« AnteriorContinuar »
news-writers are ; who, except a strong bent and inclination toward the profession, seem to be wholly ignorant in the rules of pseudology, and no at all qualified for so weighty a trust. In his next chapter he treats of some extraordinary geniuses, who have appeared of late years, especially in their disposition toward the miraculous. He advises those hopeful young men to turn their invention to the service of their country; it being inglorious, at this time, to employ their talent in prodigious foxchases, horsecourses, feats of activity in driving of coaches, jumping, running, swallowing of peaches, pulling out whole sets of teeth to clean, &c. when their country stands in so much need of their assistan CC. The eighth chapter is a project for uniting the several smaller corporations of liors into one society. It is too tedious to give a full account of the whole scheme: what is most remarkable is, That this society ought to consist of the heels of each party: that no lie is to pass current witl out their approbation, they being the best judges of the present exigencies, and what sort of lies are demanded: that in such a corporation there ought to be men of all prosessions, that +3 oro, and the to soyoo, that is, decency and probability, may be observed as much as possible: that beside the persons above-mentioned, this society ought to consist of the hopeful geniuses about the town (of which there are great plenty to be picked up in the several coffeehouses) travellers, virtuosoes, foxhunters, jockies, attorneys, old seamen and soldiers out of the hospitals of Greenwich and Chelsea : to this society, so constituted, ought to be committed the sole management of lying: that II] in their outer room, there ought always to attend some persons endowed with a great stock of credulity, a generation that thrives mightily in this soil and climate: he thinks a sufficient number of them may be picked up any where about the exchange: these are to circulate what the others coin; for no man spreads a lie with so good a grace as he that believes it: that the rule of the society be, to invent a lie, and sometimes two for every day; in the choice of which, great regard ought to be had to the weather, and the season of the year: your cotsp2, or terrifying lies, do mighty well in November and December, but not so well in May and June, unless the easterly winds reign: that it ought to be penal for any body to talk of any thing but the lie of the day: that the society is to maintain a sufficient number of spies at court, and other places, to furnish hints and topicks for invention, and a general correspondence of all the markettowns for circulating their lies: that if any one of the society were observed to blush, or look out of countenance, or want a necessary circumstance in telling the lie, he ought to be expelled, and declared incapable: beside the roaring lies, there ought to be a private committee for whisperers, constituted of the ablest men of the society. Here the author makes a digression in praise of the whig party, for the right understanding and use of proof-lies. A proof-lie is like a proof-charge for a piece of ordnance, to try a standard credulity. Of such a nature he takes transubstantiation to be in the church of Rome, a proofarticle, which if any one swallows, they are sure he will digest every thing else: therefore the whig party do wisely, to try the credulity of the people sometimes by swingers, that they may be able to judge, to
what height they may charge them afterward. To-
lies; how to know, when, where, and by whom, invented. Your Dutch, English, and French ware are amply distinguished from one another; an exchange lie from one coined at the other end of the town: great judgment is to be shown as to the place where the species is intended to circulate: very low and base coin will serve for Wapping: there are several coffeehouses, that have their particular stamps, which a judicious practitioner may easily know. All your great men have their proper phantateusticks. The author says he has attained, by study and application, to so great skill in this matter, that, bring him any lie, he can tell whose image it bears so truly, as the great man himself shall not have the face to deny it. The promissory lies of great men are known by shouldering, hugging, squeezing, smiling, bowing; and their lies in matter of fact, by immoderate
swearing. He spends the whole eleventh chapter on one simple question, Whether a lie is best contradicted by truth, or by another lie o The author says, that, considering the large extent of the cylindical surface of the soul, and the great propensity to believe lies in the generality of mankind of late years, he thinks the properest contradiction to a lie, is another lie. For example; if it should be reported that the pretender was at London, one would not contradict it by saying, he never was in England ; but you must prove by eye witnesses, that he came no farther than Greenwich, and then went back again. Thus if it be spread about, that a great person were dying of some disease, you must not say the truth, that they are in health, and never had such a disease, but that they are slowly recovering of it. So there was not long ago a genU 2. tleman, tleman, who affirmed, that the treaty with France, for bringing popery and slavery into England, was signed the 15th of September; to which another answered very judiciously, not, by opposing truth to his lie, that there was no such treaty ; but that, to his certain knowledge, there were many things in that treaty not yet adjusted.