gave me counsel then and afterwards, to feek and value converfation with ferious Chriftians, in the places where my lot was caft; being confident, I had much advantage thereby towards my preaching of the gofpel. But the fmall number of hearers I often faw in the kirk of Penpont, and the thronging away to feparate meetings, kept, I think, by Mr Hepburn, with other things refpecting minifters and people, made a lafting bad impreffion of that country on me. Mean time it was my endeavour to live near God, and I was helped, while there, in fome measure to live by faith. And there it was, that I first of all began to record paffages of my life; the which I did on loofe papers.

Having gone to Edinburgh, in pursuance of the propofal above mentioned, I did on February 18. take the charge of my pupil, Andrew Fletcher of Aberlady, a boy of about nine years of age; whofe father having died young, his mother was married again to Lieutenant-Colonel Bruce of Kennet, in the parish of Clackmannan. The boy being at the high fchool, with a fervant waiting on him, I waited on the fchool of divinity; which advantageous occafion propofed, had been a great inducement to me to engage in that bufinefs. And there I had a homily on Mark x. 27. delivered March 6. which is in retentis; but to my great disappointment we were removed from Edinburgh to Kennet, whither we came on the morrow after, viz. March 7. and where we continued all along till I parted with him.

At Kennet, my pupil going to the grammar-fchool at Clackmannan, with the fervant attending him, and being of a towardly and tractable difpofition, my business with him was no burden; taking notice of him at home, and fometimes vifiting him in the school. But my business was increased toward the latter end of the year, teaching two boys of Kennet's to read. My pupil died afterward in his youth, while I was at Simprin.

I gave myself to my study, kept a correfpondence with the neighbouring minifters, there being an Episcopal incumbent in the parish when I went thither, and converfed much with fome ferious Chriftians about the place.

Though I was not properly the chaplain of the family, nor had, that I remember, any particular order from the mafter of the family, and neither laird nor lady were at home för a confiderable time after I went thither; yet

finding

finding myself providentially fettled there, in the character I bore, I judged myfelf obliged in confcience to feek the fpiritual good of the family, and to watch over them, and fee to their manners. Accordingly I kept up family-worfhip, catechised the fervants, preffed the careless to fecret prayer, reproved and warned against finful practices, and earneftly endeavoured the reformation of the vitious.

This course not having the defired effect on fome, created me a great deal of uneafiness for the most part of the time I was there: the which arose especially from an ill-difpofed and incorrigible woman, who was fteward, and fo did of courfe fometimes extend itself to my entertainment; which I bore with, that I might not mix quarrels on my private intereft with those I was engaged in for the honour of God. And this principle I have all along, in the course of my miniftry, aimed to walk by.

Mean while the united prefbyteries of Stirling and Dumblane meeting at Tulliallan, a neighbouring parish, June 22. a motion was made to give me a piece of trial; which I refufed: but afterward Mr George Turnbull, a grave learned man, then minifter at Alloa, now at Tinninghame, gave me a text, John viii. 32. which I received, declaring it to be without view unto my entering on trials before the prefbytery, being convinced I was not ripe for it. On that text I wrote a difcourfe, and gave it him. Afterward he fhewed me, by a letter, what he judged amifs in it; but was pleafed to add, that he observed a very promifing gift in it. Thereafter Mr Thomas Buchanan, then minister at Tulliallan, afterward at Dunfermline, gave me another text, viz. Acts xx. 28. on which also I wrote a difcourfe, not unfatisfying to him. Both thefe difcourfes are in retentis.

My circumstances continuing uneafy through the means aforefaid, Mr Turnbull did, on the 7th of September, by appointment of the prefbytery, defire me to wait on them, bringing my teftimonials along with me, on defign to enter me on trials. He alfo fpoke to Kennet about my removing out of his family; an opportunity of my going into the family of Colonel Erskine, then governor of Stirling caftle, offering at that time: but Kennet fhewed an unwillingness to part with me; in which I believe he was very ingenuous, being a man that had fome good thing rooted in him. Wherefore, though I inclined to, I could not infift for the removal: but the entering on trials

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trials I was not clear for, and fo could not promise to go to the prefbytery. Howbeit, being afterward perfuaded to go to their meeting, I was minded to do it; but was providentially ftopt.

But on the 23d I waited on them at Stirling, leaving my teftimonials at home, of fet purpose. Notwithstanding they appointed me to give in my thoughts on Phil, ii. 12. the following prefbytery-day, producing my teftimonials. This I could not undertake, having no freedom to enter on trials as yet; and, I think, I faw them no more till I was going out of the country. But these things obliged me to lay that matter to heart, for light from the Lord therein, to know what I was called of him unto.

I had in the fummer reprefented to the lady the carelefs and ungodly lives, curfing and fwearing, of the steward and another fervant, perfifted in after many admonitions; and hinted to her, that it was her duty to reform them; and if they would not be reformed, to dismiss them from her fervice. The anfwer was favourable but the term drawing near, fhe gave over the only two common fervants who had any fhew of religion, keeping the reft. This was very grievous to me; I told her the evil, and at large teftified my diflike of that manner of management; and it was received civilly, but prevailed nothing. Mean while I was ftill acceptable to Kennet; who, when again I had an occafion of entering into Colonel Erfkine's family, ftill refused to part with me. But by reafon of his post in the military he was not much at home.

I held on, as new occafions offered, to difcharge my confcience, until I left the family. And though it prevailed not according to my defire; yet, by the good hand of God fencing me, my ftruggle had an awe with it, and was not openly treated with contempt: though their words of me were like fharp fwords, yet to me they were smooth as butter. I remember, that one Saturday's night they had fet on a fire in the hall for drying their cloaths they had been wathing, not to be removed till the fabbath was over. Grieved with this as a profanation of the Lord's day, I fpoke to the gentlewoman; who infinuating, that he had not done without orders what she had done, refused to remove them: whereupon I spoke to the lady, who foon caufed remove the cloaths, and difpofe of them otherwife. In like manner, on a Lord's day, word being fent me that my pupil was not going to church that

day,

day, I went and inquired into the matter, and he was caufed to rife out of his bed; and both the mother and fon went to church that day.

On the 6th of June, there was a facrament at Culrofs, which I had no mind to go to, upon the account of a car. nal reafon. On the Saturday night, God reached me a reproof by one of the fervant-women; which filled me with confufion, fet me to prayer, and to re-examine my reasons, which I found to be but confulting with flesh and blood. I went away therefore on the Lord's day, was deeply humbled, and had very much ado with unbelief, ftruggling to get my feet faftened. But at the table my foul, I thought, met with him in fuch meafure, that ofttimes I have remembered my God from Culross and Tulliallan, when he has hid his face from me. On the Thurfday before I had kept a fecret fast.

July 26. The Lord's day after the facrament at Tulliallan, where the Lord was very kind to my foul, a godly family that had been at the fame facrament, had forgot it was the Lord's day; fo that they told me afterward, they had fallen to their work, had I not come to their house, and asked them if they would go to the church.

On the 2d of Auguft, I was at a facrament, where I thought myself fure of great things, from the Lord's former kind dealing with me, I think: but before I went to the table, I was deferted, tempted, perplexed with doubts whether to partake or not; yet I thought it duty to go forward. I endeavoured to take hold of the Lord; but ftaggered fore, came away with that it had been better I had not gone. But there I faw how little I could do without Chrift, thought the Lord would come back again, and I had a longing to be in heaven. Betwixt fermons I went to a place I will ever mind, and would have been content there to have ventured on eternity as I was; defertion, a body of fin, &c. being very heavy, and recommending heaven to me.

On the 30th of November, having prayed with confidence to the Lord for light and direction concerning my pafling trials before the prefbytery of Stirling, which they had been for fome time urging, as I have noticed above, I took up my Bible, and going to turn to my ordinary, there caft up to me Job xxii. 28. "Thou fhalt decree a "thing, and it fhall be eftablished unto thee: and the "light thall fhine upon thy ways." This paffage was very refreshful,

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refreshful, coming fo furprisingly, while I was turning to another place.

The space of a year being near expired, without any motion of a new bargain, on January 25. 1697, I wrote to Kennet, fignifying, that I defired not to ftay, being uselefs, and in a fort noxious, in his family. This letter I fhewed to the lady before I fent it off, and the quarrelled nothing in it; we being both, I believe, weary. This done, finding my heart difpofed to fing, fung in fecret Pfal. xxxvii. near the latter end; whereby I was much cleared, and prayed chearfully after. I was then, as it were, in fight of the fhore of that troublous fea.

A little after that, I found there was no hope of entering into Col. Erfkine's family; and on Feb. 17. juft the day before the year's expiring, I was told that Coulter had no mind to keep a pedagogue for my pupil. And thus Providence fhuffled me out of bufinefs of that kind, being entangled there, when a door was opened elfewhere; which again was fhut when I was difentangled; thus working towards the leading me into bufinefs of another kind. So on Monday, Feb. 22.. I took leave of my pupil, and that family. The day before, I thought it my duty to fpeak fome things to the fervants before I left them. I prayed to God for light; but was deferted, and could get nothing. I lay down on my bed in great heavinefs, and thought with myfeif, What folly is it for me to think of paffing trials to preach the gospel, feeing I cannot buckle two fentences of good fenfe together in my own mind? In this perplexity I went out to the field, and prayed earneftly; came in again, had no time longer to think; but was helped of God to fpeak without confufion, and with great facility, to my own wonder. This was ufeful to me afterwards, and did drive the bottom out of a grand objection I had against pafling my trials, taken from my unrcadinefs in ordinary difcourfe.

The time I was at Kennet, continues to be unto me a remarkable time among the days of my life. Once I fainted there, being on my knees at evening fecret prayer; and coming to myfelf again, was eafed by vomiting. Another time praying in the Ferrytown, in Thomas Brown's family, I found my heart beginning to fail; which obliged ine quickly to break off, and go to the door, where I was ealed the fame way as before. It was a time of much trouble to me, yet in the main a thriving time for my foul.

My