tions, and the results are ftill more aftonishing. By its magic influence feventy-fours fhrink into frigates— frigates into floops, and floops into gun-boats. As the defenceless ships of Eneas, at the command of the protecting Venus, changed into sea nymphs, and protected themselves by diving, fo the mighty navy of America, by the cabalistic word of economy, dwindles into small craft, and fhelters itself in a mill pond!

This all potent word, which ferved as his touchftone in politics, at once explains the whole system of proclamations, protefts, empty threats, windmills, trumpeters, and paper war, carried on by Wilhelmus the Tefty-and we may trace its operations in an armament which he fitted out in 1642 in a moment of great wrath, confifting of two floops and thirty men, under the command of Mynher Jan Janfen Alpendam, as admiral of the fleet, and commander in chief of the forces. This formidable expedition, which can only be paralleled by fome of the daring cruizes of our infant navy about the bay and up the found, was intended to drive the Marylanders from the Schuylkill, of which they had recently taken poffeffion-and which was claimed as part of the province of NewNederlandts-for it appears that at this time our infant colony was in that enviable state, fo much coveted by ambitious nations, that is to fay, the government had a vast extent of territory, part of which it enjoyed, and the greater part of which it had continually to quarrel about.

Admiral Jan Janfen Alpendam was a man of great mettle and prowefs, and no way difmayed at the character of the enemy, who were reprefented as a gigantic, gunpowder race of men, who lived on hoe cakes and bacon, drank mint juleps and apple toddy, and were exceedingly expert at boxing, biting, gouging, tar and feathering, and a variety of other athletic accomplishments, which they had borrowed from their coufins german and prototypes the Virginians, to whom they have ever borne confiderable refemblance-notwithstanding all these alarming representations, the admiral entered the Schuylkill moft undauntedly with his fleet, and arrived without difafter or oppofition at the place of deftination.

Here he attacked the enemy in a vigorous speech in low Dutch, which the wary Kiest had previously put in his pocket; wherein he courteously commenced by calling them a pack of lazy, louting, dram drinking, cock fighting, horfe racing, slave driving, tavern haunting, fabbath breaking, mulatto breeding upstarts

and concluded by ordering them to evacuate the country immediately—to which they most laconically replied in plain English, "they'd fee him d-d firft."

Now this was a reply for which neither Jan Jansen Alpendam, nor Wilhelmus Kieft had made any calculation—and finding himself totally unprepared to answer so terrible a rebuff with suitable hostility, he concluded that his wifeft courfe was to return home

and report progrefs. He accordingly failed back to New-Amsterdam, where he was received with great honours, and confidered as a pattern for all commanders, having achieved a most hazardous enterprize, at a trifling expense of treasure, and without lofing a fingle man to the state!-He was unanimoufly called the deliverer of his country; (an appellation liberally bestowed on all great men) his two floops having done their duty, were laid up (or dry docked) in a cove now called the Albany Bafin, where they quietly rotted in the mud; and to immortalize his name, they erected, by fubfcription, a magnificent fhingle monument on the top of Flatten barrack* Hill, which lafted three whole years; when it fell to pieces, and was burnt for fire-wood.

* A corruption of Varleth's bergh-or Varleth's hil', so called from one Varleth, who lived upon that hill in the early days of the settlement.

CHAP. V.

How William the Testy enriched the province by a multitude of lares, and came to be the Patron of Lawyers and Bum-Bailiffs. And how the people became exceedingly enlightened and unhappy, under his instructions.

AMONG the many wrecks and fragments of exalted wisdom, which have floated down the stream of time, from venerable antiquity, and have been carefully picked up by thofe humble, but induftrious wights, who ply along the fhores of literature, we find the following fage ordinance of Charondas, the Locrian legiflator-Anxious to preferve the ancient laws of the ftate from the additions and improvements of profound "country members," or officious candidates for popularity, he ordained, that whoever proposed a new law, fhould do it with a halter about his neck; so that in cafe his propofition was rejected, they just hung him up-and there the matter ended.

This falutary institution had fuch an effect, that for more than two hundred years there was only one trifling alteration in the criminal code--and the whole race of lawyers ftarved to death for want of employment. The confequence of this was, that the Locrians being unprotected by an overwhelming

load of excellent laws, and undefended by a standing army of pettifoggers and fheriff's officers, lived very lovingly together, and were fuch a happy people, that they scarce make any figure throughout the whole Grecian history-for it is well known that none but your unlucky, quarrelfome, rantipole nations make any noife in the world.

Well would it have been for William the Testy, had he haply in the course of his "universal acquirements," ftumbled upon this precaution of the good Charondas. On the contrary, he conceived that the true policy of a legislator was to multiply laws, and thus fecure the property, the perfons and the morals of the people, by furrounding them in a manner with men traps and spring guns, and besetting even the fweet fequeftered walks of private life, with quickfet hedges, fo that a man could scarcely turn, without the risk of encountering fome of these peftiferous protectors. Thus was he continually coining petty laws for every petty offence that occurred, until in time they became too numerous to be remembered, and remained like thofe of certain modern legiflators, mere dead letters-revived occafionally for the purpose of individual oppreffion, or to entrap ignorant

offenders.

Petty courts confequently began to appear, where the law was administered with nearly as much wisdom and impartiality as in those august tribunals the aldermen's and justices' courts of the prefent day. The