A SLAVE OF FASHION. Again, I found myself alone; and, perforce, had to resume my rapid travelling. It would be wearisome to recount the story of my wanderings. Suffice it to say that I visited in turn Athens, Berlin, Homburg, Monte Carlo, and Copenhagen. Although I had the advantage of my travelling opera-hat which conveyed me instantly from place to place without effort, I felt that I was wearing myself out, while the Illustrious Personage in whose wake I was forced to follow, seemed to me never to experience fatigue. He was always courteous, always cheerful, but always looking at his watch. Now," I murmured to myself, when I found myself in Paris, "I shall have a short pause before I recommence my wanderings." I was mistaken. Before I knew where I was, I found myself in Yorkshire, Wales, Glasgow, and the Isle of Wight. I felt that my magic opera-hat was less than a blessing-that it was nearer a curse! "What shall I do?" I said, piteously, as I found myself alone at the bottom of a coal-mine, which I, in Illustrious company, had recently been inspecting. "What shall I do?" The echo offering no satisfactory reply, I once more wished my wish, and, hi presto! was back in London in my own Club. "Have you had enough of it?" I turned round sharply, and found my fellow member of the morning seated beside me. "Thank you," I replied, returning the gibus, "but pleasant as travelling may be, I honestly believe there is only one man in the world who is equal to the strain that you put upon me." And I glanced at the Illustrious Personage, who, I noticed, had just taken out his watch and was looking at it. "Which you were thoroughly justified, Sir Last One, in making," interrupted Mr. Punch, approvingly. "But proceed." The Last of the Barons blushed, and bowed, and then resumed "I regretted that in this country there should be no Public Prosecutor." "What!" exclaimed Mr. P. "To quote the learned precedent of a certain Prig." Lady (who has just paid a Month's subscription to the Circulating Library). said the Last One, "I don't believe there ain't no sich "WHAT KIND OF BOOKS ARE READ THIS SEASON?" THE VISIBLE PRINCE.-(A Story of Magic and Mystery.) "How I should like to do all this?" I murmured to myself. I had been reading an account of the journey of an Illustrious Personage, and the passage had deeply impressed me. "If you mean what you say," replied someone by my side, "I think I can manage it for you. All you have to do is to wear this, and express a wish to follow H.R.H. But I warn you that, until you return it to me, you will be able to follow no one else, and will remain a fixture until a new wish moves you on," and I found myself receiving an old opera-hat in the Coffee-room of my Club from a member I had not seen before. "Do you mean to say that if I put this on it will carry me anywhere?" I asked, in a tone of astonishment. The strange member nodded. I put the old opera-hat on my head, and wishing myself near the Illustrious Personage in question, suddenly found myself in Bulgaria. Immediately I formed part of a group that would have given an excellent subject to the Travelling Artist of the Graphic or the Illustrated London News. There was the Illustrious Personage, sure enough; and, so far as I could see, he was taking a hurried shot at a bird. He fired successfully, and then looked at his watch. Then he shook hands with some one in attendance, and was gone. I had mechanically removed my hat on finding myself in his presence, and at once found that, uncovered, I was helpless-could move neither hand nor foot. The companions of the Illustrious Personage retired, and I was left alone-in splendid scenery, but still alone. I put on my hat, and uttered a wish. In a moment I was in Hungary, inspecting a cavalry regiment. The Colonel of the regiment was complimenting his men on their smart appearance. Wearing my hat (for I had already found that my chapeau rendered me invisible), I approached nearer, and discovered that the Commanding Officer who was so complimentary was no less a person than the heir to an Illustrious Throne. I heard him ask for the time (his uniform fitted closely to his figure, and had no pocket), and, on learning the hour, he bade his men a hurried adieu, and hastily departed. Pressing my hat firmly on my brow, I uttered a wish, and immediately was in Russia. I recognised the voice of the Illustrious Personage. He was bidding the CZAR farewell. In another second he was gone! person.' Mr. Punch clapped his hands. A thousand of his own pages appeared on the instant. "Bring me Whitaker's Almanack," he commanded. At once it was handed to him. "Now, let us see," muttered Mr. Punch, turning over the leaves-"Government Offices-Treasury-Solicitor's Department-here we are-read." And the Last of the Barons read out"Solicitor and Public Prosecutor, Sir AUGUSTUS K. STEPHENSON, K.C.B., £3000." "Well!" said Mr. Punch, "explain!" 66 "I can't," replied the Last of the Barons, sinking down in a chair, and pressing his hand to his brow, can't. There ought to be a Public Prosecutor-there is a Public Prosecutor-somewhere." "And yet you regretted that, in this country, there should be no Public Prosecutor. How's that?" asked Mr. Punch. 44 'He is an impalpable official... no-I don't understand," murmured the Last of the Barons. 66 you have hinted the Public Prosecutor is a Mrs. Harris. 'Nor does any one else," returned Mr. Punch. "As Only the £3000 per annum is real enough. Thank you, Last One, for again calling our attention to the fact. Glad to see the Last so well and so vigorous." 66 the Barons, as glancing timidly towards Mr. P., he made 'Why not say Wig-orous ?" whispered the Last of hastily for the door. One returned to the Count of Queen's Bench. "Good morning," said Mr. P. gravely, and the Last "NOT THERE, NOT THERE, MY CHILD!"-On Friday night the intelligence that H.R.H. had preferred hearing Nadgy to being present at the opening ceremony of the Lyric Club, caused a Nadgytation from which the Committee are still suffering. House of Commons, Monday Night, November 12.-House looked | "Come, come," I said, not liking to see man of mirth like JOKEM 66 No, TOBY," he said, nervously brushing his hat the wrong way. "If you don't mind, I'll just stop here in my own room till Questions are over. I know some one will ask whether it's true I have abandoned the Wheel and Van Tax. I can't, at present, bring myself to speak on the subject. I'm very much attached to the measure, as they say parents often are to the least thriving of their offspring. I have cherished it for months against assaults from all sides, and I cannot face the thought of abandoning it. Life would not be worth living without my Wheel and Van Tax. There's something soothing in the very name." thus broken down. "You've done your best; you can't help results. Besides, if you like the sound of name, and they won't let you have the Wheel and Van Tax, why not try a Weal and 'Ara Tax? Anything to turn an honest penny!" "TOBY," he said, springing up, and shaking me warmly by the paw, "You've saved me. A Weal and 'Am Tax is surely unobjectionable; repeated briskly, sounds much like the other; daresay, in time, I'll be able to transfer my affections. Excuse me, I must go and get up a few statistics, and see how it will work out. Weal and 'Am Tax; good!" Told HENRY JAMES about this. But so full of his own project, hadn't word of sympathy for GoSCHEN. 66 Going to have such larks with WEBSTER," he said; "DICK getting a little uppish since he's been ATTORNEY-GENERAL and Leading Counsel for Times in Probate Court. Rather inclined to snub me. But you stop till Vote comes on for Salary of Law Officers of Crown, and see what happens! Waited accordingly. SYDNEY BUXTON, having moved to reduce ATTORNEY-GENERAL'S salary, HENRY JAMES got up; cut ATTORNEY-GENERAL dead. To great delight of Opposition, argued with irresistible force against ATTORNEY-GENERAL taking private practice. Proved to demonstration, that, supposing by chance ATTORNEYGENERAL were engaged in great case that demanded his presence in Probate or other Court from day to day, it would be impossible for him to discharge his duties to nation. ATTORNEY-GENERAL could hardly believe his eyes and ears. Wasn't this the learned gentleman who held a brief with him in a great case, who sat with him in Court in the morning, and indicted him at night in the House of Commons? Must be down early to the Court in the morning," he said, "and see what WEBSTER says to JAMES when they take their seats together." Business done.-Supply. "Such is Life!" as OLD MORALITY profoundly remarked when he heard the story. Business done.-Supply voted. Thursday. Decks cleared for action to-night. Been plodding along for ten days in Supply. Occasional explosions, like fogsignals on railway; but nothing serious. Now trumpet sounds; forces marshal in battle array. OLD MORALITY sounded trumpet, though not his own. Too modest for that. Anxious chiefly to get business through. Always ready to efface himself with that object. "Tell you what, TOBY," G. O. M. said to me the other day, "some of you fellows laugh at SMITH, but he gets through his work uncommonly well; makes no fuss; always courteous; a thorough man of business; hasn't an enemy in the House unless it be GRANDOLPH; on the whole, in position of peculiar difficulty, does better than anyone else they could put there." G. O. M. right as usual. House getting to like OLD MORALITY, Something in the way it used to be attached to STAFFORD NORTHCOTE. Laughs at him now and then, but always goodhumouredly. Really anxious to make things as smooth for him as possible. But line must be drawn somewhere. When to-night he announces introduction of new Land Purchase Act, shout of defiance goes up from Opposition ranks. Grand Old Man steps into front, waves the Grand Old Flag; next week there'll be a Grand Old Row. Tuesday.-GRANDOLPH and JENNINGS on the job. SAGE of Queen Meanwhile HOME SECRETARY having a bad time. Peppered on Anne's Gate, and others, speaking disrespectfully of LORD CHAN- all sides; adversaries in front of him, enemies to right of him. CELLOR. House seems to have heard something before of HALSBURY'S JOHNSTON at back of him. MATTHEWS in heat of argument momengreat merits as family man; but, never in such disrespectful detail. tarily turns back on SPEAKER, addressing Member below the GangAppears, according to witnesses testifying upon their Parliamentary way. JOHNSTON discovers in this indication of design to undermine Oath, that LORD CHANCELLOR sort of farms out offices of State, first position of QUEEN as Head of Church. Hotly protests; MATTHEWS providing for those of his own family, and next for his family's humbly apologises. Business done.-Supply. A beautiful sight! A touching spectacle! and all the while, at this very moment, separated only by the length of the corridor and breadth of the lobby, rude persons were prating about the good man's jobbery, and denouncing his dealings with unprotected public purse. Friday.-Met PSHAW-LEFEVRE in Library just now with hat tilted further than ever from lofty brow. Oddly enough, that's his way of indicating deeper depression. What's the matter?" I asked. "BALFOUR still refuse to put you on a plank bed?" "No," he said, wearily, "I'm used to that exercise of tyranny. It's the SAGE of Queen Anne's Gate that weighs me down. You know all about my scheme for adding Mortuary Chapel to West minster Abbey? Splendid idea; quite practicable; illustrated with maps. Talking about it to SAGE, told him how there were two houses close by Abbey, to be bought on easy terms, furnishing site for chapel. SAGE deeply interested. Much flattered by his attention; enlarged upon theme; said he thought it capital. Week after surprised to hear one of the houses been sold. Who bought it?' I asked agent. Mr. LABOUCHERE,' said he. Looked up SAGE. Expected to discover him deeply abased; found him rather radiant than otherwise. Capital investment for me,' says he. 'If site is But compulsorily taken, you must pay me at least fifteen per cent. on my outlay. Meantime I shall live there. Nice situation; improving neighbourhood; close to House of Commons.' you don't mean to spend any money on it?' I cried. Certainly,' said he, lighting another cigarette. Shall spend a good deal of money on it. Make the place quite comfortable; when you buy it, you must pay fifteen per cent. on all improvements.' There's a man for you!" says PSHAWLEFEVRE, groaning his way out of Library. At work all night in Supply. Only three Votes passed. After Midnight HALDANE, by great stroke of luck gets a private Bill through Committee. Rare distinction in these times, which justifies air of triumph with which HALDANE walks homeward across lobby. Business done.-Supply. NOTICE.-Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception. Comfortable weed! Out on the churls, When the tinless toiler draws his belt When cold Care confronts one in life's road, ETIQUETTE. It is not exactly a breach of good manners at a fashionable dinner party to ask five times for soup, but it would be more comme il faut to be contented with three helpings. A blue satin tie and a buff waistcoat are not generally accepted as correct evening dress in the best society, but carried off with a little effrontery, they might pass muster. By all means try them at the Race Ball to which you refer, for if the worst comes to the worst, you can but be kicked out by the Stewards. Certainly, after the circumstances you mention, buttonhole the Duke, and if he resent the familiarity, slap him sharply on the back, and say, "I told you so, old fellow!" If this does not quiet him, repeat it. 'ARRY ON COMPETITIVE EXAMINATION. DEAR CHARLIE,-I'm down on my luck, fairly chucked, and no error this go. And this is wot Cramming has brought us to, CHARLIE! Him give me the Fit to cackle slap through an Exam, but it's all blessed fiddlededee We are on the wrong lay, that's a moral; the duffers are 'aving the pull. And yet when it comes to true smartness he simply mayn't be in the 'unt, [cove, do may ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS. CRICKETING VENTURE.-By all means carry out your plan of bringing over an Eleven of Caggerwee Cannibal Islanders to play a series of Matches with the leading County Clubs next season. Your idea of accustoming them to the game by letting them do their bowling, in the first instance, with a human head, and their batting with an adult thigh-bone, is excellent. Be careful, when you get them on to the field, that they do not eat the Wicket-"Of pot-hunting." Yus, and he's right, and 'as 'it on a O. K. comparison. keeper's gloves, and Longstops' pads, or want to roast the Blarmed noosance, yer know, if a feller can't nobble a crib and a screw Umpire, as they invariably do in their own national game Without being crammed with more kibosh than CLIVE or Lord WELLINGTON knew. of Balagoo, after the first innings. You could convey WALTER WREN takes the tother side. Jest so! He lives up that street, dontcher them safely to the Oval in any Police omnibus. Spec- He's the crammiest crammer of all; wish he'd taken a turn, mate, at me;. [see, tators, of course, would have to look out for themselves. DRESS CIRCLE. It would have been better had you But a gent as is really a gent doesn't want to be kep on the shove. He'd ha' shoved me through somehow, you bet; he's a long-headed, 'ard 'itting not, on being removed from the theatre, offered to fight the three Box-keepers with your left hand, and knocked Sez WREN, "Would you bring old jobbery ?" WALTER, dear boy, that the Acting Manager's hat over his eyes. Still your For a slasher in QUILTER's new monthly, the flaming "Flamingo Review." assailant had no right to obstruct your view of the stage Nepo-wot's it?-sounds nobby, no doubt, but remember that there Board o' Works! by sitting on his great-coat, and then throw you over Human Nature is still Human Nature, and all on us cottons to perks. into the pit when you complained. Try a cross-summons. We wants it made easy for right 'uns, and nice for the nobs-and wot 'arm? CHESS.-You cannot move your Queen like a Knight, There ain't enough nests to go round, let the few keep 'em cosy and warm. unless you get a safe opportunity, when your opponent That may not be highpolite morals, or wirtue on stilts, but I'll trouble you is not looking. If you are getting the worst of a game To say if it isn't the way of the world, my dear W. W. ? when playing for a shilling, certainly knock the board over. This is frequently done in International contests To be worried 'arf out of our senses-us dashers-by dollops of cram; and counts as a draw. And then spiked like a juggins at last by an eye-bunger called an Exam; Great Scott, it's a jiggered fine joke. I'm with FREEMAN; Exams are And if we don't bosh up that bizness Old England will go to the devil. [all evil, Appointment by patronage! Ah! that's yer sort, mate, I freeze onto that. Wot patron of sense would pluck me 'cos I'adn't got grammar quite pat? I'm fly, know each game on the board; yet becos facts and dates I carn't carry, That tow-'eaded mug cops the crib, and I'm chucked! Yours disgustedly, 'ARRY. SPORTING.-You will be certainly right in entering your Four-wheeler cab-horse for the next Derby. Never mind the condition of his knees, but stick to your determination to ride the horse yourself, and you may yet pull off the race with him. There is a slight entrance fee; but you can get any further particulars from any one of the Stewards of the Jockey Club. "SO ENGLISH." WHEN that scare took place in Whitechapel last week, the supposed criminal was pursued by Policemen and five Detectives. Everybody knew them! Here they come, all at once, jumped up from dinner perhaps; down with the knives and forks, and on with their hats, and off they rush all together, these five Detectives. How mysterious! How subtle! And the fugitive escaped, after all, without any difficulty!! What nonsense about an Englishman's objection to detec tion as a "spy system." Doesn't the Englishman enjoy the Detective in an exciting novel, and applaud Hawkshaw in the disguise of a navvy in the Ticket of Leave Man? Why, of course. The Executive and the Detective Departments should be as distinct as the left hand from the right, ready to assist each other, and under the direction of one responsible Head. As Chief of the Detective Department, we should select Mr. WILKIE COLLINS, assisted by Miss BRADDON and L. B. FARJEON. This would be the nucleus of an intelligent staff, to begin with. |