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"performers of which, we have, as becomes us, "a brotherly affection.

"At our firft refort hither, an old woman "brought her fon to the Club Room, defiring he "might be educated in this School, becaufe fhe "faw here were finer Boys than ordinary. How

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ever, this accident no way difcouraged our de"figns. We began with fending invitations to "thofe of a ftature not exceeding five foot, to re"pair to our affembly; but the greater part re"turned excufes, or pretended they were not qua❝lified.

"One faid, he was indeed but five foot at pre"fent, but represented that he should foon exceed "that proportion, his perriwig-maker and fhoe"maker having lately promifed him three inches more betwixt them.

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"Another alledged, he was fo unfortunate as to "have one leg fhorter than the other, and whoever had determined his ftature to five foot, had "taken him at a difadvantage; for when he was "mounted on the other leg, he was at least five "foot two inches and a half.

"There were fome who queftioned the exactness "of our measures, and others inftead of complying, "returned us informations of people yet fhorter ❝than themselves. In a word, almoft every one

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recommended fome neighbour or acquaintance, "whom he was willing we fhould look upon to "be less than he. We were not a little asham'd, "that those who are paft the years of growth, "and whose beards pronounce them men, fhould "be guilty of as many unfair tricks, in this point, "as the moft afpiring children when they are "measured.

"We therefore proceeded to fit up the Club"Room, and provide conveniencies for our ac"commodation. In the firft place we caufed a

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total removal of all the chairs, stools, and tables, "which had ferved the grofs of mankind for many years.

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"The disadvantages we had undergone while "we made ufe of thefe, were unfpeakable. The "Prefident's whole body was funk in the elbow"chair, and when his arms were fpread over it, "he appeared (to the great leffening of his dignity) like a child in a go-cart: It was also so "wide in the feat, as to give a wag occafion of "faying, that, notwithstanding the Prefident fate in it, there was a Sede Vacante.

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"The table was fo high, that one who came "by chance to the door, feeing our chins just above "the pewter difhes, took us for a circle of men "that fate ready to be fhaved, and fent in half a "dozen Barbers.

"Another time, one of the Club fpoke in a lu"dicrous manner of the Prefident, imagining he "had been abfent, when he was only eclipfed by . a flask of Florence, which stood on the table in a parallel line before his face.

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"We therefore new furnished the room in all "respects proportionably to us; and had the door "made lower, fo as to admit no man of above "five foot high without brushing his foretop, "which whoever does is utterly unqualified to fit ❝among us.

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Some of the Statutes of the Club are as follow.

"I. If it be proved upon any member, though never fo duly qualified, that he ftrives as much "as poffible to get above his fize, by ftretching, "cocking, or the like; or that he hath ftood on

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tiptoe in a crowd, with defign to be taken for as "tall a man as the reft; or hath privily conveyed any large book, cricket, or other device under " him

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"him to exalt him on his feat: every such offender "shall be sentenced to walk in pumps for a whole ❝ month.

"II. If any member fhall take advantage from "the fulness or length of his wig, or any part of "his dress, or the immoderate extent of his hat,

or otherwise, to seem larger or higher than he is, "it is ordered, he fhall wear red heels to his fhoes, " and a red feather in his hat; which may appa"rently mark and fet bounds to the extremities of ❝ his small dimenfion, that all people may readily "find him out between his hat and his fhoes.

"III. If any member fhall purchase a horfe for "his own riding, above fourteen hands and a half " in height; that horfe fhall forthwith be fold, a "Scotch galloway bought in its ftead for him, and "the overplus of the money fhall treat the Club.

"IV. If any member, in direct contradiction "to the fundamental laws of the Society, fhall 66 wear the heels of his fhoes exceeding one inch "and half; it fhall be interpreted as an open re"nunciation of littlenefs, and the criminal fhall "instantly be expelled. Note, the form to be used " in expelling a member shall be in these words ; "Go from among us, and be tall if

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you can "It is the unanimous opinion of our whole fo"ciety, that fince the race of mankind is granted "to have decreafed in ftature, from the beginning "to this prefent, it is the intent of Nature itself, "that men fhould be little; and we believe, that "all human kind fhall at laft grow down to per"fection, that is to fay, be reduced to our own measure."

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No. 92.

No. 92.

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June 26, 1713.

Homunculi quanti funt, cum recogito! PLAUT.

TO NESTOR IRONSIDE, Efq;

You

OU are now acquainted with the nature and defign of our inftitution; the Cha"racter of the members, and the topicks of our "Conversation, are what remain for the fubject of "this Epistle.

"The moft eminent perfons of our affembly "are a little Poet, a little Lover, a little Politician, " and a little Heroe. The first of these, Dick "Diftick by name, we have elected Prefident: "not only as he is the shortest of us all, but be"cause he has entertained fo just a sense of his "ftature, as to go generally in black, that he may appear yet lefs. Nay, to that perfection is he "arrived, that he ftoops as he walks. The figure "of the man is odd enough; he is a lively little "creature, with long arms and legs: a Spider is

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no ill emblem of him: he has been taken at a "distance for a small Windmill. But indeed what "principally moved us in his favour was his ta"lent in Poetry, for he hath promifed to under"take a long work in fhort verfe to celebrate the "heroes of our fize. He has entertained fo great a respect for Statius, on the score of that line,

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Major in exiguo regnabat corpore virtus,

"that he once defigned to tranflate the whole "Thebaid for the fake of tle Tydeus.

"Tom Tiptoe, a dapper black fellow, is the "moft gallant lover of the age. He is particularI U

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"ly nice in his habiliments; and to the end ju"fice may be done him that way, conftantly employs the fame artist who makes attire for the neighb'ring Princes and Ladies of quality at Mr. "Powel's. The vivacity of his temper inclines "kim fometimes to boast of the favours of the "Fair. He was t'other night excufing his abfence "from the club on account of an affignation with "a Lady (and, as he had the vanity to tell us, a "tall one too) who had confented to the full ac

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complishment of his defires that evening: But one of the company, who was his confident, "affured us fhe was a woman of humour, and "made the agreement on this condition, that his ❝ toe fhould be tied to hers.

"Our Politician is a perfon of real gravity, and "profeffed wifdom: Gravity in a man of this fize, "compared with that of one of ordinary bulk, ap"pears like the gravity of a Cat compared with "that of a Lion. This gentleman is accustomed 66 to talk to himself, and was once over-heard to

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compare his own perfon to a little cabinet, "wherein are locked up all the fecrets of state, "and refined fchemes of Princes. His face is pale "and meagre, which proceeds from much watch❝ing and studying for the welfare of Europe, which "is alfo thought to have ftinted his growth for "he hath destroyed his own constitution with tak"ing care of that of the nation. He is what "Monf. Balzac calls, a great Diftiller of the max"ims of Tacitus: when he fpeaks, it is flowly, "and word by word, as one that is loth to enrich you too fast with his obfervations; like a lim"beck that gives you, drop by drop, an extract "of the little that is in it.

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"The laft I fhall mention is Tim. Tuck, the "Hero. He is particularly remarkable for the length of his Sword, which interfects his per

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