206 MARTINUS SCRIBLERUS Snipfnap, and honeft Thomas à Kempis as Prim and Polite as any preacher at court. 3. The ALAMODE Style, which is fine by being new, and has this happiness attending it, that it is as durable and extenfive as the poem itself. Take fome examples of it, in the defcription of the Sun in a Mourning coach upon the death of Queen Mary. * See Phoebus now, as once for Phaeton, Has mafk'd his face, and put deep Mourning on; Of Prince Arthur's Soldiers drinking. + While rich Burgundian wine, and bright Champaign Chafe from their minds the terrors of the main. Of the Almighty encamping his Regiments. Where they encamp, and in their station ftand, Of two Armies on the Point of engaging. * Amb. Philips. + Pr. Arthur, p. 16. Throw boldly at the Sum the Gods have fet; But the principal branch of the Alam:de is the PRURIENT, a Style greatly advanced and honoured of late by the practice of perfons of the first Quality; and by the encouragement of the Ladies, not unsuccessfully introduced even into the Drawing-room. Indeed its incredible Progress and Conquests may be compared to those of the great Sefoftris, and are every where known by the fame Marks, the images of the genital parts of men or women. It confifts wholly of metaphors drawn from two most fruitful fources or fprings, the very Bathos of the human body, that is to say *** and * * * Hiatus magnus lachrymabilis. * * * * ******************* And felling of Bargains, and double Entendre, and Κιβέρισμα and Οριέλδισμα, all derived from the faid fources. 4. The FINICAL Style, which confifts of the most curious, affected, mincing As this, of a Brook dry'd by the Sun. Of an eafy Death. ↑ When watchful death shall on his harvest look, Blackm. Job, p. 26. + Ibid. p. 23. } Of Of Trees in a Storm. * Oaks whofe extended arms the winds defy, The tempeft fees their strength, and fighs, and paffes by. Of Water fimmering over the Fire. + The Sparkling flames raise water to a Smile, Yet the pleas'd liquor pines, and leffens all the while. 5. LASTLY, I fhall place the CUMBROUS, which moves heavily under a load of metaphors, and draws after it a long train of words. And the BUSKIN, or Stately, frequently and with great felicity mixed with the former. For as the first is the proper engine to depress what is high, fo is the fecond to raise what is bafe and low to a ridiculous Visibility: When both these can be done at once, then is the Bathos in perfection; as when a man is fet with his head downward, and his breech upright, his degradation is compleat: One end of him is as high as ever, only that end is the wrong one. Will not every true lover of the Profund be delighted to behold the most vulgar and low actions of life exalted in the following manner? Who knocks at the Door? For whom thus rudely pleads my loud-tongu'd gate, That he may enter ? See who is there? ↑ Advance the fringed curtains of thy eyes, And tell me who comes yonder. * Denn. Temp. + Anon. Tonf. Misc. Part vi. p. 224. Shut the Door. The wooden guardian of our privacy Quick on its axle turn. Bring my Cloaths. Bring me what Nature, taylor to the Bear, Light the Fire. Bring forth fome remnant of Promethean theft, Snuff the Candle. Yon' Luminary amputation needs, Open the Letter. * Wax! render up thy truft. Uncork the Bottle, and chip the Bread. Apply thine engine to the spungy door, CHAP. XIII. A Project for the Advancement of the Bathos. HUS have I (my dear Countrymen) with hidden fources of the Bathos, or, as I may fay, broke open the Abyffes of this Great Deep. And having now established good and wholesome Laws, what remains but that all true moderns with their utmost might do proceed to put the fame in execution? In order whereto, I think I fhall in the fecond place highly deferve of my Country, by propofing fuch a Scheme, as may facilitate this great end. As our Number is confeffedly far fuperior to that of the enemy, there feems nothing wanting but Unanimity among ourselves. It is therefore humbly offered, that all and every individual of the Bathos do enter into a firm affociation, and incorporate into One regular Body, whereof every member, even the meaneft, will fome way contribute to the support of the whole; in like manner, as the weakest reeds, when joined in one bundle, become infrangible. To which end our Art ought to be put upon the fame foot with other Arts of this age. The vaft improvement of modern manufactures arifeth from their being divided into feveral branches, and parcelled out to feveral trades: For inftance, in Clock-making one artist makes the balance, another the fpring, another the crown-wheels, a fourth the cafe, and the principal workman puts all together: To this oeconomy we owe the perfection of our modern watches, and doubtless we also might that of our modern Poetry and Rhetoric, were the feveral parts branched out in the like manner. Nothing |