1771.

Lady M-'s Diary continued.

dis

January 16. My communion with God, and his dear Son, has been deightful for some days past; O to have it without these interruptions to which it has hitherto been subject. Could I receive an opinion, embraced by many, my tress on this account would not be so great; which is, that God withdraws from the souls of his people without any offence given on their part. From the Scriptures, I think it rather appears to be their privilege to enjoy constant communion with him. In John xiv. 23, he seems to promise it: "If a man love me, he will keep my words; and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him." In all the places of the Old Testament I recollect at present, sin is by God assigned as the only cause of punishing his people, or of keeping back from them any good thing: but in this, as in all things, I would wish to be open to conviction. I desiren to bless his holy Name, that, though I feel a difference as it respects the degrees of communion I enjoy, yet he never

takes from me the witness of his blessed Spirit. O what cause for praise. In the evening, felt access to God in prayer, and power to make my wants known to him.

February 11. Heard a profitable sermon on Rom. viii. 32. Towards the end, when the minister addressed himself to the children of God, I felt a sweet consciousness of being one of them. This was immediately followed by an anxious, earnest desire, to be entirely devoted to him; and a painful conviction of my short-coming. I desired to be in secret, that I might pour out my heart to God: but when I got by myself, found a want of holy violence in prayer. Lord, let me not rest short of being wholly given up to thee. I see this at a distance, and O how much is it to be desired:walking with God. For several days have enjoyed much sweetness in the exercise of waiting upon God; desiring his will should take place, and that in all things I should be resigned to it. I have many things depending at present; many fears, cares, and trials; but find some comfort in giving them all up to him. I hope he is in some measure wean.. ing me from created things. Lord, enable me to say, ""Tis done, the great decisive part, the world's subdued, and heaven has all my heart." "We are chained to this world by strong ties,' (says a good man,)" and every sorrow cuts a string, and urges us to rise;" therefore I would bless God for all, but most for the severe. He did indeed choose me in the furnace of afflic

tion;-He took all, and then He gave me all; for he gave me his dear Son, and having him I have all things. O for a deeper acquaintance with him, a closer union and greater conformity.

March 2. I have been much hurried for some days, and variously tried; yet the Lord so comforts and supports me, that I hardly wish to get out of the furnace. I never felt so much reconciled to the cross: it is, I find, productive of many good effects. It weans us from the world, from self, softens the heart, and breaks the stubborn will; yet this only through grace. 1 feel a disposition to lay as clay in the hands of my Divine Potter. I believe when the cross ceaseth to be necessary, I shall suffer no more. Lord, carry on thy work in me, in thy own way. Endeavoured to embrace the opportunities that offered for the good of others these days past. However unable to effect this, my desires are no less than usual, and the Lord still continues to own my feeble efforts.

22. To-day, I feel unwell in body, but I bless the Lord for peace of mind, and some communion with himself; this supports me under the pressure of various trials. "It is good for a man," says the mournful prophet," that he bear the yoke in his youth." I have found it so for years. The medicine was indeed bitter, but since the cure has been in any measure effected by it, it is great cause of thankfulness. I would still, O my God, desire to be as clay in thy hand, and not give place to one murmuring thought=

and if, (as I believe it is,) for thy glory, would further desire, with thy servant of old, to count it all joy when I fall into tribulation. Alas, I am far from this! O my God, how much is still to be done in me: work for the glory of thy great Name; and let, O let me enter into rest, that I may praise thee. Have felt at times to-day a cloud of grief; not darkening, but pressing down my soul. There may be sorrow without sin. There is, I think, a degree of this, that has its foundation in simple nature, which doth not render us culpable in the sight of God. Lord, my sighing is not hid from thee; neither are the causes of it. I commit all to thee; O let it be in well-doing. What, in a great measure, quiets my mind under every event which befals me, is, resolving all into either thy express, or permissive will: and as such, I feel it precious, however otherwise afflictive. Yet at times my distress receives a pungency, from a thought that frequently passes through my mind, viz. that by my sins, I constrain God to chastise me. Lord, I would not willingly offend thee; it causes grief when I do. Alas, that I need so often to sorrow on this account. O Jesus, how precious art thou to me, who feel I come short in all I do, and in many things offend.

April 12. Found power through grace to thank God, yea to rejoice, that I was disliked for Christ's sake; yet nature seemed to think it severe. My soul was grieved this forenoon with the workings of corruption; O for victory. Of

late, I have felt a painful consciousness of my unprofitableness. I seem to live for no good end. Lord, stir me up, and give me power to do something for thee; and do thou enlarge my borders. O let every power, faculty, and talent, be sanctified and set apart for thee. Thou, Lord, knowest what a grief of soul it is to me, that my abilities at present are circumscribed within such narrow limits. Had I millions, I would glory in using all to promote thy cause in the world. O make me faithful in the small matter thou hast committed to my trust.

May 4. The Lord enabled me to rise early, in order to wait on him this morning; and though I did not obtain what I wanted, yet I find in general, my expectation of the blessing is weakened, or strengthened, according to my diligence in the use of the means of grace which God has appointed. It certainly is the rankest enthusiasm to expect any blessing without the use of means. May the Lord give me that measure of grace, which will enable me to work as diligently, in the way pointed out by the oracles of God, as if my acceptance and whole salvation depended on it; and yet at the same time, to trust no more to it, than if I had not done so.

June 17. Opportunities occurred to-day for the spiritual and temporal good of others, which I attempted to improve; the Lord only can give a blessing. Angels themselves without this, would be of no service; and with it, the meanest creature may do good... In the evening,,