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would own it, they might. The boy accordingly mounted the pulpit, and with a very audible voice read as follows:
Sir Roger de Coverly's country-seat-Yes, for I hate long speeches-Query, if a good Christian may be a Conjurer-Childermas-day, Saltseller, HouseDog, Screech-Owl, Cricket-Mr. Thomas Inkle of London, in the good ship called the Achille... Yarico -Ægrescitque medendo--Ghosts--The Lady's Library -Lion, by trade a Taylor-Dromedary called Bucephalus-Équipage the Lady's summum bonum Charles Lillie to be take notice of Short Face a relief to envy-Redundancies in the three professions -King Latinus a recruit-Jew devouring an ham of Bacon-Westminster-Abbey --Grand Cairo ---Procrastination--April Fools--Blue Boars, Red Lions, Hogs in Armour-Enter a King and two Fiddlers solus Admission into the Ugly Club--Beauty, how improveable-Families of true and false Humour- The Parrot's School Mistress-Face half Pict half British -No man to be an Hero of a Tragedy under six feetClub of Sighers-Letters from Flower-pots, Elbow chairs, Tapestry-figures, Lion, Thunder-The Bell rings to the Puppet show-Old Woman with a beard married to a smock-faced Boy-My next coat to be turned up with blue-Fable of Tongs and GridironFlower Dyers-The Soldier's Prayer-Thank ye for nothing,' says the Gally-pot--Pactolus in Stockings with golden clocks to them--Bamboos, Cudgels, Drumsticks Slip of my I.andlady's eldest Daughter-The Black mare, with a star in her forehead-The Barber's Pole-Will Honeycomb's Coat-pocket-Cæsar's behaviour and my own in parallel circumstances-Poem in Patch-work-Nulli gravis est percussus Achilles-The Female Conventicler-The Ogle-Master.
The reading of this paper made the whole coffeehouse very merry; some concluded it was written by a madman, and others by somebody that had been taking notes out of the Spectator. One who had the appearance of a very substantial citizen, told us, with several politic winks and nods, that he wished there was no more in the paper than what was expressed in it: that for his part, he looked upon the dromedary, the gridiron, and barber's pole, to signify something more than what was usually meant by those words; and that he thought the coffee-house man could not do better than to carry the paper to one of the secretaries of state. He further added, that he did not like the name of the outlandish man with the golden clock in his stockings.
A young Oxford scholar, who chanced to be with his uncle at the coffee-house, discovered to us who this Pactolus was; and by that means turned the whole scheme of this worthy citizen into ridicule. While they were making their several conjectures upon this innocent paper, I reached out my arm to the boy, as he was coming out of the pulpit, to give-it me, which he did accordingly : this drew the eyes of the whole company upon me; but after having cast a cursory glance over it, and shook my head twice or three times at the reading of it, I twisted it into a kind of match, and lit my pipe with it. My profound silence, together with the steadiness of my countenance and the gravity of my behaviour during this whole transaction, raised a very loud laugh on all sides of me; but as I had escaped all suispicion of being the author, I was very well satisfied; and applying myself to my pipe and the Postman, took no further notice of any thing that passed about My reader will find that I have already made use of above half the contents of the foregoing paper; and will easily suppose, that those subjects which are yet untouched, were such provisions as I had made for his future entertainment. But as I have been unluckily prevented by this accident, I shall only give him the letters which relate to the two last hints. The first of them I should not have published, were I not informed that there is many an husband who suffers very much in private affairs by the indiscreet zeal of such a partner as is hereafter mentioned; to whom I may apply the barbarous inscription quoted by the Bishop of Salisbury in his travels; Dum nimis pia est, facta est impia: "Through too much piety she became impious."
I AM one of those unhappy men that are plagued with a gospel-gossip, so common among.
Dissenters, especially friends. Lectures in the morning, churchmeetings at noon, and preparation sermons at night, take up so much of her time, it is very rare she knows what we have for dinner, unless when the preacher is to be at it. With him come a tribe, all brothers and sisters it seems; while others, really such, are deemed no relations. If at any time I have her company alone, she is a mere sermon popgun, repeating and discharging texts, proofs, and applications, so perpetually, that however weary I may go to bed, the noise in my head will not let me sleep till towards morning. The misery of my case,
great numbers of such sufferers, plead your pity * and speedy relief, otherwise must expect, in a little
time, to be lectured, preached and prayed into want, ' unless the happiness of being sooner talked to death prevent it. "I am, &c.
6 R. G,
The second letter relating to the Ogling-Master runs thus :
Mr. Spectator, "I AM an Irish gentleman, that have travelled many years for my improvement; during which time I have accomplished myself in the whole art of ogling, as it is at present practised in all the polite nations of Europe. Being thus qualified, I intend,
by the advice of my friends, to set up for an ogling. (master: I teach the church-ogle in the morning,
and the play-house ogle by candle-light. I have
also brought over with me a new flying ogle fit for • the Ring; which I teach in the dusk of the evening,
any hour of the day, by darkening one of my windows. I have a manuscript by me, called “ The • Complete Ogler,” which I shall be ready to shew you upon any occasion.
In the mean time, I beg you will publish the substance of this letter in an advertisement, and you will very much oblige,
No. XLVII. TUESDAY, APRIL 24.
Ride, si sapis............
Laugh, if you're wise.
MR. HOBBES, in his discourse of human nature, which in my humble opinion, is much the best of all his works, after some very curious observations upon laughter, concludes thus: “ The passion of • laughter is nothing else but sudden glory arising ' from some sudden conception of some eminency in
ourselves, by comparison with the infirmity of o
thers, or with our own formerly ; for men laugh at 'the follies of themselves past, when they come suddenly to remembrance, except they bring with them any present dishonour.'
According to this author, therefore, when we hear a man laugh excessively, instead of saying he is very merry, we ought to tell him he is very proud. And indeed, if we look into the bottom of this matter, we shall meet with many observations to confirm us in his opinion. Every one laughs at somebody that is in an inferior state of folly to himself. It was formerly the custom for every great house in England to keep a tame fool dressed in petticoats, that the heir of the family might have an opportunity of joking upon him, and diverting himself with his absurdities. For the same reason idiots are still in request in most of the courts of Germany, where there is not a prince of any great magnificence who has not two or three dressed, distinguished, undisputed fools in his retinue, whom the rest of the courtiers are always breaking their jests upori.
The Dutch, who are more famous for their industry and application, than for wit and humour, hang up in