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She said she was sorry it fell out so odd,
last ventures, on repeated solicitations But if, when again I should travel that Road, I would stay there a night, she assurd me the Nan from the captain, to sit down on a chair tion
by his side. But of all this we are Should no where afford better accommodation : Mean while, my spruce Landlord has broken the told nothing, so suppose Charlie to Cork,
have passed a good night, and And call’d for a Bodkin, though he had a Fork; But I shew him a Skrew, which I told my brisk Guli After seven hours sleep, to commute for pains taken, A Trepane was for Bottles had broken their skull; A man of himself, one would think, might awaken, Which, as it was true, he believ'd without doubt, But riding, and drinking hard, were two such spells, But 'twas I that applied it, and pulld the Cork out: I doubt I'd slept on, but for jangling of Bells, Bounce, quoth the Bottle, the work being done, Which, ringing to Mattens all over the Town, It roar'd, and it smoak'd like a new fir'd Ğun; Made me leap out of Bed, and put on my Gown, But the shot miss'd us all, or else we'd been routed, With intent (so God mend me) I have gone to the Which yet was a wonder, we were so about it ;
Choire, Mine Host pour'd and filld, till he could fill no When streight I perceived myself all on a fire; fuller,
For the two fore-named things had so heated my Look here, Sir, quoth he, both for Nap and for co
That a little Phlebotomy would doe me good; Sans bragging, I hate it, nor will I e'er do't,
I sent for Chirurgeon, who came in a trice, I defie Leek, and Lambith, and Sandwich to boot: And swift, to shed bloud, needed not be call'd twice, By my troth he said true, for I speak it with tears,
But tilted Steeletto quite thorough the Vein, Though I have been a Toss-pot these twenty good From whence issued out the ill humours amain; years,
When having twelve Ounces he bound up my arme, And have drank so much Liquor has made me a And I gave him two Georges, which did fim no Debtor,
harm; In my days, that I know of, I never drank better; But after my bleeding I soon understood We found it so good, and we drank so profoundly,
It had cool'd my Devotion as well as my Bloud, That four good round Shillings were whipt away
For I had no more mind to look on my Psalter roundly;
Than (saving your presence) I had to a Halter; And then I conceiv'd it was time to be jogging. But like a most wicked and obstinate Sinner, For our work had been done, had we staid t'other Then sate in my Chamber till Folks came to dinner: Noggin.
I din'd with good stomach, and very good chear, Cotton and his servant reach “ Ches- With a very fine Woman, and good Ale and Beer;
When my self having stuff'd than a Bag-pipe more ter in the West” about two in the after- full, noon, and nothing can be more divert
I fell to my smoaking untill I grew dull;
And therefore to take a fine nap thought it best. ing than the important air with which
Having thus been cheated out of the he dismounts, as if he had performed morning service, he determined, on a most formidable journey-and the
no account whatever, to miss that of comfortable and self-satisfied good hu- the afternoon, so, mour with which he takes possession with that starting up, for my man did I whistle, of his quarters, Our friend Cotton
And comb’d out and powder'd my locks that were
grizle, has no notion this day of being shook Had my clothes neatly brush'd, and then put on in his seat after dinner, so he sends
Resolv'd now to go and attend on the word. his nag to the stable for the night, and We are sorry to be obliged to say, begins to reflect on his own situation. that we cannot think Mr Cotton was a
And now in high time 'twas to call for some Meat, Though drinking does well, yet some time we must
very devout person this day in church, eat;
but we shall charitably suppose
that And l'faith we had Vict'als both plenty and good, he had a bad headach, and that, we Where we all laid about us as if we were wood: Go thy ways, Mistress Anderton, for a good Wo- all know, is a sad enemy to atten
tion. We are led to conjecture, that Thy Guests shall by thee ne'er be turn'd to a Com
he yawned much during the service, And here I must stop the Career of my Muse,
from the extreme alacrity with which The poor Jade is weary, ’lass! how should she chuse, he quitted the cathedral. The service And if I should farther here spur on my Course,
No sooner was ended, but whir and away, I should, questionless, tire both my Wits and Horse. Like Boys in a School when they've leave got to How he spent the time after an ear
All save Master Mayor, who still gravely stays ly dinner, and before going to bed, we Till the rest had left room for his Worship and's
Mace: are not told, but, somehow or other,
Then he and his Brethren in order appear, the silence speaks of pipes and malt I out of my stall and fell into his rear; liquor, and the reader feels that the
For why, 'tis much safer appearing, no doubt,
In Authority's Tail, than the head of a Rout. bard retired to the downs, somewhat In this rev'rend order we marched from Pray'r; the better of his tankard, at rather a
The Mace before me borne as well as the May'r;
Who looking behind him, and seeing most plain late hour. We think we see him sit- A glorious Gold Belt in the rear of his Train, ting in a little snug parlour, a three
Made such a low Congey, forgetting his place,
I was never so honour'd before in my days; legged table, with a circular top, at his But then off went my scalp-case, and down went my
Fist, elbow-covered, but not crowded
Till the Pavement, too hard, by my knuckles was and, as he puffs away in solitary bliss, kiss'd, a gentle mist just dimming the bright
By which, though thick-sculld, he must understand
this, ness of the fire and candle light. Mrs That I was a most humble Servant of his; Anderton perhaps comes smiling and
Which also so wonderfull kindly he took,
(As I well perceiv’d both b' his gesture and look,) courtseying in, to ask if he finds That to have me dogg'd home, he streightway apevery thing quite comfortable; and ať Resolving, it seems, to be better acquainted ;
I was scarce in my Quarters, and set down on Crup- After supper the Mayor's curiosity
per, But his man was there too, to invite me to Supper. begins to awaken ; and certainly, after
After many excuses offered in vain, giving his guest a capital supper, he the poet finds that to the mayor's he is entitled to know something of his must go, and really we, who have
birth and parentage. ped with many mayors, cannot see
Wherefore making me draw'something nearer his
Chair, that he was at all to be pitied.- He willd and requir'd me there to declare
My Countrey, my Birth, my Estate, and my Parts, We never, in a borough, decline a
And whether I was not a Master of Arts; meal with one of the council-but re- And eke what the bus'ness was had brought me
thither, joice to breakfast with a Convener, to
With what I was going about now, and whither : dine with a Provost, and sup with a me caution, no lye should escape me,
For if I should trip, he should certainly trap me, Dean of Guild. No respectable Scots- I'answer'd, my Country was fam'd Stafford-shire; man would act otherwise. At this That in Deeds, Bills, and Bonds, I was ever writ
Squire; time the Mayor of Chester was a prime That of Land, I had both sorts, some good, and magistrate indeed.
But that a great part on't was pawn'd to the Devil; As he sate in his Chair, he did not much vary, That as for my Parts, they were such as he saw ; In stat, nor in face, from our Eighth English Har- That indeed I had a small smatt'ring of Law, ry;
Which I lately had got more by practice than readBut whether his face was swell’d up with fat, Or puffd with Glory, I cannot tell that:
By sitting o'th' Bench, whilst others were pleading; Being enter'd the Chamber half length of a Pike, But that Arms I had ever more studi'd than Arts, And cutting of faces exceedingly like
And was now to a Captain rais'd by my deserts; One of those little Gentlemen brought from the That 'twas bus'ness which led me through Palatine Indies,
ground And skrewing myself into Congeys and Cringes, Into Ireland, whither now I was bound; By then I was half way advanc'd in the Room Where his Worship's great favour 1 loud will proHis Worship most rev'rendly rose from his Bum,
claim, And with the more Honour to grace and to greet And in all other places where ever I came. me,
He said, as to that, I might doe what I list, Advanc'd a whole step and an half for to meet me; But that I was wellcome, and gave me his fist; Where leisurely doffing a Hat worth a Tester, When having my Fingers made crack with his He bade me most heartily wellcome to Chester ;
gripes, I thank'd him in Language the best I was able, He calls to his man for some Bottles and Pipes. And so we forthwith sate us all down to Table.
We believe that the conversation During supper a slight altercation with men of authority after supper, occurs between Mistress May’ress and would not, in general, make very pretty her Lord-for
poetry, and so Cotton opined. Straight with the look and the tone of a Scold,
To trouble you here with a longer Narration Mistress May’ress complained that the Pottage was Of the several parts of our Confabulation, cold,
Perhaps would be tedious, I'll therefore remit ye And all long of your fiddle-faddle, quoth shc, Ev'n to the most rev'rend Records of the City, Why, what then, Goody Two-shoes, what if it be?
Where doubtless the Acts of the May'rs are record. Hold you, if you can, your tittle tattle, quoth he.
ed, Charles is at a loss to know certainly,
And if not more truly, yet much better worded. what conclusions to draw from this About one in the morning he takes · little connubial dialogue, as
leave of the Mayor, but not without quarter in which authority is lodged making him the present of in the mansion-house of Chester. And
A certain fantastical box and a stopper, we can understand his perplexity. It gifts being, to his certain knowledge, is no uncommon thing, we are con- and to ours, always most acceptable vinced, (we speak as bachelors) for to great men. man and wife to arrange before-hand,
Next morning he procures a guide little argumentations and seeming bick
to conduct him over the Welsh mounerings, before company, in which each tains, who rides upon the following party behaves with so much self-pos- horse. session, and disregard of each other's opi- It certainly was the most ugly of Jades,
His hips and his rump made a right Ace of Spades; nion or feelings, that it is quite impossi- His sides were two Ladders, well spur-gall’d withall; ble for a spectator to say whether or not His neck was a Helve, and his head was a Mall;
For his colour, my pains and your trouble I'll spare, the Lady be a Hen-pecker, and taps For the Creature was wholly denuded of hair, the hollow beech-tree. Mr Cotton And,
except for two things, as bare as my nail,
A tuft of a Mane, and a sprig of a Tail; makes the following judicious reflections on this incident.
Now such as the Beast was, even such was the
Rider, I was glad she was snapp'd thus, and guess'd by th' With a head like a Nutmeg and legs like a Spider; discourse,
A voice like a Cricket, a look like a Rat, The May’r, not the gray Mare, was the better Horse; The brains of a Goose, and the heart of a Cat; And yet for all that, there is reason to fear,
Even such was my Guide, and his Beast, let them She submitted but out of respect to his year ;
pass, However, 'twas well she had now so much grace,
The one for a Horse, and the other an Ass.
At Flint, Mister Cotton stops to get
a “ jug of sommat," and then canters Id e'ery one there filld his Belly in quiet, on to Holly-well.
But the Lord of Flint Castle's no Lord worth a But now my Guide told me, it time was to go, Louse,
For that to our beds we must both ride and row; For he keeps ne'er a drop of good drink in his Wherefore calling to pay, and having accounted, House;
I soon was down stairs, and as suddenly mounted. But in a small House near unto't there was store
They reach the banks of the ConOf such Ale, as (thank God) I ne'er tasted before ; And surely the Welch are not wise of their Fuddle, way ere nightfall, and that somewhat For this had the taste and complexion of puddle. lumpish Ruin seems to us well deFrom thence then we march'd, full as dry as we came;
scribed in the line, My Guide before prancing, his steed no more lame,
But 'tis pretty'st Cob-Castle e'er I beheld. O'er Hills, and o'er Valleys uncouth and uneven, Untill 'twixt the hours of twelve and eleven,
We regret that Cotton did not deMore hungry and thirsty than tongue can well tell,
scribe his feelings on waiting for We happily came to St. Winnifre Well. Here he is anxious to pay a visit to greatly relieved by the arrival of a set
ferry-boat, which are not, in general, the famous medicinal well, but not so
of insolent, ignorant, rash, cowardly, anxious as to forget the great leading
and drunken ferrymen. But he seems principle on which his journey was
to have laid down a resolution not to conducted.
lose his temper on any occasion whatI went into th' Kitchen, where Victals I saw,
ever, and he takes leave of us with his Both Beef, Veal, and Mutton, but all on't was raw; And some on't alive, but it soon went to slaughter, wonted hilarity. Thus, For four Chickens were slain by my Dame and her The Sun now was going t’unharness his Steeds, Daughter:
When the Ferry-boat brasking his sides 'gainst the Of which to Saint Win. e'er my vows I had paid,
Weeds, They said I should find a rare Frigassey made ; Came in as good time, as good time could be, I thank'd them, and streight to the Well did repair, To give us a cast o'er an arme of the Sea ; Where some I found cursing, and others at Pray'r;
And bestowing our Horses before and abaft, Some dressing, soine stripping, some out and some O'er god Neptune's wide Cod-piece gave us a waft; in,
Where scurvily landing at foot of the Fort, Some naked.
Within very few paces we enter'd the Pert,
Where another King's head invited me down, His description of the Well itself is
For indeed I have ever been true to the Crown. very prettily written, and looks well, It is perhaps requisite to know, surrounded by the absurdity in which as well as we do, the character of Cota it is set.
ton, in many respects an interesting But the Fountain, in truth, is well worth the sight, The beautifull virgin's own tears not more bright: bounding jeu d'esprit
. But, with or
one, fully to enjoy the levity of this , none she ever shed such a tear, Her Conscience, her Name, nor herself were more without that knowledge, every reader
clear: In the bottom there lie certain stones that look white, must be pleased with it. It gives one But streak’d with pure red, as the Morning with quite the feeling of being on a jour
light, Which they say is her bloud, and so it may be, ney. No sentimentalist, Charles CotBut for that, let who shed it look to it for me. ton. He snuffs his dinner in the disOver the Fountain a Chapel there stands, Which I wonder has scap'd Master Oliver's hands;
tant inn with a wolf-like-a vultureThe floor's not ill pav'd, and the Margent o'th'
like sagacity—and the moment he sits Spring, Is enclos'd with a certain Octagonal Ring; down in a parlour, he is determined From each Angle of which a Pillar does rise,
on happiness. No allusion is ever of strength and of thickness enough to suffice To support and uphold from falling to ground made by him to the past or the fuA Cupolo wherewith the Virgin is crown'd.
ture. T'here he is, and he is happy. Now 'twixt the two Angles, that fork to the North, And where the cold Nymph does her Bason pour He is equally at home with mine Host
forth, Under ground is a place, where they bathe, as 'tis
or Master Mayor. He has no secrets, said,
and communicates freely his whole And 'tis true, for I heard Folks Teeth hack in their head.
history to people, who, he knows, are He quaffs a liberal glass of the sanc
never to see him again, and when he
is tified water, flirts sprightlily, but ten- gone, all remember him only derly, with the fair maiden who pre
the Captain.” Short and easy stages sents it to him, and then, true to his
are his delight, and though we part dinner, as the needle to the pole, he with him at Conway, we follow him, is attracted to his house of entertain- in imagination, day after day, till at ment.
last we think we see him shipped for
Ireland " at the Head.” He makes no My dinner was ready, and to it I fell, I never ate better meat that I can tell;
statistical observations as he jogs along When having half din'd, there comes in my Host, A Catholick, good, and a rare drunken Tost;
---long-horned cattle browse away unThis man, by his drinking, inflamed the Scot, observed by him-and Welsh mutton And told me strange stories, which I have forgot; But this I reinember, twas much on's own Life,
attracts his attention only when roastAnd one thing, that he had converted his Wife. ed, or in chops.
He has no great eye Much against his inclination and even for the picturesque; and though usual practice, our poet ventures to he no doubt saw the trees, and fields, sally forth in continuation after din- and vales, and mountains, as he rode
along, he had something better to
think of, at the end of a stage-a snug or the Honourable Mrs Murray, or to room, a clear tankard, a broiled fowl, the reverend Richard Warner of Bath, and a pretty landlady. His “ Jour- or, above all absurd people alive or ney” is called a burlesque. For our dead, to-whom shall we say? why own parts, we think it a misnomer; then-to-no-it would not be fair. and were we wishing to read a bur- So learn better manners and be quiet. lesque, we would turn to Mrs Spence,
REMARKS ON SOME OF OUR LATE NUMBERS; BY A LIBERAL WHIG.
gerous book in the hands of young I have been amusing myself in the and inflammable persons ; and country with the late Numbers of that account, when one is inclined to your Magazine, and still more with be very serious, one may regret that Dr Morris. I do not think that the it ever was written. But this is a good people of Aberystwith and its charge to which it is obnoxious only vicinity will recognise their Æscula- in common with a great many other pius, or that Lady Johnes will admit seductive works of fancy and genius, his affinity, or give him credentials of about which no such mighty stir has such a nature as Perkin Warbeck re- been made, and to which no such vioceived from his aunt of Burgundy. lent exception was ever taken, even But the reception his work will afford though they might be accidentally him at Glasgow and Edinburgh, is found on the shelves of a young lady's probably of more importance to him library. It has also several very unthan the impression it may make a- orthodox hits at matters of faith ; mong his first and second cousins in some indecent witticisms at the exCardiganshire. However, I hope he pense of Scriptural phrases and Scripmeans to publish his three new vo- tural histories; and (what is of graver lumes before the gout has quite de- moment) some doubts expressed as to molished him—a catastrophe to which a future state-doubts only, however, he seems to be making rapid strides, not denials—incidentally and not ofnotwithstanding his skill in medicine. fensively introduced, and by no means He will die in good company; for, if of so objectionable a character as his the bulletins from the Tent are to be celebrated stanzas in Childe Harold, credited, there is not a man among about which no such fuss was made, the “ Contributors” who does not according to the best of my remake vigorous efforts to partake his membrance. Upon the whole, I screwing and pricking honours, and am convinced that the violent outcry share his fate. Certainly your Peter's raised against the book is not so much Letters, and your Twelfth of August, to be attributed to any thing in its are only part of a conspiracy, among actual design and tendency, as to the the wine and brandy merchants, a- (I fear I may say) deserved unpopugainst the new school of water-drink- larity of the author's moral character ers-a school of which I would not, and conduct, and the understanding however, have you imagine that I am which prevailed of its being accommyself a disciple.
panied, in MS. with a sort of personal I do not much admire your criti- allusions and assaults, reported to be cisms on Lord Byron's new poem. I of the most libellous nature, from have lately read his formidable Don which no man or woman, in any way Juan ; and, while I agree as to its notorious, could tell whether he or she transcendant merit, both as a work of might be safe, and the importance of imagination, and a general satire upon which was magnified to an infinite men and manners, I cannot subscribe degree by the absurd air of mystery to the overstrained and somewhat which enveloped the publication of it. hypocritical tone of abhorrence which The levity with which the poet turns it is the fashion to adopt with respect
the terrors and sublimities of his own to it, on the alleged scores of morality genius into ridicule, so far from conand religion. It contains many high- verting into matter of serious charge wrought descriptions of the voluptu- against him, I consider with admiraous kind, which may render it a dan- tion, as affording the highest evidence
of its astonishing and overwhelming all taught to read before we could even superiority, and of his magnificent articulate, it is very natural that, when consciousness of his own power, which we have occasion for a familiar illusmakes him love to sport with the tration, we should recur to earliest, passions he has himself excited in the first, and most lasting impressions, breasts of his readers. To speak of it without any offensive meaning whatas evincing a complete depravation of ever. Are we not every day in our mind and intellect, argues nothing, I ordinary conversation talking about think, but malice, stupidity, or a de- “ the loaves and fishes ?” and who gree of prejudice bordering on both. ever dreamed that, in doing so, he What is published of the personal sa- was giving utterance to a blasphetire, with which, we are told, the ori- mous parody of one of the greatest ginal MS. abounded, is very bad, in and most stupendous miracles recordpoint of taste and feeling, and can ex. ed in Scripture ? At the same rate, cite only one sentiment of disapproba- we must not speak of a man“ having tion-when levelled at one injured the gift of tongues," or
“ the pen of individual in particular, of disgust and a ready writer;" or talk of “ Job's indignation. But where his satire is comforters ;" or call a man's wife general, it is often as well directed as “his rib,” or Sir Massey Manasseh it is keen and irresistible. Witness Lopez a scape-goat ;" his strictures on education, (canto i. wash our hands” of such or such an st. 40, &c. ; canto ii. st. 1, &c.)-on offence, or use any other of the thoucrim. con. actions, (i. 64)-on passion sand familiar phrases, which the ha. and hypocrisy, (i. 73)—his fine lec. bit, so constantly recommended and ture on "Lead us not into temp- strenuously enforced by divines tation," (i. 80)-on self-deception, “Nocturna versare manu, versare diurna"(i. 83, 106, &c.)- on the vanity of human wishes, (i. 218.) Then, for has culled out of the Old and New deep feeling (setting aside all passages Testament, and gradually interwoven of which the strict moral proprty with the very form and idiom of our can be considered as questionable), language. To speak seriously, it may his reflections on his own advance of shew both bad taste and a defective years, (i. 214)—that happiness, to be judgment to make any part or parts felt, must be partaken, (canto ii. 172) of the Holy Scriptures the vehicle - his exquisite stanzas on moonlight, either of pleasantry or satire; but it (ii, 114) -and many, many more. is the vice of exaggeration, displayed
After all, the principal cause of the in its most offensive and injurious very general and total condemnation form, which can alone place such vewhich Don Juan has met with, in nial errors upon the same level with conjunction with the motives already the sin of a direct and wanton attack referred to, may, I think, be traced upon religion, or mention Hone's dull in the spirit of universal exaggeration, but harmless parodies with the same which I conceive to be the grand and tone of indignation and abhorrence as master vice of the age, and on which, is justly excited by Carlile's foulif I had the time for it, I could write mouthed and impious vituperations. a folio. For my own part, I hold Exaggeration bullies and swaggers in Lord Byron to be neither god nor every department of life-in religion, devil, nor a being partly one and part- in law, in politics, in science, in literly the other, but a mere man, with ature. Your friend, Dr Morris, is very uncommon talents, and at least the prince of narrative exaggerators an equal proportion of faults; and I in our day-the very Sir John Man. think we should write not only in deville of tourists ; nor is his friend better taste, but to better moral ef- (your German Contributor with the fect, if we would only condescend so hard name) far behind him. The to consider him. But there is nothing poets of the Lake School---Coleridge, but exaggeration in the world on all Wordsworth, Southey-all are exagsubjects. We meet with a Scriptural gerators; and run a great risk, by phrase or allusion in a profane work, their exaggeration, of utterly blasting and instantly exclaim, Blasphemy! the laurels to which their genius and blasphemy!--forgetting, that the Bible talents entitle them. I know scarcely being the book in most general circu- a writer of the present day who does lation of any, and in which we were not exaggerate, except the mysterious VOL. VI.