206 MARTINUS SCRIBLERUS

Snipfnap, and honeft Thomas à Kempis as Prim and Polite as any preacher at court.

3. The ALAMODE Style,

which is fine by being new, and has this happiness attending it, that it is as durable and extenfive as the poem itself. Take fome examples of it, in the defcription of the Sun in a Mourning coach upon the death of Queen Mary.

* See Phoebus now, as once for Phaeton,

Has mafk'd his face, and put deep Mourning on;
Dark clouds his fable Chariot do furround,
And the dull Steeds ftalk o'er the melancholy
round.

Of Prince Arthur's Soldiers drinking.

+ While rich Burgundian wine, and bright Champaign

Chafe from their minds the terrors of the main.
(whence we also learn, that Burgundy and Cham-
paign make a man on fhore defpife a ftorm at fea.)

Of the Almighty encamping his Regiments.
He funk a vaft capacious deep,
Where he his liquid Regiments does keep,
Thither the waves file off, and make their way,
To form the mighty body of the fea;

Where they encamp, and in their station ftand,
Entrench'd in Works of Rock, and Lines of
Sand.

Of two Armies on the Point of engaging.
§ Yon' armies are the Cards which both must play;
At least come off a Saver if you may :

* Amb. Philips.
Blackm. Pf. civ. p. 261.

+ Pr. Arthur, p. 16.
§ Lee, Sophon:
Throw

Throw boldly at the Sum the Gods have fet;
Thefe on your fide will all their fortunes bet.
All perfectly agreeable to the prefent Customs and
beft Fashions of our Metropolis.

But the principal branch of the Alam:de is the PRURIENT, a Style greatly advanced and honoured of late by the practice of perfons of the first Quality; and by the encouragement of the Ladies, not unsuccessfully introduced even into the Drawing-room. Indeed its incredible Progress and Conquests may be compared to those of the great Sefoftris, and are every where known by the fame Marks, the images of the genital parts of men or women. It confifts wholly of metaphors drawn from two most fruitful fources or fprings, the very Bathos of the human body, that is to say *** and * * * Hiatus magnus lachrymabilis. * * * *

*******************

And felling of Bargains, and double Entendre, and Κιβέρισμα and Οριέλδισμα, all derived from the faid fources.

4. The FINICAL Style,

which confifts of the most curious, affected, mincing
metaphors, and partakers of the alamode.

As this, of a Brook dry'd by the Sun.
* Won by the fummer's importuning ray,
Th' eloping stream did from her channel ftray,
And with enticing fun-beams ftole away.

Of an eafy Death.

↑ When watchful death shall on his harvest look,
And fee thee ripe with age, invite the hook;
He'll gently cut thy bending Stalk, and thee
Lay kindly in the Grave, his Granary.

Blackm. Job, p. 26.

+ Ibid. p. 23.

}

Of

Of Trees in a Storm.

* Oaks whofe extended arms the winds defy, The tempeft fees their strength, and fighs, and paffes by.

Of Water fimmering over the Fire.

+ The Sparkling flames raise water to a Smile, Yet the pleas'd liquor pines, and leffens all the while.

5. LASTLY, I fhall place the CUMBROUS, which moves heavily under a load of metaphors, and draws after it a long train of words. And the BUSKIN, or Stately, frequently and with great felicity mixed with the former. For as the first is the proper engine to depress what is high, fo is the fecond to raise what is bafe and low to a ridiculous Visibility: When both these can be done at once, then is the Bathos in perfection; as when a man is fet with his head downward, and his breech upright, his degradation is compleat: One end of him is as high as ever, only that end is the wrong one. Will not every true lover of the Profund be delighted to behold the most vulgar and low actions of life exalted in the following manner?

Who knocks at the Door?

For whom thus rudely pleads my loud-tongu'd gate, That he may enter ?

See who is there?

↑ Advance the fringed curtains of thy eyes, And tell me who comes yonder.

* Denn. Temp.

+ Anon. Tonf. Misc. Part vi. p. 224.

Shut the Door.

The wooden guardian of our privacy

Quick on its axle turn.

Bring my Cloaths.

Bring me what Nature, taylor to the Bear,
To Man himself deny'd: She gave me Cold,
But would not give me Cloaths.

Light the Fire.

Bring forth fome remnant of Promethean theft,
Quick to expand th' inclement air congeal'd
By Boreas' rude breath.-

Snuff the Candle.

Yon' Luminary amputation needs,
Thus fhall you fave its half-extinguish'd life.

Open the Letter.

* Wax! render up thy truft.

Uncork the Bottle, and chip the Bread.

Apply thine engine to the spungy door,
Set Bacchus from his glaffy prifon free,
And trip white Ceres of her nut-brown coat.

CHAP. XIII.

A Project for the Advancement of the Bathos.

HUS have I (my dear Countrymen) with

hidden fources of the Bathos, or, as I may fay, broke open the Abyffes of this Great Deep. And having now established good and wholesome Laws, what remains but that all true moderns with their utmost might do proceed to put the fame in execution? In order whereto, I think I fhall in the fecond place highly deferve of my Country, by propofing fuch a Scheme, as may facilitate this great end.

As our Number is confeffedly far fuperior to that of the enemy, there feems nothing wanting but Unanimity among ourselves. It is therefore humbly offered, that all and every individual of the Bathos do enter into a firm affociation, and incorporate into One regular Body, whereof every member, even the meaneft, will fome way contribute to the support of the whole; in like manner, as the weakest reeds, when joined in one bundle, become infrangible. To which end our Art ought to be put upon the fame foot with other Arts of this age. The vaft improvement of modern manufactures arifeth from their being divided into feveral branches, and parcelled out to feveral trades: For inftance, in Clock-making one artist makes the balance, another the fpring, another the crown-wheels, a fourth the cafe, and the principal workman puts all together: To this oeconomy we owe the perfection of our modern watches, and doubtless we also might that of our modern Poetry and Rhetoric, were the feveral parts branched out in the like manner.

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