Love Is a Story: A New Theory of Relationships

Oxford University Press, 3 de jun. de 1999 - 256 páginas
In this groundbreaking work, Robert Sternberg opens the book of love and shows you how to discover your own story--and how to read your relationships in a whole new light. What draws us so strongly to some people and repels us from others? What makes some relationships work so smoothly and others burst into flames? Sternberg gives us new answers to these questions by showing that the kind of relationship we create depends on the kind of love stories we carry inside us. Drawing on extensive research and fascinating examples of real couples, Sternberg identifies 26 types of love story--including the fantasy story, the business story, the collector story, the horror story, and many others--each with its distinctive advantages and pitfalls, and many of which are clashingly incompatible. These are the largely unconscious preconceptions that guide our romantic choices, and it is only by becoming aware of the kind of story we have about love that we gain the freedom to create more fulfilling and lasting relationships. As long as we remain oblivious to the role our stories play, we are likely to repeat the same mistakes again and again. But the enlivening good news this book brings us is that though our stories drive us, we can revise them and learn to choose partners whose stories are more compatible with our own. Quizzes in each chapter help you to see which stories you identify with most strongly and which apply to your partner. Are you a traveler, a gardener, a teacher, or something else entirely? Love is a Story shows you how to find out.

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Comentário do usuário  - Kirkus

A study of how the partners in a couple create, and work to sustain, a particular narrative motif that largely defines the nature of their romance and according to which they play certain roles ... Ler resenha completa

Love is a story: a new theory of relationships

Comentário do usuário  - Not Available - Book Verdict

Why are people romantically attracted to certain individuals and not to others? Why do some love relationships last and others fail? Fascinated with these and similar questions, Sternberg (psychology ... Ler resenha completa

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Página 234 - Abraham H. Maslow, Motivation and Personality (New York: Harper and Row, 1954), pp. 63-106; 261-304. motivation" and "growth-motivation."4 Growth-motivation, which is characteristic of healthy or self-actualizing people, corresponds to the need for self-actualization.
Página 5 - As Immanuel Kant pointed out in The Critique of Pure Reason, if there is an objective reality, it is unknowable. All we can know is the reality we construct. That reality takes the form of a story. Love really is a story, then — only we, rather than William Shakespeare or Gabriel Garcia Marquez or Erich Segal or Barbara Cartland, are the...
Página 22 - Obviously, the course of events may change our predictions, and thus how the story evolves. But our anticipation of the ending can shape the relationship as much as the relationship can shape the actual ending. The anticipated ending can determine in advance what kinds of plots and themes we will allow our story to develop.
Página 5 - Stories about love have existed throughout the ages, and the basic themes and plots of these stories have changed little. What has changed, however, is how these stories play out in day-to-day living, as well as the popularity of some stories compared with others.
Página 7 - We imagine, in getting to know someone, that we replace a "fiction" with the "reality" of nonfiction. But if we think about first impressions, about the rituals surrounding mating and marriage, this replacement is often not what really happens. We come to relationships with many preconceived ideas.
Página 43 - People may be executed in one time or place for a story — about adultery, for example — that in another time or place would scarcely raise an eyebrow.
Página 5 - We relate better to love stories — whether in novels, plays, soap operas, or elsewhere — than we do to the self-help books or magazine articles containing lists of generic steps we are supposed to take to understand and improve our relationship.
Página 22 - Endings do not occur just at the moment when we cease to be in an intimate partnership with someone else.
Página 17 - ... lead them to interpret events in opposite ways. The relationship may fall apart simply because neither partner has understood the other's story about love.

Sobre o autor (1999)

Robert J. Sternberg, Ph.D., is IBM Professor of Psychology and Education at Yale University. He is the coauthor of Satisfaction in Close Relationships, the author of Successful Intelligence, Thinking Styles and many other books and articles. He lives in Hamden, Connecticut.

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