I was on late, and as the show went along I would walk out of the stage door and out on the street and try to kill the time and nervousness until it was time to dress and go on. I had never told jokes even to a President, much less about one, especially to his face. Well, I am not kidding you when I tell you that I was scared to death. I am always nervous. I never saw an audience that I ever faced with any confidence. For no man can ever tell how a given audience will ever take anything.

But here I was, nothing but a very ordinary Oklahoma cowpuncher, who had learned to spin a rope a little and who had learned to read the daily papers a little, going out before the aristocracy of Baltimore and the President of the United States, to kid about some of the policies with which he was shaping the destinies of nations.

How was I to know but what the audience would rise up in mass and resent it? I had never heard, and I don't think anyone else had ever heard of a President being joked personally in a public theater about the policies of his administration.

The nearer the time came, the worse scared I got. George Cohan and Willie Collier and others, knowing how I felt, would pat me on the back and tell me, "Why, he is just a human being; go on out and do your stuff." Well, if somebody had come through the dressing room and hollered, "Train for Claremore, Oklahoma, leaving at once," I would have been on it. This may sound strange, but any who have had the experience know that a presidential appearance in a theater, especially outside Washington, D. C., is a very rare and unique feeling even to the audience. They are keyed up almost as much as the actors.

At the time of his entrance into the house, everybody stood up, and there were plain clothes men all over the place, back stage and behind his box. How was I to know but what one of them might not take a shot at me if I said anything about him personally?

Finally a warden knocked at my dressing-room door and said,

"You die in five more minutes for kidding your country." They just literally shoved me out on the stage.

Now, by a stroke of what I call good fortune (for I will keep them always), I have a copy of the entire acts that I did for President Wilson on the five times I worked for him. My first remark in Baltimore was, "I am kinder nervous here tonight." Now that is not an especially bright remark, and I don't hope to go down in history on the strength of it, but it was so apparent to the audience that I was speaking the truth that they laughed heartily at it. After all, we all love honesty.

Then I said, "I shouldn't be nervous, for this is really my second presidential appearance. The first time was when Bryan spoke in our town once, and I was to follow his speech and do my little roping act." Well, I heard them laughing, so I took a sly glance at the President's box and, sure enough, he was laughing just as big as anyone. So I went on: "As I say, I was to follow him, but he spoke so long that it was so dark when he finished, they couldn't see my roping." That went over great, so I said, "I wonder what ever became of him." That was all right - it got over; but still I had made no direct reference to the President.

Now Pershing was in Mexico at the time, and there was a lot in the papers for and against the invasion. I said, "I see where they have captured Villa. Yes, they got him in the morning editions and the afternoon ones let him get away." Now everybody in the house, before they would laugh, looked at the President, to see how he was going to take it. Well, he started laughing and they all followed suit.

"Villa raided Columbus, New Mexico. We had a man on guard that night at the post. But to show you how crooked this Villa is, he sneaked up on the opposite side. We chased him over the line five miles, but ran into a lot of Government Red Tape and had to come back. There is some talk of getting a Machine Gun if we can borrow one. The one we have now they are using to train our Army with in Plattsburg. If we go to war, we

will just about have to go to the trouble of getting another Gun."

Now, mind you, he was being criticized on all sides for lack of preparedness, yet he sat there and led that entire audience in laughing at the ones on himself.

At that time there was talk of forming an army of two hundred thousand men, so I said, "We are going to have an army of two hundred thousand men. Mr. Ford makes three hundred thousand cars every year. I think, Mr. President, we ought to at least have a man to every car.

"See where they got Villa hemmed in between the Atlantic and Pacific. Now all we got to do is to stop up both ends. Pershing located him at a town called Los Quas Ka Jasbo. Now all we have to do is to locate Los Quas Ka Jasbo. I see by a headline that Villa escapes net and flees. We will never catch him then. Any Mexican that can escape fleas is beyond catching. But we are doing better toward preparedness now, as one of my Senators from Oklahoma has sent home a double portion of garden seed."

After various other ones on Mexico, I started in on European affairs—it was long before we entered the war. I said, "We are facing another Crisis tonight, but our President here has had so many of them lately that he can just lie right down and sleep beside one of those things."

Then I first pulled the one which, I am proud to say, he afterwards repeated to various friends as the best one told on him during the war. I said, "President Wilson is getting along fine now to what he was a few months ago. Do you realize, People, that at one time in our negotiations with Germany, he was five Notes behind?"

How he did laugh at that! Well, due to his being a good fellow and setting a real example, I had the proudest and most successful night I ever had on the stage. I had lots of gags on other subjects, but the ones on him were the heartiest laughs with him, and so it was on all the other occasions I played for him. He

came back stage at intermission and chatted and shook hands with all.

Sometime I would like to tell of things he laughed at during the most serious stages of the Great War. Just think, there were hundreds of millions of human beings interested directly in that terrible war, and yet out of all of them he stands, five years after it's over, as the greatest man connected with it. What he stood for and died for, will be strived after for years.

But it will take time, for with all our advancement and boasted civilization, it's hard to stamp out selfishness and greed. For after all, nations are nothing but individuals, and you can't stop even brothers from fighting sometimes. But he helped it along a lot. And what a wonderful cause to have laid down your life for! The world lost a friend. The theater lost its greatest supporter. And I lost the most distinguished person who ever laughed at my little nonsensical jokes. I looked forward to it every year. Now I have only to look back on it as my greatest memory.

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