THE DISAPPOINTED LOVER.
Florio a loaded pistol drew,

And pointed it against his head,
Vow'd he the dreadful deed would do,
And thus to trembling Julia said:
"Since, cruel fair, with cold disdain
You still reject my ardent love,
My thoughts are madness, life but pain,
And thus at once I both remove.'
"Oh! stay a moment," Julia pray'
And pull'd the bell as ne'er before:
"Here Betty! quick! a pail, dear maid,—
This madman else will stain the floor."

"

y'd,

LINES

Addressed to the Landlord of the Oakley Arms, at Maidenhead, near Bray.

Friend Isaac, 'tis strange, you that live so near Bray,
Should not set up the sign of the vicar;
Though it may be an odd one, you cannot but say,
It must needs be a sign of good liquor.

ANSWER.

Indeed, master Poet, your reason's but

poor,

For the vicar would think it a sin To stay, like a booby, and lounge at the door; 'Twere a sign 'twas bad liquor within.

OUT OF SPIRITS.

“Is my wife out of spirits?" said Sir John, with a sigh;

For he fear'd that a tempest was forming.

"Quite out, sir, indeed," said her maid in reply;

“She finish'd the brandy this morning."

IN CANTERBURY CATHEDRAL

The following curious Legend is preserved.

In ancienne tyme," and in a goodly towne, neare to Canterbury, sojourned a ladie faire: she one nighte, in the absence of her lorde, leaned her lovely arme upon a gentleman's, and walked in the fyldes. When journeying far, she became afraide, and begged to returne. The gentleman, with kyndest sayings and great courtesey, retraced their steps; when, in this said momente, this strange occurrence came to pass ye raine descended, though the moone and millions of starres were shyneing bryght. In journeying home, another straynge occurrence came to pass: her coral lippes the gentleman's did meete in sweetest kyss. Thys was not straynge at all; but that the moone, that still shone bryghte, did in the momente hide herself behynde a cloude: this was straynge, most passing straynge, indeede. The ladie faire, who prayed to the blessed Virgin, did to her confesseur this confession mayk, and her confesseur with charitye impromptu wrote:

Whence came the rayne, when first with guileless heart,
Further to walk she's lothe, and yet more lothe to part?
It was not rayne, but angel's pearly teares,

In pity dropt to soothe Eliza's feares.

Whence came the cloude that veil'd the orb of nighte,
When first her lippes she yielded to delyght?
It was not cloude, but whylst the world was hush,
Mercy put forthe her hand to hide Eliza's blush.

THE APPRENTICE'S PLEA.

An apprentice, who had often found
The way unto his master's nest,
Was bid to take example from
Young Joseph, wise and chaste.

But he reply'd, that Joseph's case
Could not with his compare:
The wife of Potiphar was black,—
His mistress, kind and fair.

ON A BAKER WITH A TRAY OF LOAVES ON HIS HEAD KNOCKING A PASSENGER DOWN.

Baker, you heedless fellow !
Thus early art thou mellow,
And in such driving haste
To feed some glutton's taste,

To knock me down as dead?
I'm under great necessity,

Therefore I heed not such as thee:
Well! never mind for once,

Thou'rt more a clown than dunce,-
I see thou'rt underbred!

LINES ON A BANK-NOTE.]

BY BURNS.

The following lines, in the hand-writing of Burns, are copied from a Bank-note, in Mr. James Gracie's possession, of Dumfries. The note is of the bank of Scotland; and is dated as far back as the 1st March, 1786.

Wae worth thy power, thou cursed leaf!
Fell source o' a' my woe and grief!
For lack o' thee I've lost my lass!-
For lack o' thee I scrimp my glass.
For the children of affliction
Unaided, through thy curs'd restriction,
I've seen the oppressor's cruel smile,
Amid his hapless victim's spoil.

For lack o' thee I leave this much-lov'd shore,
Never, perhaps, to greet old Scotland more.

WHY ARE WOMEN BEARDLESS?

How wisely nature, ordering all below,
Forbade a beard on woman's chin to grow,
For how could she be shav'd (whate'er the skill),
Whose tongue would never let her chin be still?

ON THE COMMITTEE-DISPLAY OF A POLICE

MAGISTRATE.

Though 'tis among the nation's wonders,
That Justice Shallow keeps his station,
Whate'er the cause of all his blunders,
It is not "over education."

ON SIR JOHN CALF, WHO WAS THREE TIMES LORD MAYOR OF YORK.

Here lies Sir John Calf, who was three times Lord Mayor of this city.-Honour-Honour-Honour.

Under which, some one wrote

O, cruel death! more subtle than a fox,
Who would not let this calf become an ox;

That he might browse amidst the briars and thorns,
And wear among his brethren-horns, horns, horns?

ON VARIOUS CREEDS.

BY LORD ROSCOMMON,

Jews, Turks, and Christians, differ but in creed,
In ways of wickedness they're all agreed.
None upwards climb the road-they part, they cavil,
And all run downwards, headlong to the devil!

ADVICE TO A YOUTH.

Wouldst thou the nat❜ral ill of men avoid,
Be not by pleasure's siren lures decoyed:
Thy passions govern in discretion's school,
And make the end subservient to the rule.

THE ATHENIAN AND THE SPARTAN.

A man of Athens to a Spartan said, "Ye Spartans are unlearn'd and meanly bred," "I grant th' assertion," he replied; " 'tis true, We've neither vice nor evil learn'd of you."

ON A POOR MAN'S CHILD.
BY DEAN SWIFT.

Peter complains that God has given,
To his poor babe, a life so short;
Consider Peter, he's in heaven:-
'Tis good to have a friend at court!

ON MONEY.

BY THE SAME.

Money, 'tis said, is evil's root,
Yet justly may we doubt it:
Can we expect good thriving fruit,
From any stock without it?

AN UNDECIDED CASE.

Dick join'd in nuptial conjugation
With Susan, whom he long had sought:

But, four months after cultivation,
The fruit of nine she kindly brought!

Dick scolded: Sue was in a swoon:-
About this case the neighbours varied :
Some urged, that Susan came too soon;

Others, that Dick too late was married.