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with a good intent, and that is enough: because I am wither di. vine, nor philosopher, but have, by profession, been a soldier. I have written things in very coarse language; yet, I hope, no pious man will think ill of it. I have written nothing but what I have seen with mine own eyes; I grant, you are not all such persons, as my writing seems to make out, yet, must confess, that I have known abundance of such, but will not call them by their names. I am sorry I have seen so much, and have not eschewed that evil, which hath at last brought me to shame before the world.
XXIV. I shall, in the last place, briefly acquaint you with my course of life. About twenty-seven years ago, my father, of blessed memory, sent me out of Sweden to Germany, where, for two years together, I went to school. Two years after that, came the Muscovites, which obliged us to fly back to Sweden. Abouttwenty. three years ago, I left Sweden, and went to Pomerania, where I served the Elector of Brandenburgh a quarter of a year; from thence I went through Poland, towards the German Emperor's dominions. From Bohemia, I travelled into the Netherlands, from thence into France; from France again into the Netherlands with the army. After the peace, I went back to Bohemia, Austria, and Hungary, and after that again to the Netherlands, where I staid eight years; from thence I went farther, to Holland, Denmark, Sweden, Poland, and then to Holstein, which was in the year 1681. During these thirteen years, I have been a papist twelve years, because I was commonly all that time in popish territories; bat in Holstein, in the year 1681, I turned again to the Lutheran religion, in which I was born, and baptised, and in that, God willing, I mean to die. I could no longer bear with the popish religion, because of their many saints and intercessors. There is no religion comes nearer to mine, than that of the protestants in England; God grant they may live in peace with the calvinists to prevent quarrels, and in opposition to the papists.
Ah! my dear Jesus, look upon me with the eyes of thy mercy, and chasten me not according to my desert. I firmly hope, thou wilt not dismiss my broken contrite heart without a blessing, the rather, because thou didst bespeak the poor thief upon the cross, with these comfortable words: This day shalt thou be with me in Paradise. O Jesu! Let me also hear this word, and my soul will be safe. I will not cease praying to the very last, and to say, Lord Jesu, into thy hands I commend my spirit. These shall be my last words, and when I can speak no more, O Lord Jesu, thou wilt accept of my sighs, for I believe that thou earnest into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief. Now, Lord Jesu, strengthen me in all my sufferings. Thou sayest, come to me all ye who are weary and heavy laden, and I will refresh you. In this faith, at thy command, I am come, but altogether unworthy; O Lord Jesu, heal thou me, for thou art the true physician of souls. Yea, Lord Jesu, I confess, that at present I feel great refreshment in my sinful heart. I am as an armed man, who goes against his enemy, and will not draw back one step, but light courageously. Now, Lord Jesu, thou hast armed me with a stedfast faith and confidence in thee. Grant m», Lord Jesu, that I may be thankful for this great mercy and goodness; let me wrestle boldly, and press through life and death. Hallelujah.
Let me say, Lord Jesu, with St. Paul, If God be for us, who can be against us? Nay, he hath not spared his own son, but hath given him for our sins. Who will accuse the elect of God? It is God that justifies, Who will condemn? It is Christ that died, who sits at the right-hand of God, and intercedes for us. Who shall separate us from tbe love of God? Shall trouble, shall anguish, shall persecution, shall hunger, shall nakedness, shall peril, or the sword? as it is written by David, Psalm xviii. 28. The Lord make my darkness light; and the blood of Jesus Christ wash me and purify me from all my sins. Amen, Jesu, Amen, Amen.
Whatever state or dignity a true christian is of, he must not make light of prayer, or think, I can pray to-morrow, and this business I must do to-day. Ah! Christian, let thy business be rather laid aside, except thy fellow-christian should be in the pangs or death, or thy house should be on fire, for these things may cause more than ordinary trouble. Neglect not the service of God, O my son, nor the festivals of the church, for I can tell, what will be the effect of that neglect. In a word, nothing should have so much of your care, as the exercise of prayer, and going to the house of God, where you must not sit idle, but work in the vineyard, that you may receive your penny, which the Lord of the vineyard will at last give. Consider this, for Christ's sake. Amen, Amen. My sweet Jesu. Amen.
XXV. And now I will let you know how I came to that late misfortune here in London. About the end of October last I came to London, and lodged in the city, near the Royal Exchange, in Broadstreet, in the Dutch Ordinary, at the sign of the City of Amsterdam. When I had been there about a month, a gentleman came to lodge there, who called himself Vallicks, but his name is Vrats: he and I began to be acquainted: at last he told me he had a request to me; to whom I replied, that, to the utmost of my power, he might command me. To this he said, that he had a quarrel with a gentleman, and desired me to be his second. I told him without any consideration, I would. A fortnight after, he told me, that it was good living thereabouts; and if I would take a lodging in that place, during the four weeks he should stay in London, he would pay for me. Hereupon he took four servants; sometimes he was for marrying, sometimes for fighting; and if he could get one, who would kill the gentleman, he said he would give him two-hundred, nay, three-hundred dollars. There it rested for a while. He dismissed two of his servants, and was going for France, or Holland. The two servants continued without places. Six days after, I took leave of my acquaintance; and after my things had been two days on shipboard, I went to the Lutheran church, where I received a letter from Captain Vrats. O unhappy letter J The contents were as follow j
I am sorry I could not have the honour to take my leave of you; but be it all to your advantage. I am going for France, yet have not as yet a certain commission. In the meanwhile, be pleased to continue, either at Mr. Block's, or the City of Amsterdam, where I will not fail to pay for all. 1 am, your obliged servant,
De Vrats, alias De Vallicks. After I had read this unhappy letter, I changed my resolution, and stayed here, and fetched my things from the ship, and went to lodge in Blackmore-street. About ten weeks after he returns to London, sends for me, and I came; and himself took a lodging in Westminster, where I was with him; and the count himself lay one night in the captain's and my lodging. The captain then asked me, how Thynn did? I told him 1 could not tell, for I had never seen him. Thereupon he told me, I must see now, how to order it, that I may come at him, if I could get but some stout fellows.—Do you know no Frenchmen about town, or what other people there is? I said, I would see. Then he added, could not one get an Italian, who might dispatch him, I would give him three or fourhundred dollars? I said, I knew none. Hereupon he got four brace of pistols, three little ones, and one brace of great ones. The great ones, and one brace of little ones, he had by him before, and two long swords; and then said, now he is a dead man. He prayed me to cause two poniards to be made, whereof he gave me the draught, but I would not do it. And now he had a mind to draw in a great many more. At last I had a very strange ominous dream. He saw I was musing, and then asked me, what I ailed? I told him; and he laughed, saying, there was no heed to be given to dreams; yet the dream proved too true. Now, I saw, he was resolved to kill him; when, therefore, he importuned me to engage more men in the business, I told him, what can you do with so many people, cannot you take three horses, you will have use for no more? Hereupon he fetched out money, and on the Friday, before the murder was done, he bought three horses. On Sunday following, he told me, I shall get a brave fellow (that was the miserable Polonian) who came to town on Friday, and the Sunday after he killed the gentleman (according to order from his master, and you know who his master was) myself being, then, alas! in the company. Half an hour past four, the gentleman went by in his chariot before our window. Thereupon we went for the horses, and afterward rid toward the Pall-Mail, where we met the gentleman in his chariot. I rid before the coach, the captain went close by it, and then cried, hold, and shewed the Polonian the man in the coach; who thereupon gave fire, and shot four or five bullets into his body. They say he lived till next morning, and then died. On Monday following we were all taken prisoners, and now must die too; we have yet four days to live. The great God pardon us this sin, for Christ's sake. Amen. For I repent from the bottom of my heart, that in my old age, to which I was advanced with honour, I should come to this disaster: but it is done, and cannot be remedied. It is written, the days of our years are few, and, when we come to our best age, it is then but labour and scrrow.
The letter the Captain shewed me one day, was to this purpose:
'I have given Captain Vrats full commission to dispose of the 'places of captain, or lieutenant, to whomsoever he shall find ca* pable of it.'
So far I read the letter; five lines lower stood these words, six* hundred dollars, which was not the captain's hand, or writing, it was High-Dutch. I, seeing the letter, threw it down upon the table, but he put it up, and, underneath the letter, was signed Conings, mark. Thus much I saw, but made no farther reflections upon the letter, because, God knows, I was blinded.
Another memorandum I have forgot in the papers, which, after my death, are like to be published, viz. It hath been twice in my thoughts, when Captain Vrats was in Holland, to go and tell Mr, Thynn what the captain intended against him, but I still forgot.
I desire the doctor, in case any thing of the captain's writings should come abroad, to compare what he saith with my confessions, and to consider one with the other, Give unto Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and unto God the things that are God's. I hope I shall go with the publican into the temple of God; I am a great sinner, yet God's mercy is greater, wherein I trust; nor will Christ therefore refuse a soul, though the body is hanged uiI by the world. My lords, ye judges, I do wish you all happiness;! confess you have a weighty office. God give you his grace, that you may neither add to^ nor diminish from a cause. You have seen how I have ex, posed all my failings, and that openly, to God, and to the whole world, because others may take warning by me, whom I leave be, hind me in the world. I beg of God, that people may consider this, my poor writing, the effect of the assistance of God's spirit, and the desire of a pious soul.
The captain desired me, that I would cause two daggers to be made, because at first it was resolved, we should fall upon Mr, Thynn on foot, and he would have had some Italian, or another, to thrust them into Mr. Thynn's body; yet I neither looked out for a man, fit for that purpose, nor would I cause those daggers to be made. The musquetoon, or the gun, I fetched indeed, but it was out of a house, which the captain described to me. The holy passion of Jesus Christ preserve me; the innocent blood of our Lord strengthen me; the pure blood, that flowed from his side, wash me; the great pain of Jesus Christ heal me, and take away the deadly wounds of my soul.
O bountiful Jesu, hear me; hide me in thy holy wounds; from thy compassionate heart, let there flow into my wicked heart mercy comfort, strength, and pardon of all my sins.
My Lord, and my God, if I have but thy most holy passion and death in my soul, neither heaven nor earth can hurt me. O Jesu \ I creep into thy gaping wounds, there I shall be secure, until the wrath of God be overpast. O Lord, let me always adhere to thee; keep off from me all the assaults of Satan, in the hour of my death. O my dearest Lord Jesu, who hast spoke comfortably to thepenitent sinner on the cross, call to my dying heart, and speak comfort and consolation to it; assist me, that, in my last necessity, through thy help, I may happily overcome; and, when I can speak no more, accept of my sighs in mercy, and let me continue an heir of eternal happiness, for the sake of thy most holy blood, which thou hast shed for me. Amen. Lord Jesu Christ, my Lord and Saviour. Amen. Amen.
O Jesu, receive my poor soul into thy hands, then shall I die thy servant. My soul I commend to thee, and then I shall feel no pain nor sorrow. Amen. Amen. Amen.
These Ejaculations are Parts of such Spiritual Songs, as are usually
0! think not on my grievous sins,
Almighty Jesus, son of God,
1 hide myself within thy wounds;