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carried all the way, though she was nearly starved when she came out at Portsmouth. When asked why she had not eaten it, she answered: 'Oh, it was my wedding cake, you know.' The wedding was celebrated a few days afterward, and the guests ate for dinner, out of their wooden bowls, soup made of smoked ham and rice boiled together, and the wedding-cake."

THE DOCTOR'S MAN.

The late Dr.was one who could seldom resist telling a good story, even when it turned the laugh against himself. On one occasion an Englishman whom he had recently engaged astonished him by appearing to wait at breakfast with a swollen face and a pair of unmistakable black eyes. Why, John," said he, "you seem to have been fighting?" "Yes, master I have," was the reply. "And who may your opponent have been? "Why sir, Dr. M.'s man," naming a rival Esculapius. what did you fall out about?" "Why, sir, he said as you wasn't fit to clean his master's shoes." "And what did you say?" "Well, sir, I said you was!"

A BEAR STORY.

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It is within the recollection of many present citizens of Bay City, and they by no means very ancient in point of years, when bears were roaming the woods within its present limits. An inveterate joker from the up-river village, on occasion of a visit to his brother at Bay City (Lower Saginaw," as it was then) stopped at the hostelry of Judge Campbell, who had recently built the hotel since known as the "Globe," on the corner of what is now Water and Fifth streets, although its original size bore little resemblance to its present proportions. As joker" sat in an easy chair toasting his shins by the fire, his brother entered in a hurry with a declaration to "joker," "There's a big bear just out in the

woods!"

Guns were always in readiness for sport, and it was but a few moments before the joker, led by his brother and one or two other friends, were hurrying through the stumps of the clearing which extended almost to Washington street. Cautiously feeling their way through the woods, they reach a point not far from the present site of the court-house, when joker was shown the bear, which proved to be a very large coal-black hog belonging to the brother, his pilot. After a good laugh the party wended its way back to the house. Joker watched his chance, by the way, to separate from the rest, and to place in the gun a charge about six inches deep. On reaching the house, the gun was carelessly placed in the corner, and the company about the fire indulged in a series of jokes, and the enjoyment of a good time generally.

Presently joker left the house, and went down to the river bank, about in the rear of the present Jennison block, returning after a

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short time with the carelessly imparted information that there was a thundering flock of duck just settled on the river. "We'll have some for upper," exclaimed his brother; and, seizing the gun from the corner, cautiously picked his way to a favorite log on the river bank, behind which he was accustomed to lay in wait for the feathered tribes. Joker and the rest of the company followed behind, and watched the sport. With the butt to his shoulder, and the barrel resting on the log, sportsman blazed away at the innocent ducks. It was hard to tell which end of the gun killed most. Sportsman fell back on the ground with his left hand to to his right shoulder, in his agony, asking between the paroxysms of pain, What in thunder had got into that gun?" Why, you foolish fellow," said joker, "you've been trying to shoot ducks with a bear charge. All present saw the point of the joke, and it is said joined in attempting to relieve the sufferer, by copious applications of whisky internally and externally.

A STOUT OLD FARMER.

A farmer, not a day's journey from the city, had occasion to ask one of his plowmen to go to plow with a pair of horses which had not been put into harness. The man excused himself, saying, "he wudna buckle wi' them, as they war some fashious an' no to be tiggit wi'." Without further argument the farmer went to the stable, harnessed the horses, took them to the field, put them in the plow, and, although he had passed his 60th year and had not put his hand to a plow for fifteen years, did what the young fellow demurred to do, and finished a day's plowing in capital style.

'SQUIRE CONNING'S MOUTH.

Squa-conning creek empties into the Saginaw river but a short distance above Bay City, and further than to say that at its mouth it is a creek of considerable size, no other description will be needed. Harry C., brother of that old pioneer, our respected fellow-citizen, Judge C., resided in early days at Saginaw City, and was noted as an inveterate wag and practical joker. Having returned from a visit to the Judge at Bay City, Harry met a traveling dentist, who, in his peregrinations, had stumbled into the Saginaws, and was operating upon the mouths of the scattered settlers. Doctor," said Harry, "I've just come up from the mouth of the river, and 'Squire Conning wanted me to send you down to fix up his mouth. It's a thundering big mouth, and hasn't got a tooth in it." Elated with the prospect of a good job, the dentist jumped into a canoe (the only means of transit between the two places), and paddled to Portsmouth (now 7th ward, Bay City). Reaching there, after eighteen miles of paddling, he made diligent inquiry for Squire Conning, "and his disgust may be better imagined than described when he found that he had passed the 'Squire's mouth some miles up the river.

66

MAKING A "LEVEL."

Among the first constabulary force of Saginaw was one H., an old covey, who imagined that what he didn't know was hardly worth knowing. Let any one venture to tell him he did not understand his business and see what would happen. He was given to lisping, whether for the beauty of the thing, through misfortune or what not, we are unable to inform the reader; but one thing is certain, he did lisp. Coming one day into the shop of Seth W., shortly after the election, he was accosted by Seth with, "Well, H., how do you get along? Have plenty of business now-a-days?" "Yeth thiree," rejoined H., "lotth of it; made one level to-day, thir." "Ah, what did you levy on to-day?" asked S. "Leveled on a yoke of thteerth." Where were the steers," asked ;S. "who owned them?" They belonged to old Brown, up the Tittabawathee-were on his plathe." "You've not been there to-day, have you! I've not missed you out of town," observed S. "That ithent nethethary; don't have to go there to level; can do it just ath well at home. The cattle are all thiafe enough, and I know they are there; aint that enough! Do you thuppose I don't know what I am about? You don't fool old H. with any of your nonthenth, no thir-ee!"

And the indignant official left the shop, cursing the stupidity of "thome folkth. This is what his friend "Mose" would call mak

ing a "dead level.”

A BAD JURY.

It was during a certain term of the Circuit Court, when the Hon. Judge M., of happy memory, was presiding, that an old man was indicted by the grand jury on a charge of grand larceny. After receiving an impartial trial he was finally brought in guilty" by the petit jury. As the Judge was in some haste to leave.-this case having been the last one on the calendar--he proceeded to pass the sentence of the law upon the prisoner, the jury still remaining in the “box."

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"Mr. B.," commenced the Hon. Judge, it becomes my most painful duty to pass the sentence of the law upon you-a duty which I fain would escape performing; yet I often find myself obliged, in the course of my judicial duties, to shut all the avenues of feeling leading to my heart, and forget for awhile that I possess the sensibilities of a man. Mr. B., in this case I find my duty doubly painful, for I have known you for many years, and when you occupied a high and honorable position in society, and were respected by your fellows for your uprightness and integrity. But what do I see before me to-day? A man made after the image of his Maker, with his head silvered with age, found guilty of a crime by a jury of 12 of his own countrymen. Have you aught to say, Mr. B., why the sentence of the law should not be pronounced upon you?"

"Judge," blubbered the old culprit, "I know that I am guilty; that I ought to suffer; that I deserve all, and more too, than the

law can inflict upon me; but Judge, look at that d-d jury. To think that such a miserable looking set of desperadoes should find me guilty, is more than I can stand; but go ahead, Judge; don't let me interrupt you." The reader may imagine the explosion that followed this speech, in which the Hon. Judge lost a little of his specific gravity."

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A BIG TOMATO.

A notice in one of the county journals tells of a tomato which was raised in the Valley that year. It shows that duty rose above private interests in that office. Carter should have presented it and thus obviated silent profanity. "A big tomato 21 inches in circumference and 7 inches in diameter, weighing 3 lbs., was brought to our office by George Carter and

carried

it away again. He was kind enough to show it to the boys; for which he has our thanks."

FROM SAGINAW TO "MASHO'S " HOUSE.

When the early denizens of the Valley started out on a duck hunt, a trip down the river, or into the woods, the powder, ball and shot were not more es-ential elements for success or comfort on the expedition, than was the jug or bottle of whisky. This was of course in the times when everybody drank whisky and no evil was thought, whatever may have resulted from its use. Gardner Williams, "Lixa Boga" and Major Moseby (all long since departed this life) jumped into their canoe at Saginaw City one afternoon and paddled down the river to Masho's house, which was situated not far from McGraw's present mill. It was late when they started, and the shades of night came on long before they reached the head of Crow Island. Meantime, sundry lunches had been taken from the jug in the bow of the canoe, and all was merry. At last the voyagers concluded that they must be almost down to Masho's, and began to scan the shore. The rice marshes near Willow Island were taken for those which led to Masho's, and carefully they pulled themselves through the long grass, wondering what had become of the eagerly sought for dwelling. All night they worked among the tall grass, until the gray light of the morning disclosed to them the fact that they were seven miles from Masho's, and that their sanguine hopes had been more the wonderful effect of their brown jug in dispelling distances, than a reality. It was breakfast time when the three wearied and dispirited men reached their destination, where the justice done to their breakfast was good evidence that they had been disappointed in their supper of the night before.

THE SCHOOL SLEIGH-RIDE.

Harry C. was the most popular school teacher in the Saginaw Valley, and for many years taught the young idea how to shoot straight," in the humble school-house at Saginaw City. Finding

his scholars disposed on one occasion to be unruly, he coaxed them to obedience by the promise of a sleigh-ride as soon as snow came. The promise was enough, the unruly youths knew that it would not be forgotten, nor yet neglected; for their teacher always kept his word, whether it was to reward or punish. Good order and diligence in study resulted, and all looked forward with impatience to the advent of the winter. At last it came, a good snow-storm made glad the hearts of the youth, and ere many days the announcement was made that the sleigh-ride would take place on a certain afternoon. The long looked-for hour came at last, the expectant and hilarious scholars were gathered at the school-house, awaiting the coming of the teacher with the team. At last he came in sight, and such a team, and such a shout as the scholars raised, as Harry drove up to the school-house door, with a diminutive donkey hitched to a pair of bob-sleds! They piled upon the boards, boys and girls together, and they had their ride, and if they did not make Goldsmith Maid's time of 2:16, the survivors of the present day assure the writer that at the rate of two miles in 16 hours, it was the most laughable and enjoyable sleigh-ride of their lives.

THE TRAMP OF 1880.

However strange it may appear to the people of the future to learn that amid the industrious people of the present time a peculiarly lazy character known as the "tramp" existed, the fact of its existence remains.

John Sharp, a genuine member of the genus "Tramp," was arrested by an officer of the Saginaw police force, and placed in the lock-up. As usual, before entering this palatial abode, his pockets were searched. On his person were found three silver-plated spoons, one marked "Mc. ;" one entirely new improved Phoenix throat anatomizer, manufactured by Widaul, Tatham & Co., of Philadelphia, a pint-and-a-half bottle of horse liniment; one shirt; a piece of tapestry carpet about a yard long, and nine cents in money; also a begging letter to the clergy as follows:

REV. SIR.-I am just after coming out of the hospital, where I have been for some time with the ague, and being a perfect stranger, I want to get to Bay City where I can get a boat. I hope you will be so kind as to lend me a trifle to help me; and may God bless you. JACK THOMPSON.

The tramp of 1880 cannot be surpassed. Endowed wih a nonchalance as terrible as his laziness is revolting, he spends his days in a semi-barbarous condition, oblivious alike to the opinions of gods and men.

A TRADER ON THE MEXICAN WAR.

Just below Saginaw City lives an old French settler, a happy type of the genial and happy class, one Mc, not unknown

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