the first stair. He had accordingly, passed through the ordeal of unconfessed dancing-masters on the second flight »; of unmentioned music-teachers in the parlours; of amateur songsters at free-and-easys and glee-clubs, in the adjoining chamber; and of sleep-walkers from the garrets, who never find their way to their own room, and always discover a penchant for the first-floor lodgers. Weary of this mode of self-stowage, and its vexatious contingencies, Gipps had subsequently suffered himself to be taken into permanent bait at sundry boarding-houses, which, the gloss of novelty once faded, conformed even less kindly with his inclinations, than his former more independent arrangement. He complained that the inmates, native and foreign, to be found in these establishments, the men in particular-were the most inexplicably mysterious rational beings that ever sat down in common to one table-cloth. During the day they went hither and thither, but whither it was futile to conjecture came punctually to their meals, and at night were perversely prone to penny-point whist, and whiskey-and-water. He could not help fancying, also, that whenever a friend of either of these gentlemen, or of his own, chanced to call, the visiter seemed to look upon the company as a junto of harmless maniacs humanely leagued together for the purpose of enriching a certain eager-faced person, in brown holland cuffs and spectacles, whom they were pleased to call the landlady. The female branches were, in Gipps' opinion, rather wintryvisaged samples of the fair sex, chiefly remarkable for sandy hair, large reticules, and one tooth out in front. In short, Gipps in due time became thoroughly indifferent to the agreeable amenities to be exchanged at boarding-houses,-tired of inscrutable soup,-of fish that had long left a seafaring life, and Atlantean shoulders of mutton. He had given boardinghouses a fair chance, and he said (for he was a gentleman of a mild manner, and choice of speech,) they were no good. "I have tried as many as most men, said he to his friend Simpson, one day, and I ought to know. Some one within three minutes' walk of the Royal Exchange.' Bless you, sir, Captain Barclay, in training, couldn't have accomplished the " " distance in ten. And as for those that 'command a delighful view of the park,' all I can say is, their commands are never obeyed, The outline of a tree or two might be seen perhaps -with Herschel's telescope. » Why don't you take a house of your own?» returned Simpson, vote for a member, attend vestries, and get on the Paving Board? Be respectable-now, do be respectable. You are a middle-aged man- act as such. Sit under the shadow of your own fig-tree.. Therefore Gipps took No. 15,-, Strand, had the fixtures at a valuation, made repairs, hung fresh bells, planted a new scraper, and placed his name in brass on the door. Handsome furniture, books, pictures, bronzes, shells, lamps — all complete. The place was a nucleus of comfort and respectability. All would not do. There was a vacuum, as he said, a desideratum to be supplied. The house was too much for him. I do not mean in the common acceptation of those words,that is to say, that the house was too large, or had too many rooms in it (although less, to say the truth, might have sufficed); but he could not keep the concern in order; he couldn't manage it. Gipps had not taken a house-the house had got him; he had caught a tartar. Now he knew very well, for he had heard his mother say so, that servants required (his mother had said wanted, but this is anything but the truth) that servants required looking after; but how was he all the livelong day to be tracking the footsteps of old Betty? In the first instance, he had thought Betty was pretty well, considering; but when, as the phrase goes, she showed herself in her true colours, they were rather startling than splendid. She had apparently no conception of the course of time, as commonly indicated by clockwork, and brought up breakfast and served dinner at discretion. In a short time he began to fear that her morals were not in a high state of preservation. She wanted to make believe that he ate four half-quarterns a-week. Ridiculous! He was by no means partial to bread. She pleaded that the rats made away with the candles, when, how the deuce, » " thought Gipps, « a rat or any animal of that genus can run up a kitchen door, and abstract moulds and long sixes out of the round lackered box at the back of it, is more than I can possibly conceive. » It was true that about two months since, a man with a head like a hedgehog, and a face like a dolphin, did come to repair the cistern; but why he should therefore have since come twice a-week to take supper with Betty off his quarters of lamb, he could not satisfactorily divine. Nat Salter, an uncouth urchin of some dozen years, who cleaned his boots, and knives and forks, and carried, and miscarried, as the case might happen, his letters and messages, was no more to his liking. Of him, too, he had formed, at first, a favourable opinion, and had mentally measured him for pepper-and-salt trowsers with red cord down the seams, and a brown coat with a yellow collar and a gross of sugarloaf buttons. But the young rogue was always playing on the door-step with begrimed juveniles of his own age and physical calibre: and when he went forth, would start up incontinently, whip off his shapeless head-gear, and shout, «D'ye want me, Mr. Gipps?» Once he had actually, with his own ears, heard him observe to a companion, « That's my old master, Gippsjust twig him. Isn't he a article? I believe you, he just is. » Old master!- a article! Insufferable young rascal! ་ ་་ I must No, no, thought Gipps at last, this won't do. get a housekeeper. Nothing is to be done without a housekeeper. » CHAPTER II. The Advertisement. But how to get a housekeeper? Gipps had no more notion of the process by which so desirable an acquisition was to be procured, than he had of the method of calculating by fluxions. He resolved to seek advice upon this head; and who is so capable of giving, and happy to extend his advice as his old friend Mr. Jackson, a gentleman who had seen a vast deal of the world, and under whose ken housekeepers, without doubt, must frequently have come? He sought Mr. Jackson out accordingly, and made known his wants and wishes-his doubts and his difficulties. «Very well, said Mr. Jackson, a gentleman, by the by, whose narrow width of wisdom was eked out by a vast selvage of important gravity, you want a housekeeper. Well, sir, you want a respectable woman-a highly respectable woman-what I should call a comfortable body. " ་ "A comfortable body, certainly," said Gipps; a comfortable body." « Very good, sir, » cried Jackson. you made application to your butcher ? » " Well, sir, and have « My butcher! » exclaimed Gipps. What in the name of Newgate Market, thought he, «can 'my butcher,' who cuts up beeves and sells them in detail, have to do with housekeepers in their integrity?» "Your butcher, resumed Mr. Jackson; have you, I repeat, applied to your butcher,-to your baker-pshaw! absurd! I was about to say to your candlestick-maker? Let me correct myself. Have you applied to your butcher, to your baker, to your grocer, to your green-grocer ? What! » surveying Gipps with surprise, are you not aware that gentlemen, when they want servants, refer themselves to these purveyors, as, in like manner, when servants want places, they also refer to them?» "I really was not aware, I am ashamed to say,» replied Gipps. « Then I beg your pardon, sir," remarked Mr. Jackson, but you must give me leave to tell you, you know very little of the world; and a true knowledge of the world is, in these days, highly important. Permit me to ask whether lay in your spirits from the publican ? » you "I do sometimes send for a bottle from the public-house, » answered Gipps, when my spirit-merchant is remiss in sending my two gallons. What then? » "Why, then, sir. I would by no means take a housekeeper upon a publican's recommendation. Mark me for this is deeply important. » " Mr. Jackson laid the fore-finger of his left hand to the side of his nose, and cocked up the little finger of his right. « Drinking, said he solemnly, is incompatible with a due attention to domestic duties. They who go into a public-house to inquire for a place, are usually in want of one because they have been there before, » Gipps did not much relish the course pointed out by Mr. Jackson. He was a reserved, shy man, and could not think of bothering butchers and bakers, or of soliciting grocers and tallow-chandlers to catch housekeepers for him. He would confer with his friend Simpson about the matter. Simpson, after all, knew a great deal more of the world than, Jackson, who was of the old school. Hang him and his purveyors! What d'ye think, Simpson, said he to that gentleman ; "I find I can't do without a housekeeper, and Jackson tells me to apply to my butcher, my baker, my grocer, my green grocer. » «Jackson's an ass! » cried Simpson imperatively; «he knows nothing about it. Didn't I always say you must have a housekeeper? You must advertise for one. » "Is that the way to get one?" asked Gipps. «Mark-I must have a respectable woman. » Of course you must. A middle-aged woman; for you're not too old, Gipps, eh? Scandalum magnatum, eh? d'ye see ? I should say, she must be a widow. » "A widow, coincided Gipps, his face mantling with satisfaction. «Yes, a widow,» pursued Simpson; «advertise, and you're sure to succeed. Everything is got now-a-days by advertisement, from a wife to a walking-stick. Why, my friend, I'd engage to advertise for a mermaid, and to get one within four-and-twenty hours, comb and looking-glass included. D'ye remember Frankenstein-the' piece we saw together some years since ? Cooke was the fellow with a long scratch in the bills instead of a name; and he looked like old Scratch! "I do, said Gipps. Ha! ha! that was one way of making an acquaintance. But do be serious, my dear Simpson. I must advertise, you say? » VOL. I. 335 |