, if you please. Hem. HARD. But if you talk'd to yourself, you did not answer yourself. I am certain I heard two voices. and am resolved (Raising his voice) to find the other out.

MRS HARD. (From behind). Oh!

out. Oh!

he's coming to find me

TONY. What need you go, Sir, if I tell you. Hem. I'll lav down my life for the truth hem I'll tell you all, Detaining him.

Sir.

HARD. I tell you, I will not be detained. I insist on seeing. It's in vain to expect I'll believe you.

murder my poor boy, my whet your rage upon me.

MRS HARD. (Running forward from behind). O lud! he'll darling. Here, good gentleman, Take my money, my life, but spare that young gentleman, spare my child, if you have any mercy.

HARD. My wife! as I'm a christian. From whence can she come? or what does she mean?

MRS HARD. (Kneeling.) Take compassion on us, good Mr Highwayman. Take our money, our watches, all we have, but spare our lives. We will never bring you to justice, indeed we won't, good Mr Highwayman.

HARD. I believe the woman's out of her senses. What, Dorothy, don't you know me?

MRS HARD. Mr Hardcastle, as I'm alive! My fears blinded me. But who, my dear, could have expected to meet you here, in this frightful place, so far from home? What has brought you to follow us?

HARD. Sure, Dorothy, you have not lost your wits? So far from home, when you are within forty yards of your own door. (To him). This is one of your old tricks, you graceless rogue, you. (To her.) Don't you know the gate. and the mulberry-tree; and don't you remember the horse-pond, my dear?

MRS HARD. Yes, I shall remember the horse-pond as long as I live; I have caught my death in it. (To Tony). And is it to you, you graceless varlet, I owe all this? I'll teach you to abuse your mother, I will.

TONY. Ecod, mother, all the parish says you have spoil'd me, and so you may take the fruits on't.

MRS HARD. I'll spoil you, I will. Follows him off the stage. Exit.

HARD. There's morality, however, in his reply. Exit.

Pensieri e sentenze varie.

They who place their affections on trifles at first for amusement, will find those trifles at last become their most serious concern.

The veneration we have for many things, entirely proceeds from their being carefully concealed.

There are no obstructions more fatal to fortune than pride and resentment. If you must resent injuries at all, at least suppress your indignation until you become rich, and then show away; the resentment of a poor man is like the efforts of a harmless insect to sting; it may get him crushed, but cannot defend him. Who values that anger which is consumed only in empty menaces?

The best way to please one half of the world, is not to mind what the other half says; since what are faults in the eyes of these, shall be by those regarded as beauties.

Women famed for their valour, their skill in politics, or their learning, leave the duties of their own sex, in order to invade the privileges of ours. I can no more pardon a fair one for endeavouring to wield the club of Hercules, than I could him for attempting to twirl her distaff.

Our attachment to every object around us increases, in general, from the length of our acquaintance with it. From hence proceeds the avarice of the old in every kind of possession. They love the world and all that it produces; they love life and all its advantages; not because it gives them pleasure, but because they have known it long.

It is of no importance to read much, except you be regular in your reading. If it be interrupted for any considerable time, it can never be attended with proper improvement,