When wanting thee, what tuneless cranks
Are my poor verses !

Thou comes!-they rattle i' their ranks
At ither's a-s!

Thee, Ferintosh! O sadly lost!
Scotland, lament frae coast to coast!
Now colic grips, an' barkin' hoast,
May kill us a';

For loyal Forbes' charter'd boasts
Is ta'en awa!

Thae curst horse-leeches o' th' excise,
Wha mak the whisky stells their prize!
Haud up thy hand, Deil! ance, twice, thrice!
There, seize the blinkers h
An' bake them up in brunstane pies
For poor d-n'd drinkers.

Fortune! if thou'll but gie me still
Hale breeks, a scone, an' whisky gill,
An' rowthm o' rhyme to rave at will,
Tak a' the rest,

An' deal 't about as thy blind skill
Directs thee best.

THE AUTHOR'S FARNEST CRY AND
PRAYER"

To the Scotch Representatives in the House of Commons.
Dearest of distillation! last and best-

YE Irish Lords, ye Knights an' Squires,

Wha represent our brughs an' shires,

e A very superior kind of whisky made in a district of the Highlands called by that name. f Coughing.

g Lord Forbes of Ferintosh, in the county of Cromarty, formerly held by charter a right for all his tenantry to distil whisky without paying any duty to the king.

h A term of contempt.

Acake; kind of bread.

i Brimstone.

k Whole breeches. m Plenty.

This was written before the act anent the Scotch distilleries, of Session 1786; for which Scotland and the Author return their most grateful thanks.

An' doucely manage our affairs

In parliament,

To you a simple Poet's prayers

Are humbly sent.

Alas! my roupet Muse is hearse !P

Your Honours' heart wi' grief twad pierce,
To see her sitting on her a-e

Low i' the dust,

An' scriechin' out prosaic verse,

An' like to brust!

Tell them wha hae the chief direction,
Scotland an' me's in great affliction,
E'er sin' they laid that curst restriction
On Aquavitæ ;

An' rouse them up to strong conviction,
An' move their pity.

Stand forth, an' tell yon Premier youth,
The honest, open, naked truth:
Tell him o' mine an' Scotland's drouth,
His servants humble:

The muckle Devil blaw ye south,
If ye dissemble!

Does onie great man glunch' an' gloom?
Speak out, an' never fash your thumb!"
Let posts an' pensions sink or soom

Wi' them wha grant 'em

If honestly they canna come,

Far better want 'em.

In gath'ring votes you were na slack;

Now stand as tightly by your

tack;

Ne'er claw your lug," an' fidge your back,

An' hum an' haw;

But raise your arm, an' tell your crack

Before them a'.

e Hoarse, as with a cold. p Hoarse. q Great. → Frown. Don't be afraid-never trouble your head about it. u Ear.

Swim.

D

Paint Scotland greetin'w owre her thrissle,
Her mutchkin stoupy as toom's a whissle;
An' d-mn'd Excisemen in a bussle,
Seizin' a stella

Triumphant crushin' 't like a mussel
Or lampit shell.

Then on the tither hand present her,
A blackguard Smuggler right behint her,
An' cheek-for-chow a chuffiec Vintner,
Colleaguing join,

Picking her pouchd as bare as winter
Of a' kind coin.

Is there that bears the name o' Scot,
But feels his heart's bluid rising hot,
To see his poor auld mither's pot

Thus dung in staves,*

An' plunder'd o' her hindmost groat
By gallows knaves?

Alas! I'm but a nameless wight,

Trode i' the mire an' out o' sight!

But could I like Montgomeries fight,

Or gabf like Boswell,

There's some sark-necks I wad draw tight,
An' tie some hose well.

God bless your honours, can ye see 't,
The kind, auld, cantie carlinh greet,i

An' nok get warmly to your feet,

An' gar them hear it,

An' tell them wi' a patriot heat,

Ye winnam bear it!

Some o' you nicely ken the laws,
To round the period, an' pause,
An' wi' rhetoric clause on clause

To mak harangues;

Then echo thro' Saint Stephen's wa's

Auld Scotland's wrangs.

Dempster," a true-blue Scot I'se warran;
Thee, aith-detesting, chaste Kilkerran ;P
An' that glib-gabbet Highland baron,

The laird o' Graham ;
An' ane, a chap that's d-mn'd auldfarran,
Dundas his name.

Erskine, a spunkie Norland billie;
True Campbells, Frederick, an' llay;
An' Livingstone, the bauld Sir Willie ;
An' monie ithers,

Whom auld Demosthenes or Tully

Might own for brithers.

Thee, sodger Hugh, my watchman stented,
If bardies e'er are represented;

I ken if that your sword were wanted,

Ye'd lend your hand,

But when there's ought to say anent it,
Ye're at a stand.

Arouse, my boys! exert your mettle,
To get auld Scotland back her kettle ;"
Or, faith! I'll wadw my new pleugh-pettle,*
Ye'll see't or lang,y

She'll teach you wi' a reekin' whittle,

Anither sang.

He

n George Dempster, Esq., of Dunnichen, Forfarshire. was many years M. P. for the Dundee district of boroughs, and always spoke and voted on the liberal side of politics.

• An oath. p Sir Adam Ferguson.

9 That speaks smoothly and readily. The Duke of Montrose

Sagacious, cunning.

t Earl of Eglintoun, then Colonel Montgomery, and representative for Ayrshire. * Plough-staff.

u Her still. y Ere long.

w To bet or wager z A bloody sword.

This while she's been in crankous mood,
Her lost Militiab fir'd her bluid;

(Deil na they never mair do guid,

Play'd her that pliskie !)

An' now she's like to rin red-wud,d

About her whisky.

An' L-d! if ance they pit her till 't,
Her tartan petticoat she 'll kilt,f
An' durk an' pistol at her belt,

She'll tak the streets,

An' rin her whittle to the hilt,

I' the first she meets.

For G-d's sake, Sirs! then speak her fair,
An' straik her cannies wi' the hair,

An' to the muckle Househ repair,

Wi' instant speed,

An' strive, wi' a' your wit an' lear,

To get remead.k

Yon ill-tongu'd tinkler, Charlie Fox,
May taunt you wi' his jeers an' mocks;
But gie him 't het, my hearty cocks!

Even cowe the caddie;

An' send him to his dicing box

An' sporting lady.

Tell yon guid bluid" o' auld Boconnock's,
I'll be his debt twa mashlum bonnocks,"
An' drink his health in auld Nanse Tinnock's,P

a Fretful.

Burlesque allusion to the bill for a Scotch militia, which was, shortly before that time, negatived in Parliament.

c A trick. d Run stark mad.
fTo truss up the clothes.
h The parliament house.

Hot.

e Put her to it. g Stroke her gently. Learning. k Remedy.

m Frighten the fellow, make him knock under.

n Good blood.

o Two bannocks or cakes made of mixed corn. PA worthy old hostess of the Author's in Mauchline, where he metimes studied politics over a glass of guid auld Scotch drink.