they never Read, and of whom the world is convinced they never Learn. Moliere obferves of making a dinner, that any man can do it with Money, and if a profeffed Cook cannot do it without, he has his Art for nothing; the fame may be faid of making a Poem, 'tis eafily brought about by him that has a Genius, but the fkill lies in doing it without one. In pursuance of this end, I fhall present the reader with a plain and certain Recipe, by which any author in the Bathos may be qualified for this grand performance.

For the FABLE.

Take out of any old Poem, Hiftory-book, Romance, or Legend (for inftance, Geoffry of Monmouth, or Don Belianis of Greece) thofe parts of story which afford most scope for long Defcriptions: Put these pieces together, and throw all the adventures you fancy into one Tale. Then take a Hero, whom you may chufe for the found of his name, and put him into the midst of these adventures: There let him work for twelve books; at the end of which you may take him out, ready prepared to conquer or to marry; it being neceffary that the conclufion of an Epic Poem be fortunate.

To make an EPISODE.

Take any remaining adventure of your former collection, in which you could no way involve your Hero; or any unfortunate accident that was too good to be thrown away; and it will be of use, applied to any other perfon, who may be loft and evaporate in the courfe of the work, without the leaft damage to the composition.

For the MORAL and ALLEGORY. Thefe you may extract out of the Fable afterwards, at your leifure: Be fure you strain them fufficiently.

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For

For the MANNERS.

For those of the Hero, take all the best qualities you can find in the most celebrated Heroes of antiquity; if they will not be reduced to a anjiftency, lay them all on a heap upon him. But be fure they are qualities which your Patron would be thought to have; and to prevent any mistake which the world may be subject to, select from the alphabet those capital letters that compofe his name, and fet them at the head of a Dedication before your Poem. However, do not abfolutely obferve the exact quantity of these Virtues, it not being determined whether or no it be neceflary for the Hero of a Poem to be an honest an. For the UnderCharacters, gather them from Homer and Virgil, and change the names as occafion ferves.

For the MACHINES.

Take of Deities, male and female, as many as you can use: Separate them into two equal parts, and keep Jupiter in the middle; Let Juno put him in a ferment, and Venus mollify him. Remem

ber on all occafions to make use of volatile Mercury. If you have need of Devils, draw them out of Milton's Paradise, and extract your Spir ts from Taffo. The use of these Machines is evident; fince no Epic Poem can poffibly fubfift without them, the wifeft way is to reserve them for your greatest neceffities: When you cannot extricate your Hero by any human means, or yourself by your own wit, feck relief from Heaven, and the Gods will do your business very readily. This is according to the direct Prefcription of Horace in his Art of Poetry.

Nec Deus interfit, nifi d'gnus vi dice Nodus.
Inciderit.-

That

That is to fay, A Poet fhould never call upon the Gods for their Affiftance, but when he is in great Perplexity.

For the DESCRIPTIONS.

For a Tempest. Take Eurus, Zephyr, Aufter, and Boreas, and caft them together in one verse : add to these of Rain, Lightning and Thunder (the loudeft you can) quantum fufficit: mix your Clouds and Billows weil together 'till they foam, and thicken your Defcription here and there with a Quickfand. Brew your Tempest well in your head, before you fet it a blowing.

For a Battle. Pick a large quantity of Images and Defcriptions from Homer's Iliads, with a fpice or two of Virgil, and if there remain any overplus, you may lay them by for a Skirmish. Seafon it well with Similes, and it will make an excellent Eattle.

For a Burning Town. If fuch a Defcription be neceffary (because it is certain there is one in Virgil) old Troy is ready burnt to your hands. But if you fear that would be thought borrowed, a Chapter or two of the Theory of the Confagration, well circumftanced aud done into verfe, will be a good Succedaneum.

As for Similes and Metaphors, they may be found all over the Creation; the most ignorant may gather them, but the difficulty is in applying them. For this advife with your Bookfeller,

CHAP.

CHAP. XVI.

A Project for the Advancement of the Stage.

T may be thought that we fhould not wholly

IT

omit the Drama, which makes fo great and fo lucrative a part of Poetry. But this Province is fo well taken care of, by the prefent Managers of the Theatre, that it is perfectly needlefs to fuggeft to them any other Methods than they have already practifed for the advancement of the Bathos.

Here therefore, in the Name of all our Brethren, let me return our fincere and humble Thanks to the moft Auguft Mr. Barton Booth, the most Serene Mr. Robert Wilks, and the most Undaunted Mr. Colley Cibber; of whom let it be known, when the People of this Age shall be Arceftors, and to all the Succeffion of our Succeffors, that to this present Day they continue to Out-do even their own Out-doings: And when the inevitable Hand of fweeping Time fhall have brufhed off all the Works of To-day, may this Teftimony of a Co-temporary Critic to their Fame, be extended as far as To-morrow.

Yet, if to fo wise an Administration it be poffible any thing can be added, it is that more ample and comprehenfive Scheme which Mr. Dennis and Mr. Gildon (the two greatest Critics and Reformers then living) made publick in the year 1720, in a Project figned with their Names, and dated the 2d of February. I cannot better conclude than by presenting the Reader with the Substance of it.

1. It is propofed, That the two Theatres be incorporated into one Company; that the Royal Academy of Mufick be added to them as an Oreoftra; and that Mr. Figg with his Prize-fighters, and

Violante

Violante with the Rope-dancers, be admitted in
Partnership.

2. That a fpacious Building be erected at the Public expence, capable of containing at least ten thousand Spectators, which is become abfolutely neceffary by the great addition of Children and Nurses to the Audience, fince the new Entertainments. That there be a Stage as large as the Athenian, which was near ninety thousand geometrical paces fquare, and feparate divifions for the two Houses of Parliament, my Lords the Judges, the honourable the Directors of the Academy, and the Court of Aldermen, who fhall all have their Places frank.

3. If Westminster-Hall be not allotted to this fervice (which by reafon of its proximity to the two Chambers of Parliament above-mentioned, feems not altogether improper ;) it is left to the wifdom. of the Nation whether Somerset-Houfe may not be demolished, and a Theatre built upon that Site, which lies convenient to receive Spectators from the County of Surrey, who may be wafted thither by water-carriage, efteemed by all Projectors the cheapest whatsoever. To this may be added, that the river Thames may in the readiest manner convey thofe eminent Ferfonages from Courts beyond the feas, who may be drawn either by Curiofity to behold fome of our most celebrated Pieces, or by Affection to fee their Countrymen, the Harlequins and Eunuchs; of which convenient notice may be given, for two or three months before, in the public Prints.

4. That the Theatre abovefaid be environed with a fair Quadrangle of Buildings, fitted for the accommodation of decayed Critics and Poets; out

of

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