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being drunk out, the conversation Thursdays, Bread and butter pudo comes to a stand-still, and silence reding.
sumes her dominion in the Hall. The Fried sole
turn which the conversation invariably Fridays,
Roast leg of mutton. takes, is naturally dictated by the
main object of the assembled partiesSaturdays, Pigeon pie.
that is to say, of and concerning din
ner- What was for dinner yesterday, Now, I put it to you, I put it to my and whether it was good—this is an learned friend on the opposite side, illustration of the pleasures of retrowhether this is not a substantial system spection- What is for dinner to-day, of English jurisprudence—whether and whether it is likely to be good there remains any wonder that Lin- being an illustration of the pleasures coln's Inn should be the inn she is - of hope— And what will be for dinner and that the men of Lincoln's Inn tomorrow, and so on. Scruggins obshould be the men they are ? I must serves to his opposite neighbour at the observe that the bill of fare, above mess, that in his humble opinion the transcribed exactly from the records roasted legs of mutton are always of the Inn by permission of the trea- under-done. Wiggins lays down the surer, is not unvaried.
On the con- law on the opposite side, by an argn. trary, it is adapted to the times and ment tending to prove that the boiled seasons of the year, as well as to the buttock of beef is always over.done. temper of the students at the several Spriggins then sums up in the style terms. For example, in winter, roast judicial, enlarging upon the fact, that beef and plum-pudding preponderate, some men like mution over done, and winter being the season of severe study; beef under-done, and the contraryin summer, mutton and custard super- that mutton may be either over done sede the heavier matter, summer being or under-done, but not both together; the season of digestive relaxation. that the same law is applicable to beef Michaelmas term affords the student -that beef, when under-done, may, by gravy soup and bouilli; Trinity term, the judicious application of additional on the contrary, replaces these deli- caloric, be done enough, or even overcacies with the more refrigeratory done, which holds also of mutton ; victual of cold boiled lamb and salad. but that mutton, when over done, can In like manner, Hilary term is cele- by no culinary process hitherto disbrated for boiled capons and oyster covered, be under-done, the same
The advent of Easter term, law of nature being applicable to beef again, is bailed with rapture as the ---that one man likes one thing, and season of returning spring, cabbage, another man likes another thing—that early cauliflowers, and sprouts. The there are cases exactly in point—that baked plum-pudding of winter gives there are two sound maxims of law way to the rhubarb tart of spring, and bearing upon this argument, which he to the gooseberry pie of maturer sum- (Spriggins) takes leave to quote to mer; while, with returning winter, the court,—the first being to the effect, baked plum - pudding once again that smokes upon the board. But these
“De gustibus non est disputandum;". delicate and judicious variations of the bill of fare in Lincoln's Inn hall, are and the second not less authoritative 80 numerous, that I am compelled to to the same effect, “that what's one leave the subject in despair, trusting man's meat, is another man's poison." that some author of more matured ex- Having delivered this charge, or someperience in legal dietetics may favour thing very like it, in the true judicial the hungry public with a complete fashion of leaving the whole matter catalogue of all the delicacies of the more obfuscated than he found it, season as consumed in Lincoln's Inn Lord Chief Justice Spriggins (that is hall, from time whereof the memory to be takes a pull at the red-hot port, of man extendeth, not to the contrary. and looks round the Hall with the air
The conversation in our Hall- for of a man who has done a meritorious conversation to a limited extent is per- ' action! The conversation now mi. mitted—is begun after the first glass grates to port. Duggins is confident of wine, and is continued until after ihat the wine is not so confounded bad the second, by which time the wine this term. Stiggins will answer for
last term, that it could not have been stone has laid it down, that immemoworse; while Jiggins wishes he may rial custom carries the force of law, never finger a fee, if next term the with which observation I entirely wine will not be worse than ever it agree, and insinuate that the potatoewas. In short, while these gentlemen with-jackets-on party care neither for are drinking the wine, the wine is law nor gospel—which, there is too getting worse and worse every mouth- much reason to fear, is somewhere ful; but when, at last, the last drop about the truth. They boldly assert is drained out of the decanter, the that the pretended economy of the wine is pronounced absolutely not potatoe-with-jackets-on party is all drinkable !
my eye and Mrs Elizabeth MartinThe politics of Lincoln's Inn Hall that plates to peel the potatoes on must deserve our gravest attention. At be bought by the Inn, to which the present, the question of paramount potatoe-with-jackets-on party reply, importance in the hall is the potatoe that plates are cheaper than melted question; and parties are divided pretty butter. The potatoe-with-jackets-off equally into the “ potatoe-with-jack- party hold peeling potatoes in the ets-on" party, zud the “potatoe-with- dining. hall to be a filthy practice ; to out-jackets-on" party - both parties which the other party reply, that their being equally violent and outrageous, thumbs may be supposed to be cleaner as respectable political parties are in than the thumbs of the scullions—a reduty bound to be.
joinder rebutted by the tart assertion The “potatoe-with-jackets-on" of the potatoe-with-jackets-off party, party assume the character of innova- that they (the p—w
--tors, and pretend to call themselves party) don't know whether or not! reformers—they talk perpetually of Meetings and counter meetings have the “ march of intellect," and are been beld-resolutions and counter morally certain that the “ school. resolutions have been passed--petimaster is abroad"-of which, as far tions and counter petitions lie everyas the poor man's intellects are con- where for signature by every body cerned, there has not for a long time who can sign, and for signature by been a shadow of doubt; they laugh proxy by every body who cannot at the wisdom of our ancestors, and noboily knows where the potatoe qnesaffect to be surprised how any rational tion will end; and very many quiet, man can suppose that the existence of well-disposed respectable people are our glorious constitution is involved sick of the subject, and have given up in the potatoe-with-jackets-on ques- eating potatoes altogether! tion. They prate of economy too, in
Latterly, the peelers, as the potatoeall matters that do not affect the pock- with.jackets-on party is facetiously ets of themselves and their relations- denominated, have become insolent in and draw up documents to prove the the highest degree, in consequence of necessity of a Commission to show the the accession of the Irish party—by saving that will accrue to the Inn if no means an inconsiderable faction in the potatoe-with-jackets-on question is Lincoln's Inn Hall. This party, undercarried, in the manual labour now re- standing the potatoe question as it quired for peeling the potatoes, and does, was considered of great importin the melted butter at present de- ance to the potatoe-with-jackets-on manded to make the potatoes go down! party, and its adhesion to their prin. In fact, the potatoe-with jackets-on ciples is considered the “ party, upon this and all other occa- of complete success. Indeed it is sions, have proved themselves neither obscurely whispered throughout the more nor less than talking potatoes. Hall, that the Marchioness of Nor
The potatoe with-jackets off party manby, prime minister, has bad a are of a different stamp—they talk draft of a bill for the settlement of the little, but they think the more—they potatoe question carried into Buckvenerate the wisdom of our ancestors, ingbam palace by one of the pages of and are devotedly attached to our glo- the back-stairs — that her ladyship, rious Constitution—they assert that with the other stipendiary ladies of potatoes-with.jackets-off have been in the back-stairs, have considered the consumption within our Hall, from time matter favourably, and are shortly exwhereof the memory of man extendeth, pected to give their more than royal not to the contrary-they say Black- assent; while the he-fellows who are
held in their places by the petticoat gressive. The profession “goes au strings of these high-minded damsels, head” marvellously. We ourselves have already, we understand, received recollect many great and important orders to spare “no expense" on the changes. We are full of experience, potatoe question, and to hold them- and looked up to as a high authority selves in readiness to conciliate the in the Hall of Lincoln's Inn. We re. paramount Irish party by the imme. member several epochs in the gastrodiate settlement of the long-mooted nomic history of the bar-about fivepotatoe-with-jackets-on question, as and-twenty years ago we were not also, in the next sess on, if possible, to quite grey-we held one brief-and agree to a repcal of the Legislative we had no wine in Lincoln's Inn Hall! Union !
It seems as if it were only yesterday! We do not intend, in this place, to Then came, we recollect, the epoch of enter at large into the antiquities of the bottle-seven years exactly after, I the several Inns of Court, my learned arrived at the dignity of the cucumber! friend, Counsellor O’Rubbishy, being I can safely hazard my reputation as a at present up to the ears in cobwebs lawyer upon the fact, which I here give and black-letter upon that very sub- as my professional opinion, that from ject, to which the learned gentleman that time to the present the wine has intends to prefix a dissertation upon got worse and worse every term; and the origin of eating and drinking in that, if worse could now by any possigeneral, and of legal eating and drink. bility be had for love or money, we ing in particular; also, in the appen- should be required to swallow it. In dix, to give a minute account of the my early days, when the world lay all original eating-house on Mutton Hill, smiling before me, as Tommy Moore where the learned gentleman and my- has it, and I looked upon Lord Eldon self dine in vacation, to which will be as only a venerable old gentleman airadded, observations tending to throw ing my chair, we dined off pewter platlight upon the personal identity of the ters_helped ourselves to gravy with first lawyer, who, saving your reve- iron spoons, that imparted to all our rence, is credibly understood to be dishes a high chalybeate flavour-stuck neither more nor less than Old Clooty our several knives promiscuously into himself! I only mention what Coun- the saltcellar, and suspended our " ki. sellor O'Rubbishy means to do in this baubs” of impregnable mutton upon biplace, as we put a specification into pronged forks. Since that time we have the Patent Office to secure an exclusive gained a point-our forks are now triright—that is to say, to prevent, in the dents-our iron spoons, by some alchecase of the learned gentleman, needymical process, are transmuted into pew, scribblers in trashy periodicals from ter, and our pewter platters are replaced doing by him as they have done (God by hydrographic (only think of the perforgive them !) by me-taking the fectibility of crockery) by hydrograbread out of my mouth, and leaving phic plates! About this time turnip me, by the theft of an original idea, radishes were introduced into our hall, minus a dinner ! I don't so much mind and in Hilary Term 1801, we arrived a man stealing an idea, if he knows at the epoch of cheese! Up to Trihow to work it up decently, but I do nity Term 1830, the profession drank solemnly protest against my morocco their beer from a mug-I have heard being cut out by a brogue-maker- before now of tea in a mug—but beer and I hereby warn and advise all lite- in a mug I never knew till I knew it rary pirates whatsoever, who may in Lincoln's Inn Hall! The epoch of glean from my conversation or other mug, however, like other memorable wise what they have the effrontery to epochs, passed away, and was succeeded call an original article, that whenever by the epoch of tumblers. About this they throw my lion's hide over their time, too, an important change came asinine shoulders, I will take up the over the spirit of our dreams-pewter title of their stolen original—and, close was discarded-and the students acupon the heels of it, write an article of tually appeared in the hall with silver my own head, that will knock them, spoons in their mouths ! as brother Jonathan has it, “ into eter- This was the silver agenal smash!''
The law, like all other sublunary • How blest the silver age in early times, matters, is not stationary but pro. When no avenger knew or punish'd crimes !" Soon after this our old tin candle- business and my enjoyment-during sticks were superseded by bronze- term time I am happy—in the vacathis may be designated the age of tion I am miserable-would that I brass !
were a dormouse to sleep away the I need not pursue further the muta. tedious interval ! bility of human affairs- the philoso- Ambitious reader, you are coming phic reader has already perceived that to the bar! I know you are-I know human affairs are transitory and evan- you must be, unless you are already escent—that reform bills and bills of a clergy man or a doctor ; for your fare are enacted, discussed, objected dear paternal father and mother have to, and forgotten, and that an equal discovered that you are a genius; and obscurity awaits the names of Lord the only sphere for their genius is the Jobn Russell and Dick the waiter! profession of the law ! Perhaps you Eatables and empires disappear have had the bad luck to distinguish drinkables like dynasties are swallowed yourself at college, or at the spouting and forgotten. But this is a trite sub- club; if so, may the Lord have mercy ject-and trite subjects are not the upon you—you are decidedly undone! subjects for me!
My young friend, I have been jocuThe professional student will not lar ; I am now serious. As you value fail to have observed, if he has followed your future happiness, take your own my description with the attention it advice in the disposal of your life, and deserves, that there are two different let your father and mother mind their classes of lawyers- those, to wit, who own business; do not let them delude are never seen at Westminster Hall, you into a fatal confidence that you and those who are never seen any are clever, or that you are loquacious. where else-lawyers who are all teeth, Loquacity and eleverness, as such, and lawyers who are, on the contrary, have little to do in amassing an indeall jaw!
pendence. Do not desert the profesI do not, I honestly confess, belong sion of arms, as Erskine did, for the law to the talking class; I might have believe me, you are not an Erskine, been born deaf and dumb for all the -nor the profession of medicine, as opportunity I have ever had of dis- did Sir James Macintosh, for the playing my forensic powers ; I have law-fifty such sucking geniuses as therefore, in common with nine hun- yourself, could not make one Sir James dred and ninety-nine barristers out of Macintosh. Look to your prospects ! every thousand, turned my attention look to your prospects! I repeat, for exclusively to mastication. Of course, the third time, look to your prospects ! I would gladly have done the other and of a profession let your prospects thing if I could have got it to do; but, govern the choice. Then may your God help me! my father was not a fate be happier than mine; then, in successful attorney, which I take to some unenvied sphere of quiet and be the true and only essential prelis successful industry, may you decently minary towards being a successful maintain your wife, and creditably barrister; indeed, I do not think any rear your children; then may you see one belonging to me ever saw that the friend of your bosom at your hosrare and curious animal an attorney, pitable board ; then may you lend a and it was for this very reason, I bc- helping hand to a fellow Christian in lieve, that they put me to the barris. distress—to me, perhaps, who began terial business!
the race of life thoughilessly, and with Accordingly I am grown old, and foolish confidence of success, now, in as I grew old I grew poor. The lit- the evening of my days, comfortless, tle substance that in trade, commerce, childless, without society, solace, or or manufacture, might have served as station ; in loneliness passing away my the nucleus of an independence, I have appointed time in a naked garret, too dissipated in the vain pursuit of a happy to be permitted the opportunity profession that has never yielded me of scribbling for my daily bread! å shilling. My dinner is now my
THE PICTURE GALLERY.
There is nothing in which the ca- the “ Sir Oracles" of taste and ton. price of fashion is more strikingly ma- There is something supremely absurd nifested than in travelling. In this in this eagerness on the part of our instance, as in numerous others, John middle classes to follow blindly wherBull seems to take a pride in showing ever fashion leads the way. Only ima. himself the mere creature of imitation. gine Russell Square, with Burton CresAs when the foremost sheep in a flock cent and half the Regent's Park at its leap a ditch, or scramble through a heels, rushing off to Cheltenham or hedge, all the rest make a point of per- Brighton, or across the water to Spa or forming the same feat; so when the Baden-Baden, for no better reason leaders of ton, at the close of the than that the list of “ fashionable ar. London season, order their horses' rivals” in these watering-places occuheads to be turned in any particular pies an imposing space in the columns direction, a host of the middle classes of the Morning Post! We laugh at -imitatorum servum pecus-are sure
the French for their vanity, and they to follow in the track of their chariot may well laugh at us for the sacrifices wheels. Next to being fashionable we make in order to be thought genhimself, the best thing is, in John teel. This is the rock against which Bull's estimation, to be seen in the we are constantly wrecking our peace haunts of people of "mark and like- of mind. We had rather cease to live, lihood.” If he goes to Brighton, it than not live à-la-mode. In a word, is not so much because he likes the we are the slaves of the lamp-and place—for who that has the slightest that lamp is, Fashion ! taste for the picturesque can like such I cannot say I have any sympathy a bleak, formal, gewgaw town ?-as with this puny, sickly ambition so prebecause it is frequented by the beau valent among our middle classes-esmonde. Aristocratic Cheltenham is pecially those of the metropolis; and visited for the same reason; as, for rea- still less can I enter into the feelings sons diametrically the reverse, some of which too often prompt them to unthe loveliest little nooks in the king- derrate their own country, and to dom remain unnoticed, save by poor fancy that the word “ Continent” has artists and still poorer poets. Many a genteeler and more imposing sound. years ago Weymouth was all the rage, Britain, so far as my travelling expebecause it was the favourite resort of rience enables me to form an opinion, royalty. Next came the Highland is unquestionably the noblest, the most influenza, when John Bull scampered, marvellous, and taking into considerlike a lunatic, across the Border, in ation its lavish varieties of the suiorder that he might be enabled to boast blime and beautiful—the most pictu. that he had seen those romantic re- resque country in the world. Its nu. gions which Scott's Lady of the merous towns and cities, and their inLake had just made the town talk. habitants, are unrivalled in intelliIn 1814, the silly fellow must needs gence, industry, and opulence; its rush to Paris, the presence of the Al- Menai bridge and its railroads are lied Sovereigns there having made a equal in grandeur of design, and supetrip to the French capital indispensable rior in utility, to the boasted passes of to his notions of gentility. His next the Simplon; its proud “meteor-flag" fancy was for the Rhine and Switzer- streams in every port, and is familiar land, whither he was seduced by the with every wave; and its armies are example of Byron ; for how could he the conquerors of Waterloo. Then, as possibly confess to ignorance of the regards its scenery, which our would. scenes depicted in so celebrated a poem be fashionable tourists are so prone to as Childe Harold ? Just now, he is depreciate,–in the heart of its Scotall for the Spas of Germany, Captain tish and Welsh Alps are to be found Head's popular Bubbles of Brunnen glens, waterfalls, and green, sunny, having recently brought these water. winding strips of valleys, quite as roing-places under the special notice of mantic as any that one meets with