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be afflicted. For as he was my dear and faithful acquaintanc, so had he mor straightnes, and chariti, and tendernes to the poor then I, or mani others, and was faithful in this place as a judg. I desird to consider, and be instructed. I heard also of Durie" his death. 4—I kept Justice Court at Forres; and from my hart desird grace to walk uprightli and in simpliciti befor the Lord in the affairs of the day. I was feard for my own corrupt, partial affections, inclinations, and employed the Lord to slay them, and to ridd me. We had befor us 2 for adulteri, against quhom ther was unquestionable presumptions: so another for bearing a child, at least an embrio quhen she was single, and the burying of it. Lord, guid our spirits in these particulars 5.—Dauid was taken doun from the chamber to the vault. I desird to be exercisd under this judgment as being smitten in it also ; and oh! long, dull, and barren had I now remaind under it sinc I had a thoght of it. Oh teach by thy Spirit ! I did this morning, with som measur of freedom and asistanc, warn, examin, admonish, reproue, and exhort my poor son, for his negligent, formal, carles, cold seruing the Lord; stirring him to consider his defection and declining, and that his hart was departing from the Lord, and the Lord from him. 9.—I was cald by the E. of Murray to Edinburgh. I desird to lay asyd al such thoghts, and commends my spirit and inclination to God. I heard off the taking our vessel wher our victual was. I desird to enquir, and be instructed by that providenc of the Lord's. 1. If thereby he doe not reprove my too much eagerness and addictednes to the world, and anxietie. Oh that this may cure that evel ! 2: My desir off gain, and to be rich. . . 12.-I heard of James Spenc coming in upon the L. of Innes his marches; toun of Narn on Calder's. Oh how apt we ar to contend about our own things, mor then for the truth ! I heard the English wer purposing to tak in all the arms: I desird to be guided in that particular. It cam oft in my thoghts, How would I ansuer to the Lord Cassils and Wariston for accepting to be a Justice of Peace. 2. What constructions and inconveniences it did expos me unto, in cace of
* Sir Alexander Gibson of Durie, who of the College of Justice in 1646. He died was knighted in 1641, and made senator in June, 1656.
alterations or changes. Ther being mani eys upon me, mor then on ani other, I besoght the Lord to rid me, and help me to discern Thy voice from my own, and the voice of flesh. 17.-I looking on the leavs of the holie tree, thoght it represented to me the beauti of the world; green was it, but full of pricks, and hurt them onli that did cleave most to it. Oh then guard my hart against this I lay down on a filthi stank syd, and was feard for teads, and asks, and filthi creaturs, and venemous; yet my hart seemd wors earth, and filthier then that which I lay upon. Therfor I was cast doun. May filthines cum forth out of my hart 1 19.-I was taken up inordinatlie about trash and hagg. Let not the Lord imput it ! 22.—Morgan” cam heir and spok to me for choosing the Erl of Murray to the Parliament ensewing. I saw persons designd to al shyres. I was even astonishd to see the corrupt ways of men to establish ther purposes. I considered whither this wer lyk to stand: and for me remitted al to the Lord's wys disposing, and commended to Him His church in the midst of thes confusions. . . . 23.—Pat. Campbel spak to me anent his some's going to Aberdeen or St. Androes, or to the school of Aldearn. I told him my complaint, That his son had so given himself for a livlihood, and to humaniti, that he had ward noe tym on the better things; yet, if he singlie desird and purposd to folow and pursu that studie, I would not stratin him. Desird him to cast himself on the Lord's providenc, and liv by faith, following the way of most advantadge toward his edification and spiritual furnitur, leaving other things on God. Oh that the Lord would mak a shaft of him for futur servic, and enlarg and guid my spirit ! 24.—There wer 3 or 4 particulars which wer of great use for my instruction, that hitherto I had past by ; and therfor cried out, and complaind, that I kept not His Word; al that he spok or did fell in the sea as to me. The casting away, and taking of the barq with the victual. Som of the poor peopl’s distres for the cess. 3. The English Parliament, and the way of choosing. 4. The Erl of Murray his miscarying.
* Colonel Morgan, who at this time against the supporters of Charles II., in commanded a party of the English forces arms under Middleton. (Autobiography in the north, whither they had marched and Life of Robert Blair, p. 316)
From the first by the Lord's Providenc in the victual, I see him reproving my covetousnes. 2. My straitnes to the pious uses that I bound myself to ; the Lord can scarc wring a peni of his own out of my hand. 3. Nigardlines, projecting, distrust, nor bestowing freeli on the most necessari uses. . .
Next I desire to be guided in the matter off the cess with the tenants.
. 3. Anent the English parliament and this corrupt way of choosing
and prescriuing, I lookd up to God, and soght grace to see snares, and to be deliuered from them, and from other men's sins, that I partak not with them, albeit I see that the wrath is not at an end against our King and nobles.
Anent the Erl of Murray his miscarying, 1. God's judgments against al our old great families: litle can wisdom, care or other overtours avail, quher the Lord is not soght unto, and his anger not turnd away. 2. For the unrepented sin of him and his fathers, is it thus: And I hau seen it acoming long since. 3. How great is ther sin and judgment, that ar given up to be slaues to ther oun lusts, and cannot resist them, but ar miserabli ouercom . . . . 5. I am sorri that I had to do with him, or anithing concerns him. . . .
26 Julie.—Mr Robert Campbell, coming heer, and advizing before the
Lord, anent the disposing off himself, and what cours of lyf he should take in the world, said, he inclined to studie divinitie: wheron we thoght that, to one that would studie divinitie, it was first necessarie to haue a soul emptied of al self loue, and loue of creaturs, and to be denied to ourselus, and then to haue the hart and soul filld with the loue of God: This is mor needful than to haue a head full of knowledg: And if he would guie himself to that studie, that he should first guie himself to the Lord. This he was content of; and professing how short he had com in his dutie heertofore, and that the glorie of God had not been his chief aim, but how he might liu in the world, he did solemnli this day, befor the Lord, humbl and afflict his soul for the sin. 2. He acknowledgd much unsoundness in his hart. 3. That the Lord had not al his hart, as he wer weel worthie. 4. That he was unstable in his resolutions, and soon remoued: Therefor, befor the Lord, and in the faith of the Lord's command, and of the Lord's grace, he did this day renounc and disclaim himself; and gaue up him self, soul, bodie, mind, wil, affections, understanding, conscienc, and al his faculties, strenth, wisdom, learning,
parts, gifts, and endowments and members of his bodie unto the Lord, to be His; and desird to tak the Lord to be his God, his all in all, even al his strenth, light, joy, delight, pleasur, trust, confidenc, aim, wisdom, portion of his heart for ever: and besoght the Lord to confirm this couenant, and mak his hart stedfast in it, that he might never depart from the Lord, but that al the drift and aim of his hart might be to honour God, and to live to his glori, quhil he was on earth. Further this day he desired grace to line in the faith of His prouidence for outward things; and did cast himself and his care upon the Lord for al that he needed; and was content to tak the Lord insted of all things; and prayd Him to becom his father, guider, and his God: for he should not lippen to father, friends, or means, but would lipen himself to the Lord for al that he needed; quhat counsel, light, outward subsistance, strenth, direction, and al things els. Thus he becam the Lord's wholli by a free couenant, and resignation, and a voluntarie surrender of himself to the Lord ; and beleevd on the Lord as on his God: In testimoni wheroff, and of the unfeined desir and purpos of his hart to haue this couenant established, he did subscriu this befor the Lord : and he desired noe other condition of the Lord but to accept, confirm, and mak it good, for he distrusted himself; and for this end separated himself, the next day, to humiliation and supplication.
M. R. CAMPBELL.
I sent ouer the copie of this to Mr. Robert against the next day : But it cam back to me again, so that he got it not. 27—This day was I desirous to afflict my soul under the growing evels of covetousnes, which I found taking root and mastering me. I layd hold on the Lord's rod in the loss of the victual, and considered that he had scaterd what I had unjustli and sinfuli holden in at the dores. I looked on the elections and elected to the Parliament, and commended to the Lord his Church, people, and ordinances, and kingdom. For how could they be uncorrupted in such an age and tym, quhen al things ar so corrupt 2 28.-This morning I warnd my poor son of his hypocrisie, and slighting the Lord, in his couling before Him consuming tym, and doing nothing. Oh this had a strang aspect in my ey! I desird to be afflicted for it, I apprehended it a mark of judgment and defection. I sett myself this morning to pray against it, and that the Lord would not cast him off, albeit he has given Him mani a caus so to doe, but reclaim, and reform, and love him freeli; and he shall love Thee. Thogh he has not as yet taken ani delight in Thee, yet doe Thou tak pleasur in him, to doe him good, and to form him to Thyself. Alac that my hope in the world, and my part of count in it should com to this, that I see as the best things a fool to com efter me; for they ar fools that depart from Thee, that wil hav non of Thee. 4 August.—Mr Jhon M*Gulican cam heir. I desird to know what was fit to speak to him; but I have noe word if it be not given me. 5.—I went to Aldearn, and did see the erl of Seaforth's distress, being strictli dealt with by his friends; and he could not find outgate. I desird to consider, and to be guided in it. That which they gloried in is becom ther ruin. 9.—The Laird of Innes and Clava returned from Edinburgh. I heard of the defeat which the Erl [King] of Sweden had goten; and the taking of Warsouia,” and the Polish success. I saw the vicisitud of human effairs. 2. Ther uncertainti. 3. That non may boast. 4. The unsearchable judgments of God. 5. I commend His Church to Him under al these confusions and changes. I heard the President was to be cald to London from his charge, for his inclination to the people of this nation: The Lord. Cochran's burdens. Under al thes I desird to worship and adore the Lord. I heard the account of our Holland buisines; and besoght the Lord to ridd me of snares, and to direct the matter as he had begun, and that without me. Mr. Rob. Campbel cam to me. I found my humour stoping freedom and communion. When he desird me to pray, I deferrd it to the publick: and ther was straitnd. He went to the chamber abou me, and prayd publickli:" this I stumbld at. I exhorted him to giue the Lord his hart, and to purg out hypocrisie, and aim at sinceriti: he complaind. . . . 11.-I went to Alves, and was frustrat of a meeting. At my return, I reaceavd letters shewing me the necessiti of my going south. I communicated with Mr. Joseph. He thoght the Lord cald me, and that I was bound to goe. I lookd up as I could in the short advertizment, and desird to be guided