A VERY IMPARTIAL OPINION.

Yes! I have seen, and think your bride
So fair, so modest, so discreet,

So

young, so plump, so shrill beside, In mind and person so complete— That such, if heaven had sent me three (Would Satan pawn his honest word), I'd give him two, by way of fee, To make him carry off the third.

THE FEVER ARGUMENT,

Health chiefly keeps the Atheist in the dark,
A fever argues better than a clerk:
Let but the logic in his pulse decay,

The Grecian he'll renounce, and learn to pray.
M-
who makes so merry with his creed,

He almost thinks he disbelieves indeed;
But only thinks so; to give both their due,
Satan and he believe, and tremble too.

ON LIFE.

Our life is nothing but a winter's day :
Some only break their fast-and then away;
Others stay dinner, and depart, full fed;
The longest age but sups, and goes to bed.

THE WISE CHILD.

66

mamma;"

How plain your little darling says
But still she calls you, "doctor," not "papa."
One thing is clear: your conscientious rib
Has not yet taught the pretty dear to fib.

ROOT AND BRANCH.

With her offspring around, as she sat at a feast,
Old Sarah, delighted, thus said to each guest:

Fill your glasses, my lads, and drink health to the root Whence so many fair branches thus thrivingly shoot." "Ah, madam!" quoth Jack, with a bow most profound, "The branches ne'er thrive while the root's above ground.",

A SIMILE.

Tender-handed stroke a nettle,

And it stings you for your pains;
Grasp it like a man of mettle,

And it soft as silk remains.

'Tis the same with common natures,-
Use 'em kindly, they rebel;

But, be rough as nutmeg-graters,
And the rogues obey you well.

ON HEARING THE FRENCH HAD MELTED DOWN THEIR SAINTS TO PURCHASE ARTILLERY.

The following Lines were written by a Student of Cambridge.

Quoth a reverend priest to a less rev'rend friend,

Where, at length, will the crimes of these French villains end,

Who their saints and their martyrs thus impiously sell,
And convert into damnable engines of hell?"

"Prithee, why," quoth his friend, "are you so much surpris'd,

That saints had their deserts, and were all canoniz'd?”

ON READING A LITERARY PRODUCTION OF

DR. HARRINGTON.

BY PETER PINDAR.

Doctor, I much your principles admire:
Apollo very kindly lent his lyre;

And you, the most refin'd of grateful men,
To quit the obligation-stole the pen.

MR. CAMBRIDGE, THE AUTHOR OF THE "WORLD," TO HIS WIFE,

Who taxed him with being absent at Church.

Quoth Sylvia to her spouse at church one day,
"You know, my dear, folks come to church to pray;
But you ne'er say your prayers, nor sing a stave,
Absent, as if you had no soul to save.'

Pray, hold your tongue," quoth Atticus, half surl'd; "I'm thinking, dearest, of another world."

IMITATED FROM CATULLUS.

Dearest Lesbia! let me sip
A thousand kisses from thy lip,—
Unmindful what remarks engage
The captious tongue of selfish age.
Another thousand kisses give:
Let's live to love, and love to live.

Suns set and rise again; but we
Shall sleep out an eternity

When we once set. Bestow, bestow

Another thousand kisses now.

Dear girl! we'll now confuse the whole,
Lest some mean invidious soul'

Should know the number given-and hate
The love he cannot imitate.

Kinz.

ON THE INVENTION OF GUNPOWDER,
From the German "Epigrams and Fables of Lessing."
Friend Kunz, I've heard grave people mention
Gunpowder, as the devil's invention.
Whoe'er inform'd you so was drunk;
"Twas first invented by a monk.
Well, well, no matter for the name;
A monk, or devil-'tis much the same.

Kunz.

Kinz.

TERM TIME.

Now Monsieur Term will come to town,
The lawyer putteth on his gown,
Revenge doth run post-swift on legs,
And's sweet as muscadine and eggs;
And this makes many go to law,
For that which is not worth a straw;
But only they their mind will have,
No reason hear nor counsel crave.

A SLUT DESCRIBED.

Unlaced her stays, her night-gown is unty'd,
And what she has of head-dress is aside.
She drawls her words, and waddles in her pace,
Unwasht her hands, and much besnuff'd her face.
A nail uncut, a head uncomb'd; she loves,
And would draw on jack-boots as soon as gloves;
Women were made to give our eyes delight;
A female sloven is an odious sight.

TO THOSE WHO WEAR WATCHES.

He that a watch would keep, this he must do:
Pocket his watch, and watch his pocket too!

ON SOVEREIGNS BEING SUBSTITUTED FOR

GUINEAS.

For a great length of time the physicians, we see,
Receiv'd for their visit a guinea;

Should objection be made to a sovereign fee,
The party would pass for a ninny.

To lose five per cent. in these times of distress,
They would be indeed most unwilling;

And their patients, they hope, will the guinea redress,
And stick to the note with a shilling.

TO A YOUNG LADY, ON HER MARRIAGE WITH
MR. GEE.

Sure, madam, by your choice, your taste we see :
What's good, or great, or grand, without a G?

A godly glow must sure on G depend;

Or oddly low our righteous thoughts must end.
The want of G all gratitude effaces;

And, without G, the Graces would run races!

LOGICAL WIT.

"There was," said Lord Byron, "an Epigram which had some logic in it, composed on the occasion of his lordship (Earl Carlisle) doing two things in one day :-subscribing one thousand pounds, and publishing a sixpenny pamphlet! It was on the state of the Theatre, and dear enough at the money." It ran thus:—

Carlisle subscribes a thousand pound

Out of his rich domains;
And, for a sixpence, circles round
The produce of his brains.

Thus the difference you may hit

Between his fortune and his wit.

* The late earl, who was guardian to Lord Byron.-Ed

L