*

of this style, that Tacitus talks like a coffee-house politician, Josephus like the British gazetteer, Tully is as short and smart as Seneca or Mr. Asgill, Marcus Aurelius is excellent at snip-snap, and honest Thomas-a-Kempis as prim and polite as any preacher at

court.

3. The ALAMODE STYLE,

which is fine by being new, and has this happiness attending it, that it is as durable and extensive as the poem itself. Take some examples of it, in the description of the sun in a mourning coach upon the death of Queen Mary.

See Phoebus now, as once for Phaeton,

Has masked his face; and put deep mourning on;
Dark clouds his sable chariot do surround,

And the dull steeds stalk o'er the melancholy round †.

Of Prince Arthur's soldiers drinking.

While rich burgundian wine, and bright champaign,
Chase from their minds the terrour of the main ‡.

whence we also learn, that burgundy and champaign make a man on shore despise a storm at sea.

Of the Almighty encamping his regiments.

--He sunk a vast capacious deep,

Where he his liquid regiments does keep.
Thither the waves file off, and make their way
To form the mighty body of the sea;

Where they encamp, and in their station stand,
Entrench'd in works of rock, and lines of sand .

Josephus, translated by Sir Roger L'Estrange.
Prince Arthur, p. 16.

† Amb. Philips.

Blackm. Ps. civ. p. 261.

Of

Of two armies on the point of engaging.

Yon' armies are the cards which both must play;
At least come off a saver, if you may:

Throw boldly at the sum the gods have set;
These on your side will all their fortunes bet *.

All perfectly agreeable to the present customs and best fashions of our metropolis.

But the principal branch of the alamode, is the PRURIENT; a style greatly advanced and honoured of late by the practice of persons of the first quality; and, by the encouragement of the ladies, not unsuccessfully introduced even into the drawing-room. Indeed its incredible progress and conquests may be compared to those of the great Sesostris, and are every where known by the same marks, the images of the genital parts of men or women. It consists wholly of metaphors drawn from two most fruitful sources or springs, the very bathos of the human body, that is to say *** and * * biatus magnus lachrymabilis **** And selling of bargains, and double entendre, and Κιβέρισμος and Ὀλδφείλδισμος; all derived from the said sources.

4. The FINICAL STYLE,

which consists of the most curious, affected, mincing metaphors, and partakers of the alamode: as the following:

Of a brook dried by the sun.

Won by the summer's importuning ray,
Th' eloping stream did from her channel stray,
And with enticing sun-beams stole away †.

* Lee, Sophon.

+ Blackm. Job, p. 26.

}

Of

Of an easy death.

When watchful death shall on his harvest look
And see thee, ripe with age, invite the hook;
He'll gently cut thy bending stalk, and thee
Lay kindly in the grave, his granary *.

Of trees in a storm.

Oaks, whose extended arms the winds defy,

The tempest sees their strength, and sighs, and passes by †.

Of water simmering over the fire.

The sparkling flames raise water to a smile,

Yet the pleas'd liquor pines, and lessens all the while ‡.

5. LASTLY, I shall place the CUMBROUS, which moves heavily under a load of metaphors, and draws after it a long train of words: and the BUSKIN, or stately, frequently and with great felicity mixed with the former. For, as the first is the proper engine to depress what is high, so is the second to raise what is base and low to a ridiculous visibility. When both these can be done at once, then is the bathos in perfection; as when a man is set with his head downward and his breech upright, his degradation is complete: one end of him is as high as ever, only that end is the wrong one. Will not every true lover of the profund, be delighted to behold the most vulgar and low actions of life, exalted in the following manner?

Who knocks at the door?

For whom thus rudely pleads my loud-tongu'd gate,

That he may enter?

*Blackm. Job, p. 23.

+ Dean.

Anon. Tons. Misc. Part 6. p. 224.

See

See who is there?

Advance the fringed curtains of thy eyes,
And tell me who comes yonder *.

Shut the door.

The wooden guardian of our privacy

Quick on its axle turn.

Bring my clothes.

Bring me what nature, tailor to the bear,
To man himself deny'd; she gave me cold,
But would not give me clothes.

Light the fire.

Bring forth some remnant of Promethean theft,
Quick to expand th' inclement air, congeal'd

By Boreas's rude breath.

Snuff the candle.

Yon' luminary amputation needs,

Thus shall you save its half extinguish'd life.

Open the letter.

Wax! render up thy trust t

Uncork the bottle, and chip the bread.

Apply thine engine to the spungy

spungy door:

Set Bacchus from his glassy prison free,

And strip white Ceres of her nut-brown coat.

• Temp.

Theob. Double Falshood.

CHAP.

CHAP. XIII.

A project for the advancement of the bathos.

THUS have I (my dear countrymen) with incredible pains and diligence discovered the hidden sources of the bathos, or, as I may say, broke open the abysses of this great deep. And having now established good and wholesome laws, what remains, but that all true moderns with their utmost might do proceed to put the same in execution? in order whereto, I think I shall, in the second place, highly deserve of my country, by proposing such a scheme, as may facilitate this great end.

As our number is confessedly far superiour to that of the enemy, there seems nothing wanting but unanimity among ourselves. It is therefore humbly offered, that all, and every individual of the bathos, do enter into a firm association, and incorporate into one regular body, whereof every member, even the meanest, will some way contribute to the support of the whole; in like manner, as the weakest reeds, when joined in one bundle, become infrangible. To which end, our art ought to be put upon the same foot with other arts of this age. The vast improvement of modern manufactures, ariseth from their being divided into several branches, and parcelled out to several trades: for instance, in clock-making one artist makes the balance, another the spring, another the crown-wheels, a fourth the case, and the principal workman puts all together; to this economy we owe the perfection of our modern watches, and VOL. XVII. doubt

E