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Pedro. To be whipt! what's his fault ?
Bene. The flat transgression of a school-boy; who, being over-joy'd with finding a bird's nest, shews it his companion, and he steals it..
Pedro. Wilt thou make a trust, a transgression ? the transgression is in the stealer.
Bene. Yet it had not been amiss, the rod had been 'made, and the garland too; for the garland he might have worn himself, and the rod he might have bestow'd on you, who (as I take it) have stol'n his bird's nest.
Pedro. I will but teach them to sing, and restore them to the owner.
Bene. If their singing answer your saying, by my faith, you say honestly,
Pedro. The lady Beatrice hath a quarrel to you ; the gentleman, that danc'd with her, told her she is much wrong'd by you.
Bene. O, fhe misus'd me past the indurance of a block; an oak, but with one green leaf on it, would have answer'd her; my very vifor began to assume life, and scold with her; she told me, not thinking I had been myself, that I was the Prince's jester, and that I was duller than a great thaw; (7) hudling jeit upon jelt, with such impassable conveyance upon me, that I itood like a man at a mark, with a whole army shooting at me; she speaks Ponyards, and every word stabs; if her breath were as terrible as her terminations, there were no living near her, she would infect to the North
I would not marry her, though the were endowed with all that Adam had left him before he transgress'd ; the would have made Hercules have turn'd fpit, yea, and have cleft his club to make the fire too. Come, talk not of her, you shall find her the infernal Até in good
(7) budling jest upon jest, with such impoffible conveyance upon mae] Thus all the printed copies; but I freely confefs, I can't poflibly understand the phrase. I have ventur'd to substitute imposjable. To make a Pass (in Fercing,) is, to thrust, puth: and by impallable, I presume, the poet meant, that me push'd her jefts upon him with such Swiftness, that it was impossible for him to fa's them off, to Parry them.
apparel. I would to God, fome scholar would conjure her; for, certainly, while she is here a man may
live as quiet in hell as in a fanctuary, and people fin upon purpose, becaule they would go thither; :0, indeed, all cilquiet, horror, and perturbation follow her.
Enter Claudio, Beatrice, Leonato and Hero.
Bene. Will your Grace command me any service to the world's end? I will go on the slightest errand now to the Antipodes, that you can devise to send me on; I will fetch you a tooth-picker now from the farthest inch of Asia; bring you the length or Prester John's foot; fetch you a hair off the great Cham's beard ; do you any ambafrage to the pigmies, rather than hold three words conference with this harpy; you have no employment for me!
Pedro. None, but to desire your good company.
Bene. O God, Sir, here's a dish I love not. I cannot indure this Lady Tongue.
[Exit. Pedro. Come, Lady, come; you have lost the heart of Signior Benedick.
Beat. Indeed, my Lord, he lent it me a while, and I gave
him use for it, a double heart for a single one; marry, once before he won it of me with false dice, therefore
your Grace may well say, I have lost it. Pedro. You have put him down, Lady, you have put him down.
Beat. So I would not he should do me, my Lord, left I-should
prove the mother of fools: I have brought Count Claudio, whom you sent me to seek.
Pedro. Why, how now, Count, wherefore are you sad?
Beat. The Count is neither sad, nor fick, nor merry, nor well; but civil, Count, civil as an orange, and some. thing of that jealous complexion.
Pedro. I’faith, Lady, I think your blazon to be true; though I'll be sworn, if he be so, his conceit is false. Vol. II.
Here Here, Claudio, I have wooed in thy name, and fair Hero is won; I have broke with her father, and his good will obtained ; name the day of marriage, and God give thee joy:
Leon. Count, take of me my daughter, and with her my fortunes: his Grace hath made the match, and all grace say, Amen, to it.
Beat. Speak, Count, 'tis your cue.
Claud. Silence is the perfecteft herald of joy; I were but little happy, if I could say how much. Lady, as you are mine, I am yours: I give away myself for you, and doat upon the exchange.
Beat. Speak, Cousin, or (if you cannot) stop his mouth with a kiss, and let him not speak neither.
Pedro. In faith, Lady, you have a merry heart.
Beat. Yea, my Lord, I thank it, poor fool, it keeps on the windy side of care; my cousin tells him in his ear that he is in her heart.
Claud. And so she doth, coufin.
Beat. Good Lord, for alliance ! thus goes every one to the world but I, and I am sun-burn'd; I may fit in a corner, and cry heigh ho! for a husband.
Pedro. Lady Beatrice, I will get you one.
getting: hath your Grace ne'er a brother like you ? your
excellent husbands, if a maid could coine by them.
Pedro. Will you have me, Lady?
Beat. No, my Lord, unless I might have another for working-days; your Grace is too costly to wear every day: but, I beleech your Grace, pardon me, I was born to speak all mirth and no matter.
Pedro. Your filence most offends me, and to be merry beit becomes you; for, out of question, you were born in a merry hour.
Beat. No, sure, my Lord, my mother cry'd; but then there was a star danc'd, and under that I was bcr.. Cousins, God give you joy.
Leon. Niece, will you look to those things I told you of? 4
Beat. I cry you mercy, Uncle: by your Grace's pardon.
[Exit Beatrice. Pedro. By my troth, a pleasant-spirited Lady.
Leon. There's little of the melancholy element in her, my Lord; she is never sad but when the sleeps, and not ever sad then ; (8) for I have heard my daughter say, she hath often dream'd of an happiness, and wak'd herself with laughing.
Pedro. She cannot endure to hear tell of a husband. Leon, O, by no means, the mocks all her wooers out of fuit.
Pedro. She were an excellent wife for Benedick.
Leon. O Lord, my Lord, if they were but a week marry'd, they would talk themselves mad.
Pedro. Count Claudio, when mean you to go, to church?
Claud. To-morrow, my Lord; time goes on crutches, 'till love have all his rites.
Leon. Not 'till Monday, my dear son, which is hence a just seven-night, and a time too brief too, to have all things answer my mind.
Pedro. Come, you shake the head at so long a breathing; but, I warrant thee, Claudio, the time shall not go dully by us ; I will in the Interim undertake one of Hercules's labours, which is to bring Signior Benedick and the Lady Beatrice into a mountain of affection the one with the other; I would fain have it a match, and I doubt not to fashion it, if you three will but minister such aslistance as I shall give you direction.
Leon. My Lord, I am for you, though it cost me ten nights watchings. Claud. And I, my Lord. Pedro, And you too, gentle Hero?
(8) For I have heard my daughter say, }):e barb often dream'd of unhappiness, and wak'd berself with laughing. ] Tho' all the impressions agree in this reading, surely, 'tis abfolutely repugnant to what Leonato intends to say, which is this; “ Beatrice is never iad, but when she “ Deeps ; and not ever sad then; for she hath often dream'd of some“ibing murry, (an happiness, as the poet phrases it,) and wak'd hera « self with laughing,"
Hero. I will do any modest office, my Lord, to help my Cousin to a good husband.
Pedro.. And Benedick is not the unhopefullest husband that I know.: thus far I can praise him, he is of a noble Atrain, of approv'd valour, and confirm'd honesty. I will teach
you how to humour your Cousin, that she shall fall in love with Benedick; and I with your two helps, will so practise on Benedick, that in defpight of his quick wit, and his queasy stomach, he shall fall in love with Beatrice : it we can do this, Cupid is no longer an archer, his glory shall be ours, for we are the only Love Gods; go in with me, and I will tell you my drift. [Exeunt.
Enter Don John and Borachio.
John. I Daughter of Leonato
Bora. Yea, my Lord, but I can cross it.
Joha. Any bar, any cross, any impediment will be medicinable to me; I am fick in difpleasure to him; and whatsoever comes athwart his affection, ranges evenly with mine. How canst thou cross this marriage
Bora. Not honestly, my Lord, but fo covertly that no dishonefty shall appear in me.
John. Shew me briefly how.
Bora. I think, I told your lordship a year fince, how much I am in the favour of Margaret, the waitinggentlewoman to Hero.
John. I remember.
Bora. I can, at any unseasonable inttant of the night, -appoint her to look out at her Lady's chamber-window.
John. What life is in That, to be the death of this marriage
Bora. The poison of That lies in you to temper; go you to the Prince your brother, spare not to tell him, that he hath wrong'd his Honour in marrying the re