THE FUDGES IN ENGLAND; BEING A SEQUEL TO "THE FUDGE FAMILY IN PARIS." PREFACE. Poor" Pa" hath popp'd off-gone, as charity judges, Now wants but a husband, with requisites meet, THE name of the country town, in Englanda well-known fashionable watering-place in which the events that gave rise to the following correspondence occurred, is, for obvious reasons, suppressed. The interest attached, however, to the facts and personages of the story, render it independent of all time and place; and when it is recollected that the whole train of romantic circumstances so fully unfolded in these Letters has passed during the short period which has now What say you, Dick? doesn't this tempt your elapsed since the great Meetings in Exeter Hall, due credit will, it is hoped, be allowed to the Editor for the rapidity with which he has brought the details before the Public; while, at the same time, All brought to the hammer, for Church competiany errors that may have been the result of such haste will, he trusts, with equal consideration, be pardoned. THE FUDGES IN ENGLAND. LETTER I. FROM PATRICK MAGAN, ESQ., TO THE REV. RICHARD -, CURATE OF, IN IRELAND. WHO d'ye think we've got here?-quite reform'd from the giddy, Fantastic young thing, that once made such a noise ambition? The whole wealth of Fudge, that renown'd man of pith, tion, [with. Sole encumbrance, Miss Fudge to be taken thereThink, my boy, for a Curate how glorious a catch! While, instead of the thousands of souls you now watch, To save Biddy Fudge's is all you need do; You may ask, Dick, how comes it that Í, a poor elf, Should thus generously lay my own claims on the So much lack'd an old spinster to rid him from Or had cogenter reasons than mine to assail her Why, the famous Miss Fudge that delectable But thereby there hangs a soft secret, my friend, Biddy, Whom you and I saw once at Paris, when boys, Ere time had reduced her to wrinkles and prayers, Which thus to your reverend breast I commend : eyes Like those sparklers that peep out from summer- At astronomers-royal, and laugh with delight While her figure-oh, bring all the gracefullest By the way, I've just heard, in my walks, a report, things Which, if true, will insure for your visit some sport. That are borne through the light air by feet or by 'Tis rumour'd our Manager means to bespeak The Church tumblers from Exeter Hall for next week; wings, Not a single new grace to that form could they teach, Ne'er, in short, was there creature more form'd to bewilder A gay youth like me, who of castles aërial (And only of such) am, God help me! a builder; Still peopling each mansion with lodgers ethereal, And now, to this nymph of the seraph-like eye, Letting out, as you see, my first floor next the sky. 1 But, alas! nothing's perfect on earth-even she, Talks learning-looks wise (rather painful to see), However, let's hope for the best-and, meanwhile, Be it mine still to bask in the niece's warm smile; While you, if you're wise, Dick, will play the gallant (Uphill work, I confess,) to her Saint of an Aunt. Think, my boy, for a youngster like you, who've a lack, Not indeed of rupees, but of all other specie, What luck thus to find a kind witch at your back, An old goose with gold eggs, from all debts to release ye; Never mind, tho' the spinster be reverend and thin, While her acres !-oh Dick, it don't matter one pin Things carnal and spiritual mix'd, my dear Lizzy, And Love never looks half so pleas'd as when, bless In this little brain till, bewilder'd and dizzy, him! he 'Twixt heaven and earth, I scarce know what I do. 3 "All are punsters if they have wit to be so; and therefore when an Irishman has to commence with a Bull, you will naturally pronounce it a bull. (A laugh.) Allow me to bring before you the famous Bull that is called Unigenitus, referring to the only-begotten Son of God.” — Report of the Rev. Doctor's speech, June 20. in the Record Newspaper. 4 In the language of the play-bills, "Ground and Lofty Tumbling. First, I've been to see all the gay fashions from (God forgive me for punning on points thus of Town, piety! has had down. Which our favourite Miss Gimp for the spring A sad trick I've learn'd in Bob's heathen society.) But ab! there remains still the worst of my tale; Come, Asterisks, and help me the sad truth to veil — Conscious stars, that at even your own secret turn pale! Sleeves still worn (which I think is wise), à la folle, Charming hats, pou de soie-though the shape rather droll. In short, dear, this preaching and psalm-singing pair, But you can't think how nicely the caps of tulle lace, say, Gimp herself grows more godly and good every day; shelves, Hath had sweet experience-yea, even doth begin Not forgetting some scores of sweet tracts from my So much for the blessings, the comforts of Spirit I've had since we met, and they're more than I merit! Poor, sinful, weak creature in every respect; Two Family Bibles as large as themselves, Though ordain'd (God knows why) to be one of When rogues are all pious, 'tis hard to detect That pay is no object, so she can have prayers; out, Though, in learning to save sinful souls from the fire, 1 "Morning Manna, or British Verse-book, neatly done up for the pocket," and chiefly intended to assist the members of the British Verse Association, whose design is, we are told, "to induce the inhabitants of Great Britain and Ireland to commit one and the same verse of Scripture to memory every morning. Already, it is known, several thousand persons in Scotland, besides tens of thousands in America and Africa, are every morning learning the same verse. 2 The Evangelical Magazine. - A few specimens taken at random from the wrapper of this highly esteemed periodical will fully justify the character which Miss Fudge has here given of it. "Wanted, in a pious pawnbroker's family, an active lad as an apprentice." "Wanted, as housemaid, a young female who has been brought to a saving knowledge of the truth." "Wanted immediately, a man of decided piety, to assist in the baking business." "A gentleman who understands the Wine Trade is desirous of entering into partnership, &c. &c. He is not desirous of being connected with any one whose system of business is not of the strictest integrity as in the sight of God, and seeks connection only with a truly pious man, either Churchman or Dissenter." Have mislaid the two paragraphs-can't stop to look, But both describe charming-both Footman and Cook, She, "decidedly pious"-with pathos deplores The' increase of French cookery and sin on our shores; And adds-(while for further accounts she refers To a great Gospel preacher, a cousin of hers,) That " though some make their Sabbaths mere matter-of-fun days, She asks but for tea and the Gospel, on Sundays." The footman, too, full of the true saving knowledge; Has late been to Cambridge-to Trinity College; Serv'd last a young gentleman, studying divinity, But left not approving the morals of Trinity. P. S. I inclose, too, according to promise, some scraps Of my Journal-that Day-book I keep of my heart; Where, at some little items, (partaking, perhaps, More of earth than of heaven,) thy prudery may start, And suspect something tender, sly girl as thou art. I own this young man's spiritual state He's forc'd, from politeness, to look at her. Heigho!-what a blessing should Mr. Magan Our ages differ-but who would count For the present, I'm mute-but, whate'er may One's natural sinful life's amount, befall, Recollect, dear, (in Hebrews, xiii. 4.) St. Paul Hath himself declar'd, “Marriage is honourable in all." Or look in the Register's vulgar page For a regular twice-born Christian's age, Who, blessed privilege! only then Begins to live when he's born again. 1 According to the late Mr. Irving, there is even a peculiar form of theology got up expressly for the money-market. "I know how far wide," he says, "of the mark my views of Christ's work in the flesh will be viewed by those who are working with the stock-jobbing theology of the religious world." "Let these preachers," he adds, "(for I will not call them theologians), cry up, broker-like, their article." Morning Watch. No, iii. 442, 443. From the statement of another writer, in the same publica tion, it would appear that the stock-brokers have even set up a new Divinity of their own. "This shows," says the writer in question, "that the doctrine of the union between Christ and his members is quite as essential as that of substitution, by taking which latter alone the Stock-Exchange Divinity has been produced."- No. x. p. 375. Among the ancients, we know the money-market was provided with more than one presiding Deity-"Deæ Pecuniæ (says an ancient author) commendabantur ut pecuniosi essent And, counting in this way—let me see- And dear Magan, when the' event takes place, Wednesday. Finding myself, by some good fate, Much griev'd to observe that Mr. Magan Is actually pleas'd and amus'd with Fan! What charms any sensible man can see In a child so foolishly young as sheBut just eighteen, come next May-day, (ADDITIONAL STANZA, BY ANOTHER HAND.) Thus said I to that Shape, far less in grudge Than gloom of soul; while, as I eager cried, Oh, Why? What? How?—a Voice, that one might judge To be some Irish echo's, faint replied, Oh fudge, fudge, fudge! You have here, dearest Coz, my last lyric effusion; And, with it, that odious "additional stanza," Which Aunt will insist I must keep, as conclusion, And which, you'll at once see, is Mr. Magan's ;-a Most cruel and dark-design'd extravaganza, And part of that plot in which he and my Aunt are To stifle the flights of my genius by banter. Just so 'twas with Byron's young eagle-eyed strain, Just so did they taunt him ;—but vain, critics, vain, All your efforts to saddle Wit's fire with a chain! To blot out the splendour of Fancy's young stream, With eyes, like herself, full of nought but play Or crop, in its cradle, her newly-fledg'd beam !!! Is, I own, an exceeding puzzle to me. LETTER III. FROM MISS FANNY FUDGE, TO HER COUSIN, MISS KITTY STANZAS (INCLOSED) TO MY SHADOW; OR, WHY?— WHAT? —HOW? DARK comrade of my path! while earth and sky Thus wed their charms, in bridal light array'd, Why in this bright hour, walk'st thou ever nigh, Black'ning my footsteps with thy length of shade Dark comrade, WHY? Thou mimic Shape that, 'mid these flowery scenes, Still, as to pluck sweet flowers I bend my brow, Thou bendest, too-then risest when I rise; Say, mute mysterious Thing! how is't that thou Thus comest between me and those blessed skies Dim shadow, How? Thou perceiv'st, dear, that, even while these lines I indite, Thoughts burn, brilliant fancies break out, wrong or right, And I'm all over poet, in Criticism's spite! That my Aunt, who deals only in Psalms, and regards Messrs. Sternhold and Co. as the first of all bardsThat she should make light of my works I can't blame; But that nice, handsome, odious Magan-what a shame! Do you know, dear, that, high as on most points I rate him, I'm really afraid—after all, I—must hate him. |