Coltstaff, Mr. Whipstaff, and Mrs. Rebecca Wagstaff; all which relate chiefly to their being left out in the genealogy of the family lately published; but my cousin who writ that draught, being a clerk in the Herald's office, and being at present under the displeasure of the chapter; it is feared, if that matter should be touched upon at this time, the young gentleman would lose his place for treason against the King of Arms. 'Castabella's complaint is come to hand.' No. 15.] SATURDAY, MAY 14, 1709. From my own Apartment, May 12. I have taken a resolution hereafter, on any want of intelligence, to carry my familiar abroad with me, who has promised to give me very proper and just notices of persons and things, to make up the history of the passing day. He is wonderfully skilful in the knowledge of men and manners, which has made me more than ordinary curious to know how he came to that perfection, and I communicated to him that doubt. Mr. Pacolet,' said I, I am mightily surprised to see you so good a judge of our nature and circumstances, since you are a mere spirit, and have no knowledge of the bodily part of us.' He answered, smiling, You are mistaken; I have been one of you, and lived a month amongst you; which gives me an exact sense of your condition. You are to know, that all who enter into human life have a certain date or stamen given to their being, which they only who die of age may be said to have arrived at; but it is ordered sometimes by fate, that such as die infants are, after death, to attend mankind to the end of that stamen of being in themselves, which was broke off by sickness or any other disaster. These are proper guardians to men, as being sensible of the infirmity of their state. You are philosopher enough to know, that the difference of men's understandings proceeds only from the various dispositions of their organs; so that he who dies at a month old, is in the next life as knowing, though more innocent, as they who live to fifty; and after death, they have as perfect a memory and judgment of all that passed in their life-time, as I have of all the revolutions in that uneasy turbulent condition of yours; and you would say I had enough of it in a month, were I to tell you all my misfortunes.' 'A life of a month cannot have, one would think, much variety. But pray,' said I, 'let us have your story.' Then he proceeds in the following manner: It was one of the most wealthy families in Great Britain into which I was born, and it was a very great happiness to me that it so happened, otherwise I had still, in all probability, been living; but I shall recount to you all the occurrences of my short and miserable existence, just as, by examining into the traces made in my brain, they appeared to me at that time. The first thing that ever struck my senses was a noise over my head of one shrieking; after which, methought, I took a full jump, and found myself in the hands of a sorceress, who seemed as if she had been long waking, and employed in some incantation: I was thoroughly frightened, and cried out; but she immediately seemed to go on in some magical operation, and anointed me from head to foot. What they meant, I could not imagine; for there gathered a great crowd about me, crying, 'An heir! an heir!' upon which I grew a little still, and believed this was a ceremony to be used only to great persons, and such as made them what they called heirs. I lay very quiet; but the witch, for no manner of reason or provocation in the world, takes me, and binds my head as hard as possibly she could; then ties up both my legs, and makes me swallow down an horrid mixture. I thought it a harsh entrance into life, to begin with taking physic; but I was forced to it, or else must have taken down a great instrument in which she gave it me. When I was thus dressed, I was carried to a bed side, where a fine young lady (my mother I wot) had like to have hugged me to death. From her, they faced me about, and there was a thing with quite another look from the rest of the company, to whom they talked about my nose. He seemed wonderfully pleased to see me; but I knew since, my nose belonged to another family. That into which I was born is one of the most numerous amongst you; therefore crowds of relations came every day to congratulate my arrival; amongst others, my cousin Betty, the greatest romp in nature: she whisks me such a height over her head, that I cried out for fear of falling. She pinched me, and called me squealing chit, and threw me into a girl's arms that was taken in to tend me. The girl was very proud of the womanly employment of a nurse, and took upon her to strip and dress me a-new, because I made a noise, to see what ailed me: she did so, and stuck a pin in every joint about me. I still cried upon which, she lays me on my face in her lap; and, to quiet me, fell a-nailing in all the pins, by clapping me on the back, and screaming a lullaby. But my pain made me exalt my voice above hers, which brought up the nurse, the witch I first saw, and my grandmother. The girl is turned down stairs, and I stripped again, as well to find what ailed me, as to satisfy my granma's further curiosity. This good old woman's visit was the cause of all my trouble. You are to understand, that I was hitherto bred by hand, and any body that stood next gave me pap, if I did but open my lips; insomuch, that I was growing so cunning, as to pretend myself asleep when I was not, to prevent my being crammed. But my grandmother began a loud lecture upon the idleness of the wives of this age, who, for fear of their shapes, forbear suckling their own offspring: and ten nurses were immediately sent for; one was whispered to have a wanton eye, and would soon spoil her milk; another was in a consumption; the third had an ill voice, and would frighten me instead of lulling me to sleep. Such exceptions were made against all but one country milch-wench, to whom I was committed, and put to the breast. This careless jade was eternally romping with the footman, and downright starved me; insomuch that I daily pined away, and should never have been relieved had it not been that, on the thirtieth day of my life, a Fellow of the Royal Society, who had writ upon Cold Baths, came to visit me, and solemnly protested, I was utterly lost for want of that method: upon which he soused me head and ears into a pail of water, where I had the good fortune to be drowned; and so escaped being lashed into a linguist until sixteen, running after wenches until twenty-five, and being married to an ill-natured wife until sixty: which had certainly been my fate, had not the enchantment between body and soul been broke by this philosopher. Thus, until the age I should have otherwise lived, I am obliged to watch the steps of men ; and, if you please, shall accompany you in your present walk, and get you intelligence from the aerial lacquey, who is in waiting, what are the thoughts and purposes of any whom you enquire for.' I accepted his kind offer, and immediately took genius, are such as show persons distinguished from him with me in a hack to White's. White's Chocolate-house, May 13. We got in hither, and my companion threw a powder round us, that made me as invisible as himself; so that we could see and hear all others, ourselves unseen and unheard. the common level of mankind; such as placed hap- Qui Happy the man, His mind possessing in a quiet state, St. James's Coffee-house, May 13. We had this morning advice, that some Engüsh merchant-ships, convoyed by the Bristol of fifty-four guns, were met with by a part of Monsieur du Gui Trouin's squadron, who engaged the convoy. That ship defended itself until the English merchants got clear of the enemy; but, being disabled, was herself taken. Within a few hours after, my Lord Dursley came up with part of his squadron, and engaging the French, retook the Bristol (which, being much shattered, sunk ;) and took the Glorieux, a ship of fortyfour guns, as also a privateer of fourteen. Before this action, his lordship had taken two French mer chant-men, and had, at the despatch of these advices, brought the whole safe into Plymouth. The first thing we took notice of was a nobleman of a goodly and frank aspect, with his generous birth and temper visible in it, playing at cards with a creature of a black and horrid countenence, wherein were plainly delineated the arts of his mind, cozenage, and falsehood. They were marking their game with counters, on which we could see inscriptions, imperceptible to any but us. My lord had scored with pieces of ivory, on which were writ Good Fame, Glory, Riches, Honour, and Posterity.' The spectre over against him had on his counters the inscriptions of Dishonour, Impudence, Poverty, Ignorance, and want of Shame.' Bless me!' said I; sure my Lord does not see what he plays for?? As well as I do,' says Pacolet. He despises that fellow he plays with, and scorns himself for making him his companion.' At the very instant he was speaking, I saw the fellow who played with my lord, hide two cards in the roll of his stocking: Pacolet immediately stole them from thence; upon which the nobleman soon after won the game. The little triumph he appeared in, when he got such a trifling stock of ready money, though he had ventured so great sums with indifference, increased my admiration. But Pacolet began to talk to me. Mr. Isaac, this to you looks wonderful, but not at all to us higher beings: that nobleman has as many good qualities as any man of | No. 16.] his order, and seems to have no faults but what, as I may say, are excrescences from virtues. He is generous to a prodigality, more affable than is consistent with his quality, and courageous to a rashness. Yet after all this, the source of his whole conduct is (though he would hate himself if he knew it) mere avarice. The ready cash laid before the gamester's counters makes him venture, as you see, and lay distinction against infamy, abundance against want, in a word, all that is desirable against all that is to be avoided. However, said I, be sure you disappoint the sharpers to-night, and steal from them all the cards they hide. Pacolet obeyed me, and my Lord went home with their whole bank in his pocket.' Will's Coffee-house, May 13. To-night was acted a second time a comedy, called The Busy Body: this play is written by a lady. In old times we used to sit upon a a play here after it was acted; but now the entertainment is turned another way; not but there are considerable men in all ages, who, for some eminent quality or invention, deserve the esteem and thanks of the public. Such a benefactor is a gentleman of this house; who is observed by the surgeons with much envy; and is ranked among, and received by the modern wits, as a great promoter of gallantry and pleasure. But, I fear, pleasure is less understood in this age, which so much pretends to it, than in any since the creation. It was admirably said of him who first took notice, that (res est severa voluptas) 'there is a certain severity in pleasure.' Without that, all decency is banished; and if reason is not to be present at our greatest satisfactions, of all the race of creatures, the human is the most miserable. It was not so of old when Virgil describes a wit, he always means a virtuous man; and all his sentiments of men of TUESDAY, MAY 17, 1709. White's Chocolate-house, May 15. Sir Thomas, of this house, has showed me some letters from Bath, which give accounts of what passes among the good company of that place; and allowed me to transcribe one of them, that seems to be writ by some of Sir Thomas's particular acquaintance, and is as follows: Dear KNIGHT, May 9, 1709. I desire, you will give my humble service to all our friends, which I speak of to you (out of method) in the very beginning of my epistle, lest the present disorders, by which this seat of gallantry and pleasure is torn to pieces, should make me forget it. You keep so good company, that you know Bath is stocked with such as come hither to be relieved from luxuriant health, or imaginary sickness; and consequently is always as well stowed with gallants, as invalids, who live together, in a very good understanding. But the season is so early, that our fine company is not yet arrived; and the warm bath, which in heathen times was dedicated to Venus, is now used only by such as really want it for health's sake. There are, however, a good many strangers, among whom are two ambitious ladies, who being both in the autumn of their life, take the opportunity of placing themselves at the head of such as we are, before the Chloe's, Clarissa's, and Pastorella's come down. One of these two is excessively in pain, that the ugly being called Time, will make wrinkles in spite of the lead forehead cloth; and therefore hides with the gaiety of her air, the volubility of her tongue, and quickness of her motion, the injuries which it has done her. The other lady is but two years behind her in life, and dreads as much being laid aside as the former; and consequently hast: ken tertained with this whole relation from Statira, who wiped her eyes with her tragical cut handkerchief, and lamented the ignorance of the quality. Florimel was stung with this affront, and the next day bespoke the puppet-show. Prudentia, insolent with power, bespoke Alexander. The whole company the necessary precautions to prevent her reign over us. But she is very discreet, and wonderfully turned for ambition, being never apparently transported either with affection or malice. Thus, while Florimel is talking in public, and spreading her graces in assemblies to gain a popular dominion over our diversions, Prudentia visits very cunningly all the lame, came then to Alexander. Madame Petulant desired the splenetic, and the superannuated, who have her daughters to mind the moral, and believe no their distinct classes of followers and friends. Among man's fair words: For you will see, children,' said these she has found, that somebody has sent down she, these soldiers are never to be depended upon ; printed certificates of Florimel's age, which she has they are sometimes here, sometimes there.-Do not read and distributed to this unjoyful set of people, you see, daughter Betty, Colonel Clod, our next who are always enemies to those in possession of the neighbour in the country, pull off his hat to you? good opinion of the company. This unprovoked in-court'sy, good child, his estate is just by us.' Flori mel was now mortified down to Prudentia's humour; and Prudentia exalted into her's. This was observed; Florimel invites us to the play a second time, Prudentia to the show. See the uncertainty of human affairs! the beaux, the wits, the gamesters, the prudes, the coquettes, the valetudinarians and gallants, all now wait upon Florimel. Such is the state of things at this present date; and if there happens any new commotions, you shall have immediate adSir, jury done by Prudentia, was the first occasion of our a' show of The creation of the world.' She had engaged every body to be there; and to turn our leader into ridicule, had secretly let them know, that the puppet Eve was made the most like Florimel that ever was seen. On Thursday morning the puppetdrummer, Adam and Eve, and several others who lived before the flood, passed through the streets on horseback, to invite us all to the pastime, and the representation of such things as we all knew to be true: and Mr. Mayor was so wise, as to prefer these innocent people the puppets, who, he said, were to represent Christians, before the wicked players, who were to shew Alexander, an heathen philosopher. To be short, this Prudentia had so laid it, that at ten of the clock footmen were sent to take places at the puppet-show, and all we of Forimel's party were to be out of fashion, or desert her. We chose the latter. All the world crowded to Prudentia's house, because it was given out nobody could get in. When we came to Noah's flood in the show, Punch and his wife were introduced dancing in the ark. An honest plain friend of Florimel's, but a critic withal, rose up in the midst of the representation, and made many very good exceptions to the drama itself, and told us, that it was against all morality, as well as rules of the stage, that Punch should be in jest in the deluge, or indeed that he should appear at all. This certainly a just remark, and I thought to second him; but he was hissed by Prudentia's party: upon which, really, Sir Thomas, we, who were his friends, hissed him too. Old Mrs. Petulant desired both her was daughters to mind the moral; then whisperd Mrs. Mayoress, This is very proper for young people to see!' Punch, at the end of the play, made Prudentia a compliment, and was very civil to the whole company, making bows until his buttons touched the ground. All was carried triumphantly against our party. In the mean time, Florimel went to the tragedy, dressed as fine as hands could make her, in hopes to see Prudentia pine away with envy. Instead of that, she sat a full hour alone, and at last was en 'Your affectionate friend and servant.' 'MADAM, To Castabella. May 16, 1709. I have the honour of a letter from a friend of yours, relating to an incivility done to you at the opera, by one of your own sex; but I, who was an eye-witness of the accident, can testify to you, that though she pressed before you, she lost her ends in that design; for she was taken notice of for no other reason, but her endeavours to hide a finer woman than herself. But, indeed, I dare not go farther in this matter, than just this bare mention; for though it was taking your place of right, rather than place of precedence, yet it is so tender a point, and on which the very life of female ambition depends, that it is of the last consequence to meddle in it: all my hopes are from your beautiful sex; and those bright eyes, which are the bane of others, are my only sun-shine. My writings are sacred to you; and I hope I shall always have the good fortune to live under your protection; therefore take this public opportunity to signify to all the world, that I design to forbear any thing that may in the least tend to the diminution of your interest, reputation, or power. You will therefore forgive me, that I strive to conceal every wrong step made by any who have the honour to wear petticoats, and shall at all times do what is in my power to make all mankind as much their slaves as myself. If they would consider things as they ought, there needs not much argument to convince them, that it is their fate to be obedient to you, and that your greatest rebels do only serve with a worse grace. I am, Madam, 'Your most obedient and 'most humble servant, ISAAC BICKERSTAFF.' St. James's Coffee-house, May 16. Letters from the Hague, bearing date the twentyfirst instant, N. S. advise, that his grace the Duke of Marlborough, immediately after his arrival, sent his secretary to the president and the pensionary, to acquaint them therewith. Soon after, these ministers visited the duke, and made him compliments in the name of the States-General; after which they entered into a conference with him on the present posture of affairs, and gave his grace assurances of the firm adherence of the States to the alliance: at the same time acquainting him, that all overtures of peace were rejected, until they had an opportunity of acting in concert with their allies on that subject. After this interview, the pensionary and the president returned to the assembly of the States. Monsieur Torcy has had a conference at the pensioner's house with his grace the Duke of Marlborough, prince Eugene, and his excellency the Lord Townshend. The result of what was debated at that time is kept secret; but there appears an air of satisfaction and good understanding between these ministers. We are apt also to give ourselves very hopeful prospects from Monsieur Torcy's being employed in this negotiation, who had been always remarkable for a particular way of thinking in his sense of the greatness of France; which he has always said, was to be promoted rather by the arts of peace than those of war.' His delivering himself freely on this subject has formerly appeared an unsuccessful way to power in that court; but in its present circumstances, those maxims are better received; and it is thought a certain argument of the sincerity of the French king's intentions, that this minister is at present made use of. The Marquis is to return to Paris within a few days, who has sent a courier thither to give notice of the reasons of his return, that the court may be the sooner able to despatch commissioners for a formal treaty. The expectations of peace are increased by advices from Paris of the twelfth instant, which say, the Dauphin has altered his resolution of commanding in Flanders the ensuing campaign. The Saxon and Prussian reinforcements, together with Count Mercy's regiment of imperial horse, are encamped in the neighbourhood of Brussels; and sufficient stores of corn and forage are transported to that place and Ghent, for the service of the confederate army. They write from Mons, that the elector of Bavaria had advice, that an advanced party of the Portugueze army had been defeated by the Spaniards. We hear from Languedoc, that their corn, olives, and figs, were wholly destroyed; but that they have a hopeful prospect of a plentiful vintage. No. 17.] THURSDAY, MAY 19, 1709. Wills's Coffee-house, May 18. THE discourse has happened to turn this evening upon the true panegyric, the perfection of which was asserted to consist in a certain artful way of conveying the applause in an indirect manner. There was a gentleman gave us several instances of it. Among others, he quoted from Sir Francis Bacon, in his Advancement of Learning,' a very great compliment made to Tiberius, as follows: In a full debate upon public affairs in the Senate, one of the assembly rose up, and with a very grave air said, he thought it for the honour and dignity of the commonwealth, that Tiberius should be declared a god, and have divine worship paid him. The emperor was surprised at the proposal, and demanded of him to declare, whether he had made any application to incline him to that overture? The Senator answered, with a bold and haughty tone, Sir, in matters that concern the commonwealth, I will be governed by no man.' Another gentleman mentioned something of the same kind, spoken by the late Duke of Buckingham to the late Earl of Orrery; 'My Lord,' says the Duke, after his libertine way, you will certainly be damned.' 'How, my Lord!' says the Earl with some warmth. Nay,' said the Duke, there is no help for it, for it is positively said, Cursed is he of whom all men speak well.' This is taking a man by surprise, and being welcome when you have so surprised him. The person flattered receives you into his closet at once; and the sudden change of his heart, from the expectation of an ill-wisher, to find you his friend, makes you in his full favour in a moment. The spirits that were raised so suddenly against you, are as suddenly for you. There was another instance given of this kind at the table: a gentleman, who had a very great favour done him, and an employment bestowed upon him, without so much as being personally known to his benefactor, waited upon the great man who was so generous, and was beginning to say, he was infinitely obliged. Not at all,' says the patron, turning from him to another, had I known a more deserving man in England he should not have had it.' We should certainly have had more examples had not a gentleman produced a book which he thought an instance of this kind: it was a pamphlet, called The Naked Truth.' The idea any one would have of that work from the title was, that there would be much plain dealing with people in power, and that we should see things in their proper light, stripped of the ornaments which are usually given to the actions of the great but the skill of this author is such, that he has, under that rugged appearance approved himself the finest gentleman and courtier that ever writ. The language is extremely sublime, and not at all to be understood by the vulgar: the sentiments are such as would make no figure in ordinary words; but such is the art of the expression, and the thoughts are elevated to so high a degree, that I question whether the discourse will sell much. There was an ill-natured fellow present, who hates all panegyric mortaly; 'P take him,' said he' what the devil means his Naked Truth, in speaking nothing but to the advantage of all whom he mentions? This is just such a great action as that of the champion's on a coronation-day, who challenges all mankind to dispute with him the right of the sovereign, surrounded with his guards.' The gentleman who produced, the treatise desired him to be cautious, and said it was writ by an excellent soldier, which made the company observe it more narrowly; and (as critics are the greatest conjurers at finding out a known truth) one said, he was sure it was writ by the hand of his sword-arm. I could not perceive much wit in that expression; but it raised a laugh, and, I suppose, was meant as a sneer upon valiant men. The same man pretended to see in the style, that it was an horse-officer; but sure that is being too nice; for though you may know officers of the cavalry by the turn of their feet, I cannot imagine how you should discern their hands from those of other men. But it is always thus with pedants; they will ever be carping; if a gentleman or a man of honour puts pen to paper. I do not doubt but this author will find this assertion too true, and that obloquy is not repulsed by the force of arms. I will therefore set this excellent piece in a light too glaring for weak eyes, and, in imitation of the critic Longinus, shall, as well as I can, make my observations in a style like the author's of whom I treat, which perhaps I am as capable of as another, having 'an unbounded force of thinking, as well as a most exquisite address, extensively and wisely indulged to me by the supreme powers.' My author, I will dare to assert, shows the most universal knowledge of any writer who has appeared this century: he is a poet and merchant, which is seen in two master-words, 'credit blossoms,' he is a grammarian and a politi cian; for he says, The uniting of the two kingdoms cause. is the emphasis of the security of the Protestant suc-lution of that great man is hardly to be paralleled, cession. Some would be apt to say, he is a conjurer; who under the oppression of a maimed body, and the for he has found, that a republic is not made up of reflection of repeated ill fortune, goes on with an every body of animals, but is composed of men only, unspeakable alacrity in the service of the common and not of horses. Liberty and property have chosen He has already put things in a very good their retreat within the emulating circle of an human posture after this ill accident, and made the commonwealth. He is a physician; for he says, 'I necessary dispositions for covering the country from observe a constant equality in its pulse, and a just any further attempt of the enemy, who still lie in the quickness of its vigorous circulation.' And again, I camp they were in before the battle. view the strength of our constitution plainly appear in Letters from Brussels, dated the twenty-fifth inthe sanguine and ruddy complexion of a well-con- stant, advise, that notwithstanding the negociations tented city. He is a divine: for he says, I cannot of a peace seem so far advanced, that some do but bless myself. And indeed this excellent treatise confidently report the preliminaries of a treaty to has had that good effect upon me, who am far from be actually agreed on, yet the allies hasten their prebeing superstitious, that I also 'cannot but bless my-parations for opening the campaign; and the forces self.' From my own Apartment, May 20. of the empire, the Prussians, the Danes, the Wirtembergers, the Palatines, and Saxon auxiliaries, are in St. James's Coffee-house, May 18. motion towards the general rendezvous, they being This day arrived a mail from Lisbon, with letters already arrived in the neighbourhood of Brussels. of the thirteenth instant, N.S. containing a particular These advices add, that the deputies of the States of account of the late action in Portugal. On the seven-Holland, having made a general review of the troops teenth instant, the army of Portugal under the com- in Flanders, set out for Antwerp on the 21st instant mand of the Marquis de Frontera, lay on the side of from that place. the Caya, and the army of the Duke of Anjou, com manded by the Marquis de Bay, on the other. The latter commander having an ambition to ravage the No. 18.] SATURDAY, MAY 21, 1709. country, in a manner, in sight of the Portuguese, made a motion with the whole body of his horse toward fort St. Christopher, near the town of Badajos. The generals of the Portugueze, disdaining that such an insult should be offered to, their arms, took a resolution to pass the river, and oppose the designs of the enemy. The Earl of Galway represented to them, that the present posture of affairs was such on the side of the allies, that there needed no more to be done at present in that country, but to carry on a defensive part. But his argument could not avail in the council of war. Upon which a great detachment of foot, and the whole of the horse of the King of Portugal's army passed the river, and with some pieces of cannon did good execution on the enemy. Upon observing this, the Marquis de Bay advanced with his horse, and attacked the right wing of the Portugueze cavalry, who faced about, and fled, without standing the first encounter. But their foot repulsed the same body of horse, in three successive charges, with great order and resolution. While this was transacting, the British General commanded the brigade of Pearce, to keep the enemy in diversion by a new attack. This was so well executed, that the Portugueze înfantry had time to retire in good order, and repass the river. But that brigade, which rescued them, was itself surrounded by the enemy, and Major-General Sarkey, Brigadier Pearce, together with both their regiments, and that of the Lord Galway, lately raised, were taken prisoners. During the engagement, the Earl of Barrimore, having advanced too far to give some necessary order, was hemmed in by a squadron of the enemy; but found means to gallop up to the brigade of Pearce, with which he remains also a prisoner. My Lord Galway had his horse shot under him in this action; and the Conde de Saint Juan, a Portugueze General, was taken prisoner. The same night the army encamped at Aronches, and on the ninth moved to Elvas, where they lay when these despatches came away. Colonel Stanwix's regiment is also taken. The whole of this affair has given the Portuguese a great idea of the capacity and courage of my Lord Galway, against whose advice they entered upon this unfortunate affair, and by whose conduct they were rescued from it. The prodigious constancy and resoTHE TAILER, No. 5. Ir is observed too often that men of wit do so much employ their thoughts upon fine speculations, that things useful to mankind are wholly neglected; and they are busy in making emendations upon some enclytics in a Greek author, while obvious things, that every man may have use for are wholly overlooked. It would be a happy thing, if such as have real capacities for public service were employed in works of general use; but because a thing is every body's business it is nobody's business: this is for want of public spirit. As for my part, who am only a student, and a man of no great interest, I can only remark things, and recommend the correction of them to higher powers. There is an offence I have a thousand times lamented, but fear I shall never see remedied; which is, that in a nation where learning is so frequent as in Great Britain, there should be so many gross errors as there are in the very direction of things wherein accuracy is necessary for the conduct of life. This is notoriously observed by all men of letters when they first come to town (at which time they are usually curious that way) in the inscriptions on sign-posts. I have cause to know this matter as well as any body; for I have, when I went to Merchant Taylor's school, suffered stripes for spelling after the signs I observed in my way; though at the same time, I must confess, staring at those inscriptions first gave me an idea and curiosity for medals, in which I have since arrived at some knowledge. Many a man has lost his way and his dinner by this general want of skill in orthography; for, considering that the painters are usually so very bad, that you cannot know the animal under whose sign you are to live that day, how must the stranger be misled if it be wrong spelled, as well as ill-painted? I have a cousin now in town, who has answered under bachelor at Queen's College, whose name is Humphrey Mopstaff (he is a-kin to us by his mother :) this young man, going to see a relation in Barbican, wandered a whole day by the mistake of one letter, for it was written, this is the Beer,' instead of this is the Bear,' He was set right at last, by inquiring for the house of a fellow who could not read, and knew the place mechanically, only by having been often drunk F |
