THE DIARY OF A COMMERCIAL TRAVELLER.

MONDAY. This was the first day of my entering upon a new career of life; arose early, looked through the window, and found from the appearance of the river, that there had been much rain; this put me in mind of Shakspeare,

There is a tide in the affairs of man,

Which taken at the flood leads on to fortune.

Thought it an omen of my future prosperity. Thomas knocked at my door, with a pair of boots shining like the richest satin; sang a cantata to the praise of Day and Martin; ordered him to put my nag into my vehicle; finished dressing, went down stairs, and practised bowing to a customer, with two or three peculiar smiles, before a large mirror; proceeded to the stable, and found all right, the neatest' turn-out' on the road; black buggy, pricked out with yellow, claret lining, brass harness, with my own crest (three peacock's feathers), 'rampant' as they call it, and a prime bit of chesnut blood. Previous to taking the reins in hand, persuaded Thomas to play the draper, for the sake of showing him the superior mode I had hit upon of introducing myself and shop.' Bowed, inquired after his health, his wife, and all the little drapers; Thomas laughed; called him a fool; mounted, and drove off; passed the window of ma chere amie, expected a gaze, but the window-blind was down; sadly disappointed,—my turn-out must have made an impression; consoled myself with the happy conclusion that she was dreaming about me. Met several clerks coming to business,-many of them nodded-could not see them, morning foggy. Pushed along; pleasantest life in the world; caught the last glimpse of St. Mary's spire; turned round to gaze more intently, in the act of singing Adieu ! adieu, my native land,' when my horse stopped, and I found myself at the first turnpike. Man asked me if it was a hired concern ;' wondered how men who had lived so many years could be so ignorant; shewed him my crest, and gave him a sharp negative; pushed on again, delightful country, charming life, thought it a very long ten miles; began to snuff the smoke of Bas Hamlet's ghost did the morning air.' Entered the town, midst the roar of little boys, and the gaze of shopmen. Drove to the Commercial;' hostler's bell rings, servants running in all directions, convincing proof of the gentility of my' turn-out.' Took me for a gentleman, and showed me into a private room. Was not to be done, wished for society, and had no desire to pay a shilling extra for dinner; so told them I was only a gentleman traveller, and soon found myself in the travellers' room. Charming prospect-full of box-coats, gig-whips, driving-boxes, saddle-bags, and Birmingham samples. Ten o'clock, and two gentlemen at breakfast; delightful life, how pleasant to be one's own master. Thought I'd nick 'em, so left them at it, and set off to my customers; felt a degree of palpitation, but posted on to our number-one men; Messrs. Stout, Fine, and Co. came to the door, looked in the windows, and walked past; rather nervous for the first time in my life ;-tried again, found several people in the shop; stood at the door, bowed to Mr. Stout, and adjourned;—had paved the way, and Richard was himself again. Fed my horse, and returned once more to the attack. Shop clear, rushed in, and bowing to a gentleman on the left, heard a half stifled laugh not far from me; found I had mistaken the man for the master; shop began to turn

round; troubled with very uncomfortable sensations,-beheld Mr. S. at the other end of the shop, and making an effort to reach him, upset a pile of grey calicoes, and fell with my nose against the counter,-nose bleeding, good excuse, so made my exit as quick as possible.-Determined not to go out again this day, so began balancing my cash; found I had already spent one shilling and ninepence, and got nothing but a broken nose, and a headache. This would never do, so went out again,-tried hard with another of our friends-very successful; another-still more so; returned to the inn, ordered a sheet of foolscap, and wrote home. Measured the letter when folded, and found it eight inches by four and a half, largest I had ever written; much astonished to find these large letters so soon despatched!

TUESDAY.-Woke in the morning by seven, after dreaming I had been cramming fifty pieces of calico down the throats of Messrs. Stout, Fine, and Co.; thought it ominous; rose, dressed, went down stairs; found the housemaid busy dusting the room; black eyes, and very pretty, but not quite awake yet;-smiled at me, found she was a wicked girl, a kind of decoy-duck, so proceeded to the stable. Bid hostler have my horse ready at half-past twelve,-hinted they dined at one,-was not to be done; Governor told me before leaving home not to drink wine. After breakfast proceeded to Messrs. Stout and Co. found my nerves much improved; Stout looked very solemn, but did not care for that; had shed my blood for him, and what man could do more. After blowing me up, saying they did not want any thing; deducting short measures, damages, discount, and interest, settled my account, and gave me a large order. Felt uncommonly elevated, and asked Stout to dine with me. Returned to the Commercial,' found my horse ready, but gave back-word; felt sorry to give hostler so much trouble, but made amends by tipping him an extra sixpence ; said I had the neatest turn-out on the road, and who should know better than hostler; found him a very agreeable fellow; told me I need not trouble myself, to feed my bit of blood, as he would do all that for me; thanked him, and ordered him a glass, could do no less, considered it possible this fellow might speak well of me ;-always an eye to business. Dinner on the table, Stout made his appearance; ten beside myself; elected president without a dissentient voice, here was an honour; could do no less than drink wine, so ordered a bottle for self and Stout. Gentlemen said they should like some too; told them to order for themselves, but they refused, and politely left it to me; considered commercial gentlemen the most genteel men I had ever met with; called upon for a toast or sentiment, gave Skin, Flint, and Co. my worthy employers, (loud applause); every body admired my gratitude; gave them my whole history, from the time I carried parcels to the day I carried samples; felt more elevated than ever; ordered more wine, and sang a song (much applause); Mr. Vice quite delighted; felt myself much at home, not the least trepidation or nervousness about me; proposed we should all give the lass we loved best, and commenced myself with Miss Amelia Trifle. Thought the company much increased, and and very much surprised to see two Mr. Stouts, and two Vice-Presidents; somebody said they would shoe me, told them I always wore boots, (much laughter); just then my chair began swinging backward and forward; two or three gentlemen cautiously crept under the table; the candles were put out, at least it went very dark, and I forget the rest.

in

WEDNESDAY.-Awoke much disturbed in my mind, but more particularly head; rang the bell, and chamber maid came with shaving water;

my

told me it was one o'clock, and the gentlemen were waiting dinner of me; asked her to take my compliments, and say I was busy writing; ordered a basin of gruel, found myself not only in a red hot fever, but also in my breeches and boots; must have been very sleepy the night previous, to have neglected taking them off; looked at my watch, and found it had stopped; very strange, never stopped before; must have been in deep thought, and so forgot to wind it up; breeches and boots corroborated this idea; took my gruel, and fell asleep; awoke in two hours, dressed, paid my bill, and drove out of town the back way. Arrived at Cno one in but myself; looked at my order book, but found nothing in it; balanced my cash, and discovered a great deficiency; cannot be helped, people must have money to pay their way, and travelling, every body knows, is very expensive; read an old newspaper, fell asleep, singed my hair against the candle; called the chambermaid, ordered a pan of coals, and went to bed.

THURSDAY. Found myself much relieved by my night's rest, but more particularly so, after partaking of a breakfast, where cold fowl, cold tongue, cold ham, &c. were the principle ingredients. Opened my ledger and looked over my accounts; John Windem much behind, memorandum in the margin 'not to leave without the money;' desperate cases require desperate measures, so thought of looking out for private lodgings. Found John Windem absent, and shop closed; made inquiries, and heard he was gone north. Returning, a couple of pretty girls stared at me from a second story window, fell in love with one of them; better eyes than Amelia's, and much better forehead,—determined to rusticate here a day or two. Redressed, and walked past again,-girls still there, evidently much enamoured; wrote with my pencil, a few lines of adoration in my order book, tore it out, and got Boots to deliver it; received for reply, 'They thought it must be their father I wanted, as he gave all the orders;' inquired, and found they were the daughters of a customer,-durst not face him, ordered horse into buggy and drove off in the midst of a heavy shower. After proceeding three miles discovered that my patterns were absent; still raining, returned for them, drove on again; came to a narrow ill paved lane, cart before me in the centre of the road, could not pass and driver fast asleep; bawled out, but he could not hear me for the jolting of his cart; still raining, charming life, bawled again, no answer; night coming on, and driving at the rate of three miles an hour. Alighted from my vehicle, determined to prove the effects of a whip, found it much better than my voice, woke him and alarmed my horse, who found his way into the ditch, pulled him out and succeeded in discovering that my springs were broken; bore it all patiently and finished the stage on foot, arriving in time to find the inn closed, and the hostler in bed. Sadly perplexed, not liking to awake the 'commercial gentlemen.' Knocked gently at the door but no one came; louder, yet no answer, louder still, a nightcap peeped forth from a window and both horse and myself were soon housed.

FRIDAY. At breakfast, listened attentively to several remarks upon gentlemen travelling late, and disturbing their neighbours. One old man in black, very full of wrath, having lost a sound sleep, and not having been able to find another all night. Despatched my breakfast in quick time, and silently left the room. Returned with a clothes' brush, and on quietly brushing myself, was asked by the old gentleman in black 'How long it was since I had left off livery?' brushed away, and made no reply-asked me again if ‘I did not think his toast was sufficiently well buttered, without the contents of

my greasy habiliments?' felt myself insulted, and left the room in silent contempt; went into the stable and fed my horse. Boots came with the old gentleman's compliments, desiring to see me immediately; concluded it was his wish to make an apology, and returned. Old gentleman reading the paper; on entering, quietly raised his head and peering from under a pair of large green spectacles, desired me the next time I left the room to close the door after me. Finished my business; got four promises of large orders next journey; wrote home enclosing fifteen provincial notes, and a sovereign, found I had written home three times in less than a week, astonished at my industry and perseverance. A new arrival, prime fellow, white coat, pearl buttons, spire crown hat, buckskins, boots and bugle; beautiful · bit of blood,' and large poodle dog; told me his horse cost him seventy; finest bred on the road, did not know where there was such another; only one blemish, a little hair off the knee, done by running against a wall. Said he was surprised to see so gentlemanly a man as myself, drive so imperfect an animal; pointed out the faults of my bit of blood,' which I perceived immediately; felt a strong desire to exchange; offered to give him ten pounds to boot, but he laughed at me; did not like to be laughed at, thought he might discover I was no judge, so boldly pressed him hard with twenty, and after much persuasion succeeded; found myself in possession of the finest bred horse on the road, with only one blemish; bid high for his Poodle and nabbed him; eager to try both, so off. Went on quietly, very quietly; although so well bred, must have been in good hands, not an inch of vice; placed Poodle in the gig, and tied him with a rope to my leg; very noisy, but so much the better company; passed a coach without any accident, drove gently to P, and arrived there in time for supper. Took two bottoms of brandy and betted ten pounds I was heavier than the cook, but being 'weighed in the balance was found wanting.' Debited cash account with ten pounds; went to bed and dreamed cooky was rolling me in paste for an apple dumpling,—dreadful effect of the night-mare.

SATURDAY. On proceeding to the stable found my new purchase fast asleep; hostler roused him and asked if I wished to part with him, for master wanted a poster; blew him up for his insolence. Boots entered informing me Poodle had broken three large panes to get into the larder, and had taken pains afterwards to secure a leg of mutton, in which attempt he had succeeded. Told him to put all down to me. Called upon three customers, all very savage looking men, one a tailor, kept his eye upon me (the only one he had) as though he expected I should put something into my pocket; asked him if he thought so, and then bolted. Looked over my order book and found how very successful I had been in promises; considered I must have a peculiar talent about me, people took such notice of me. Bad thing to lose one's friends; customers should know what they want better than travellers. Looking through the window saw Poodle engaged in warfare surrounded by blackguards; succeeded in rescuing him, and bringing with me a black eye and the remains of a coat. Drank 'Sweethearts and wives' and went to bed without the assistance of Boots. SUNDAY. Awoke and after a few moments' busy reflection, remembered it was Sunday. Delightful day when all things rest from labour, no occasion therefore to rise earlier than agreeable; pulled on my nightcap, which I had been quickly removing from my head, and placed myself in a good position for thought. Bells gently tolling for church and maid bustling about in the passage and next room, a hint to rise, but would not

take it; determined to indulge myself; remembered a favourite proverb of my grandfather's, 'nothing like the time present.' Found the contrast between the frost on the windows, and the warmth of the soft pillow uncommonly delightful. Some foolish poet says, 'There's nothing half so sweet in life as love's young dream,' strong evidence that poets are poor,-ignorant of the charms of a feather bed. Shut my eyes on purpose to ruminate,always ruminate best with my eyes shut; everything very comfortable, calm, calm, very calm; surprised, however, to see a draper standing by my bed side with a large bundle of muslins under his arm, and Poodle under the other tried to speak but could not; horse and gig came trotting past the foot of the bed, did not like to be played upon in this way, so endeavoured to turn them out per force-suddenly found myself on the floor; must have been dreaming; dressed and made my appearance at breakfast just as the clock struck half-past eleven. Ordered my bill, and drove gently to Din time to get a four o'clock dinner, with a single bottom of brandy. Gentlemen dilating over the sixth bottle, at the one o'clock dinner table. Politely invited me to take a glass; could not do less, so sat down and amused them with many anecdotes. Poodle entered, and was kicked out, with a very impertinent remark from one gentleman that his master ought to be served in the same way; felt very much pleased I had not owned him. Sent Boots to the post, for a letter in reply to various remittances in the course of the week. Received one, begged to be excused, opened it and read as follows: 'Sir, Your talents are wanted at home. If you will apply at the coach office, you will find yourself booked and insured along with other valuable property. The guard has your address, and will label you if required. We have engaged a porter and wheelbarrow to meet you on your arrival, so that you may be safely delivered at your lodgings free of expense, and without further damage. Your's, &c. SKIN, FLINT, AND Co.