J. BULL. I believe I shall have those two honest majors discount on my side in a little time.

NIC. FROG. Why all this higgling with thy friend about such a paltry sum? Does this become the generosity of the noble and rich John Bull? I wonder thou art not ashamed. O Hocus! Hocus! where art thou? It used to go another guise manner in thy time. When a poor man has almost undone himself for thy sake, thou art for fleecing him, and fleecing him is that thy conscience, John?

J. BULL. Very pleasant indeed! It is well known thou retainest thy lawyers by the year, so a fresh lawsuit adds but little to thy expenses; they are thy customers; I hardly ever sell them a farthing's worth of any thing: nay, thou hast set up an eating-house, where the whole tribe of them spend all they can rap or ran*. If it were well reckoned, I believe thou gettest more of my money, than thou spendest of thy own; however, if thou wilt needs plead poverty, own, at least, that thy accompts are false.

NIC. FROG. No, marry, won't I; I refer myself to these honest gentlemen; let them judge between us. Let esquire South speak his mind, whether my accompts are not right, and whether we ought not to go on with our lawsuit.

J. BULL. Consult the butchers about keeping of Lent. Dost think, that John Bull will be tried by Piepowders I tell you once for all, John Bull knows where his shoe pinches: none of your esquires

The money spent in Holland and Flanders.

+ Court of Piepowder (Curia pedis pulverizati) is a court of record, incident to every fair; whereof the steward is judge, and the trial is by merchants and traders in the fair. It is so called, because it is most usual in the summer: and because of

shall

shall give him the law, as long as he wears his trusty weapon by his side, or has an inch of broad cloth in his shop.

NIC. FROG. Why there it is; you will be both judge and party; I am sorry thou discoverest so much of thy headstrong humour before these strange gentlemen; I have often told thee it would prove thy ruin some time or other; let it never be said that the famous John Bull has departed in despite of court.

J. BULL. And will it not reflect as much on thy character, Nic., to turn barrator in thy old days; a stirrer up of quarrels among thy neighbours? I tell thee, Nic., some time or other thou wilt repent this.

[But John saw clearly he should have nothing but wrangling, and that he should have as little success in settling his accompts, as ending the composition. "Since they will needs overload my shoulders," quoth John, "I shall throw down the burden with a "squash among them, take it up who dares; a man "has a fine time of it, among a combination of

sharpers, that vouch for one another's honesty. John, "look to thyself; old Lewis makes reasonable offers ; "when thou hast spent the small pittance that is left, "thou wilt make a glorious figure, when thou art

brought to live upon Nic. Frog's and esquire "South's generosity and gratitude: if they use thee "thus, when they want thee, what will they do, when "thou wantest them? I say again, John, look to "thyself."

the expedition in hearing causes, for the matter is to be done, complained of, heard, and determined the same day, that is before the dust goes off the feet of the plaintiffs and defendants.

John

John wisely stifled his resentment, and told the company, that in a little time he should give them law, or something better.]

What is

ALL. Law law! sir, by all means. twenty-two poor years toward the finishing a lawsuit? For the love of God, more law, sir * !

J. BULL. Prepare your demands; how many years more of law do you want, that I may order my affairs accordingly? In the mean while, farewell.

CHAP. XVII.

How John Bull found all his family in an uproar at home t.

NIC. FROG, who thought of nothing but carrying John to the market, and there disposing of him as his own proper goods, was mad to find that John thought himself now of age to look after his own affairs. He resolved to traverse this new project, and to make him uneasy in his own family. He had corrupted or deluded most of his servants into the most extravagant conceits in the world; that their master was run mad, and wore a dagger in one pocket, and poison in the other; that he had sold his wife and children to Lewis, disinherited his heir, and was going to settle his estate upon a parish boy; that if they did not look after their master, he would do some

Clamours for continuing the war.

+ Clamours about the danger of the succession.

very mischievous thing. When John came home, he found a more surprising scene than any he had yet met with, and that you will say was somewhat extraordinary.

He called his cook-maid Betty to bespeak his dinner: Betty told him, "That she begged his pardon, "she could not dress dinner, till she knew what he "intended to do with his will." "Why, Betty," quoth John, "thou art not run mad, art thou? My "will at present is to have dinner." "That may "be," quoth Betty, "but my conscience won't allow "me to dress it, till I know whether you intend to "do righteous things by your heir?” “I am sorry "for that, Betty," quoth John, "I must find some

body else then." Then he called John the barber. "Before I begin," quoth John, "I hope your honour "won't be offended, if I ask you whether you intend "to alter your will? If you won't give me a positive "answer, your beard may grow down to your mid"dle, for me." 'Igad so it shall," quoth Bull, " for I will never trust my throat in such a mad fel"low's hands. Where's Dick the butler?" "Look "ye," quoth Dick, "I am very willing to serve you "in my calling, d'ye see; but there are strange re

ports, and plain dealing is best, d'ye see; I must "be satisfied if you intend to leave all to your "nephew, and if Nic. Frog is still your executor, "d'ye see; if you will not satisfy me as to these

points, you may drink with the ducks." " And so "I will," quoth John, "rather than keep a butler that "loves my heir better than myself." Hob the shoemaker, and Pricket the tailor, told him, " They "would most willingly serve him in their several "stations, if he would promise them never to talk

with

254

"with Lewis Babcon, and let Nicholas Frog, linen

draper, manage his concerns; that they could nei"ther make shoes nor clothes to any, that were not "in good correspondence with their worthy friend "Nicholas."

J. BULL. Call Andrew my journeyman. How go affairs, Andrew? I hope the devil has not taken possession of thy body too.

ANDREW. No, sir; I only desire to know what you would do if you were dead.

J. BULL. Just as other dead folks do, Andrew.— This is amazing! [Aside. ANDREW. I mean if your nephew shall inherit your estate?

J. BULL. That depends upon himself. I shall do nothing to hinder him.

ANDREW. But will you make it sure?

J. BULL. Thou meanest, that I should put him in possession, for I can make it no surer without that; he has all the law can give him.

ANDREW. Indeed possession, as you say, would make it much surer; they say, it is eleven points of the law.

if

[John began now to think that they were all enchanted; he inquired about the age of the moon; Nic. had not given them some intoxicating potion, or if old mother Jenisa was still alive?" No, o' my "faith," quoth Harry, "I believe there is no potion "in the case, but a little aurum potabile. You will "have more of this by and by." He had scarce spoke the word, when another friend of John's accosted him after the following manner :

"Since those worthy persons, who are as much

"concerned